Topic : When a Family Member Gets Sick

I also am caring for my husband with MS. I lso have 3 childre 11,5, and 3. My husband was diagnosed 4 years ago. It has been hard, and I don't have any family support. I would live to talk. Jennifer

 my id is beatms4msme. will talk any time. My email is godragons5@bellsouth.net

Sorry my id is beatms4me, my email is 81godragons5@bellsouth.net. Keep faith, your in my prayers.

Dear Triciia, My husband has Ms and too stated with his vision. He was very stubur when it came to treatment so i gathered everthing I could. After diffrent treatment that where horrible I talked with a fried that also has MS and she was taking a shot daily called COPAXONE. This changed out lives completely. My husband reganded his sight and the feeling in is arms and legs. Unlike other treatments this one does not have any side effect other than maybe a red spot from the shot. He doesn;t get sick or anything. We have 3 children 11,5,& 3 so we need him and he needs his energy. He still takes naps during the day, but our lives have changed for the better. I would encourage you to talk with a NUROLOGIST ABOUT THIS MEDICATION I PROMISE YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED.  I have done my research on this and this medication has a 15 year study that shows improvment in 99% of all cases. This is the only medication that is a  synthedic not a live virus that is why there are no side effect. Please give it a try it can give her back her life and yours. I know cases that they were in a wheelchair and now they walk. I know this sounds to good to be true, but trust me I have done the research and this is not a cure, but it is the closest thing we have right now. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you my email address is 81godragons5@bellsouth.netmy prayers are with you and I send to you my love and a hug Jennifer Hutchison.

PLEASE RESOND MY EMAIL OR THROUGH HERE I KNOW I CAN HELP YOU AS I HAD A FRIEND HELP ME. TOUR MOTHER NEEDS YOU AS DOES YOU NEED YOUR MOTHER. I KNOW SHE WNATS TO SEE YOU MARRIEDAND SEE HER GRANDCHILDREN. THAT WAAS WAHT GOT TO MY HUSBAND. HE DIDN'T WANT TO MISS ANYTHING. OUR CHILDREN DON'T HAVE GRANDPARENTS AND ALL WE HAVE EVER TALKED ABOUT WAS SITTING TOGETHER ON THE PORCH WITH OUR GRANDKIDS GIVING THEM WHAT OUR CHILDREN DIDN'T HAVE. I KNOW YOUR MOTHER WANTS THIS TOO SHE IS JUST SCARED AND US WOMEN BELIEVE WE HAVE THE STRENTH TO FIGHT ANYTHING WHICH IS TRUE, BUT WE ALL NEED HELP SOMETIMES. GOD GAVE THESE DOCTORS THE KNOWLEDGE TO HELP US WHEN WE NEEDED IT, AND NOW YOUR MOTHER AS MY HUSBAND NEED THAT HELP TO MAKE IT THROUGH LIFE, AND THERE IS NO SHAME IN THAT. IT TAKES MORE STRENGTH TO ACCEPT IT THAN IT DOES TO LIVE IT. I LOVE YOU & I DON'T KNOW YOU, BUT GOD IS WITH US ALL AND REMEMBER IN THE HARDEST TIMES HE WILL CALL YOU THAT IS WHY THERE IS ONLY ONE ST OF FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND. THAT SAYING IS WHAT I LIVE BY. PLEASE CONTACT MY ANYTIME.XOXOXOX JENNIFER HUTCHISON

It's so nice to read your post and the replies describing the suppport of spouses through grave and chronic illnesses of their wives or husbands. When my husband and I got together I felt healthier than I ever had in my life, I was fit and active and seriously reveled in how good I felt. What I didn't know was that I had a genetic disorder that affects the connective tissue and after a rough pregnancy during which I broke my foot at 8 months and then did the same thing to the other foot when our son was just a few weeks old and then a long period of being obese for the first time in my life my body began to show signs of wear and tear and for the next 10 years or so I experienced an unexplained decline in health. I also was suffering from chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which unfortunately (in my opinion, at least) hastened the decline of my health. Through all of it my husband was there - supportive, loving, forgiving (very important when one has PTSD.) Instead of getting angry when I had a fit of anger myself my sweet, loving, dear man would look me in the eye and say "Honey - is there anything I can do for you? Anything?" Even at my very worst he still saw me with loving eyes and instead of jumping on my bandwagon he saw my pain and responded to that instead. The man humbled me with his patience and kindness  and I mean that in the best way. He works harder than anyone I know - puts in his 8 hours at his job and comes home and cooks, cleans, does the laundry, anything I am unable to do - I've got good days and I've got bad days - I believe you understand...hehe. I have seen the opposite of this situation and I know how fortunate I am to have such a kind human being for my husband. Anyway - just wanted to say how nice it is to see folks describing their wonderful spouses!

I GOT SICK AND THAT';S WHAT  BROKE MY RELATIONSHIP UP.I HAVE FIBRO AND SARCOIDOSIS.AND WITH IT IS A LOT OF PAIN.AND I DO MEAN A LOT.SARCOIDOSIS IS A LUNG PROBLEM THAT GOES THROUGHOUT THE BODY/AND CAUSES PAIN.IM ON TWO DIFFERENT PUFFERS.AND IM ON A NARCOTIC FOR THE PAIN.THEY TELL ME I WENT CHRONIC.AND NOW I FIND OUT I HAVE EZCEMA.THATS WENT CHRONIC.SO I WONDER WHAT HE WOULD HAVE DONE NOW.BUT I GUESS I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT.PEOPLE THAT GET SICK IT ISN'T THEIR FAULT.ALL THO I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR A VERY LONG TIME.I WONDERED IF I HAD DONE SOMETHING WRONG.ONLY TO FIND OUT HE LEFT ME BECAUSE I WAS SICK.NOW I LIVE A LONE.AND NOW NO ONE WILL GO WITH ME BECAUSE OF JUST THAT. IM SICK AND PEOPLE DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.SO I GUESS I WILL BE A LONE THE REST OF MY LIFE.I GUESS I JUST HAVE TO GET USED TO IT.NO ONE WILL ASK ME OUT OR EVEN WANT TO BE AROUND ME BEACUSE IM SO CALLED SICK.OH WELL.I GUESS THATS LIFE.IM A FUN LOVING PERSON.HAPPY,I HAVE BAD DAYS AND GOOD DAYS.

 

                               KATHY

Quote From: emtmedic

" He has told me in the past that he is only here because of obligation. This has hurt me deeply. I have no other family to rely on so basically because I need him to take care of me, I am trapped. I also have an 18 year old daughter who I love with all my heart, but she is so like her dad that it is frightening. They both act like if they don't talk about this it will go away. " 

 

Emtmedic, I'm so sorry you are struggling with your health and struggling alone in a house with loved ones is even harder.  I hope there will  be a  "break through" in your relationship with your daughter.  I wish I knew more about strokes and dialysis and could help.  I might be able to shed some light on another issue though.  Only because it sound s so familiar to me.  Please forgive me if i overstep the line.

 

I look like my Father, sound like my Father and have his charm.  Not to say that you are the same as my Mom - no one is!!!  LOL!!!!  All my life all my Mother has had to do is look at me and she got angry.  At 52, she still does it.  He passed away 12 years ago and she is still angry at me about him.  As I said, I've known it all my life.  You feel that your daughter is so much like her father its scary, and it is not something you like - I have a feeling she knows this.  And I can say from experience that it hurts, its confusing and is often internalized with shame & guilt .

 

Your daughter is from the two of you, she has traits of her father, but also of you.  If she senses that you don't like her,  what else can she do but draw closer to her father.  Become more like him every day. Thats what I did.  Give her credit, she picks up on both of your feelings towards each other.  My Mother stayed in a mentally abusive relationship, even after he moved out.  I lost a lot of respect for her.  I didn't understand how she could stay with a man (my father , who I loved and fought with  and made up with like I never could with my Mother) who did not treat her with the respect she deserved.  I resented her giving me the message that I am suppose to stay with a man no matter how he treats me.

 

I am older now and understand the dynamics between a wives and husbands, alcoholics and co-dependants, but I wish my Mom and I could have had an honest dialog about the whole thing.  Please talk to your Daughter, be real with her, let her know you love all of her, even the parts of her that are like her father. 

 

 A friend of mine who also knew my Dad told me that its sad that my family doesn't cherish the fact that they can see him, the good things about him  (and the bad)  in me that are just like my Dad.  That they are missing the chance to see a reminder of him in me, instead of hating me for reminding them of him.  Please think about it and please talk to your daughter.  Explain to her why you stay in this marriage,  she  sees or doesn't see the affection or love between each other.  Is that the kind of relationship you want her to have?  Of course not, you both deserve , loving, supportive, nurturing relationships.

Hello Kathy, I can so relate to your post.  Its difficult to put a happy face on, as I see in your photo , but it looks like (from your nickname Cuddles & your emote "happy" ) that you are really trying hard to keep a positive attitude.   I really admire that.  In your post though, your true feelings really come through and I do appreciate your openness.  It lets me know I am not alone in my  fears. 

 

Not to say that misery loves company - LOL! But that its OK to talk about those fears. All my friends just "po po" me when I share those feelings.  Meanwhile they all go out dancing and I'm at home connected to a machine.   I have pulmonary fibrosis and am on oxygen 24/7, I  cant even imagine a man being interested in dating me while I have this hose up my nose.  Much less spending the night while I'm connected to my dang CPAP machine through a mask!!!!  

 

I'm committed to getting out though,  I swear at least once a month I'm going to suit up in my o2 tank and nose hose and hit a movie, or club for dinner or something.  I hope you do the same Kathy,  you don't have to stay home cooped up.  Get out there, as hard as it may be,  go someplace ot meet new people, a class. The museum,  a book club.  Please don't give up yet.  I have a feeling you have more spunk than you think!!!  Take care, Lynn

What You Need To Know About People In Chronic Pain   1. People with chronic pain seem unreliable (we often can't count on ourselves).  When feeling better we promise things (and mean it); when in serious pain, we may not even show up. Pain people need the "rubber time" (flexible) found in South Pacific countries and many Indigenes cultures.    2. An action or situation may result in pain several hours later, or even the next day. Delayed pain is confusing to people who have never experienced it.    3. Pain can inhibit listening and other communication skills. It's like having someone shouting at you, or trying to talk with a fire alarm going off in the room. The effect of pain on the mind can seem like attention deficit disorder. So you may have to repeat a request, or write things down for a person with chronic pain. Don't take it personally, or think that they are stupid.    4. The senses can overload while in pain. For example, noises that wouldn’t normally bother you may   seem too loud or glaring.      5. Patience may seem short. We can't wait in a long line; can't wait for a long, drawn out conversation.    6. Don't always ask "How are you?" unless you are genuinely prepared to listen - it just points attention inward.    7. Pain can sometimes trigger psychological disabilities (usually very temporary). When in pain, a small task, like hanging out the laundry, can seem like a huge wall, too high to climb over. An hour later the same job may be quite okay. It is sane to be depressed occasionally when you hurt.    8. Pain can come on fairly quickly and unexpectedly. Pain sometimes abates after a short rest. Chronic pain people appear to arrive and fade unpredictably to others.    9. Knowing where a refuge is, such as a couch, a bed, or a comfortable chair, is as important as knowing where a bathroom is. A visit is much more enjoyable if the chronic pain person knows there is a refuge if needed. A person with chronic pain may not want to go somewhere that has no refuge (e.g. no place to sit or lie down)

 

10. Small acts of kindness can seem like huge acts of mercy to a person in pain. Your offer of a pillow or a cup of tea can be a really big thing to a person who is feeling temporarily helpless in the face of encroaching pain.    11. Not all pain is easy to locate or describe. Sometimes there is a body-wide feeling of discomfort, with hard to describe pains in the entire back, or in both legs, but not in one particular spot you can point to. Our vocabulary for pain is very limited, compared to the body's ability to feel varieties of discomfort.    12. We may not have a good "reason" for the pain. Medical science is still limited in its understanding of pain. Many people have pain that is not yet classified by doctors as an officially recognized "disease". That does not reduce the pain; it only reduces our ability to give it a label, and to have you believe us.