Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Hi Everyone. 

  

This is my first post here.  I have read these boards for a long time but I am finally posting.  Trying to keep my sanity today I guess.  Not even sure where to begin but here goes... 

  

This holiday season we decorated early and got our presents wrapped.  Something that used to be a last minute thing or just a week or two before Christmas.  I was so proud of how well we did.  We are happy for being in our new house and really being able to decorate.  Now this week I seem to have fell into a slump.  I am so depressed.  Not sure how to even get out.  This is not usual for me.  I have lots of stress this year but this depression is annoying me! 

  

When we bought this house, (our first house) we really were proud of tightening things up so we can get something to help my mom out.  She is 73 and is bipolar/diabetic.  She no longer could care for herself.  With her income and ours, we could make payments and be a bit snug but ok.  This was November of last year.  In January my mom had a stroke. We rushed her to the hospital and they took us into a little room and told us to wait for the doctor.  I was worried because I have never been sent into a room like this before.  Doctor tells us she won't make it through the night.  She had a massive stroke and she won't pull out.  He called a priest to read her her last rights and we stood by her and prayed.  Now it is December and she still is with us but jumping from hospital to nursing home.  I have POA for her and handling everything is so stressful.  She since has had to go for dialysis.  Her kidneys are bad and there is no other way but to get these treatments 3 times a week.  She was not eating so they have to put a tube in her stomach to be fed that way.  She has not been in an upright position since January.  I feel so bad for her.  What a life to not be able to do anything.   

  

So this holiday, my mother won't be home for Christmas.  My aunt, her sister,  just had quadruple bipass surgery three weeks ago.  My other aunt two months ago had been diagnosed with having breast cancer.  My daughter went to Florida on Monday and was in a car accident and then on Tuesday my husband was involved in a car accident.  Tuesday night my teenage daughter just had her first heartbreak.  After a year of dating he broke up with her and she is devastated.  I am trying to hold my own but the stress of trying to juggle bills since we don't have moms income to help anymore and I have had to take on watching children to help with income.   It seems endless!  I am not sure if this depression is from all of the above or me taking on my daughters pain of loss.  I wish I could make things better for her but all I can do is just be there to support her.  In time she will be fine I know but I just can't bear the thought of my children in pain like that.   

  

Sometimes I feel like I am going to be sick.  I feel a big lump in my chest and have to remember to take deep breaths.  I feel anxious at times but just feel so lost.  I cried so much yesterday.  Drop of a hat.  This onset happens through the day.  I don't know what I can do to stop this.  I never experienced this before.  I did make an appointment to see a counselor next week.  I know that talking does help.  This is the reason for this awful long post too.  I have always been the strong one in the family.  Yes a mush at times.  Sad movies, special "I love you" notes from my kids etc. all left me mushy in tears.  This though is not like that though.  I really feel overwhelmed.   

  

Have any of you experienced this?  What did you do?  How did you pull through it?   

  

Thanks for reading through and making it this far.   

i think that "speclady" must stand for "special lady," because you are definitely a class act.  please go ahead and cry -- sad and stressful things are happening right and left in your family --  what really comes through is how much you care for everyone and how much you literally feel their pain.  you have physical symptoms of  much stress -- listen to your body even as you are taking care of everyone else.  you know, people are generally more tough than we think they are.  i have very thin skin, for instance, and i am perpetually needy, but if i am presented with ways to pull my own weight or to contribute more to whatever the situation is -- well, after a brief pause for introspection, i usually come around. 

  

aha!  a lightbulb moment.  a memory... brief pause while i dig for the lyrics... 

  

simple gifts [shaker tune? folk song? help me, people!] 

'tis a gift to be simple 

'tis a gift to be free 

'tis a gift to come round 

where we want to be. 

and when we find ourselves  

in the place that is right 

we will be in the valley 

of love and delight. 

when true simplicity is gained 

to bow and to bend 

we shall not be ashamed. 

to turn and to turn 

will be our delight 

til by turning, turning 

we come round right.   

  

blessings to you and yours.  i hope therapy helps, venting can do wonders!  your daughters are alive, your husband also.  and those who are so very ill -- how much control do you really have over that? as the bald man says:  "how's'it working for 'ya?" 

  

thinking of you -- prof-de-rien 

 

Our family is in need of help. My sister just got sentenced to 5 years to  prison for aiding the escape of a prisoner where she was a corrections officer. I feel she was held hostage, he told her to unlock the door or his outside connections were going to kill her children. In the sentecing guidlines, she should have only gotten 0-14 months, but the judge and the prosecuter went above and beond the guidelines :( She has never gotten into trouble in her life, bareley even a speeding ticket. She has two young children at home, I wish dr phil could help us understand why she would do such a thing, why do we feel Sad, mad, angry, hurt, betrayed all at the same time. She did not let him off the prison grounds though, she let him out a secured door, which he entered a food cart with a kitchen worker and there is 2 more check points by guards, how come these guards didnt check it?Or how come they didnt get into trouble? What is going on here, Its Christmas time for god sake. What is going to happen to our family? 

hello, just a quick question on mason. i know i seem to be full of questions lately.. i need your perspective. masons therapist asked if anyone in my family has tourettes (i think that is how you spell that) i looked up on internet and pulled some info. still not sure completely about what it is from what i have been able to read about. it fits him .... not sure where to go next and not really sure of much lately.. what is tourettes and what kind of theripy will help him.. it did say that most casses of tourettes are missed diagnosed with adhd and or aspbergers.. the doc says his anxiety is the antaginizer.. is the true?? thanks tammy

imagine a woman
mother of two girls and grandmother of 6 kids
a very strong woman who always bounced back in life
Strong faith in God
daughter of a very loving couple
lived with the same man for about 13 years
she found beauty where hardly no one looked
and created beauty with her hands, mind, and heart 

Now imagine this woman sleeping in the spare bathroom which was converted into her craft room.
Sleeping on the floor because the man she loved was keeping  the house hoter than she could stand...she could not breathe. 

Imagine her being told by this same man that she couldn't leave because she was a burden to him and her family...that no one wanted her. 

imagine that everything she owned was in the room and not throughout the house like it was her home.
imagine now...she packed her things and called her sister.  Her sister was going to get her on her next day off. 

imagine the man telling the woman that he had a plan and that the sister was in on it....only they weren't going ahead with the plan until her dad passed away.  he was in poor health. 

imagine...she called her sister and asked of the plan...the sister was
stunned and assured her there was no plan to do anything to her.
imagine the emotional abuse
imagine the mental anguish
imagine watching the man you love losing his mind...drinking himself to death...in and out of hospital and coming home and hitting the bottle.
She drank too, don't get me wrong...but he was on a mission and it hurt her.
imagine awaiting a hurricane to make landfall and the weather getting bad and him going out to buy cigarettes and leaving her all alone only to worry herself sick.  still no one knows where he sat out the storm. 

Imagine a man who will not let the woman on the computer to see pictures of her grandchildren. 

Imagine a phone call saying the woman had died of a gunshot wound.
Imagine now, the man not calling 911...but calling woman's nephew an hour and a half away and teling him not to tell anyone. 

Imagine the nephew calling 911 and making this report. 

Imagine when the law arrives and the family, the man is home with his brotherfrom an hour away and his lawyer. 

Imagine the man being so drunk he doesn't know who he is...or even when this tragedy occured. 

Imagine the man saying he hadn't seen her since about 11 o'cock the day before...even if he meant pm that would mean he hadn't seen her in about 20 hrs.  Imagine they live together in a one room house.  Only the bathrooms were seperate and hers was converted into a craft room.  It no longer worked as a bathroom.  Did she not come out for a drink or to eat or to go to the bathroom.  Was he even there or had he abandoned her again?  How could he not know where she was?  Did he not here a gunshot?   

Or did he do it?  He would have had at least 20 hrs to clean up and cover up. 

Imagine a man with at least 4 DWI's and a few alcohol related wrecks but who can still drive legally.  Somehow the man has pull somewhere.
He has money and I do not.  He is somebody and I am not...in the local politics anyway. 

now imagine the woman was your mother.  She was mine.  Things do not add up.  Test results are not in.  Things are backed up in Louisiana right now.  Imagine not one law official calling with questions.  Imagine being the last in the family to speak to her.  Imagine living 9 hrs away and being helpless. 

My aunt handled most of the things that needed handling.  She will be called when they close the case.  She is afraid that they areassuming a suicide just because the gun was in her hand.  I will go to my own grave knowing she didn't do this herself.  I have wanted to call the law in charge there but I'm worried they will just blow me off as someone in grief and blowing off steam...denial...
but I am not after justice or vengeance...or making him pay...I want to clear mom's name.  I don't want her blamed for the pain this has caused.  Why can't he just tell us what was going on the two days between when I called her and I got that phone call?  Why won't he let us have Mom's things?  Perhaps she left a clue as to what is going on.
Why does he keep calling my Aunt and getting her to drive down there for Mom's things then only giving her things like a can of hairspray and a bag of towels?  Telling her he'll give her more next time.  Now he's playing with Aunt's head.
Why can't something be done? Even if he didn't pull the trigger himself he is not innocent and he was the cause of her death.  He is responsible and should admit it so Mom can be at peace.  She is angry...I know.
We can't even read a police report until the case is closed.  I just don't think they know the extent of his mental abuse.  Mom even thought he had lost his mind in the weeks before.  She said he was talking to "the little birds" in the yard.  She was mad at him when I called her last, saying he was being an A word...ya know?
I just don't know what to do.  I have accepted her death and wil always miss her.  I just knew Mom very well and she had planned to meet us for Thanksgiving and to see the grandkids.  Said she would get her sister to go because boyfriend wouldn't.  You just can't add two and two and get five... 

Thank you for the support in this reply.  It really helped.  I thought I was actually getting it together and I just got hit with something else.  My mother just passed away this morning.  I am trying to stay strong for my family.  I have not let myself break down.  This is all so heavy on me!  I really don't know how much God thinks I can take but I know I am at a breakdown point. 

  

Someone please send me a little sunshine this way! 

  

Irene 

i am so sorry that your mother has died.  you shared how much she has been going though -- several strokes, one recent and severe,  diabetes/renal disease,  bipolar disease.  that's a lot to ask of a soul!  please allow your family to shore you up... it is their turn to care for you. 

love, 

prof-de-rien 

 My husband and Myself have 2 boys with asthma.. Our 3yr old has had cronic asthma sence he was 6mths old he was born 2mths premature......over the years hes been in the hospital more then 60 times due to his asthma i have had to Create this bubble so that He cant get sick (example: he cant go to the parks and play like a normal 3yr old he will get sick and be in the hospital for 1 week!) He also has Food allergies hes allergic to all Milk, Soy, Peanuts ,Peanut oil ,Peanut butter, Beef ,Tomatos ,Pine apple ,Banna's , whey, there are way more i just cant think of them! hes also allergic to Pet dander, and Dust mits as well..
 hes on 4 breathing treatments of Xopenex or Albuteral 4 times a day when he is sick (even just a tiny cold) his breathing is way way way worse and treatments are more often..He gets Pulmocort also 2 times a day (we are going to see about getting it changed to 3times a day agian that worked well for him) he see's an asthma allergist as well as his PED... (he is in foster care right now due to all of this due to a doctor that didnt know us or anything about us and our family missunderstanding our love for our son :-( JJ has been in Foster care for 9mths!!
 We also have a 1yr old who (while he was in Fostercare (they removed him due to his brother) he was in fostercare for 8mths) we found out that he also has Asthma! no food allergies that we have discovered at all yet......... Thank you Lord God..... my husband is gone allll day at work i have to stay at home with my boys (Due to them needing so much! care) dispite JJ being in fostercare right now! .... we have social workers in our homes whenever they want court dates attourneys as well as lots and logs of phone calls phone calls calling back.. stacks and stacks of very very SMALL petty Untrue things about my husband myself and our family..

Because i am home during the day My husband puts this all on me (the social workers do the same) its damn hard trying to keep my child safe when everyone and there mother can walk into your home and out whenever they WANT! and keep your husband happy when you feel your not getting enouph of anything from him AT ALLLLLLLL!!!!!! and truely feeling like your not worth him slowing down for just ONE MIN to hold your hand or hug you or kiss you or stay off the computer long enouph for me to ask for help with something and not have his back given instead of help

I Just DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just dont know how i stay sane
I DONT know how to keep sane!
I dont have friends or anyone at all to talk to about this
  even though i am not giving up the fight for my oldest intell the day i DIE! i feel like maybe i should just walk away sometimes

  

Tourette is movement of nerve body that cannot sit still.. It can be on treatment from the peditrian and therphy. My husband has alot of ticks and noise of his throat and shake his head.  Its embrassement yes of course well he s the first guy I ever seen and didnt noticed what is what was it till I investagtion working on found out the name it s shame it can be affected from genes family. I  once saw a child who had this in real life in our town. It was something to see as child.  My two kids one is ADD and other one is ADHA.  Now hear thinking of might be bioplar mood not sure i dont know.. There are alots lots going on around and if my child are seriously want to know what is  and go for help they can go find out. Stil nope. 

What I understand ADD and ADHA can cure by the time they are full adult. I dont know if its true or not. 

Maybe you can look up search Tourette s support group I m sure there s one in town or out of town to get informations details. Some dr dont beleive such a thing some do. Just have to watch it. 

Good Luck 

  

If you were in my shoes.  I  would be there for someone  who needs support being there listened what they have to say give nice good advice your ideas and tell them your options so they can figure out how to deal with it. Also have them go for couselling if not then be there be strong for them.