Topic : When a Family Member Gets Sick

Thank you for the important information.  My 85 year old mother started exhibiting strange behaviors in 2003.  Her Mother was never diagnosed, but by the age of 79 she lost touch with reality.  I think it was one of my Mother's biggest fears.  The difference between the two were that my Mom kept her mind active.

 

I had a medical crisis in 03. A paratidectomy.  10 hours of surgery.  The day I was released, she forgot to pick me up.  When she did finally got there, she wanted to shopping on the way home.  She actually stopped and parked at the store (I'm wrapped in bloody gauze with my face stiched up, and on drugs), got ready to get out of the car and go into the store before I was able to convince her that I needed to go home and go to bed.   The weeks it took to recover were horrible.  I think she forgot I was there.   I remember finally having to drag myself out of bed to get some food.  I finally had to start calling friends for help in order to get any food.   As I got better, I would walk by her office.  I noticed that she was in the same position hour after hour.  Staring off into space. Not moving for hours.  If she came down into the living room to watch TV with me, with in minutes her head would be in her hand in a position of severe distress with her looking at the floor for an  hour.  I would ask her what was wrong and she would act like she was in a daze.  I believe there was also some major depression there.

 

At one point she bought a large luxury car she.  Later she said they tricked her into buying the car.  I went with her, I was there, they didn't trick her.  I was very surprised she bought the car.  It was much to big for her, but she is not the kind of person you argue with.  Later she did the same thing with a car she signed off on for me.  We had gone truck shopping.  She wanted me to buy a truck so I could move things for her.  I told her my back couldn't take a truck.  And I didn't have the credit for a brand new car.  The last place we went I was ready to leave because I couldn't afford anything they had.  She asked if the had any used cars, found one and started wheeling and dealing, pulled out her checkboook and signed off on it.  It was almost like she was in a power struggle with the manager, trying to prove she had the credit to do it.  Like I wasn't even there.  Then she later told my sister I manipulated her into buying the car.  It was crazy.    She just started making crazy accusations.   

 

Also I would hear her drive the car up, but she wouldn't come in.  I would find her sitting in the car for hours.  Just sitting there in the same position staring off into space.  Or she would be asleep.  I was terrified she would do that in a dangerous part of town.  She told me once that she had pulled over on the freeway and took a nap.

 

I made an appointment for her with her MD.  The Dr did a memory test with her and chided me for even thinking something was wrong with her.  She was very angry that I had made that kind of appointment for her.   I shared  what I had noticed with my sister.  Of course she didn't listen.  My mother is severely depressed and may be dealing with demintia, but no one would listen to me.  She already made one financial mistake, but no one believed me because I'm the youngest.  My older sister would say she talked to Mom every day and mom sounded fine.  It was me that was messed up.

 

I was the one living there, every day. Watched her behavior and noticed the changes.  My Sister came to town a couple of times a year.    I wish older sibs would get beyond the "know-it-all"  crud and listen to the family member that deals with the parent everyday.   With her support, we might have been able to get Mom DX'd and helped.  It's too later now.  She sent me a box this winter that had clothes that were obviously too small.  The scissors , marker and tape were still in the box.  She must have forgotten she left them in the box, bought new ones and sealed the box up.  I didn't say a thing this time.  No one listens.

 

I sure hope my sibs grow up someday.

 

Hey all, me again. I was here several months ago asking for advice on how to deal with emotions concerning my mom who had suffered a heart attack 2 days after turning 88. Well, now she's facing the battle of her life...she's facing an amputation of her right leg. See, gangrene has set in big time, and she's already lost a toe. Now 2 others are basically dead, and the doctor said she'll have to have the amputation if she doesn't want to be in any more pain. But now she's having second thoughts. The whole family is telling her to do it, but she's not sure. All she wants to do is leave it in God's hands. We're trying to convince her that this is the way to go. I don't know what else we can do. HELP!

Denise

  This is a hard subject to talk about but it is one that should be talked over between parents and child. 50 years ago people lived a shorter time upon this earth and now thinks to modern medicines people live longer but sometimes the life the live is a life with-out dignity. How long to we keep someone alive for? I guess it comes down to the quality of life they are living.. are they happy or are the depressed? Are we wanting them to live, out of our own selfness or needs? These are just a few things that you need to ponder. I know It is hard to let go, but sometimes it is harder to hold on too, and letting go could be the greatest gift that we can give someone that we love. Talk to the health provider and allow her to be there and join into the conversation. I hope all goes will and my thoughts will be with you all.   Tom

Please see the correct medical information at, Hers Foundation, on the web.  See the free "Female Anatomy" video at, hersfoundation.  Attached is some of the correct medical information available at the foundations web site.

FACT: Women experience a loss of physical sexual sensation as a result of hysterectomy.

FACT: A woman's vagina is shortened, scarred and dislocated by hysterectomy.

FACT: Hysterectomy's damage is life-long. Among its most common consequences, in addition to operative injuries are:

• heart disease
• osteoporosis
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• loss of sexual desire, arousal, sensation
• painful intercourse, vaginal damage
• displacement of bladder, bowel, and other pelvic organs
• urinary tract infections, frequency, incontinence
• chronic constipation and digestive disorders
• profound fatigue
• chronic exhaustion
• altered body odor
• loss of short-term memory
• blunting of emotions, personality changes, despondency, irritability, anger, reclusiveness and suicidal thinking

FACT: No drugs or other treatments can replace ovarian or uterine hormones or functions. The loss is permanent.

FACT: The medical term for the removal of the ovaries is castration. 76% of women are castrated at the same time of the hysterectomy.

FACT: The uterus and ovaries function throughout life in women who have not been hysterectomized or castrated.

FACT: 98% of women HERS has referred to board-certified gynecologists after being told they needed hysterectomies, discovered that, in fact, they did not need hysterectomies.

FACT: Gynecologists, hospitals and drug companies make more than 8 billion dollars a year from the business of hysterectomy and castration.

HERS is the only independent, international organization dedicated to the issue of hysterectomy and advocates for fully informed medical choices by women.

My Dad is an amazing human being. He was diagnosed when i was 5 years old.
He is supposed to be in a wheel chair , using a cane, and almost bedridden but he has faught against it and still to this day walks and does everything that he used to before he was sick. Just recently he  got diagnosed with throat cancer. with in the last year he has gone through radiation that has taken a toll on his body. his diet consists of ensure and Very little solids he lost over 30 pounds and refuses to go out in public any more becuase he is so embarrassed by the way he looks. He's in so much pain and is so weak I just wish i could help him. He has done so much for my family and i just wish there was something i can do.. He lays in bed all day and doesnt do anything I just wish that he wasnt hurting any more and that he could go back to the way he was. I love him so much that i would trade places with him in a heartbeat but that just simply can never happen... My dad decided to stop taking the M.S treatments and has kind of  just gave up all together... I think he is giving up on life and  letting the disease take over ..I have been trying to cope with it all and keep my stress level down for the sake of my unborn... But i am finding it harder and harder I am not ready to loose him.. and i dont think i will ever be... 

I would like to make a proposal to USA congress to pass a law which must overrule deeds restrictions -- there should be absolutely no restrictions regarding respite care homes for people with Dementia  anywhere in USA and those homes need to be open in every subdivision. We do not have a cure yet, but we are not ready for all those patients who will be diagnosed in the near future... every 71 second there is a new person diagnosed with that deadly disease.... just this year it's expected to have almost a half of million people to hear that ugly news from the physician.... and we have to take care of all those people... So, it will be my project dedicated to fight with Alzheimer's... The people in subdivision I am in right now do not want me to have my business... they fighting to kick it out from community... Yes, it is famous Warwick Hills -- home town for Buick Open golf tournament... They think they do not need day care for people with Alzheimer's because there are no businesses allowed in Warwick Hills. They have no idea about how many residents have it here... Yes, I am just a foreign single woman and they think I am stupid, helpless and hopeless... But I am NOT!! I love those I am working with and I am sad that few arrogant and snobby individuals can decide for all community what is good and what is not. In fact, services for old and kids are NOT considerate to be a businesses in our state by Jennifer Granholm... but who would listen to me??? Elena

 

Hi there,  

   

I am just hoping that there is someone out there that can lead me to help on a current family issue.  My sister Sarah, 26 years old, is very sick and my family and I are at a loss for what can be done to help her immediately.    

   

Sarah, the oldest of four siblings, has been overweight almost all her life (highest 250lbs).  She couldn’t cope with the stresses of going to university but couldn’t face my parents so she lied to them for two years, pretending that she was going while my parents paid her tuition.  After they found out, they put her in weekly treatments with a therapist where she was diagnosed with severe clinical depression.  She didn’t stay on the meds prescribed and could not stick with a therapist during these years.  Two years ago, she was diagnosed with Type I Insulin Dependent Diabetes and things have gone downhill ever since – with no end in sight of her physical and mental health problems.  She had a history of eating disorders before her diagnosis (binge eating and bulimia) but once she started on the insulin therapy and put on weight – she stopped taking her insulin (for 1.5 years now).  She currently weighs no more than 120lbs, although I don’t know for sure because she refuses to weigh herself.  She has been hospitalized over 10 times (that I know about) in the past year for high blood sugar (25+ readings), heart palpitations, kidney problems and diminishing eye sight.  To complicate matters worse, she contracted the HPV virus a year ago and since her immune system is so low, she can’t fight off the warts and doctors are worried about cervical cancer.  A “normal” person would see these problems and slow down and try and get healthy but Sarah refuses to listen to anyone.  She constantly lies to me and my parents and we can never tell if she is really going to her doctor appointments.   My most immediate concern for her health is currently an unhealed foot infection – started out as a scratch about 3 weeks ago but has turned into an ulcer the size of a ping-pong ball.    

   

My parents and I have looked into finding full time institutions where she can have around-the-clock care but we can’t afford them.  Public health care does not seem to be working for us.    

   

I am so scared that at any moment, I’m going to get the call that my sister has passed away.  There has to be something done to save her – I need to find an answer.   She is one of the most kindhearted and beautiful persons I know and deserves to live and find happiness.  Can someone please advise me.    

Just finished reading your post here and I have to say that I do understand what you are going through and what your Dad is going through, as my dear Dad is also very ill with Motor Neroune Disease. He has had it nearly 4 years now and up until 3 months ago he was doing ok, but then he was having troubles eating and drinking and now has lost heaps of weight and is very weak because of it.

 

He has to have a feeding tube put in and hopefully that will help him even if it's just alittle bit.

 

I too know that my dear Dad is dying and Mum said that it seems like he is slowly giving up now, just doesn't want to fight so hard anymore. I understand why, as this bloody disease takes such a toll on Dad's body, he is stuck in a useless body. His mind is still great, but his body has given up on him now.

 

As much as I don't want my Dad to die, I know that it's going to happen and in the end I will be so sad to say goodbye, I will also be relieved that he will not be suffering anymore.

 

All I can suggest to you is, to take each day as it comes, enjoy every moment with your Dad that you both will have together, tell your Dad daily how much you love him.

 

How long do you have to go before you give birth to your Little One? Hopefully your Dad will be around to see him or her. That would be a wonderful thing for the both of you to look forward to, also just remember all the wonderful times you and your Dad have had over the years, no-one can ever take those things away from you. You will always have your Dad in your heart close to you, he will always be around keeping an eye on you.

 

God Bless your dear Dad and God Bless you as well, please Take Care, Love Kelly.

 

 

          I am 38 years old and i was diagnosed with RA in 1999. I used to feel the same way you did. Always feeling gulity for asking for help or ruining the plans for everyone because i was to sore to go out. I had the disease two years before i knew i had it so most of my joint damage was done in those two years because i didnt get  the meds that i needed. So i have no range of movement in my wrists, they only bend so far, so it is hard for me to do alot with my hands for a long period of times. I cant work long periods of time any more either.So to help out with the finances i applied for social security . It didnt take me long to get, because i had a good doctor to help me . I am back to work now but i only work the hours that i want. i work part time.   I also get around better because of the medicine that i am on. i dont know if you have ever heard of humira. It is the only thing i have found that really works. You should ask your doc about it. I have tried so hard to make my family understand what i am going thru they do and they dont. they have be come more helpful since they have gotten older. they understand a little bit more. It just hard for them to understand what it really feels like to be in so much pain allllllll the time because they dont go thru it like we do. i have gone as far as to print stuff of line about and let them read and understand it more. It seems to help. You have to eventually get over the guilt and just let them help you with whatever. the more you dwell the worse it gets. things arent  going to ever be the same.   oh yea i have 4 kids and i am marrried as well . Actually i am staring to feel a little guilty again because i was diagnosed with three more disease that make me tired and sick so i just got use to dealing with my RA i have to deal with other things.Like i said if you get the right treatment for this you will be able to do more things and enjoy your family again. and also try to get on social security . You should be able to get it with what you have because it is a lifetime disease. You will have it for the rest of your life. well i hope some of what is said helped you out  and made you feel different. If you have any more questions or just want to talk just email me . And thanks for your time to hear me out.

I have read a number of topics on the health board and have read quite a few messages.  My heart goes out to each and every one of you...but this is one of the most saddest cases I have every seen, AND it makes me angry.  This one should be on the Dr. Phil show instead of a lot of that frivolous stuff that he does and contributes to.  What has this country come to that Conga Drums and airing out people's dirty laundry is more important for ratings than helping our fellow human beings who are gravely ill and dying?

 

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