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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 843
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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November 6, 2007, 4:52 am CST

Unbelievable !

Quote From: maikala

I was hired as a Emergency Department Secretary and over time I was also asked to perform clinical duties such as take a patients first vitals, help with transport from ambulance stretch to er stretcher, put patients on bed pans and commodes. Transport patients to inpatient bed on other floors, operating rooms, helped with catherization of patients (male and female), cleaned up bodily fluids, helped patients from stretchers into wheel chairs, helped with suture care, cleaned patience's, transported deceased patients from emergency room to cooler located on the other side of hospital. Transported patients with and without oxygen. This is to mention a few. I resigned from my position with a letter. The policy give an employee 3 days to contact and I did call in the first two days to explain I was ill and had been seeing a doctor. I became very depressed as I knew I could not fulfill my secretarial duties while caring for patients as requested by nurses and doctors of the emergency department. They put in my record that I abandoned my job and they did not hear from me again. I have not beable to get a job in medical offices (where I live) are affiliated with this Hospital cannot hire me as a result of the determination. The human resource manager refuses to change the status (she wasn't employed by hospital at the time of occurrence and will not even consider listing to me. I received unemployment as it was determined I left due to the demands put on me. I had NO certification and was not even CPR certified. This just give you an idea why I need help to correct this emotionally disturbing situation say nothing about all the money I could have made during this time.

 The hospital had no right to ask you to perform nursing & cleaning duties if you were employed in the capacity of secretary. You need to recruit evidence such as affidavits from other employees who witnessed the requests for you to undertake these duties. The hospital is liable for any claims made against them by patients you cared for at their request.

 

I am so glad I do not work for a private hospital system and know I and my fellow employees all know where the lines are. I would never ask the unit secretary of our pediatric ICU to watch a patient while I went to lunch ,went to bathroom or to assist in any patient care at all. She is not qualified and cannot be held responsible for any orders I may give her other than secretarial. This situation is disgusting and typical of a private system where important rules are flaunted. I have seen people in Australia placed in similar situations by a private system intent on profit before people at any cost to the people even endangering their lives. If you can prove that the hospital insisted you perform these duties then you have a case. Gather evidence carefully and you can send them to the wall for putting you in this situation. There are medicolegal implications for allowing unqualified staff to care for patients.It would be like me as an RN performing surgery !

 
November 6, 2007, 6:28 am CST

Patients have the right to know

Quote From: foxylass

 The hospital had no right to ask you to perform nursing & cleaning duties if you were employed in the capacity of secretary. You need to recruit evidence such as affidavits from other employees who witnessed the requests for you to undertake these duties. The hospital is liable for any claims made against them by patients you cared for at their request.

 

I am so glad I do not work for a private hospital system and know I and my fellow employees all know where the lines are. I would never ask the unit secretary of our pediatric ICU to watch a patient while I went to lunch ,went to bathroom or to assist in any patient care at all. She is not qualified and cannot be held responsible for any orders I may give her other than secretarial. This situation is disgusting and typical of a private system where important rules are flaunted. I have seen people in Australia placed in similar situations by a private system intent on profit before people at any cost to the people even endangering their lives. If you can prove that the hospital insisted you perform these duties then you have a case. Gather evidence carefully and you can send them to the wall for putting you in this situation. There are medicolegal implications for allowing unqualified staff to care for patients.It would be like me as an RN performing surgery !

I can't thank you enough for your response.  My sister is a nurse also she works in the Operating room at a totally different hospital.  I hate the fact that a health facility can have such an impact on the health of an individual.  I am going to contact a lawyer (they get paid if I get paid). I never had the intention of getting money out of this, however I have lost so much money in the past because of this situation.  I had only asked to have my status changed in my human resource file from abandonment to resigned or even quit.  I then could at least get back in the field I have been an Lab secretary and became a EKG/phlebotomist. What this hospital did to me had totally prevented my to get any type of job connected to them.

I also think that patients would be very unhappy to know about this.

 
November 7, 2007, 1:51 pm CST

What should I do?

Hi all,

I think I'm depressed, have been for a long time now.  The history is long, my mother was very mentally abusive and mentally ill, father couldn't cope and started to drink. We had money and perhaps I was spoiled in other ways, but I always was my moms therapist and keeper. She yelled, screamed and tried to kill my father on several occasions. In public she told lies about us. She made several suicide attempts to keep us in line(and telling us so)

 

In school I was tortured by my classmates. Both parents died in short succcession under weird circumstances when i finally fled the nest at an age I should have long gone. Several years have passed. my life has changed for the better. Many of my dreams have come true.  Still I cannot be happy about that. There is always the nagging fear of betrayal (my spouse has done so before), My old interests don't interest me anymore, I cannot be at home for a long time without getting extremely antsy, I'm always afraid of catastrophe in my life,nothing makes me happy anymore, I blow up easily and have no self-esteem., always think nobody loves or likes me and that I'm stupid.

 

How long does baggage from youth stick with a person?  My husband says I'm constantly playing old videos in my head and just have "to decide" to "just live".  Is that so easy? How does one do that? I'm afraid to take medication. I don't want to get dependent and I don't want to live in a fog. Are other people "happy"? Is there such a thing? Am I just an idiot and blowing things out of proportion?

 
November 10, 2007, 3:49 pm CST

My Son ~ We need HELP!

My 15 year old son is at a "wilderness therapy school" called Sage Walk. This is actually where they filmed "Brat Camp" a few years ago. Anyway ~ this is his second trip there in just 1 year & they are recommending (and we know it's best) for him not to return home to us - because he wasn't successful at making good & safe choices this year - he needs to be placed in a boarding school in the next 2 1/2 weeks. I am just broken as a mother & we don't know where to turn... I can't believe for him to survive & hopefully thrive in life, that we will have to send him away. He is amazing & gifted & beautiful in so many ways - he is my first child & I would do anything for him, I love him so much & have told him his entire life that there is nothing he could ever do to change that - but, let me tell you - he has been testing that....his therapists have told us that these behaviors - in part stem from SEVERE ANXIETY & DEPRESSION - he is very manipulative & lies so well...he is running away, doing drugs, using girls, bringing druggies & dealers around & into our homes & lives, frightening his younger siblings & we have gone into serious debt trying to help him. We have spent $45,000.00 in the past year for treatment & feel like horrible parents that we cannot afford anymore,,,,,he has made some progress in his stay this time - but, if he comes home now - that will all be blown. How do we find a Boarding School that will meet his needs - that will also work with our income? Oh - another reason we can't afford boarding school - we also lost our home to the flooding that happened here in Texas on Father's Day - we are still paying the mortgage for about 2 years while FEMA decides if they are going to buy us out - they wont let us rebuild unless we raise the house by 1 &1 tenth feet - that would be another $130,000.00 on top of the mortgage we already have. PLEASE - ANY ADVICE?????
 
November 11, 2007, 6:53 pm CST

my husbands stroke

I am 56 and my husband is 63 and he had a massive stroke in august.  almost every doctor said he would not make it.  so for more than 3 weeks i waited for the words no one wants to hear.  well he opened his eyes and he is still here.  He is in a rehab hospital and will probably be there for months.  his disablities are major.   i am too sad for words. I cry every day.  I go to the hospital 2 times a day  I am so completely overwhelmed i dont know what to do  I feel like i have lost myself and have no hope to coming back.   I dont know who i am i feel like a zombie and that i am hanging on to the world by my finger tips.  i do go to therepy i am on an anti depressant but i still feel this way.  I would like to hear from someone

 
November 12, 2007, 5:40 pm CST

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: preciousphot

My 15 year old son is at a "wilderness therapy school" called Sage Walk. This is actually where they filmed "Brat Camp" a few years ago. Anyway this is his second trip there in just 1 year & they are recommending (and we know it's best) for him not to return home to us - because he wasn't successful at making good & safe choices this year - he needs to be placed in a boarding school in the next 2 1/2 weeks. I am just broken as a mother & we don't know where to turn... I can't believe for him to survive & hopefully thrive in life, that we will have to send him away. He is amazing & gifted & beautiful in so many ways - he is my first child & I would do anything for him, I love him so much & have told him his entire life that there is nothing he could ever do to change that - but, let me tell you - he has been testing that....his therapists have told us that these behaviors - in part stem from SEVERE ANXIETY & DEPRESSION - he is very manipulative & lies so well...he is running away, doing drugs, using girls, bringing druggies & dealers around & into our homes & lives, frightening his younger siblings & we have gone into serious debt trying to help him. We have spent $45,000.00 in the past year for treatment & feel like horrible parents that we cannot afford anymore,,,,,he has made some progress in his stay this time - but, if he comes home now - that will all be blown. How do we find a Boarding School that will meet his needs - that will also work with our income? Oh - another reason we can't afford boarding school - we also lost our home to the flooding that happened here in Texas on Father's Day - we are still paying the mortgage for about 2 years while FEMA decides if they are going to buy us out - they wont let us rebuild unless we raise the house by 1 &1 tenth feet - that would be another $130,000.00 on top of the mortgage we already have. PLEASE - ANY ADVICE?????

 When I read your story, I got goosebumps... My 13 yr old son just came home after 5 months in a behavioral facility... he had a very frightening manic explosion, I had to call 911, I have never been so terrified in my life.  He is my youngest and also is very bright, however on the flip side, he to is a master mind manipulater and can make his lies very believable and feel no remorse... he has been home one week and has smashed his PSP in a angry rage, lied and his favorite thing to do is 'disrespect' me...

I understand the finance end... the cost for his 5 month stay was $60,000.   I so understand your pain and the love we both share in common for our amazing and intelligent sons...  I also was advised to look into boarding schools, financially for me it is not an option...   I was told about a support group DBSA (depression bipolar support alliance), they may have resources and suggestions to help you find a   boarding school to place your son.... If your unable to locate them in your area, let me know and I'll do my best to get you some helpful information.... 

 
November 12, 2007, 7:27 pm CST

THANK YOU!

Quote From: petulia

 When I read your story, I got goosebumps... My 13 yr old son just came home after 5 months in a behavioral facility... he had a very frightening manic explosion, I had to call 911, I have never been so terrified in my life.  He is my youngest and also is very bright, however on the flip side, he to is a master mind manipulater and can make his lies very believable and feel no remorse... he has been home one week and has smashed his PSP in a angry rage, lied and his favorite thing to do is 'disrespect' me...

I understand the finance end... the cost for his 5 month stay was $60,000.   I so understand your pain and the love we both share in common for our amazing and intelligent sons...  I also was advised to look into boarding schools, financially for me it is not an option...   I was told about a support group DBSA (depression bipolar support alliance), they may have resources and suggestions to help you find a   boarding school to place your son.... If your unable to locate them in your area, let me know and I'll do my best to get you some helpful information.... 

Thank you so much for sharing your story & your kind words of encouragement...My son's MAJOR issues started at 13...we have had some contact with a place here in Texas & hopefully he will be placed in January - we are praying that it will work out & will be the right place for him. They will work with our income & are a wonderful facility that has actually been seen on the Dr.Phil show...we really hope everything goes well with admissions & the place is a "good fit" - his therapists have suggested one with a little more "lock down" type atmosphere - we just cant find "exactly" what they are talking about for less than about $6000.00 a month...He will be done with the program in Oregon on Nov. 28th and so we are just at a total loss for what to do with him until he can go into the Boarding School here....we are told if he comes home in between that - well....that would not be good for him, us, or our younger children...they are 10 & 3 years old & to tell you the truth - they have been through enough. We are hoping that there will be someway for him to stay where he is until then - however, they charge $450.00 a day - sooooo......we will just have to see how it ends up working out.

I will be praying for your son & your family....It makes me so sad to see other kids in such turmoil & pain (you know they hate feeling this way - not feeling normal) and I know your pain as a Momma - I pray you will have peace and comfort & wisdom to do the right things - that is what I pray for everyday.
 
November 15, 2007, 12:01 am CST

I need a friend.......help.

11/14/07


Hello. I am a 34 yr old female, trying to find a friend to talk to.

I want you to know, I will NEVER devulge my real name or where I live, so please dont ask. Sorry, but thats my boundries.



So if you can deal with that, and  you are a RESPONSIBLE ADULT, then write to me.


 I am at the end of my rope, hanging by a thread.


I am struggling everyday with ....well alot of hard issues, and I cry every single day, and try to forge through it. I only thought I had alot of problems before...but then November of last year my panic attacks got SEVERE, and I have been having problems controlling my balance ever since. I am freightened beyond control. It really stinks. It interfears with all of my daily tasks. And please dont try to scare me with diagnosis, I am FA-REAK-ED OUT enough as it is.



Thank you for your time.


PS. If you believe in GOD, I ask for your prayers, even though you dont know me,  HE does.


Sincerly,


Cinderella34


 
November 15, 2007, 3:43 pm CST

needing support

today i'm going through a so many different emotions and i'm not sure i'll get a reply now but tonight is my last night with my husband.  tomorrow he has to turn himself into authorities for committing a crime.  he was out on his own recognizance but was on probation and had rules to follow.  well...he choose not to follow them completely.  he has been smoking pot.  he has been doing this to "self-medicate" himself.  he is bi-polar and has been put on various medications that he has had allergic reactions to u name it.  then he's been having troubles sleeping and he's been going through different sleep meds to help that.  anyway...he hasn't been working a steady job so now that he has to surrender he's done nothing to set me and my daughter up.  on top of that i've had to spend money this week to fix my vehicle so nothing major goes wrong with it and he got his last unemployment check today...only for 1 wk instead of the usual 2.  tonight he says he needs to take out $120 for a money order to put into his commissary when he gets to prison.  i'm angry, sad, mad, frustrated, scared, alone.  i have a few friends that know about this but i can't fall on them completely.  that isn't fair to them.  but my closest friend of so many years i thought would be understanding and supportive...and i can't say she isnt' but...i owe her money and she wants to know when i'll get her paid. she knows that i'm going to be down to one income and he's done nothing to help us when this day came.  i haven't forgotten that i owe her money and my intentions r to pay her back but right now i'm worried about heat for the house, food for my daughter...i'm going to have my car repo'd and file backruptcy.  but back to my feelings tonight.  this is our last night together and i'm angry with him.  i'm mad that he didn't get jobs and put money away for us.  that he didn't do things around the house to help me with the cold weather or stuff that needs tended to.  he's asked me if i'll b there when he gets out.  right now i'm pissed that he asked that question.  how could he?  right now i want to ball him out instead of snuggle with him.  as u can see i could go on, and on.  i just need someone to talk to, listen, and give me advice.  i need to seek counseling.  i know that but unfortunately there is nothing free around here for that unless i have no income and i don't have the $70 to pay for a one time visit.  i need a friend...these next few days r going to be unbelieveable emotionally for me.
 
November 16, 2007, 2:10 pm CST

Hi

Quote From: hopeless1

today i'm going through a so many different emotions and i'm not sure i'll get a reply now but tonight is my last night with my husband.  tomorrow he has to turn himself into authorities for committing a crime.  he was out on his own recognizance but was on probation and had rules to follow.  well...he choose not to follow them completely.  he has been smoking pot.  he has been doing this to "self-medicate" himself.  he is bi-polar and has been put on various medications that he has had allergic reactions to u name it.  then he's been having troubles sleeping and he's been going through different sleep meds to help that.  anyway...he hasn't been working a steady job so now that he has to surrender he's done nothing to set me and my daughter up.  on top of that i've had to spend money this week to fix my vehicle so nothing major goes wrong with it and he got his last unemployment check today...only for 1 wk instead of the usual 2.  tonight he says he needs to take out $120 for a money order to put into his commissary when he gets to prison.  i'm angry, sad, mad, frustrated, scared, alone.  i have a few friends that know about this but i can't fall on them completely.  that isn't fair to them.  but my closest friend of so many years i thought would be understanding and supportive...and i can't say she isnt' but...i owe her money and she wants to know when i'll get her paid. she knows that i'm going to be down to one income and he's done nothing to help us when this day came.  i haven't forgotten that i owe her money and my intentions r to pay her back but right now i'm worried about heat for the house, food for my daughter...i'm going to have my car repo'd and file backruptcy.  but back to my feelings tonight.  this is our last night together and i'm angry with him.  i'm mad that he didn't get jobs and put money away for us.  that he didn't do things around the house to help me with the cold weather or stuff that needs tended to.  he's asked me if i'll b there when he gets out.  right now i'm pissed that he asked that question.  how could he?  right now i want to ball him out instead of snuggle with him.  as u can see i could go on, and on.  i just need someone to talk to, listen, and give me advice.  i need to seek counseling.  i know that but unfortunately there is nothing free around here for that unless i have no income and i don't have the $70 to pay for a one time visit.  i need a friend...these next few days r going to be unbelieveable emotionally for me.

Wow;  I thought I had problems but when I read this I cry along with you.

Well; How long are you married and did you know all of t his before marriage and during mariage?

If  you did then you will have to take accountability for what happens. I am sorry but have to

deal with your emotions and all of the pain whether its in church or free counseling. They do

have support groups for this. You may want to check  into a 12-step program or coda. Codependent

anonymous because you might be an enabler. I say this because I am an enabler also only

I enabled an abusive man and let him get away with it.

You must have known this was coming and knew that a drug addict or bi-polar person wouldnt

help you financially or emotionally so now you have to worry about you and your daughter.

Can you stay with a family member or have one stay with you?

Why did you have to wait around for him to put money away for you. Why didnt you put money away for yourself knowing this was coming. I am not judging just trying to understand.

Are you going to wait for him or do you want a better life for you and your daughter for you know he

will do this again right? Get Help anyway you can. Church, CODA, Womens agencies, social services

whatever and fix YOU so that you dont keep repeating this pattern.

 

 
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