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Topic : When a Family Member Gets Sick

Number of Replies: 305
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:07:23 am
Author : dataimport

Nothing makes one feel more helpless than watching a child, spouse, or parent suffering. We understand. How do you cope with illness in your family?


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July 20, 2008, 9:23 am CDT

Me again...and my mom's gotten worse.

Hey all, me again. I was here several months ago asking for advice on how to deal with emotions concerning my mom who had suffered a heart attack 2 days after turning 88. Well, now she's facing the battle of her life...she's facing an amputation of her right leg. See, gangrene has set in big time, and she's already lost a toe. Now 2 others are basically dead, and the doctor said she'll have to have the amputation if she doesn't want to be in any more pain. But now she's having second thoughts. The whole family is telling her to do it, but she's not sure. All she wants to do is leave it in God's hands. We're trying to convince her that this is the way to go. I don't know what else we can do. HELP!

Denise
 
July 21, 2008, 8:54 am CDT

dying with dignity??

Quote From: fabulousbeauty

Hey all, me again. I was here several months ago asking for advice on how to deal with emotions concerning my mom who had suffered a heart attack 2 days after turning 88. Well, now she's facing the battle of her life...she's facing an amputation of her right leg. See, gangrene has set in big time, and she's already lost a toe. Now 2 others are basically dead, and the doctor said she'll have to have the amputation if she doesn't want to be in any more pain. But now she's having second thoughts. The whole family is telling her to do it, but she's not sure. All she wants to do is leave it in God's hands. We're trying to convince her that this is the way to go. I don't know what else we can do. HELP!

Denise
  This is a hard subject to talk about but it is one that should be talked over between parents and child. 50 years ago people lived a shorter time upon this earth and now thinks to modern medicines people live longer but sometimes the life the live is a life with-out dignity. How long to we keep someone alive for? I guess it comes down to the quality of life they are living.. are they happy or are the depressed? Are we wanting them to live, out of our own selfness or needs? These are just a few things that you need to ponder. I know It is hard to let go, but sometimes it is harder to hold on too, and letting go could be the greatest gift that we can give someone that we love. Talk to the health provider and allow her to be there and join into the conversation. I hope all goes will and my thoughts will be with you all.   Tom
 
July 26, 2008, 7:40 am CDT

Save yourself get the correct hysterectomy information

Quote From: muds_angel

I too had a hysterectomy at the age of 28 due to endometriosis, fibroid tumors that were cancerous.  Its not that bad, yes at first I too was scared to death my daughter was just 5 months old at the time and I wanted to have more kids but the doctor said I needed the hysterectomy to live and take care of my daughter.  They removed all my female organs due to the fact that my tumors were cancerous.  Therefore I had the hysterectomy than went on hormone replacement meds for a few yrs and then went off of them because I felt I didnt need them anymore and I didnt.  I am 46 yrs old now and I have a wonderful like with my second husband  and I couldnt be happier.

 

Muds_Angel

Newport News, Va

Please see the correct medical information at, Hers Foundation, on the web.  See the free "Female Anatomy" video at, hersfoundation.  Attached is some of the correct medical information available at the foundations web site.


FACT: Women experience a loss of physical sexual sensation as a result of hysterectomy.

FACT: A woman's vagina is shortened, scarred and dislocated by hysterectomy.

FACT: Hysterectomy's damage is life-long. Among its most common consequences, in addition to operative injuries are:

  • heart disease
  • osteoporosis
  • bone, joint and muscle pain and immobility
  • loss of sexual desire, arousal, sensation
  • painful intercourse, vaginal damage
  • displacement of bladder, bowel, and other pelvic organs
  • urinary tract infections, frequency, incontinence
  • chronic constipation and digestive disorders
  • profound fatigue
  • chronic exhaustion
  • altered body odor
  • loss of short-term memory
  • blunting of emotions, personality changes, despondency, irritability, anger, reclusiveness and suicidal thinking

FACT: No drugs or other treatments can replace ovarian or uterine hormones or functions. The loss is permanent.

FACT: The medical term for the removal of the ovaries is castration. 76% of women are castrated at the same time of the hysterectomy.

FACT: The uterus and ovaries function throughout life in women who have not been hysterectomized or castrated.

FACT: 98% of women HERS has referred to board-certified gynecologists after being told they needed hysterectomies, discovered that, in fact, they did not need hysterectomies.

FACT: Gynecologists, hospitals and drug companies make more than 8 billion dollars a year from the business of hysterectomy and castration.

HERS is the only independent, international organization dedicated to the issue of hysterectomy and advocates for fully informed medical choices by women.

 
August 5, 2008, 12:59 pm CDT

My dad has Multiple Sclerosis +

My Dad is an amazing human being. He was diagnosed when i was 5 years old.
He is supposed to be in a wheel chair , using a cane, and almost bedridden but he has faught against it and still to this day walks and does everything that he used to before he was sick. Just recently he  got diagnosed with throat cancer. with in the last year he has gone through radiation that has taken a toll on his body. his diet consists of ensure and Very little solids he lost over 30 pounds and refuses to go out in public any more becuase he is so embarrassed by the way he looks. He's in so much pain and is so weak I just wish i could help him. He has done so much for my family and i just wish there was something i can do.. He lays in bed all day and doesnt do anything I just wish that he wasnt hurting any more and that he could go back to the way he was. I love him so much that i would trade places with him in a heartbeat but that just simply can never happen... My dad decided to stop taking the M.S treatments and has kind of  just gave up all together... I think he is giving up on life and  letting the disease take over ..I have been trying to cope with it all and keep my stress level down for the sake of my unborn... But i am finding it harder and harder I am not ready to loose him.. and i dont think i will ever be... 
 
August 8, 2008, 4:01 pm CDT

fighting Alzheimer's

I would like to make a proposal to USA congress to pass a law which must overrule deeds restrictions -- there should be absolutely no restrictions regarding respite care homes for people with Dementia  anywhere in USA and those homes need to be open in every subdivision. We do not have a cure yet, but we are not ready for all those patients who will be diagnosed in the near future... every 71 second there is a new person diagnosed with that deadly disease.... just this year it's expected to have almost a half of million people to hear that ugly news from the physician.... and we have to take care of all those people... So, it will be my project dedicated to fight with Alzheimer's... The people in subdivision I am in right now do not want me to have my business... they fighting to kick it out from community... Yes, it is famous Warwick Hills -- home town for Buick Open golf tournament... They think they do not need day care for people with Alzheimer's because there are no businesses allowed in Warwick Hills. They have no idea about how many residents have it here... Yes, I am just a foreign single woman and they think I am stupid, helpless and hopeless... But I am NOT!! I love those I am working with and I am sad that few arrogant and snobby individuals can decide for all community what is good and what is not. In fact, services for old and kids are NOT considerate to be a businesses in our state by Jennifer Granholm... but who would listen to me??? Elena
 
August 11, 2008, 10:00 pm CDT

Please Advide Immediately

 

Hi there,  

   

I am just hoping that there is someone out there that can lead me to help on a current family issue.  My sister Sarah, 26 years old, is very sick and my family and I are at a loss for what can be done to help her immediately.    

   

Sarah, the oldest of four siblings, has been overweight almost all her life (highest 250lbs).  She couldn’t cope with the stresses of going to university but couldn’t face my parents so she lied to them for two years, pretending that she was going while my parents paid her tuition.  After they found out, they put her in weekly treatments with a therapist where she was diagnosed with severe clinical depression.  She didn’t stay on the meds prescribed and could not stick with a therapist during these years.  Two years ago, she was diagnosed with Type I Insulin Dependent Diabetes and things have gone downhill ever since – with no end in sight of her physical and mental health problems.  She had a history of eating disorders before her diagnosis (binge eating and bulimia) but once she started on the insulin therapy and put on weight – she stopped taking her insulin (for 1.5 years now).  She currently weighs no more than 120lbs, although I don’t know for sure because she refuses to weigh herself.  She has been hospitalized over 10 times (that I know about) in the past year for high blood sugar (25+ readings), heart palpitations, kidney problems and diminishing eye sight.  To complicate matters worse, she contracted the HPV virus a year ago and since her immune system is so low, she can’t fight off the warts and doctors are worried about cervical cancer.  A “normal” person would see these problems and slow down and try and get healthy but Sarah refuses to listen to anyone.  She constantly lies to me and my parents and we can never tell if she is really going to her doctor appointments.   My most immediate concern for her health is currently an unhealed foot infection – started out as a scratch about 3 weeks ago but has turned into an ulcer the size of a ping-pong ball.    

   

My parents and I have looked into finding full time institutions where she can have around-the-clock care but we can’t afford them.  Public health care does not seem to be working for us.    

   

I am so scared that at any moment, I’m going to get the call that my sister has passed away.  There has to be something done to save her – I need to find an answer.   She is one of the most kindhearted and beautiful persons I know and deserves to live and find happiness.  Can someone please advise me.    

 
August 21, 2008, 1:11 am CDT

HI JESS...

Quote From: jessg20mom2b

My Dad is an amazing human being. He was diagnosed when i was 5 years old.
He is supposed to be in a wheel chair , using a cane, and almost bedridden but he has faught against it and still to this day walks and does everything that he used to before he was sick. Just recently he  got diagnosed with throat cancer. with in the last year he has gone through radiation that has taken a toll on his body. his diet consists of ensure and Very little solids he lost over 30 pounds and refuses to go out in public any more becuase he is so embarrassed by the way he looks. He's in so much pain and is so weak I just wish i could help him. He has done so much for my family and i just wish there was something i can do.. He lays in bed all day and doesnt do anything I just wish that he wasnt hurting any more and that he could go back to the way he was. I love him so much that i would trade places with him in a heartbeat but that just simply can never happen... My dad decided to stop taking the M.S treatments and has kind of  just gave up all together... I think he is giving up on life and  letting the disease take over ..I have been trying to cope with it all and keep my stress level down for the sake of my unborn... But i am finding it harder and harder I am not ready to loose him.. and i dont think i will ever be... 

Just finished reading your post here and I have to say that I do understand what you are going through and what your Dad is going through, as my dear Dad is also very ill with Motor Neroune Disease. He has had it nearly 4 years now and up until 3 months ago he was doing ok, but then he was having troubles eating and drinking and now has lost heaps of weight and is very weak because of it.

 

He has to have a feeding tube put in and hopefully that will help him even if it's just alittle bit.

 

I too know that my dear Dad is dying and Mum said that it seems like he is slowly giving up now, just doesn't want to fight so hard anymore. I understand why, as this bloody disease takes such a toll on Dad's body, he is stuck in a useless body. His mind is still great, but his body has given up on him now.

 

As much as I don't want my Dad to die, I know that it's going to happen and in the end I will be so sad to say goodbye, I will also be relieved that he will not be suffering anymore.

 

All I can suggest to you is, to take each day as it comes, enjoy every moment with your Dad that you both will have together, tell your Dad daily how much you love him.

 

How long do you have to go before you give birth to your Little One? Hopefully your Dad will be around to see him or her. That would be a wonderful thing for the both of you to look forward to, also just remember all the wonderful times you and your Dad have had over the years, no-one can ever take those things away from you. You will always have your Dad in your heart close to you, he will always be around keeping an eye on you.

 

God Bless your dear Dad and God Bless you as well, please Take Care, Love Kelly.

 
August 25, 2008, 2:37 pm CDT

the gulit wont last for ever

Quote From: tigerrajah

I was diagnosed in August 2004 with Rheumatoid Arthritis complicated by Fibromyalgia.  Now I am living with the guilt of changing the lives of all of my family members due to my illness.   

    

All I could think of when the Rheumatologist diagnosed me, all I could hear in my head was Dr. Phil saying "This is going to be the changing day of the rest of your life".  Boy did my life change!   

    

I had been suffering for months with so much pain it was unbearable.  I would get up in the morning and not be able to move for sometimes hours.  When my feet hit the floor they would scream in pain.  I would have to stand in the shower for 30 mins in hot water just to be able to get mobile.  I finally had a diagnoses as to why, but boy what a downer.   

    

I had owned my own bookkeeping business, but I could no longer keep up with it as I did not know from one day to the next whether I could get out of bed, whether I was going to need to eat 10 Tylenol 8 hours or go to something stronger like morphine.  I was falling down on the job and it was time to let it go.  Now I have caused my family financial hardship.  Huge Guilt!!   

    

The side effects of all the medications they have been trying, from Prednezone to Plaquinil and no relief but tons of side effects.  Nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, stomach problems, not to mention the hair loss and I am only 40!  More Guilt.   

    

I have to ask my teenage kids (17 & 19) as well as my Mom and my Husband to do or help me do all the things that I used to do, make meals, clean house, shopping, laundry...you know all the things Mom's do...and some days I have to have my husband help me get dressed.  I can't drive any more because of the reduced movement, pain and the drugs that I am taking so errands are left to my husband and teenagers.  There is a lot left to my children because my husband works shift work, 12 hour shifts, 3 days, 3 off, 3 nights, 3 off, 3 days....this means that when my husband is on nights he is sleeping all day and working all night, and these days even more is left to my kids and Mother.  Astronomical Guilt there.   

    

My daughter had a nightmare that she had no friends because she was spending all her time doing things for me....Monstrous Guilt!!   

    

Before all this began in January of 2004, my husband and I were HUGE golfers, skiers and hockey fans.  We golfed every week, skied all winter and spend evenings at the hockey rink to cheer on the home team!  We had planned to spend our retirement in a motor home visiting every golf course in North America and then buying an apartment across from the hockey rink when traveling was no longer an option.  Well needless to say I have screwed that up.  I can't golf, the ski's are gone and I can't go to the hockey rink because my joints can't take the cold.  Without my income we will never be able to afford the motor home to travel in, and it is almost a necessity because my Rheumatologist is 8 hours away and I can't sit in the car for longer than 30 - 60 minutes at a time.  This makes the 16 hour round trip a 3 - 4 day event because I need to lay down so much.  The motel and meal bills are killing us with only one income, but we can't remedy it because we only have one income now, how Ironic!....Mountain of guilt here!   

    

People stare at me because I am 40 walking like a 90 year old, I feel like sometimes my family are embarrassed at the stares...even more guilt.   

    

I just don't know how to live with guilt.  My husband, children and Mom all tell me not to feel guilty that they love me no matter what and they don't feel like I am putting too much pressure on them, but I see the glances, feel the pain when they roll their eyes when I have asked them to help me with something that means they have to stop doing what they want to do.  I feel terrible always saying, "Would you mind?" "Could you please?" "I need help with ..." "I just can't do it today I am in so much pain"....and so on and so on.   

    

Between my illnesses and the pressure of putting so much onto my families shoulders, I am feeling like I carry guilt the size of the world on my shoulders.  I am a Christian and I do pray and I try to put these worries into the hands of the Lord, but it just isn't enough.   

    

I would appreciate any comments about how to make this guilt more bearable or how to take the extra pressure off my family.   

    

Blessings,   

    

Melitta   

 

 

          I am 38 years old and i was diagnosed with RA in 1999. I used to feel the same way you did. Always feeling gulity for asking for help or ruining the plans for everyone because i was to sore to go out. I had the disease two years before i knew i had it so most of my joint damage was done in those two years because i didnt get  the meds that i needed. So i have no range of movement in my wrists, they only bend so far, so it is hard for me to do alot with my hands for a long period of times. I cant work long periods of time any more either.So to help out with the finances i applied for social security . It didnt take me long to get, because i had a good doctor to help me . I am back to work now but i only work the hours that i want. i work part time.   I also get around better because of the medicine that i am on. i dont know if you have ever heard of humira. It is the only thing i have found that really works. You should ask your doc about it. I have tried so hard to make my family understand what i am going thru they do and they dont. they have be come more helpful since they have gotten older. they understand a little bit more. It just hard for them to understand what it really feels like to be in so much pain allllllll the time because they dont go thru it like we do. i have gone as far as to print stuff of line about and let them read and understand it more. It seems to help. You have to eventually get over the guilt and just let them help you with whatever. the more you dwell the worse it gets. things arent  going to ever be the same.   oh yea i have 4 kids and i am marrried as well . Actually i am staring to feel a little guilty again because i was diagnosed with three more disease that make me tired and sick so i just got use to dealing with my RA i have to deal with other things.Like i said if you get the right treatment for this you will be able to do more things and enjoy your family again. and also try to get on social security . You should be able to get it with what you have because it is a lifetime disease. You will have it for the rest of your life. well i hope some of what is said helped you out  and made you feel different. If you have any more questions or just want to talk just email me . And thanks for your time to hear me out.

 
August 26, 2008, 7:40 pm CDT

Here's one for the books - Take a look

I have read a number of topics on the health board and have read quite a few messages.  My heart goes out to each and every one of you...but this is one of the most saddest cases I have every seen, AND it makes me angry.  This one should be on the Dr. Phil show instead of a lot of that frivolous stuff that he does and contributes to.  What has this country come to that Conga Drums and airing out people's dirty laundry is more important for ratings than helping our fellow human beings who are gravely ill and dying?

 

Read this http://www.pamelaschoof.org

 
September 14, 2008, 12:09 am CDT

Dad with Metasized Colon Cancer

Anyone know about this?

 

My Father was diagnoised with colon cancer in November of '05.  He had surgery to take our part of his colon and has undergone 3 different types of chemotherapy.  We are at the point now that it has metasized for the 2nd time to his liver, lung and adrenal gland.  Chemo now has been stopped.  He is 78 years old.  Very healthy otherwise.  Very active and vibrant besides the cancer.  But the cancer has taken its tole.  He has lost 60 lbs.  Chemo has made his face break out with terrible boil like sores that were terribly sore and itchy.  And some of the other terrible side effects that come with chemo.

 

He has endured it all with dignity and without complaint.  Probably more than I could have done.  I have been more than proud of him.  He isn't ready to go but who really is.  There is always things that you want to do in life.  But he has had a wonderful life.  I have been spending the last few weeks making his dreams come true.  He wanted to ride in a helicopter and I made it happen.  My parents celebrated their 48th wedding anniversary and they won't make 50 so I decided to do a faux 50 and got them remarried.  I thought it would be wonderful for them to share and great memories for my mother.

 

I guess what I am looking for is if anyone has been through this and what timeline looks like for this type of cancer.  And how to deal with it.  I feel like if I would slow down I would fall apart.  If I cried I would not stop.  I almost feel numb to what is to come at this point.  Logically I understand.  I get it.  But I feel as if I am living in a fog when it comes to this part of my life.  I am my Father's daughter.  We have always been super close.  I still feel like he is the big Dad and I am the little daughter with my tiny hand in his big Dad hand.  My sister and I came a little later in life for my parents so we are losing him earlier in our life than most people lose parents.  So, it feels life we are getting cheated but in a way we are luckier because they so wanted us and they probably did spend more time with us and appreciated us more.  They certainly doted on us. 

 

I am hoping for someone to maybe tell me what to expect.  I just am afraid. 

 
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