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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 845
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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April 26, 2007, 10:24 am CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Hi

 

Not sure where to begin. I am a frequent watcher of this show.  I'm a young adult with depression and anxiety for quite awhile now.    Being a male with these has been rough. 


Thank you for doing the bully shows! I was bullied in school and sure wished more was done at that point. I was hospitilized in the psych ward because I wanted to hurt myself /others. I was also locked in my room from the inside by my parents.  This is really tough to talk about.  I really do care about people and can relate.  I've been on so many different meds and have seen many therapists.  I would like to go into more details about my not so good therapy experiences, however I am lucky to have seen one therpist for quite awhile.  I'm not here to judge or to say therapy is a bad thing. I just want to feel that I'm not alone and don't want others to feel that way, know what i mean?  Loneliness is such an awful thing. 


I am doing much better thanks so much to music!  Music does wonders.  I am the organist at 2 churches and am on staff at my junior college playing piano for 3 choirs.  People are so nice there. I also sing, play violin,& percussion,&handbells.

 

Thanks so much.  I feel better. 

Hope to give and receive support,

 

Ryan

 
May 3, 2007, 10:30 am CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

I'm sitting here feeling lonely, frustrated and very tired.  My mother inlaw just left after a four day visit.  I am a horrible mother, an competent wife and and a fanatically religious person who can't get do anything well and my imcompentence is an amusing joke to those around me.  I am hormonal at present so magnify that times ten.  My church is falling apart.  My husband and I go to a very small church whose median age is mid 50's.  We are in our late thrity's and have three children 3, 4 and 9.  We are the youth of our church.  There are literally no other children in our church.  We do not have a pastor at present.  We have a used carsalesman who live 45 miles away and comes in on Sundays and Wednesdays to preach and claims he doesn't know where anything in the bible is located, but he knows it is there we can find it later.  I am a stay at home mom and have been for the last 3 1/2 years.  We were foster parents and adopted three boys.  My youngest came to us with some severe sensory integration issues and very severe lack of attachement issues.  MY KIDS NEED SOCIALIZATION AND INTERACTION WITH OTHER KIDS.  I know that.  But I committed to teaching the women's Sunday School this year.  My term won't be up until October.  Now our church is deciding to really struggle and divide itself on whether or not to have a pastor search and get a leader for our church or continue down the path of least effort and maintain until the death of the church or congregation completely.  As a younger person of the church some want me to fight the good fight and help save the church.  I am wanting to bale and get my kids into a church they can grow and thrive in.  I feel like a horrible person, but am a protective mother who knows my kids need to come first.  I still feel sad and very horrible for the church's situation, I don't want to totally detach but, there is not a shortage of stress in my life and I really don't need it from the place where you go for comfort and refreshment.  I'm in a bad place right now, but am healthy enough  to know it is temporary and I don't have it as bad as some.  Just venting to keep from going to bed and crying, If I start I'm afraid it will take some time before I quit.  I am choosing to share so that if anyone can share some encouragment and positive feedback, I sure could use some about now. 
 
May 4, 2007, 2:51 pm CDT

please help me! I really need your opinion!

hi! my name is carina. I'm 16 (nearly 17). and I really need some help. I dance. It's one of the most important things for me on earth (really) ... My biggest wish is to become professional... I'm not from america.... but my jazz teacher is american .. so last summer she took 7 girls (including me) to the united states to dance (TREMAINE..) that was the best time in my life... When we were there I was sooo full of adrenaline that I wasn't able to eat... I never felt hungry ... when we were at the swimming pool all were shocked 'bout how thin I am... and so on... the whole week they were talking 'bout me ... I didn't notice that for a very long time.. I wasn't able to go to the restroom alone everytime somebody else went also to the toilette... they weren't sure if I throw off... My dance teacher always told me to eat.. she watched me all the time we were in restaurant and so on.... there was a test 'bout eating habbits in a dance magazine she read out loud and wanted me to give her answers but I didn't ... she told me that I was to thin and so on... I had a "best friend" (she isn't anymore..) and the husband of my danceteacher is always making jokes and call her paris hilton .. so once my dance teacher said you are the friend of paris hilton but you really don't have to be nichole richie... we went home 2 days before my danceteacher returned home because she spent two other days with her mother... when we said goodbye she huged me and wanted me to promise her to eat (she said she want's me to be able to dance) I'm not sure but I think I saw tears in her eyes (but today I think this can't be true) ... [ when we were in the states wasn't the first time I got told to eat ... She told me to eat a few times before.. and her friend who also dances at our studio ( she is a doctor) told me very often to eat... but in america was the first time I got told very directly to eat.. don't know if you know what I mean] okay when we all were back at home my danceteacher gave me a nutrition plan she  printed out...  she also sent me links like (Nutrition Fact sheet - fuelling dancers).... so 'bout 2 weeks after we returned she took me by her side after dance class and talked to me... she said that I'm really too thin and that she thinks that I have an eatingdisorder that I look weak and she asked me if I would think to be a better dancer when I'm so thin... and so on ... I started crying and said that I really can't see it that I really can't see the problem because I think that two other girls are much more thin than me... she told that that's really not the truth... and I really have to do something she said she could talk to my parents if I want but I told her that I can't tell my parents because they would never let me dance again (that the reality!!! with an eatingdisorder my parents would never let me dance again!) she asked me if I'm throwing off and all that stuff... she promised me not to tell my parents if I gain weight but if she sees that I'm not she would tell them... so she bought a pair of scales and weighed me... she gave me limits I had to reach.. and so on .... she worte me emails ... I had really much attention... but after 2 months or more I wasn't able to reach her limits ...I wasn't able to gain weight I really tried no matter that I didn't want that I tried to gain...
she some day said you have an eating disorder because you need my attention.. that was really hurtful. I really felt like somebody stabbed a knife into my body... after a few weeks she gave me a sheet were she wrote things on it  [like: * You will be a better dancer if you nourish your instrument (body) properly. * You have just as much talent as anyone else her in your age. * Your low self estem is stopping you from going further * I have known dancers with less talent that you that have gone very far because of their belief in theselves * do something (ie. professional therapy) to hlp your self esteem and your dancing will improve light years * having a life outside of dance (family; friends, school etc. even if tis at frist uncomfortable) will make you a better dancer] she said she wrot that to me because I'm not listening to her and she can't keep on going that way... she said that I'm a 16 year old intelligent girl and that I'm responsible for my body.. she told me that I can decide what to do and she wouldn't say anything.... I shouldn't know but I know that she called my partents and told them that she is concerned... thank god my parent thing I'm absolutely normal.... my "best friend" I mentioned before , her name is christina suddenly didn't want to meet me outside of danceclass didn't speak anymore with me , said painful things to me ... I really didn't do anything wrong! she really want's to hurt me all the time! we are not friends anymore. to be more exactly we hate each other... Everything has changed ... christina is going to america next year (as an exchange student....) thank god she is leaving (sorry I know sounds really awful but she really has done really ugly things to me) She now is my danceteachers darling her sugarplum... chrissy really sometimes doesn't have respect from our teachers ... she acts in a way that's not okay.. when she is doing somehting like that ; like giving saucy answers our teacher is only laughing or says nothig ... if I say something normal (really normal have tooo much respect for her than giving saucy answers would never do that) but something she maybe doesn't want to hear she preaches me not to give a choreographer an attitude in future because he would cut me off.... and so on ... our teacher is ignoring me or when not most time saying hurtful things to me .... I'm going on her nerves with my low self esteem and so on... but it's just not that easy you can't wake up and say oh today I love myself I'm the best at everything I'm doing .. that's not the way it goes... I think I'm confrimed in my thinking because she always says that correction is a good thing (it shows you that the teacher thinks you can do it better ) if you don't get corrected then you have to worry... she is ignoring me ... so I'm a hopeless case because I don't really get corrected anymore... when she called my parents I know that she told she is afraid /doesn't want to correct me anymore because I'm taking it personal.. but  I don't believe that .. she is also not acting like I would have talent.... I would she wouldn't ignore me.... she wouldn't say hurtful things... I think she made a decision between me and christina I don't know if she did that conscious or unconcious I really don't know... but she made a decision and I really think she hates me I'm going on her nerves.... she askes me if there is to organize something like drive in an other city to get a costume but only because she knows I'm doing everything ... in other situations I'm ignored... That is sooo hurful to me!!! I'm crying my eyes out because of this whole thing! I don't know why but she is the most important person in my life and it just hurts sooo much I can't express how much this hurts me! and I really don't know how to handle it!!! I really don't know what to think... why does she hate me so much??? Know I'm pretty sure that she didn't care 'bout me she just acted that way because she didn't want to get any fault if I would have a breakdown.... because maybe some people might think that the dancteacher should have seen my problem... I have to say that first I didn't believe that I have a problem then I really thought that I'm anorexic but now I really thing that I'm healthy and not ill I also don't know what to think 'bout that whole thing I'm so confused.....
and now since 3 weeks ... I'm not ignored the whole time any more by my danceteacher sometimes she really is very sweet to me but the other moment she is ignoring me again or saying hurtful things.. but one thing is sure no matter how she is acting ... christina is her darling her hope .. the star .....Most times I really feel like crying and I don't know how long I have the power not to cry.
Christina told me that was before our friendship break told me that our danceteacher sent her links : like help for friends and familymembers of people with an eating disoreder... and so on ...
but I now know that she was the only of all girls who said it's not her problem I have to handle it on my own and I shouldn't act that way it's going on her nervers that I get attention... and all that stuff and many more hurful things I also got told that she was saying very hurtful and mean things 'bout me long time before that whole eatingdisorder thing .. she always had something against me...
now she is teasing me the whole time in public... she is laughing at me when I dance and so on...
I'm really very sad

Sooo sorry for the long post!!!!!
please tell me anything (but really only your opinion... don't be just nice because I'm feeling so bad tell me your opinion please)
please help me
(I'm sure there are a lot of mistakes in it but I hope you understand what I mean sorry for the mistakes)
 

 
 
May 4, 2007, 9:52 pm CDT

Dear Carina

Quote From: carina_dancer

hi! my name is carina. I'm 16 (nearly 17). and I really need some help. I dance. It's one of the most important things for me on earth (really) ... My biggest wish is to become professional... I'm not from america.... but my jazz teacher is american .. so last summer she took 7 girls (including me) to the united states to dance (TREMAINE..) that was the best time in my life... When we were there I was sooo full of adrenaline that I wasn't able to eat... I never felt hungry ... when we were at the swimming pool all were shocked 'bout how thin I am... and so on... the whole week they were talking 'bout me ... I didn't notice that for a very long time.. I wasn't able to go to the restroom alone everytime somebody else went also to the toilette... they weren't sure if I throw off... My dance teacher always told me to eat.. she watched me all the time we were in restaurant and so on.... there was a test 'bout eating habbits in a dance magazine she read out loud and wanted me to give her answers but I didn't ... she told me that I was to thin and so on... I had a "best friend" (she isn't anymore..) and the husband of my danceteacher is always making jokes and call her paris hilton .. so once my dance teacher said you are the friend of paris hilton but you really don't have to be nichole richie... we went home 2 days before my danceteacher returned home because she spent two other days with her mother... when we said goodbye she huged me and wanted me to promise her to eat (she said she want's me to be able to dance) I'm not sure but I think I saw tears in her eyes (but today I think this can't be true) ... [ when we were in the states wasn't the first time I got told to eat ... She told me to eat a few times before.. and her friend who also dances at our studio ( she is a doctor) told me very often to eat... but in america was the first time I got told very directly to eat.. don't know if you know what I mean okay when we all were back at home my danceteacher gave me a nutrition plan she  printed out...  she also sent me links like (Nutrition Fact sheet - fuelling dancers).... so 'bout 2 weeks after we returned she took me by her side after dance class and talked to me... she said that I'm really too thin and that she thinks that I have an eatingdisorder that I look weak and she asked me if I would think to be a better dancer when I'm so thin... and so on ... I started crying and said that I really can't see it that I really can't see the problem because I think that two other girls are much more thin than me... she told that that's really not the truth... and I really have to do something she said she could talk to my parents if I want but I told her that I can't tell my parents because they would never let me dance again (that the reality!!! with an eatingdisorder my parents would never let me dance again!) she asked me if I'm throwing off and all that stuff... she promised me not to tell my parents if I gain weight but if she sees that I'm not she would tell them... so she bought a pair of scales and weighed me... she gave me limits I had to reach.. and so on .... she worte me emails ... I had really much attention... but after 2 months or more I wasn't able to reach her limits ...I wasn't able to gain weight I really tried no matter that I didn't want that I tried to gain...
she some day said you have an eating disorder because you need my attention.. that was really hurtful. I really felt like somebody stabbed a knife into my body... after a few weeks she gave me a sheet were she wrote things on it  [like: * You will be a better dancer if you nourish your instrument (body) properly. * You have just as much talent as anyone else her in your age. * Your low self estem is stopping you from going further * I have known dancers with less talent that you that have gone very far because of their belief in theselves * do something (ie. professional therapy) to hlp your self esteem and your dancing will improve light years * having a life outside of dance (family; friends, school etc. even if tis at frist uncomfortable) will make you a better dancer she said she wrot that to me because I'm not listening to her and she can't keep on going that way... she said that I'm a 16 year old intelligent girl and that I'm responsible for my body.. she told me that I can decide what to do and she wouldn't say anything.... I shouldn't know but I know that she called my partents and told them that she is concerned... thank god my parent thing I'm absolutely normal.... my "best friend" I mentioned before , her name is christina suddenly didn't want to meet me outside of danceclass didn't speak anymore with me , said painful things to me ... I really didn't do anything wrong! she really want's to hurt me all the time! we are not friends anymore. to be more exactly we hate each other... Everything has changed ... christina is going to america next year (as an exchange student....) thank god she is leaving (sorry I know sounds really awful but she really has done really ugly things to me) She now is my danceteachers darling her sugarplum... chrissy really sometimes doesn't have respect from our teachers ... she acts in a way that's not okay.. when she is doing somehting like that ; like giving saucy answers our teacher is only laughing or says nothig ... if I say something normal (really normal have tooo much respect for her than giving saucy answers would never do that) but something she maybe doesn't want to hear she preaches me not to give a choreographer an attitude in future because he would cut me off.... and so on ... our teacher is ignoring me or when not most time saying hurtful things to me .... I'm going on her nerves with my low self esteem and so on... but it's just not that easy you can't wake up and say oh today I love myself I'm the best at everything I'm doing .. that's not the way it goes... I think I'm confrimed in my thinking because she always says that correction is a good thing (it shows you that the teacher thinks you can do it better ) if you don't get corrected then you have to worry... she is ignoring me ... so I'm a hopeless case because I don't really get corrected anymore... when she called my parents I know that she told she is afraid /doesn't want to correct me anymore because I'm taking it personal.. but  I don't believe that .. she is also not acting like I would have talent.... I would she wouldn't ignore me.... she wouldn't say hurtful things... I think she made a decision between me and christina I don't know if she did that conscious or unconcious I really don't know... but she made a decision and I really think she hates me I'm going on her nerves.... she askes me if there is to organize something like drive in an other city to get a costume but only because she knows I'm doing everything ... in other situations I'm ignored... That is sooo hurful to me!!! I'm crying my eyes out because of this whole thing! I don't know why but she is the most important person in my life and it just hurts sooo much I can't express how much this hurts me! and I really don't know how to handle it!!! I really don't know what to think... why does she hate me so much??? Know I'm pretty sure that she didn't care 'bout me she just acted that way because she didn't want to get any fault if I would have a breakdown.... because maybe some people might think that the dancteacher should have seen my problem... I have to say that first I didn't believe that I have a problem then I really thought that I'm anorexic but now I really thing that I'm healthy and not ill I also don't know what to think 'bout that whole thing I'm so confused.....
and now since 3 weeks ... I'm not ignored the whole time any more by my danceteacher sometimes she really is very sweet to me but the other moment she is ignoring me again or saying hurtful things.. but one thing is sure no matter how she is acting ... christina is her darling her hope .. the star .....Most times I really feel like crying and I don't know how long I have the power not to cry.
Christina told me that was before our friendship break told me that our danceteacher sent her links : like help for friends and familymembers of people with an eating disoreder... and so on ...
but I now know that she was the only of all girls who said it's not her problem I have to handle it on my own and I shouldn't act that way it's going on her nervers that I get attention... and all that stuff and many more hurful things I also got told that she was saying very hurtful and mean things 'bout me long time before that whole eatingdisorder thing .. she always had something against me...
now she is teasing me the whole time in public... she is laughing at me when I dance and so on...
I'm really very sad

Sooo sorry for the long post!!!!!
please tell me anything (but really only your opinion... don't be just nice because I'm feeling so bad tell me your opinion please)
please help me
(I'm sure there are a lot of mistakes in it but I hope you understand what I mean sorry for the mistakes)
 

 
I am sorry to hear that your so-called friend said bad things about you.  The little facts your dance teacher gave you are correct, for example: your body will perform better if you nourish it properly.  It would be worth a try to see your doctor about the anorexia thing, because it is an illness.  It's a medical issue that needs to be dealt with right away.  If you have anorexia wouldn't you like to know about it?  Maybe the doc will tell you that you must have an extremely high metabolism, but please do get checked out.  It seems like when you go through bad times in your life you do find out who your friends are.  You may be surprised that some of the other girls in your class do care about you and just want to be there for you as you navigate through whatever your issue is.  Focus on your dancing and don't worry about christina because her dancing will never get you anywhere.  I was a world class trampolinist and I was not in the clique at the gym, but I worked hard at workout and I tried to leave the gym a little bit better than when I walked in that day.  It worked well for me.  I hope that you can start to feel better about yourself and totally dismiss chrissy's remarks because she is not looking out for your best interests so just ignore her.
 
May 4, 2007, 10:08 pm CDT

Hi Ryan

Quote From: xylo2001

Hi

 

Not sure where to begin. I am a frequent watcher of this show.  I'm a young adult with depression and anxiety for quite awhile now.    Being a male with these has been rough. 


Thank you for doing the bully shows! I was bullied in school and sure wished more was done at that point. I was hospitilized in the psych ward because I wanted to hurt myself /others. I was also locked in my room from the inside by my parents.  This is really tough to talk about.  I really do care about people and can relate.  I've been on so many different meds and have seen many therapists.  I would like to go into more details about my not so good therapy experiences, however I am lucky to have seen one therpist for quite awhile.  I'm not here to judge or to say therapy is a bad thing. I just want to feel that I'm not alone and don't want others to feel that way, know what i mean?  Loneliness is such an awful thing. 


I am doing much better thanks so much to music!  Music does wonders.  I am the organist at 2 churches and am on staff at my junior college playing piano for 3 choirs.  People are so nice there. I also sing, play violin,& percussion,&handbells.

 

Thanks so much.  I feel better. 

Hope to give and receive support,

 

Ryan

I am also a young adult with bipolar 2 and sociophobia, I am a female and I don't know whether that makes it harder or easier not.  I have had this illness since I can remember.  I am so sorry about you being locked in your room that must have been horrible.  I spent a good 15 years in my room just voluntarily because of my illness, I just wanted to be in there with the door shut safe and alone.  They did not get me any help, but they did get mean exorcism for my antisocial behavior.  Didn't work, LOL!  My therapist is excellent and we love to joke about that in group.  I have gone through so many sets of meds but I think I havce got the right ones now.  I am going through a major depressive episode and I feel lonely, too.  Just reading your post made me feel better.  Thanks for posting!  I love music, too.  I play wind instruments only.  I sing too, but I suppose that is a wind instrument too!  OK my jokes stink.  My favorites are trumpet, flute, piccolo, and bari sax.  I want to learn how to play the violin so badly, but I can't afford to buy one at this time.

Well, have a good one,

Unshine

 
May 4, 2007, 10:18 pm CDT

Fighting the good fight

Quote From: faullzoomom

I'm sitting here feeling lonely, frustrated and very tired.  My mother inlaw just left after a four day visit.  I am a horrible mother, an competent wife and and a fanatically religious person who can't get do anything well and my imcompentence is an amusing joke to those around me.  I am hormonal at present so magnify that times ten.  My church is falling apart.  My husband and I go to a very small church whose median age is mid 50's.  We are in our late thrity's and have three children 3, 4 and 9.  We are the youth of our church.  There are literally no other children in our church.  We do not have a pastor at present.  We have a used carsalesman who live 45 miles away and comes in on Sundays and Wednesdays to preach and claims he doesn't know where anything in the bible is located, but he knows it is there we can find it later.  I am a stay at home mom and have been for the last 3 1/2 years.  We were foster parents and adopted three boys.  My youngest came to us with some severe sensory integration issues and very severe lack of attachement issues.  MY KIDS NEED SOCIALIZATION AND INTERACTION WITH OTHER KIDS.  I know that.  But I committed to teaching the women's Sunday School this year.  My term won't be up until October.  Now our church is deciding to really struggle and divide itself on whether or not to have a pastor search and get a leader for our church or continue down the path of least effort and maintain until the death of the church or congregation completely.  As a younger person of the church some want me to fight the good fight and help save the church.  I am wanting to bale and get my kids into a church they can grow and thrive in.  I feel like a horrible person, but am a protective mother who knows my kids need to come first.  I still feel sad and very horrible for the church's situation, I don't want to totally detach but, there is not a shortage of stress in my life and I really don't need it from the place where you go for comfort and refreshment.  I'm in a bad place right now, but am healthy enough  to know it is temporary and I don't have it as bad as some.  Just venting to keep from going to bed and crying, If I start I'm afraid it will take some time before I quit.  I am choosing to share so that if anyone can share some encouragment and positive feedback, I sure could use some about now. 

Biological Family First and Church Family next.  It sounds like you are burning the candle at both ends and that never ends up well.  Your children are your precious gifts from God and raising them to the best of your ability is truly fighting the good fight.  You alone can't save the church.  Teaching Sunday School is a huge contribution already, and check out some info on boundaries to help you say no without feeling terrible.  Those boys really need you.

Best Wishes and Good Luck

 
May 6, 2007, 2:43 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: carina_dancer

hi! my name is carina. I'm 16 (nearly 17). and I really need some help. I dance. It's one of the most important things for me on earth (really) ... My biggest wish is to become professional... I'm not from america.... but my jazz teacher is american .. so last summer she took 7 girls (including me) to the united states to dance (TREMAINE..) that was the best time in my life... When we were there I was sooo full of adrenaline that I wasn't able to eat... I never felt hungry ... when we were at the swimming pool all were shocked 'bout how thin I am... and so on... the whole week they were talking 'bout me ... I didn't notice that for a very long time.. I wasn't able to go to the restroom alone everytime somebody else went also to the toilette... they weren't sure if I throw off... My dance teacher always told me to eat.. she watched me all the time we were in restaurant and so on.... there was a test 'bout eating habbits in a dance magazine she read out loud and wanted me to give her answers but I didn't ... she told me that I was to thin and so on... I had a "best friend" (she isn't anymore..) and the husband of my danceteacher is always making jokes and call her paris hilton .. so once my dance teacher said you are the friend of paris hilton but you really don't have to be nichole richie... we went home 2 days before my danceteacher returned home because she spent two other days with her mother... when we said goodbye she huged me and wanted me to promise her to eat (she said she want's me to be able to dance) I'm not sure but I think I saw tears in her eyes (but today I think this can't be true) ... [ when we were in the states wasn't the first time I got told to eat ... She told me to eat a few times before.. and her friend who also dances at our studio ( she is a doctor) told me very often to eat... but in america was the first time I got told very directly to eat.. don't know if you know what I mean okay when we all were back at home my danceteacher gave me a nutrition plan she  printed out...  she also sent me links like (Nutrition Fact sheet - fuelling dancers).... so 'bout 2 weeks after we returned she took me by her side after dance class and talked to me... she said that I'm really too thin and that she thinks that I have an eatingdisorder that I look weak and she asked me if I would think to be a better dancer when I'm so thin... and so on ... I started crying and said that I really can't see it that I really can't see the problem because I think that two other girls are much more thin than me... she told that that's really not the truth... and I really have to do something she said she could talk to my parents if I want but I told her that I can't tell my parents because they would never let me dance again (that the reality!!! with an eatingdisorder my parents would never let me dance again!) she asked me if I'm throwing off and all that stuff... she promised me not to tell my parents if I gain weight but if she sees that I'm not she would tell them... so she bought a pair of scales and weighed me... she gave me limits I had to reach.. and so on .... she worte me emails ... I had really much attention... but after 2 months or more I wasn't able to reach her limits ...I wasn't able to gain weight I really tried no matter that I didn't want that I tried to gain...
she some day said you have an eating disorder because you need my attention.. that was really hurtful. I really felt like somebody stabbed a knife into my body... after a few weeks she gave me a sheet were she wrote things on it  [like: * You will be a better dancer if you nourish your instrument (body) properly. * You have just as much talent as anyone else her in your age. * Your low self estem is stopping you from going further * I have known dancers with less talent that you that have gone very far because of their belief in theselves * do something (ie. professional therapy) to hlp your self esteem and your dancing will improve light years * having a life outside of dance (family; friends, school etc. even if tis at frist uncomfortable) will make you a better dancer she said she wrot that to me because I'm not listening to her and she can't keep on going that way... she said that I'm a 16 year old intelligent girl and that I'm responsible for my body.. she told me that I can decide what to do and she wouldn't say anything.... I shouldn't know but I know that she called my partents and told them that she is concerned... thank god my parent thing I'm absolutely normal.... my "best friend" I mentioned before , her name is christina suddenly didn't want to meet me outside of danceclass didn't speak anymore with me , said painful things to me ... I really didn't do anything wrong! she really want's to hurt me all the time! we are not friends anymore. to be more exactly we hate each other... Everything has changed ... christina is going to america next year (as an exchange student....) thank god she is leaving (sorry I know sounds really awful but she really has done really ugly things to me) She now is my danceteachers darling her sugarplum... chrissy really sometimes doesn't have respect from our teachers ... she acts in a way that's not okay.. when she is doing somehting like that ; like giving saucy answers our teacher is only laughing or says nothig ... if I say something normal (really normal have tooo much respect for her than giving saucy answers would never do that) but something she maybe doesn't want to hear she preaches me not to give a choreographer an attitude in future because he would cut me off.... and so on ... our teacher is ignoring me or when not most time saying hurtful things to me .... I'm going on her nerves with my low self esteem and so on... but it's just not that easy you can't wake up and say oh today I love myself I'm the best at everything I'm doing .. that's not the way it goes... I think I'm confrimed in my thinking because she always says that correction is a good thing (it shows you that the teacher thinks you can do it better ) if you don't get corrected then you have to worry... she is ignoring me ... so I'm a hopeless case because I don't really get corrected anymore... when she called my parents I know that she told she is afraid /doesn't want to correct me anymore because I'm taking it personal.. but  I don't believe that .. she is also not acting like I would have talent.... I would she wouldn't ignore me.... she wouldn't say hurtful things... I think she made a decision between me and christina I don't know if she did that conscious or unconcious I really don't know... but she made a decision and I really think she hates me I'm going on her nerves.... she askes me if there is to organize something like drive in an other city to get a costume but only because she knows I'm doing everything ... in other situations I'm ignored... That is sooo hurful to me!!! I'm crying my eyes out because of this whole thing! I don't know why but she is the most important person in my life and it just hurts sooo much I can't express how much this hurts me! and I really don't know how to handle it!!! I really don't know what to think... why does she hate me so much??? Know I'm pretty sure that she didn't care 'bout me she just acted that way because she didn't want to get any fault if I would have a breakdown.... because maybe some people might think that the dancteacher should have seen my problem... I have to say that first I didn't believe that I have a problem then I really thought that I'm anorexic but now I really thing that I'm healthy and not ill I also don't know what to think 'bout that whole thing I'm so confused.....
and now since 3 weeks ... I'm not ignored the whole time any more by my danceteacher sometimes she really is very sweet to me but the other moment she is ignoring me again or saying hurtful things.. but one thing is sure no matter how she is acting ... christina is her darling her hope .. the star .....Most times I really feel like crying and I don't know how long I have the power not to cry.
Christina told me that was before our friendship break told me that our danceteacher sent her links : like help for friends and familymembers of people with an eating disoreder... and so on ...
but I now know that she was the only of all girls who said it's not her problem I have to handle it on my own and I shouldn't act that way it's going on her nervers that I get attention... and all that stuff and many more hurful things I also got told that she was saying very hurtful and mean things 'bout me long time before that whole eatingdisorder thing .. she always had something against me...
now she is teasing me the whole time in public... she is laughing at me when I dance and so on...
I'm really very sad

Sooo sorry for the long post!!!!!
please tell me anything (but really only your opinion... don't be just nice because I'm feeling so bad tell me your opinion please)
please help me
(I'm sure there are a lot of mistakes in it but I hope you understand what I mean sorry for the mistakes)
 

 

Little one...if you do have an eating disorder it can become very dangerous for you. Hopefully, that's not the case.

If dancing is your passion and you want it to be your profession, REMEMBER, you need strong bones. You have to nourish your bones by following good nutrition. It won't make you fat, but it will promote good muscle health and strength, and give you good bone density.

When you don't eat enough, your body will take nourishment out of your muscles...then your muscles will begin to shrink, and your bones will become weak and brittle.  They will break, even if you step off a sidewalk. A weak body is a target for any kind of infection, as well.

Your leg bones could become infected, and you will have to have surgery or it might kill you. At the very least, it will cripple you.

This is just a small part of what could happen to you if you don't treat your body well, so please listen to the wisdom of those concerned about you.  

Sometimes people think that tough love will influence another to change harmful behavior, but until that other person admits they have a problem, it doesn't work. Your friends are suffering too, from worry for you, but they don't have enough experience in life to know how to positively respond  to you...except to fight it or be critical of you.

It begins with you...and it's a simple choice. LIFE or DEATH?? 

 

 
May 7, 2007, 4:35 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

right now i'm feeling every emotion you can think of.  and i'm not exactly sure how i'm to handle any of this.  unfortunately i can't say as much as i would like due to legal proceedings but i will do my best to be as clear as possible.  recently my husband has possibly been tied into a robbery.  i'll just say it's a federal issue.  it all came on very sudden.  at the time he was picked up he was also had marijuana on his possession.  he has been released and is out on probation.  but i have had so many feelings that i can't seem to process them all.  when he came home i went through anxiety.  every time he left i thought he wasn't coming back.  u see when he was picked up i was at work and they picked him up in a parking lot while he was on his way to the police station.  i received no phone calls nothing.  basically i was in the dark about everything.  i keep trying to take one day at a time but all of this has been so hard for me to digest.  i don't understand how all this has happened.  in lots of ways i feel like i don't even know my husband.  especially finding out about a robbery he may or maynot be linked to and about drugs.  the other difficult situation i'm having is that i have not told my parents yet.  my mom especially is very dramatic and will take this as sooo disgraceful.  i'll be needing her support and she will probably make me feel sicker about the whole situation.  you see when i was married before and got divorced it too her 11/2 year to tell my family that i was "getting" divorced.  it was final.  my parents filled bankruptcy and she to this day will not tell anyone...not even her own parents.  she very much cares about what everyone thinks.  she is quick to put anyone down when something bad happens instead of being caring.  i don't need that right now.  but i need my parents.  i've spoken to my mom twice and i let on like nothing has happened.  but i have to tell her something soon.  they live out of state so that is why i have been able to handle it this way so far.  i'm not sure what is the best way to do this.  financially we r hurting and i know she will go over the deep end on that too.  even though she's been there and could b supportive...she won't b.  trust me...i've told her that before and i thought she sucked her false teeth down her throat the way she gasped.  i love them dearly and i don't want to keep anything from them.  but i don't know how to tell them.  i don't need her ridicule...i need her love.

 

 
May 7, 2007, 7:57 pm CDT

This is a tough one

Quote From: hopeless1

right now i'm feeling every emotion you can think of.  and i'm not exactly sure how i'm to handle any of this.  unfortunately i can't say as much as i would like due to legal proceedings but i will do my best to be as clear as possible.  recently my husband has possibly been tied into a robbery.  i'll just say it's a federal issue.  it all came on very sudden.  at the time he was picked up he was also had marijuana on his possession.  he has been released and is out on probation.  but i have had so many feelings that i can't seem to process them all.  when he came home i went through anxiety.  every time he left i thought he wasn't coming back.  u see when he was picked up i was at work and they picked him up in a parking lot while he was on his way to the police station.  i received no phone calls nothing.  basically i was in the dark about everything.  i keep trying to take one day at a time but all of this has been so hard for me to digest.  i don't understand how all this has happened.  in lots of ways i feel like i don't even know my husband.  especially finding out about a robbery he may or maynot be linked to and about drugs.  the other difficult situation i'm having is that i have not told my parents yet.  my mom especially is very dramatic and will take this as sooo disgraceful.  i'll be needing her support and she will probably make me feel sicker about the whole situation.  you see when i was married before and got divorced it too her 11/2 year to tell my family that i was "getting" divorced.  it was final.  my parents filled bankruptcy and she to this day will not tell anyone...not even her own parents.  she very much cares about what everyone thinks.  she is quick to put anyone down when something bad happens instead of being caring.  i don't need that right now.  but i need my parents.  i've spoken to my mom twice and i let on like nothing has happened.  but i have to tell her something soon.  they live out of state so that is why i have been able to handle it this way so far.  i'm not sure what is the best way to do this.  financially we r hurting and i know she will go over the deep end on that too.  even though she's been there and could b supportive...she won't b.  trust me...i've told her that before and i thought she sucked her false teeth down her throat the way she gasped.  i love them dearly and i don't want to keep anything from them.  but i don't know how to tell them.  i don't need her ridicule...i need her love.

 

I am worried about you and your anxiety.  I remember what it was like to think that every time my husband left he mat not ever be coming back and it's horrible living like that.  Mothers should be supportive and accepting but sometimes they are not.  Please don't be afraid to seek professional help because this issue is too tough to navigate by yourself.  He or she will help you to discover what you think is the right course of action and they do actually support and help you through it.
 
May 8, 2007, 7:42 am CDT

I don't know what else to do to help!

My best friend is suffering from Depression. She's admitted that she's suicidal and has hurt herself in the past. She's been on medication but she didn't like the side effects and refuses to go back on them, but she also says she can't control her moods herself.

She's quiet and withdrawn most of the time, but occasionally has really extreme highs before a big low. I've talked to her, I've listened, I've tried to help her see that there are so many positive things she has in her life, I've tried to help her understand that she's feeding herself such negative thoughts about her body and her life that it's no wonder she feels bad, I've suggested we go on a diet together because we both want to lose weight, I've tried the straight talking approach, the loving approach, the joking around to lighten the mood, but she says no to everything, clams up, makes excuses about how she's tried but can't and how stupid she is, I can actually physically see her focusing on how bad she feels and wallowing in this darkness that surrounds her.

I've even given her links to this website and the "self matters" section, but her response was just "thanks but I don't do Dr. Phil".... I'm so close to just throwing up my hands and leaving her to it but I just want to get my wonderfully funny friend back, I feel like I have a responsibility as her friend to help her, I just don't know how.

Any advice would be appreciated.
 
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