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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 845
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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September 16, 2005, 2:41 pm CDT

my grandmother

My grandmother died last year in May of a stroke. She was found face down on the ground by myself, we were living together at the time. I did everything in my power to help her but not knowing when she had the first stroke the doctors could not do anything for her. Six months after the funeral certain family members blamed me for her death by ignoring my existence or making life difficult to live and there were issues between me and those family members. I felt like I didn't get to grieve for my grandmother those six months and that the healing process didn't even start till Christmas after I moved away from family. I still find today that I am having grieving issues. is this normal? 

  

 
September 16, 2005, 3:55 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: 062ctbnd

   Almost 20 yrs. ago now I was with a guy; he was not perfect but we were dating for about 5 yrs. I say he was not perfect because he drank a lot but wasn't mean or anything. A lot happened while we were together and I knew he wasn't going to change, but I needed a change in my life.   

   

   I signed up to go into the military and before I left I promised to keep in touch; he didn't want me to go because he was afraid I would marry someone else and he'd never see me again.  

I never did write to him, I think because I was enjoying being out in the world so much. I also met another guy and I eventually married him; we've been married for about 17 yrs. and have a teen aged son.  

   

   I lost track of that guy from almost twenty years ago until just this past weekend. I now know where he lives so I have an address and phone number. Now I find myself thinking about him a lot and wondering how he's doing...the thing is, I pretty much left him high and dry all those years ago and I don't know if he would even want to hear from me now. Also, I don't know if he's married now or what, and I know I don't want to interfere with whatever relationship he may have going right now.  

   

   Should I write to him or call to see how he's doing? I have no intention of going back to him as I have a family and a good job where I am, and I don't want to mess up his family if he has one, but I feel as though I need to know how he's doing and apologize for what I've done.  

   

   As for his drinking, yes, I think he's still at it. I saw in the newspaper on the internet where he was arrested for DUI three yrs. ago. After all this time he's not going to quit till he's good and ready.  

I dated a guy who was an alcoholic as well for 6 years; we were also engaged. Through those 6 years I was brought down emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. This relationship was very sick......we were best friends, yet we didn't help eachother get better. It was a viscious circle of chaos; pretending to have a perfect relationship, or I should say flat out.... "denial". Finally after six years & three of which were spent in Al-Anon.....I gained enough strength to move on. He took it very hard & tried for a couple of months to talk me into coming back to him. After finally realizing that I made up my mind for once (after many seperations) he finally let go. This was very hard on me as well, because I did love him (during that time) & thought for the longest time "he was the one". So I did have a period of time in which I grieved over that loss even though it was my will to do so. 

  

I have seen him since then, in the grocery store. It was approximately a couple years after we split up. It was a brief conversation, short & sweet. Of course it brought back all of the past memories......how could it not?.....at one point in time it was a long & meaningful relationship. But when I left him, I left him for a reason & that was because he was not going to change (stop drinking), our relationship was failing, & I needed to focus on getting myself better. And I needed to be away from him in order to do that. And when I finally did walk away, it was for good!!!! That doesn't mean that I don't have memories that I am allowed to remember, but my relationship with him is in the past & where it needs to stay. If for no other reason than the simple fact that I have a VERY loving relationship with my husband who has ALWAYS treated me with respect & love for who I am & is my best friend today. Also he is a loving & supportive father to our children. "I have ALL of my needs met today with the family I have & I feel complete with my family & do not need my past to be the present....ever again!"  

  

If this is how you feel with the family that you have today, then I would make the suggestion to sleep on it & consider maybe writing a letter to him to apologize for what ever you feel the need to, BUT DON"T SEND IT. The purpose is simply to come to terms with yourself, so that you can forgive yourself for any guilt that you may have. As far as him getting the apology, don't you think that he is grown enough to know that people lose touch & change throughout the years? I bet he has never said "she owes me an apology"....it was probably the oposite! But sending it to him, might start a relationship with him again against your initial motives. And this could pose as a problem, not only for him as you mentioned, but also for yourself & your own family. It is quite possible that after sleeping on it & thinking things through with a clear head for a couple days, that you might find that contacting him would be too great a risk & most of what you are experiencing right now is a lot of bottled up emotions. Face your emotions head on & sort through it all & come to terms on this issue with yourself prior to taking any actions.......in other words, don't act on impulse.  

  

I hope this helps! Good luck! And God Bless! 

 
September 17, 2005, 8:48 am CDT

RE: my grandmother

Quote From: aidaspunkr

My grandmother died last year in May of a stroke. She was found face down on the ground by myself, we were living together at the time. I did everything in my power to help her but not knowing when she had the first stroke the doctors could not do anything for her. Six months after the funeral certain family members blamed me for her death by ignoring my existence or making life difficult to live and there were issues between me and those family members. I felt like I didn't get to grieve for my grandmother those six months and that the healing process didn't even start till Christmas after I moved away from family. I still find today that I am having grieving issues. is this normal? 

  

I personally have never been blamed for anyones death; however I have had issues where family became divided by other experiences & due to my admission. It all happened over a serious issue & one of which that certain individuals wanted to just let it lie under the rug & pretend that the problem didn't exist; when others wanted to solve the problem & understood the importance of coming to terms with it all. Ultimately the family divided & became hateful toward each other (which I was to blame for) & still to this day "nothing" has been resolved the proper way & the tension is still in the air for certain individuals.  

  

For myself, I had to take care of "me". I had to come to terms with the issue in some way even though I couldn't bring my family to do the same. I removed myself from the harmful relationships & moved out of state. For me, this was the best thing that I could have done for myself.....the distance! This allowed me to not just get away from the chaos, but also to work through this issue on my terms & in my time. Mind you, this was a serious issue that took a few years for me to come to terms with....it didn't happen over night. But I learned that even family can be harmful people (unfortunately) & that it is ok for me to remove myself from these harmful people in order to live the full & happy life that I deserve & want.  

  

As far as grief is concerned, I guess I am understanding that it has been just a little over a year since your grandmothers death? If that is the case, then yes, this is very normal. Generally the hardest part of grief is through the first year; however, you don't just stop grieving once you've hit the one year mark.....grief continues, but lessens more & more as you work through your grief a little at a time. I am sure that you can look back & see a difference in yourself today compared to a year ago, or even maybe 6 months ago. But also you might want to consider that some of your grief might not be all in regards to your grandmother....but in regards to family members who you have lost through this ordeal & moved away from. Because that is also like grieving as well. Just wanted to point that out in case you hadn't thought of that....to identify your grief & each person individually.  

  

I hope this helps you! God Bless! 

 
September 19, 2005, 12:21 pm CDT

Please Help Me!!!!

I wasn't sure where to post this at. . . 

  

I am a 23-year-old third year college senior who is very unhappy about my life situation. I felt that I have setlled because I only applied here and I should have applied to other places especially to the Big Ten university back home. One of my friends who graduated from this rinky-dink university suggested that I come here since she said it was a "great " school and everything and that I needed to "grow into an independent woman leaving home", but I think she's wrong.  

  

Things aren't going the way I expected here and I had tried to leave out (transfer) last year but some people were telling me that I should stay here and "stick it out." I disagree because it's me who is going through this not them. I had some people ask me howcome I didn't go to the Big Ten university back home and I tell them that I needed to go somewhere else for a little while and each time they ask me that I feel like beating myself up for making such a bad decision. Even my family puts me down for the decision I made and my father really wanted me to attend the Big Ten university since he graduated from there and he tells me that I could get in easier since he is an alumn there.  

  

If I do transfer I would be happier and proud of my school rather than getting my degree here and being unhappy about it. So, please help me!! I am in the pursuit of my happiness and I can't get that here. Thanks for all of the advice! 

 
September 21, 2005, 9:03 pm CDT

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

*1 More Yellow Ribbon*

On September 11, 2005 a new message board was established on drphil.com to SUPPORT OUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS in the military.

This is a forum for soldiers, their families other compassionate and concerned individuals for both mutual support and to talk about real things folks can do to help those who serve and protect.

Will you please join us? Who do you know that is in-harms-way? Tell us about them. We can do more to support our loved ones. We can make our voice heard and make their voices heard as well.

GO TO MESSAGE BOARDS page
CLICK BEYOND THE HEADLINES
CLICK News and Current Events
CLICK *1 More Yellow Ribbon*

Most Americans agree to support OUR TROOPS. That’s wonderful. But what does that mean? OUR TROOPS are individuals... every soldier is someone’s son or daughter. As we tie our yellow ribbons, let’s attach names to the sons and daughters collectively know as OUR TROOPS.

FAMILIES are also caught up in the war.

THIS WAR has hit our home. Our son Mike is in the desert. Until he returns safely the light on our patio shines day and night on a large AMERICAN FLAG tied with a YELLOW ribbon. We call it MIKE’S LIGHT.

Please light a lamp in your window or keep a porch light on, fly the flag proudly, and tie a yellow ribbon for those in harms way. We invite folks to post pictures of these tributes on the board.

What else can we do to support those who are sacrificing because of the war? Everyone can do SOMETHING. Please share your ideas.

When I asked our son what I could do for him, he said, “You speak for me!” Mike said I should tell people that each man and woman in the military has a job to do. They need the support of the American people to get the job done and come home!

Mike’s Mom
 
September 27, 2005, 2:53 pm CDT

Death of a child

On August 13th I gave birth to my baby (prematurely due to an incompetent cervix).  He died 4-5 minutes after he was born.  This is the first time in my life that I've had to deal with a death.  I've taken it really hard, unlike my husband who seems to be dealing with it just fine.  Not to say that he isn't upset, but we've been handling this in different ways.  Has anyone else lost a child at birth?  How do you get past not being able to change what happened?  Any advice?
 
September 30, 2005, 4:37 pm CDT

family secrets

My family has a secrete and no one knows it not even our closest friends. my husband has been in this country since the age of 11 and he is now 26 from guatemala.he is an illegal. and we have three children.we both work and take care of ourselves. our problem is the fact we can not afford to pay for a lawyer and to pay our goverenment to make him legal.we can not get a loan to help, we can not even get life insurance. we know of many other people in this same situation in our area but no one seems to know how to fix this problem with out a good sum of money. I am in college now i am studding paralegal in hopes of one day going to law school to learn how to help people just like us(for little or no money). my hope is that someone out there in Dr. Phil land has some ADVICE.IF SO. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
October 3, 2005, 7:54 pm CDT

A new support system

I have found a website that seems like it could provide a great support system for people in need. It is called Tin Man Moves, and the site is tinmanmoves.com. Check it out, I think you're going to love it. I know I do.
 
October 4, 2005, 10:01 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Okay so I'm posting this message to help out a friend I met online about 2 years ago....This is all true and excuse her language that she has used I'm sorry if it offends anyone.  She really needs help getting custody of her son.  The son is in full custody of ex husband and to make matters worse he is not even the biological father.  She is a single mother of a younger son and has no money to afford all these costs.  She needs so much support....and if anyone from Dr. Phil's team is reading this please let him know.  Thanks a lot. 

  

  

HEY  EV1 I NEED  YOUR HELP  AND   ANY TALK SHOW HOSTS N LOCAL  HUMAN INTREST STORY TO ALL TV  STATIONS THAT WILL  TAKE IT THAT  U MIGHT   HAVE  ACCESS TO, 

   HERS  GOES:   ITS BEEN LONG  7 YEARS  GOING ON 8  I'VE BEEN FIGHTING MY EX FOR   CUSTODY OF  MY OLDEST SON, WE  DIVORCED IN 1999 , MY SON WAS  5 ALMOST. I HAD  DCFS  INVOLVED FOR  ONE CASE THAT WAS  ABUSE ALL OTHERS  HAVE BEEN FALSIFIED N KEPT ON RECORD BY DCFS. MY EX  HAS CUSTODY ONLY CAUSE HE  SIGNED  BIRTH PAPERS  KNOWING KID W WASN'T HIS AND IS USING MY PAST MENTAL  HISTORY AGAINST ME, AND  I HAD   PAIN DRUGS  DURING BIRTH OF MY OLDEST SON BACK THEN. I MADE IT  CLEAR TO HIM N ALL PEOPLE INVOLVED IN THE  BIRTH HE WAS  NOT TO SIGN PAPERS. I HAD  A FRIEND IN THE  ROOM DURING DELIVERY, HER NAME  IS  JESSICA DONNELL. SHE'S  MARRIED TO A MILITARY  GUY NAMED PAUL DONNELL AND  THEY  GOT  BACK TO THE STATES  DURING THIS  DIVORCE THEY  WERE STATIONED AT SCOTT  AFB IN 1999. I DON'T KNOW  IF   HE'S STILL IN OK. IF  SO  HE WAS  WITH  THE  1976TH (?) COMMUNICATIONS   COMMAND    AT SATCOM/ HAM OPERATOR I THINK .   AT THE DIVORCE I GOT VISITATION RIGHTS ONLY N  HAD  TO FIGHT FOR EVERY HOLIDAY I DID GET TO SEE  MY SON.   MY SON  HAS  SEEN  ME  HANDCUFFED  BY   BASE POLICE  BACK THEN,  AND KNEW I HAD TO LIVE IN MY CAR EVEN ON A  BASE THAT  IS  SUPPOSED TO  HELP  SPOUSES OF MILITARY MEMBERS ,  I  GOT  NO HELP!!! MY EX  STOLE MY DOG  ALSO  BACK THEN  SHE  WAS A  GIFT TO ME FROM MY PARENTS BUT I COULDN'T LIVE  IN THE  CAR WITH HER WAS THE ONLY REASON I LEFT HER AND ANOTHER DOG BEHIND.  ONE  DOG HAS  SINCE PASSED AWAY. THEY  WERE  MY  FAMILY TOO!!!!!!!!!!   I'VE HAD 5 LAWYERS WHO TOOK MY MONEY  N DID  NOTHING TO GET ME  MY SON BACK, THE LAST  BEING  ERIC RHIEN, IN BELLEVILLE , IL ; HE TOOK MY FRIEND'S MONEY N  DIDN'T DO A THING FOR ME.  THE LAWYER  WHO REALLY  MESSED MY  DIVORCE  UP WITH PROPERTY DIVIDING N CUSTODY WAS TERRY JOHNSON OR JOHNSTON IN O'FALLON , IL IN 1999: I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING ON HIM  IF  HE  STILL PRACTICES LAW  HERE.  AND HE WAS A  CHRISTIAN LAWYER.   AS  OF  2002  THEIR WAS A  2 YEAR ORDER OF PROTECTION AGAINST ME BY MY EX IT EXPIRED ON  FEB OF 2004 AND I STILL  CAN'T HAVE  CONTACT WITH MY SON. I HAVE ANOTHER SON WHO'S  4 NOW, LAST TIME  MY  SONS WERE TOGETHER WAS  2002 WHEN MY  YOUNGEST SON WAS 1 AND MY OLDEST WAS 11!!!  BROTHERS  SHOULD  BE TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MATTER  WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE COURTS HERE ARE  SUPPOSED  TO BE FOR THE KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THEY LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .   WE  BOTH ATTENDED THE  COURT ORDERED  CLASS DURING THE  DIVORCE, HE  NEVER TOOK IT TO HEART.   MY EX IS USING MY PAST MENTAL HISTORY  AGAINST ME AND   BRAIN WASHING THE KID  AGAINST ME EVERY YEAR  SINCE THE DIVORCE.  ONE TIME   HE THREATNED MY SON  IF  HE  GAVE  ME OR MADE ME  SOMETHING FOR  MOTHER'S DAY 2000& 2001 HE'D  BE   PUNISHED.  HE  CAN'T BUY  ME  OR HIS  BROTHER GIFTS  OR CARDS. HE  BROKE  ITEMS OF HIS  BABY BROTHER'S  AND  WAS TOLD HE  DIDN'T HAVE TO REPLACE THEM WITH HIS MONEY OR THE  ( MY EX'S) MONEY.  HE VANDILIZED MY NEIGHBOUR'S   MAILBOX  AND I HAD  TO REPLACE IT . "  IT HAPPENED WHILE  SHE HAD  VISITATION  SHE PAYS , IT IS  HER SON N HER RESPONSIBILITY." HIS OWN  WORDS , NO TEACHING ITS  WRONG PERIOD , HE  PUT ALL THE  BLAME ON ME. NO TEACHING  RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO TEACHING COMPASSION N  MORALS TO MY  OLDEST SON,THAT I  HAD  TAUGHT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO SINCE OF FAMILY VALUES, WHICH HE HAD  BEFORE THE DIVORCE.   HE WAS  STILL BEING  SENT TO AN AFTER SCHOOL DAYCARE  AT 11, WHERE I HAD TO PICK HE  UP DURING MY VISITATIONS. MY EX  WORKED AT THAT TIME  BUT THE  STEP MOTHER WOULD RUN OFF TO HER MOM'S SO SHE  HAD  NO COMPASSION OR RESPONSIBLITY TO MY SON.   " MY SON'S WORDS WERE SHE'D  DO  EVERYTHING NOT TO BE IN CHARGE OF  HIM" SHE   DOESN'T LIKE ME N CALLS ME  NAMES. I COME  HOME FROM  DAYCARE N GO TO MY ROOM, I CAN  ONLY WATCH   WHAT   MY EX  TOLD  HIM TO ON TV AND  I GET  SO  MUCH TIME ON  MY COMPUTER, AND  VIDEO GAMES  I HAD A  TIME  LIMIT FOR  EVERYTHING. I HAD  NO FRIENDS OVER, NEVER  WENT TO OTHER KID'S HOMES.  NO SPORTS LIKE  I HIS MOTHER  HAD HIM IN. I WAS  IN   GYM HOCKEY, SOCCER AND  KARATE BEFORE THE  DIVORCE.   I DID   EVERYTHING WITH MY OLDEST N, AND  WAS SOCCER SNACK PROVIDER. MY EX WAS ONLY HELPING OUT AT   HOCKEY , CAUSE I MADE A  BIG  FUSS  WITH HIS COMMAND AT THAT TIME; BUT HE  STILL WAS ON CALL WITH A  WALKIE- TALKIE. I HAVE ALL OF HIS SPORTS  PICTURES  FOR  PROOF AND   YOU CAN ASK MY SON WHO WAS INVOLVED WITH HIM THE MOST. AS FOR  WITNESSES WELL THEY WERE ALL MILITARY AND  HAVE   MOVED ON.  THE ONLY MAIN  PERSON  WHO  CAN TELL YOU ALL THIS  AND IS THE  BEST WITNESS IS  BERNADETTE WALKER WHO LIVES  NOW IN GEORGIA. SHE  WAS    MY OLDEST SON'S DAYCARE PROVIDER  WHEN I  DID WORK ON THE  BASE WHILE I WAS MARRIED TO MY EX.   I WENT TO ALL OF HIS   TEACHER CONFERENCES , MY EX NEVER WENT TO ONE.  WHEN I WENT IN 1999  , HIS TEACHERS  SAID  HIS  MEDS FOR  ADHD WEREN'T WORKING , HE HAD  BUILT UP INTOLERANCE TO THEM ( CONCERTA AND  DEPOCOT), I SAID  I  DIDN'T HAVE  CONTROL OVER WHAT HE WAS  TAKING OR NOT TAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I HAD  TAUGHT MY SON TO FISH AND  ONLY WITH  MUCH NAGGING  MY EX  TOOK HIM N HE   CAUGHT HIS  FIRST  FISH. THAT IS  DEFINETLY A FATHER SON BOND  THING TO DO, AS  WITH THE  SPORTS. BUT I WAS  THE ONE  INVOLVED AND HAD THAT BOND  WITH MY SON IN ALL OF  HIS  SPORTS AND ACTIVITIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   IF I WAS  SUCH A  THREAT TO MY SON WITH MY ANGER , WHY DO I HAVE  MY YOUNGEST SON WITH ME  SINCE  BIRTH?????????   I AM ORDERED   BY COURTS TO  BE SEEN BY ( OF  COURSE ) A FOREIGNER SHRINK N TAKE MEDS  FOR BI-POLAR DISORDER AND TAKE A  ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASS,  WHICH I CAN'T DO SINCE  HAVING MY YOUNGEST  BECAUSE OF THE  COST AND  NO SITTER, WHICH I'VE  BEEN TRYING TO ATTEND  SINCE  HAVING  MY YOUNGEST BUT HAVE  HAD  NO LUCK IN COMING UP WITH THE   MONEY OR  SITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I CAN'T EVEN GO BACK TO COURTS  WITHOUT FIRST  ASKING PERMISSION FROM THEM  BY FILING A REQUEST, THEY   EVEN TOOK   THAT  RIGHT I HAVE AS A  CITIZEN FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND ONLY  AFTER I'VE  BEEN TO AND  GOT A LETTER FROM  THE SHRINK STATING MY DISORDER/ CONDITION; MEDS I'VE HAD , IF I'VE  COMPLIED  WITH HIS ORDERS AND  THE CURRANT STATUS OF MY MENTAL HEALTH TO ALL THE  COURTS N  DAMN JUDGE IF I'M FIT TO  BE  A PARENT TO MY OLDEST SON.   THAT  IS ILLEGAL AS  ALL  HELL IN MY BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HELL I HAVE  CUSTODY OF  MY YOUNGEST  BUT THAT'S NOT GOOD  ENOUGH FOR  THIS  DAMN JUDGE / COURTS.   I ALSO HAD  DCFS N THE   HOME PROVIDER FROM ANOTHER AGENCY IN COURTS  SUBPOENAED TO COURT AND THEY STILL   IGNORED THEM ALSO AS TO MY   MENTAL STABILITY. THEY  TOLD THE TRUTH TO THE COURTS AND JUDGE. THEIR WAS  NO CONFIRMED CASE OF  ABUSE  BY ME OR MY FRIEND I LIVE  WITH TO MY OLDEST SON AS STATED ON  SAID  ORDER OF PROTECTION THAT  WAS ON FILE IN 2002!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EX HAD  MADE MY OLDEST SON LIE IN THE ORDER THAT  I  AND  MY FRIEND HAD FORCE FED HIM FOOD N  SMACKED HIM ENOUGH TO LOSE TEETH  WHICH WERE LOOSE ALREADY, BEFORE  MY VISITATION WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! THE PROPER AUTHORITY  PEOPLE  TOLD THEM   IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, AND WERE IGNORED.   PLEASE HELP ME  ANY WAY U CAN AND   KEEP THIS OUT THERE AS LONG AS  U CAN N KEEP  FORWARDING THIS TO EVY1 U KNOW AS  OFTEN AS U CAN.   CONTACT ME BY EMAIL OR BY PHONE :  JENNA MONROE   WHITEDOVE708@YAHOO.COM   618-233-4659   I WANT MY SON BACK BEFORE  HE'S 18 AND  DRIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BOYS  SHOULD  BE  TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!! MY LIL ONE NEEDS  HIS BIG BROTHER IN HIS LIFE, HE HAS  MISSED OUT ON 3 YEARS ALREADY AND  ALL THE  CUTE THINGS   BABIES WILL DO(WALK, TALK, ETC) !!!!!  I NEED HIM ALSO IN MY LIFE HE'S  MY SON NOT MY EX'S !!!!!!!!! NO BIOLOGICAL TIES TO MY EX. I MISS HIM!!!!!!!!!  I WANT HIM BACK BEFORE HE'S 18 TOO, IF THAT HAPPENS I'M GOING TO ASK FOR MONEY COMPENSATION FROM THE EX FOR  ALL THE YEARS HE'S KEPT THIS DAMN CHARADE AND SELFISHNESS GOING ON AND TOOK AWAY FROM ME AND FROM MY 2 SON'S LIVES APART!!!!!!!!!!! AND BELIEVE ME THAT MONEY WILL BE BIG AMOUNT DAMN HIM!!!!!!!!!!   I CAN'T EVEN GIVE HIM HIS B-DAY  OR X-MAS GIFTS FROM THOSE 2 YEARS GOING ON 3 SOON  UNLESS I UN WRAP THEM N DROP THEM OFF AT  THE EX'S LAWYER'S OFFICE I SAID NO F' ING WAY N DROP DEAD . HE'LL GET A BIG DAY WHEN I DO GET HIM BACK  IF I CAN AFFORD IT HE'LL GET   EVERYTHING HE WANTS N  CAN'T HAVE FROM MY EX.


 

  

 
October 4, 2005, 10:04 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: dulce81

I wasn't sure where to post this at. . . 

  

I am a 23-year-old third year college senior who is very unhappy about my life situation. I felt that I have setlled because I only applied here and I should have applied to other places especially to the Big Ten university back home. One of my friends who graduated from this rinky-dink university suggested that I come here since she said it was a "great " school and everything and that I needed to "grow into an independent woman leaving home", but I think she's wrong.  

  

Things aren't going the way I expected here and I had tried to leave out (transfer) last year but some people were telling me that I should stay here and "stick it out." I disagree because it's me who is going through this not them. I had some people ask me howcome I didn't go to the Big Ten university back home and I tell them that I needed to go somewhere else for a little while and each time they ask me that I feel like beating myself up for making such a bad decision. Even my family puts me down for the decision I made and my father really wanted me to attend the Big Ten university since he graduated from there and he tells me that I could get in easier since he is an alumn there.  

  

If I do transfer I would be happier and proud of my school rather than getting my degree here and being unhappy about it. So, please help me!! I am in the pursuit of my happiness and I can't get that here. Thanks for all of the advice! 

Don't beat yourself up abt. this.  It's never to late to transfer.  Go for it, it will be the best decision u ever make.  It's never to late...You know it's in your heart and w/God and prayer all will go well.  Keep us posted on ur decision. 

  

I say if ur happy all that is around u will be happy too.  That includes ur family.  But honestly it's ur life and ur doing this for u. 

 
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