Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

 I read your letter over and over again because I have been there. You are not alone. We could be sisters. My childhood included most abuses you can name. My father was evil. I watched him break my mom into a scared shell of a woman. I have 8 brothers and 2 sisters. I was the seventh born. Isn't seven the lucky number? Depends on how you look at life. My father left when I was 11, but the damage had already been done. The only good thing I can say about him is that he pretended to be a preacher in my youth so I got a good grip on faith.Now he is dead. It was a relief for most of us. I could never forgive him for what he had done because he never admitted to doing anything wrong. I did not talk to him the last 25 years of his life and I have no regrets about that. My father is part of the reason I am who I am today. I vowed when I was little that I would be strong and overcome all life had to throw my way.

   It has been a rough ride. In fact I rode almost every ride at the circus. Before I was 14 I had experimented with cutting and bulimia. I didn't even realize back then there were names for these things.I was married 2 days after my 15th birthday because I had already ran away from home once and I had become sexually active. My mom gave up  on me, not her fault though. Eighteen months later I had my first son. I was told I could never have children. (That's another story.) Two years later my husband left me for my brothers fiance. That was the start of a long list of bad choices I made. I always tried to stay positive. I always said things happen for a reason. Something good will come out of even something bad. Sometimes it was hard to swallow, but looking back it has been true. By the time I was 30 I had been divorced 3 times, had 2 more kids out of wedlock, and had several miseriable relationships ( some abusive). By the time I was 35 I had given up on love. I conentrated on my family and survival. I tried hard to be a good mother, but there were times I had to work 2 and 3 jobs at a time. My children suffered because I wasn't there for them. I believe I did the best I could. There were times I said and did things that I regret but my children know that I love them very much. I felt like an amazon warrior battling through life with my sword of faith. I was very protective of my children and I fought like a wildcat to keep them as safe as I could. I didn't go to church much as I got older, but I held on to my faith like it would keep me safe. I also wrote poetry to give voice to how I really felt inside, because I had to be strong on the outside. Your letter, the way you say you talk in riddles remind me of my poems. My poems are reminders of my darkest times in my life, but even then I wrote them like fairy tales, like I was still avoiding the truth that it was me who was bowing to defeat. I always found strength somewhere(God).

   Along the way I managed to get my drivers license, my GED, and graduated from college with honors and a Ass. in Arts ( I still work crappy jobs, but I feel good about myself.) I built up good credit and bought a nice car and a crappy house that I learned to remodel. I paid the car off in 2 years and the house off in 7.( I only paid $10,000 for the house but it was in really bad shape, but it was mine!).I didn't date for about 3 years, men were not to be trusted. I put up a wall and had so many rules and restrictions about dating that no man had a chance. I said that I would no longer look for love, it would find me. I was right, it did. I have been happily married for 5 years now. Is my life perfect now? Not a chance! My faith is still tested to the limits.

   My youngest son was shot in the head 2 years ago. It was a stupid accident that the boy who was 17 at the time will always have to live with.( my son was 25 at the time) As my son lay in a coma I told the states attorney not to press charges. If my son died, sending a boy to prison because of an accident would not bring my son back. My son survived with minor brain damage and partially paralized on the left side. He came home after 2 months and 1 day in the hospital. He beat all the odds and suprised even the doctors. He now lives on his own and he will tell you it was the best thing that happened to him, because his life was headed in the wrong direction.(another long story).My oldest son who is 29, has unfortunately inherited his Grandma's depression. Two months ago he stabbed himself in the chest to prove his love to a woman who didn't deserve his attention. He just missed his heart and lung and was out of the hospital in a week. He is getting help. My daughter is 20. She has a good head on her shoulders. She works as a cna and loves all old people. Other than rolling her car and walking away from it , all has been fine for her. I have 2 wonderful grandchildren (1 boy , 1 girl)

   I have fought demons and lived to see another day. I have seen miracles and believe that anything is possible. There are things I have been through that I will never talk about. There are things I regret, but would not change, because it all brought me to where I am today. All that I have been through I know someone has been through worse, so I count my blessings. I know I'll see more hard times but I brace myself everyday.

   Maybe my story won't help, but I want you to know I have lived in chaos too. I understand what it feels like to look over the edge and wonder if  jumping would stop the pain. I don't think so. You are not alone, reaching out for help shows me you haven't given up yet. Take a deep breath, hold your head up and walk proudly among friends. Life is worth living.

                                                         Patty

                                                          

 

Hi Christine

 

I know that depression and the frustration of not knowing what to do are difficult to deal with.  I have

problems with depression too.

 

It sounds to me like you need people to talk to and you need to forgive yourself and try to move on

with things.

Forgiveness is all about making a fresh start.  I know this is MUCH easier said than done but just

try to be the person you want to be.  Try to not act and react in the ways that you don't approve of and,

 over time, those around you will learn 'the new you'.

 

There is a website that I was made aware of called touchingminds.org.  I'm not a member there but I

have been there and it looks useful for when you are depressed and in need of talking to those who

understand.

 

I wanted to respond to you here so that you know that someone has heard you.  I don't have the answers

but I care as much as I can.

 

I would also suggest that you seek God (not 'church God' but the real God).  I believe in God but I'm not

religious.

God forgave me and then asked me why, if He wanted to forgive me... why was my judgement that I shouldn't be forgiven

more correct than His judgement that I should.  I figured God knew better than I did and so I have

tried to forgive myself.  Knowing God loves and forgives me (ongoing forgiveness) , helps me.

 

God loves you.  I suspect your kids love you too.  I can tell that you love them.

 

I hope you feel better.

 

Dave

 

Hi Mary Ann,

 

Feel better about yourself, sweetie.  I'm OLD and fat and ugly!    :) 

 

Hang in there.  My life really did get better after 40.  I'm still fat and ugly but I have more fun now.  God bless all the therapists!

I do not know where to turn anymore.

I've attempted to care for my loved one to the best of my abilities  but a number of gov't agencies and relatives were too strong and overbearing.

I am unable to contintue to perform legal work contray to what the executive director of the legal aid clinic instructed me to do.  I am unable to continue to fight.

Month, after month, year after year.  Is there anyone on the face of this planet who will assist me whis this mess?

I am affraid to post on here becuase of the scope and reach of the Dr. Phil show.

I now live in my loved one's home, literally, a physical psychological captive to a relative.

I no longer have a phone, I only have e-mail.

Last week I went to the food bank in an attempt to get food and to tell them
that the boot they "bought" me gave me back spasms for three days after I walked to the food bank the previous week the those boots.  They did nothing, so I used my old boots.
This morning I put duct tape in the back buy the heal to cover the plastic so it would not
chaf my heal as I walked 1 1/2 (one way) to see my loved one and then another 1 1/2  hours back.

I will NOT post specific detail on this site because of what has occured in the past on other sites.

I do not live in the US.

Thank you for listening.

Regards,
whitehat

Good morning everybody

 

I am from the Netherlands, near Rotterdam. Oh yes, we can watch Dr Phil here too you know.

My husband has become invalid, so we cannot go out anymore, and our world has become very small because of that. He is coping very well , and I support him  with all he needs.

But, now that I have all this time to waste, I better spend it in a constructive way, instead of feeling sorry for ourselves dont you think?

So that is how I came here. The computer is my eye to the world, and on the other side of the screen from you, I might be able to give some support to those who need it.

Warm greetings from a rainy Rotterdam,

Gilhari

Your message was very moving !!!  I am currently in the middle of trying to help my brother who is severely depressed and suicidal,  allthough I am not in his shoes I am trying very hard to understand/ empathize with his pain and figure out how to help him.  You have helped me see YES YOU !!!  how it feels to be in his shoes  I have looked on websites most of the day for information/support  and reading your message really put alot of things into perspective for me

Thank you , you are in my thoughts

happygilmour

Hello I am new to this site/message board as well.  I absolutely love watching Dr. Phil , I like to think of that hour of t.v as my reward/treat..

It amazes me that you offer your support to others with all the responsiblities you already have .  I do not know the circumstances /commitments that you have  but it is clear that  you must be a good person  to want to help others.  You must know yourself from listening to Dr. Phil  what he would say to those that choose to wallow in their own pity  and not do anything about it .  A positive outlook ( even through trying times will take you a long way)   It is nice to see you have a positive attitude.  I am currently trying to support a very depressed /suicidal brother who will absolutelt NOT /does not want Help !! It is very frustrating as a caring sister.  T his is my release to have a break and connect with other people .  I figure any fan of Dr.Phil must be a good person

HappyGilmour

Good Morning:

 

Dr. Phil told a suicidal young lady yesterday she did not have the right to end or waste her life. I agreed, and his words brought about this poem.  I hope it touches someone :-)  Tricia


Do Not End Or Waste Your Life

Your life, the one you are living right now
Is a gift from a loving Creator; give a bow.
You have to discern purpose, somehow.
Life is a gift; Namaste' a sacred vow.

Suicide is an assault on those who love you.
A cop-out from a place that is very blue.
We all have a time limit, me and you too.
Charged with a mission of what we are to do.

Do not waste time with addiction
Or lose life energy from depression
To shine your light is loving expression
Light beats out dark, a good impression.

To live a life of excellence
Truly makes the most of common sense.
Excellence does not require intelligence
A free will choice, it's a powerful presence

It does not require beauty or wealth
It only requires good mental health
Seeking truth and Spiritual breath
We have a soul, there is life after death.

©Patricia Lite Hickman 02/15/2007

PLEASE, I NEED HELP NOW,  DISABLED, NO INCOME, , TAXES, FORECLOSUE

    I .  I have been extremely ill, and so disorganized.  I do not
> want another levy on my wife's income.  I have no income and we are about
> to lose our home, and everything.  My illnesses are so severe that I am
> incapacitated the majority of the time.   >
> I cannot focus, I am in severe pain daily, SEVERELY DEPRESSED.  SYMPTOMS:
> INABILITY TO FOCUS OR CONCENTRATE.
> INABILITY TO DEAL WITH LIFE'S CIRCUMSTANCES.
> IN AN ALMOST CONSTANT STATE OF PANIC.
> OVERWHELMED BY TRYING TO SAVE OUR HOME, PAY OUR BILLS,  AND DEAL WITH
> LIFE.
> FEELINGS OF HOPELESSNESS, HELPLESSNESS.
> CONSUMED BY THOUGHTS OF DEATH, TRAGIC EVENTS.
> CONSUMED BY OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS AND ROUTINES.
> I HAVE SEVERE PAINS, AND IMMOBILIZED MOST OF THE TIME.
> LACK OF MOTIVATION.
> LACK OF INTEREST IN THINGS I WOULD NORMALLY ENJOY.
> PANIC, FEAR, PHOBIAS.
> SEVERE MUSCLE TIGHTNESS, PREVENTING ME FROM DOING SIMPLE TASKS.
> RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH PERIPHERAL NEUROPATHY AND CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME.
> SEVERE PAINS IN MY NECK, UPPER BACK,  ARMS, TORSO.
> UNABLE TO FOCUS OR COMPREHEND CERTAIN THINGS.
> COMPLETELY BROKE, ALMOST NO MONEY AT ALL.
> BILLS PILED UP, SO BAD, SCATTERED EVERYWHERE.
> I HAD ALL THE INFORMATION TOGETHER TO FILE THESE RETURNS, BUT WHEN I
> DECIDED TO TRY TO TACKLE THE RETURNS, I COULD NOT FIND MY WIFE'S W-2'S.
> TROUBLE SPEAKING WITH PEOPLE ON THE PHONE.
> TROUBLE AND PHOBIAS OF BEING IN PUBLIC PLACES.
> I MISS NUMEROUS DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS BECAUSE I AM WITH TOO SICK, IN TOO
> MUCH PAIN, AND/OR CANNOT AFFORD THE CO-PAY.
> CANNOT AFFORD MY MEDICATIONS.
> NO FOOD IN THE HOUSE, NO MONEY TO BUY FOOD.
> I AM IN A VERY SERIOUS AND URGENT SITUATION AND HAVE BEEN BEGGING FOR HELP
> FROM MANY ORGANIZATIONS, ETC FOR MONTHS ON END, ALL TO NO AVAIL.
>
>
>>A  person with severe mental impairments and disabilites should have
> a way to file his or her taxes without having to pay out of his or her
> pocket, and someone to assist, advise, and protect the taxpayer.
>
> Also, the penatiles and interest have accumilated, while I had no way of
> paying the principal taxes because of the severity of my disabilties.  I
> have no income.
>

>