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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 845
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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December 21, 2005, 2:21 am CST

Very Over Worked Mom No SUPPORT

 My husband and Myself have 2 boys with asthma.. Our 3yr old has had cronic asthma sence he was 6mths old he was born 2mths premature......over the years hes been in the hospital more then 60 times due to his asthma i have had to Create this bubble so that He cant get sick (example: he cant go to the parks and play like a normal 3yr old he will get sick and be in the hospital for 1 week!) He also has Food allergies hes allergic to all Milk, Soy, Peanuts ,Peanut oil ,Peanut butter, Beef ,Tomatos ,Pine apple ,Banna's , whey, there are way more i just cant think of them! hes also allergic to Pet dander, and Dust mits as well..
 hes on 4 breathing treatments of Xopenex or Albuteral 4 times a day when he is sick (even just a tiny cold) his breathing is way way way worse and treatments are more often..He gets Pulmocort also 2 times a day (we are going to see about getting it changed to 3times a day agian that worked well for him) he see's an asthma allergist as well as his PED... (he is in foster care right now due to all of this due to a doctor that didnt know us or anything about us and our family missunderstanding our love for our son :-( JJ has been in Foster care for 9mths!!
 We also have a 1yr old who (while he was in Fostercare (they removed him due to his brother) he was in fostercare for 8mths) we found out that he also has Asthma! no food allergies that we have discovered at all yet......... Thank you Lord God..... my husband is gone allll day at work i have to stay at home with my boys (Due to them needing so much! care) dispite JJ being in fostercare right now! .... we have social workers in our homes whenever they want court dates attourneys as well as lots and logs of phone calls phone calls calling back.. stacks and stacks of very very SMALL petty Untrue things about my husband myself and our family..

Because i am home during the day My husband puts this all on me (the social workers do the same) its damn hard trying to keep my child safe when everyone and there mother can walk into your home and out whenever they WANT! and keep your husband happy when you feel your not getting enouph of anything from him AT ALLLLLLLL!!!!!! and truely feeling like your not worth him slowing down for just ONE MIN to hold your hand or hug you or kiss you or stay off the computer long enouph for me to ask for help with something and not have his back given instead of help

I Just DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just dont know how i stay sane
I DONT know how to keep sane!
I dont have friends or anyone at all to talk to about this
  even though i am not giving up the fight for my oldest intell the day i DIE! i feel like maybe i should just walk away sometimes
 
December 21, 2005, 11:07 pm CST

Tourette

Quote From: tkolmetz

hello, just a quick question on mason. i know i seem to be full of questions lately.. i need your perspective. masons therapist asked if anyone in my family has tourettes (i think that is how you spell that) i looked up on internet and pulled some info. still not sure completely about what it is from what i have been able to read about. it fits him .... not sure where to go next and not really sure of much lately.. what is tourettes and what kind of theripy will help him.. it did say that most casses of tourettes are missed diagnosed with adhd and or aspbergers.. the doc says his anxiety is the antaginizer.. is the true?? thanks tammy

  

Tourette is movement of nerve body that cannot sit still.. It can be on treatment from the peditrian and therphy. My husband has alot of ticks and noise of his throat and shake his head.  Its embrassement yes of course well he s the first guy I ever seen and didnt noticed what is what was it till I investagtion working on found out the name it s shame it can be affected from genes family. I  once saw a child who had this in real life in our town. It was something to see as child.  My two kids one is ADD and other one is ADHA.  Now hear thinking of might be bioplar mood not sure i dont know.. There are alots lots going on around and if my child are seriously want to know what is  and go for help they can go find out. Stil nope. 

What I understand ADD and ADHA can cure by the time they are full adult. I dont know if its true or not. 

Maybe you can look up search Tourette s support group I m sure there s one in town or out of town to get informations details. Some dr dont beleive such a thing some do. Just have to watch it. 

Good Luck 

 
December 21, 2005, 11:10 pm CST

Support and GRIEVING

  

If you were in my shoes.  I  would be there for someone  who needs support being there listened what they have to say give nice good advice your ideas and tell them your options so they can figure out how to deal with it. Also have them go for couselling if not then be there be strong for them. 

 
December 22, 2005, 5:49 pm CST

Can someone recommend a book for me?

Hello, this is my first message here, although I have been a Dr. Phil fan for many months.  I'm trying to find a book about supporting a depressed/occasionally suicidal adult friend.  See, I've searched on the Internet and at my local library, and all the books I could find were aimed at teenagers helping other teenagers.  While some of the information given in those books is helpful, a lot of it is not.  For example, telling me that my friend's depression is getting worse if his grades start going down is pretty worthless, considering he hasn't been to school in years.  It just seems to me that society is focused on teen suicides, and it doesn't pay enough attention to adults who are suicidal.  Maybe because it's especially tragic when a person dies at such a young age, but whatever the reason, I'm a bit stuck trying to find a book that can give me good advice.  Can somebody offer me a suggestion?  Thank you so much, and I look forward to chatting with a lot of you.
 
December 24, 2005, 4:32 pm CST

Seasons of Love

Hey You know what song I really like that brings hope and sometimes even realization of how near sighted we are, but in the end all is good. The song Seasons of Love by the cast of RENT. Its something that can lift you up. It tells you how precious each moment is and life is too short to dwell on the past or let fear control us. How do you measure one's life? How many days or mintues? Or how much he/she has accomplsihed? The way that they died? Measure his/her life in Love! 

  

Merry Christmas everybody!! 

  

Jenny 

 
December 28, 2005, 9:26 am CST

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: profderien

your friend is lucky to have you.  i went on a google mission and was also struck by how there are many publications for teenagers and the elderly, those of us in between have little in the way of resources. 

  

here are a few sites.  the first one is very dry but you might get some help with the last 3. 

  

  

http://www.hhs.gov/asl/testify/t000208b.html 

  

http://mhawestchester.org/diagnoseadult/suicidea.asp http://www.pinerest.org/education/today/suicide/adult.asp https://www.magellanprovider.com/education/member_ed/F-ASE10%20Adult%20Suicide.pdf take care of your self.  prof-de-rien  

  

Your friend is indeed lucky to have you.  I am undergoing a similar situation - depressed for as long as I can remember.  I have one good friend who tries to cheer me up, but it is only temporary relief.  I don't really know where to turn to. 

I feel alone in a crowded room.  My love ones don't really understand what I am going through.   

I give and give and they take and take - and I feel used. 

I feel like I am either the cash cow or the sex machine. 

I will try the sites mentioned....but don't know if I can come back from the edge.... 

 
December 29, 2005, 7:56 am CST

Help

I have a 16year old nephew and a 12 year old neice.  There parents are divorced but have joint custody.  There mother has recently gone through a second divorce and she has been some what emotionally absent from them too busy feeling sorry for herself.    This monring their father tried to kill himself by overdosing.    The grandmother (my mother) is there for them as much as she can be, but she is not the best person for the job.  Her comment this morning in the ER to everyone was "I look horrible, I didn't have a chance to put on makeup this morning."  I feel as though my husband and I are the most stable, understanding, careing people they have at this time, but I am at a loss for words for them, does anyone have any advice? 

  

  

 
December 29, 2005, 6:17 pm CST

Depressed

Hi, im 15 and used to cut when i was 13 for a year and tryed to cmoite suiside and was in a deep depression. But i stoped that and started doing drugs. In October this year i did coke and got into trouble with the law and with my parents, and i was grounded for 3 months. Today i was aloud back out for the first time, and got E but i feel like nobody accepts me anymore im afraid cuz acceptance has always been important to me. My new friends i made are the ones who helped me stop cutting but now i feel they dont like me anymore or something. like im just getting the cold sholdere. Wat should i do? I dont want to start cutting again because its hard for me to stop.
 
January 1, 2006, 2:39 am CST

A lot has happened.

Hi, everyone.  My name is Amanda and I'm 20 years old.  A lot has happened in my life.  A lot of ups and downs, and twists and turns in the road for me.  I was one of those kids that was teased a lot from a very young age, and all the way through high school.  Around the age of 8, I was evaluated because I wasn't progressing as well as I should.  During that time, a lengthy report was made about my history, how I'm progressing, what might happen, what can be expected, possible solutions, etc.  I didn't know that this report was on file, and was/is on a permanent record.  I didn't read the report for myself until I was 18, and by then a bunch of things had already happened, I was in therapy has my therapist was surprised that I hadn't ever read the report.  My parents had refused to let me read the report (even when I was old enough to understand), and has dismissed it completely.  At the age of 14, I was raped.  I shut down completely.  I didn't tell anyone what had happened to me for several months.  I became very distant and very depressed.  I already had eating issues because of peer pressure, and being a ninth grader on a new, and huge high school campus, but after the rape, I started starving myself even more.  I started cutting myself.  I felt so ugly, so disgusting, and so filthy.  I believed that the rape was my fault, I felt so alone, and so ashamed.  By the time, I told someone what had happened to me,  I had gone from 110 lbs to 89 lbs, I had cuts in one area on my wrist so deep that it was infected and swollen, and it was as if the life was sucked out of me.  I was put into therapy, and was hospitalized almost immediately.  At the time, I was with my first boyfriend, who was 4 years older then me.  He was supportive of me at first, but gradually became distant and then mean.  When I got out of the hospital, we went out on a date.  I was going out with the intent of having fun, just having a great time.  I thought it was gonna be the same for him, but it turned out that he just wanted to have sex with me.  I made out with him, and went along with it for a little bit, before I broke down.  I started sobbing uncontrollably, and I started panicking.  He took me home, and I didn't hear from him for about a week or so.  Then he called me one day to say that it was over, that I didn't give him sex, and I couldn't give him anything that he wanted/needed, and that he had already found it somewhere else, and had cheated on me.  Too add insult to the injury, he told me that he believed I had lied about being raped, and that I was just crazy.  For a long time after that, I hated men.  I would freak out if one got near me, or if one just said "hi" to me.  I was hospitalized 3 times after that.  One of my medications, made me put on around 50 lbs, and with my distorted self-image, that was like putting on 10,000 lbs.  I had switched schools, and was now at a private school.  I didn't feel accepted, and I became bulimic.  Then I got involved with the wrong people, and started passing out pills.  There were people dealing them for money, I was dealing for other pills.  From there I started starving myself, and forcing myself to throw up.  Then the group I was in, that was doing the pills, got busted.  I was expelled.  I ended up back in the public school system, at a different school.  I got into a lot of trouble here.  I had a bad attitude, bad conduct, bad behavior, and I started dealing pills again, and this time, it was for money.  I got written up a lot, and I hung out with the wrong crowd again.  Then I started cutting myself again.  My eating disorder came back.  The cutting, and the eating disorder came in cycles, some lasting long then others, through my senior year, and a little in college.  The cutting leveled off, and I quit doing that my senior year and haven't done that since.  My eating disorder was anorexia-bulimia, and it got a lot worse.  Even if I drank something, I would throw it up.  I threw up even if I was only throwing up stomach acid, drinks, and even blood.  I just didn't care.   During the time, when I wasn't cutting or dealing with an eating disorder, I met my new boyfriend through a friend.  It was the summer before my senior year.  We got serious too fast.  We were having sex within 2 weeks of our relationship.  I said "I love you."  He broke it off right then and there.  I was devestated.  I went off the deep end.  I went down the path of just about every self-destructive behaviors you can think of.  Heavy drinking, unsafe sex, cutting, starving myself, forcing myself to throw up, etc.  Then he e-mailed me, and asked if I wanted to get back with him.  I agreed.  We started where we left off.  Before we had broke it off the first time, he was about to leave for basic training for the Army.  When we got back together, he was about to leave for Iraq.  He was nice when we first met, but when he came back from basic, he was mean, but I attributed this to that he was nervous about leaving for Iraq.  While he was in Iraq, he changed drastically.  I tried to be strong for him, but it was really hard.  We both were emotional wrecks, we both missed each other so much.  I reverted back to my old behaviors.  Cutting, and a really bad eating disorder.  Then I stopped because I knew that it was wrong, and that this was being weak.  He came home on leave, and he was mean.   He had a habit of having sex with me, and then disappearing.  While he was on leave, he made reference to my scars, which I had already decided that I was gonna quit.  He came over to my house, we had sex, and then we got into a huge fight.  He went ballistic, and broke it off with me.   I actually had been planning on breaking it off with him because of something I had found out about him, that was very shady and even kind of low.  But, even then I didn't take it well.  We had been talking about getting married and having kids.   I became bitter, and depressed, but I got on with my life.  I graduated from high school.  I went off to college.  While there, I was a heavy drinker.  Didn't care at all.  A bunch of things in college too.  I got sick while I was away, and got tested numerous times, but the tests showed nothing.  which is good, except I still felt sick and I wanted an explanation.  I made an appointment to see a doctor back home.  I ended up getting scheduled for a CT scan.  It was on Thursday, June 30.  On Wednesday, June 29th 2005, I decided to run errands.  Despite how sick I felt, it just had to get done.  After my first stop, I was thinking that I needed to go home, but I decided that I only had one more stop, and it would be quick.  I got my items, and was walking to my car.  While I was putting my things in my car, a car stopped behind mine.  Once again, I didn't listen to my inner voice telling me that something was very wrong.  My gut was telling me to run, but I didn't.  A man got out of the passenger side, and approached me.  It happened so fast.  He grabbed my purse strap, and yanked with all his might, I fought back for a second, but went into shock thinking that this guy might kill me.  This time, the guy completely snatched my purse, breaking the strap, and nearly ringing my arm off in the process.  I went flying, and hit the pavement hard.  I landed on my left, head, shoulder, arm, rib first.  I twisted my ankle, and had numerous bruises and scrapes.  The force of the fall knocked me out, and when I came too, I was hysterical.  A passing car stopped and called 911.  It has been several months, and I'm still haunted by this.  It's still hard.  Many times, I want to give up, but I made a decision.  I made a decision to start over.  I made a decision to turn over a new leaf.  It's in the past.   My goals are to be independent, self reliant, and to stand on my own two feet.  I'm reinventing myself.  Trying to become a better person.  I'm learning to love myself, and to respect myself.  I'm not with anyone right now, and that's the right thing for me at this time.  I personally believe that a support system is most important.  Which is why I say that if any of you ever need someone to talk to, someone to listen, or whatever you need, I'm here for all of you.  I wish everyone well, and hope everyone is doing well.   Happy New Year, and yall take care.   

 
January 3, 2006, 7:59 am CST

seperated

My live in boyfriend of 8 years just moved out without any explanation left me with all is bills to pay plus my own don`t know where to turn for help or to talk to . Live in a very small town with nothing to do or go a lot of the time just think of calling it quits would be much easier than going on to get hurt again this was my second relationship was married for 23 years and found ou t he`d been cheating on me i seem to pick loosers so why trying a third time .totally alone and depressed.
 
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