Message Boards

Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 845
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

November 15, 2007, 3:43 pm CST

needing support

today i'm going through a so many different emotions and i'm not sure i'll get a reply now but tonight is my last night with my husband.  tomorrow he has to turn himself into authorities for committing a crime.  he was out on his own recognizance but was on probation and had rules to follow.  well...he choose not to follow them completely.  he has been smoking pot.  he has been doing this to "self-medicate" himself.  he is bi-polar and has been put on various medications that he has had allergic reactions to u name it.  then he's been having troubles sleeping and he's been going through different sleep meds to help that.  anyway...he hasn't been working a steady job so now that he has to surrender he's done nothing to set me and my daughter up.  on top of that i've had to spend money this week to fix my vehicle so nothing major goes wrong with it and he got his last unemployment check today...only for 1 wk instead of the usual 2.  tonight he says he needs to take out $120 for a money order to put into his commissary when he gets to prison.  i'm angry, sad, mad, frustrated, scared, alone.  i have a few friends that know about this but i can't fall on them completely.  that isn't fair to them.  but my closest friend of so many years i thought would be understanding and supportive...and i can't say she isnt' but...i owe her money and she wants to know when i'll get her paid. she knows that i'm going to be down to one income and he's done nothing to help us when this day came.  i haven't forgotten that i owe her money and my intentions r to pay her back but right now i'm worried about heat for the house, food for my daughter...i'm going to have my car repo'd and file backruptcy.  but back to my feelings tonight.  this is our last night together and i'm angry with him.  i'm mad that he didn't get jobs and put money away for us.  that he didn't do things around the house to help me with the cold weather or stuff that needs tended to.  he's asked me if i'll b there when he gets out.  right now i'm pissed that he asked that question.  how could he?  right now i want to ball him out instead of snuggle with him.  as u can see i could go on, and on.  i just need someone to talk to, listen, and give me advice.  i need to seek counseling.  i know that but unfortunately there is nothing free around here for that unless i have no income and i don't have the $70 to pay for a one time visit.  i need a friend...these next few days r going to be unbelieveable emotionally for me.
 
November 16, 2007, 2:10 pm CST

Hi

Quote From: hopeless1

today i'm going through a so many different emotions and i'm not sure i'll get a reply now but tonight is my last night with my husband.  tomorrow he has to turn himself into authorities for committing a crime.  he was out on his own recognizance but was on probation and had rules to follow.  well...he choose not to follow them completely.  he has been smoking pot.  he has been doing this to "self-medicate" himself.  he is bi-polar and has been put on various medications that he has had allergic reactions to u name it.  then he's been having troubles sleeping and he's been going through different sleep meds to help that.  anyway...he hasn't been working a steady job so now that he has to surrender he's done nothing to set me and my daughter up.  on top of that i've had to spend money this week to fix my vehicle so nothing major goes wrong with it and he got his last unemployment check today...only for 1 wk instead of the usual 2.  tonight he says he needs to take out $120 for a money order to put into his commissary when he gets to prison.  i'm angry, sad, mad, frustrated, scared, alone.  i have a few friends that know about this but i can't fall on them completely.  that isn't fair to them.  but my closest friend of so many years i thought would be understanding and supportive...and i can't say she isnt' but...i owe her money and she wants to know when i'll get her paid. she knows that i'm going to be down to one income and he's done nothing to help us when this day came.  i haven't forgotten that i owe her money and my intentions r to pay her back but right now i'm worried about heat for the house, food for my daughter...i'm going to have my car repo'd and file backruptcy.  but back to my feelings tonight.  this is our last night together and i'm angry with him.  i'm mad that he didn't get jobs and put money away for us.  that he didn't do things around the house to help me with the cold weather or stuff that needs tended to.  he's asked me if i'll b there when he gets out.  right now i'm pissed that he asked that question.  how could he?  right now i want to ball him out instead of snuggle with him.  as u can see i could go on, and on.  i just need someone to talk to, listen, and give me advice.  i need to seek counseling.  i know that but unfortunately there is nothing free around here for that unless i have no income and i don't have the $70 to pay for a one time visit.  i need a friend...these next few days r going to be unbelieveable emotionally for me.

Wow;  I thought I had problems but when I read this I cry along with you.

Well; How long are you married and did you know all of t his before marriage and during mariage?

If  you did then you will have to take accountability for what happens. I am sorry but have to

deal with your emotions and all of the pain whether its in church or free counseling. They do

have support groups for this. You may want to check  into a 12-step program or coda. Codependent

anonymous because you might be an enabler. I say this because I am an enabler also only

I enabled an abusive man and let him get away with it.

You must have known this was coming and knew that a drug addict or bi-polar person wouldnt

help you financially or emotionally so now you have to worry about you and your daughter.

Can you stay with a family member or have one stay with you?

Why did you have to wait around for him to put money away for you. Why didnt you put money away for yourself knowing this was coming. I am not judging just trying to understand.

Are you going to wait for him or do you want a better life for you and your daughter for you know he

will do this again right? Get Help anyway you can. Church, CODA, Womens agencies, social services

whatever and fix YOU so that you dont keep repeating this pattern.

 

 
November 19, 2007, 6:37 pm CST

Any advise will help

I am a 39 year old female and I am worried about several things.  First my 43 year old sister was told she has Breast Cancer.  I firmly believe that she will be fine when all is said and done.  Cancer does not run in our family so it was a HUGE shock.  The same week I found out about her my Husband of 6 years was told that his older brother has liver and stomach cancer and has very little time to live.  I worry about my husband and his feelings.  He lost his older sister a few years ago to cancer.  Cancer runs in his family.  My husband has a lot of health issues but his main issue is his weight.  He weighs in around 500 lbs.  I have tried everything to get him to loose weight.  The only reason I want him to loose weight is because I want him to live.  He is 51 years old.  I am so afraid every day that he will not be here the next day.  I don't know how to help him deal with his issues and still deal with my own issues.  I worry every day.  I don't eat very much because I am so worried all the time I get sick everytime I eat.  I don't know if my husband will be able to handle the loss of his brother.  I just don't know what to do.  Any advise any one can give me on any of the issues I have shared today please, please share.

 

Thanks

 
November 19, 2007, 10:41 pm CST

Im 17 and need help, should I try to be on the show?

My names Sarah and Im 17. Ive been blessed with the worlds greatest parents who have given so much to there 3 children. From the outside we look like the perfect family, but lately in the inside were troubled. My fathers work moved him 4 years ago, and every since,  3 hours away in Death Valley, California so we only see him on the weekends. My fathers whole life he's been a complusive liar. For the last couple years my parents have been getting in fights with each one ending in "im going to get a divorce" but they never ment it. Over the weekened my parents got in a fight in my mom room for 4 hours straight, I had to lie to my little brother to get him out of the house so he would'nt hear what was going on. I over heard "You LIAR, I HATE you! Why did you do this to me!?" and "its because of your past that haunts me, and constaly hurts me and humiliates me. you say you love me, but if you did you wouldnt have done this!" My mother confronted me saying my father no longer wanted to be with my mother and what he did she could never forgive him. For now on myself and my youngest brother will eaither go to his house, or he'll come here but my mom wont be at home or he'll sleep in my room. I love my parents and I dont want their marriage to end, even though they dont I believe they can work this out.

My question for you, should I try to get the help by dr.phil on the show, or is this not drastic enough?

Thanks
 
November 20, 2007, 4:08 pm CST

Hi

Quote From: cinderella34

11/14/07


Hello. I am a 34 yr old female, trying to find a friend to talk to.

I want you to know, I will NEVER devulge my real name or where I live, so please dont ask. Sorry, but thats my boundries.



So if you can deal with that, and  you are a RESPONSIBLE ADULT, then write to me.


 I am at the end of my rope, hanging by a thread.


I am struggling everyday with ....well alot of hard issues, and I cry every single day, and try to forge through it. I only thought I had alot of problems before...but then November of last year my panic attacks got SEVERE, and I have been having problems controlling my balance ever since. I am freightened beyond control. It really stinks. It interfears with all of my daily tasks. And please dont try to scare me with diagnosis, I am FA-REAK-ED OUT enough as it is.



Thank you for your time.


PS. If you believe in GOD, I ask for your prayers, even though you dont know me,  HE does.


Sincerly,


Cinderella34


Sometimes we go through things, hardship, issues in our lives and we cannot get through them and I feel your pain, your panic attacks, everything,because i have been there. I lived through sexual abuse, I have been through homelessness, I have been through my own family members telling me that i am worthless, but yet I did not give up. I pray every night asking the Lord to make me better. And I will keep you in my prayers Miss Cinderella.

I do not want to know what problems you have but God sees us through hardtimes, and always remember that he is there, looking down. Take care and God bless you.

 

 

 
November 21, 2007, 11:56 pm CST

Giving and Receiving Support

So I need some advice. Anything would help really. About five years ago my dad was diagnosed with Frontal Lobe Dementia. Its sort of like alzheimers but has its differences. He lived at home and my mom and I took care of him here until about a year and a half ago. It has been the most tough on me, and I have no idea what to do. I have my own life now, a wonderful Fiancee,l but no family anymore. I express my concerns in an adult manner but no one listens, not my sister, and definately not my mom. I am really hurt by my dad not being here but more so by the fact that no one listens to me and no one takes time to ask me how I am doing. My sister got married last year and now makes no time for family at all. She never sees my dad which I can understand I guess. But she wont even call me to see how I am doing. I am only 22 years old, I gave up everything for nothing it seems sometimes. Does anyone have any advice?


 
November 22, 2007, 9:06 pm CST

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: marsplasti

Wow;  I thought I had problems but when I read this I cry along with you.

Well; How long are you married and did you know all of t his before marriage and during mariage?

If  you did then you will have to take accountability for what happens. I am sorry but have to

deal with your emotions and all of the pain whether its in church or free counseling. They do

have support groups for this. You may want to check  into a 12-step program or coda. Codependent

anonymous because you might be an enabler. I say this because I am an enabler also only

I enabled an abusive man and let him get away with it.

You must have known this was coming and knew that a drug addict or bi-polar person wouldnt

help you financially or emotionally so now you have to worry about you and your daughter.

Can you stay with a family member or have one stay with you?

Why did you have to wait around for him to put money away for you. Why didnt you put money away for yourself knowing this was coming. I am not judging just trying to understand.

Are you going to wait for him or do you want a better life for you and your daughter for you know he

will do this again right? Get Help anyway you can. Church, CODA, Womens agencies, social services

whatever and fix YOU so that you dont keep repeating this pattern.

 

i didn't know that he was this way.  and i didn't know really what bi-polar was until he was diagnosed with it.  to answer some of ur questions i've been married for 6 yrs...he didn't use drugs up until 2 yrs ago...he did drink when we got together but i didn't find anything wrong with that until 3 yrs into the marriage when he couldn't stop.  he did though...and went about 2 years or more til he went through depression when his father died, was then diagnosed bi-polar.  then he started smoking weed.  no i honestly didn't know that a bi-polar person would do this.  this is all new to me.  i never knew anyone with the disease.  u've asked why didn't i put money away myself?  good question...one reason was because i was playing catch up and i did get a part time job to help myself out.  so in ways i thought that was helping myself.  but i guess as a husband/father...should HE have some responsibility?  he's the one that committed the crime...and i have to pay for something i had nothing to do with.  amy i going to b there when he gets out?  great question...i pray that this will make him a better person...but will i be there?  time will tell...i say that only because anything can happen from now until then.  and while he's got time to think...so do i.  plus i will be on my own growing independantly.  i have begun to go back to church...and i will take ur advice and look into some place to talk with some so that this doesn't happen again to me.  thank u...

 
November 23, 2007, 10:53 am CST

Someone Cares.

Quote From: cinderella34

11/14/07


Hello. I am a 34 yr old female, trying to find a friend to talk to.

I want you to know, I will NEVER devulge my real name or where I live, so please dont ask. Sorry, but thats my boundries.



So if you can deal with that, and  you are a RESPONSIBLE ADULT, then write to me.


 I am at the end of my rope, hanging by a thread.


I am struggling everyday with ....well alot of hard issues, and I cry every single day, and try to forge through it. I only thought I had alot of problems before...but then November of last year my panic attacks got SEVERE, and I have been having problems controlling my balance ever since. I am freightened beyond control. It really stinks. It interfears with all of my daily tasks. And please dont try to scare me with diagnosis, I am FA-REAK-ED OUT enough as it is.



Thank you for your time.


PS. If you believe in GOD, I ask for your prayers, even though you dont know me,  HE does.


Sincerly,


Cinderella34


Hi C34,
I'd love to communicate with you as a friend, if you don't mind an older lady. I forget sometimes just how old I am (57) because I feel inside like about 35!  I don't care what your name is, where you live or what your problems are. We are all in the same boat with problems, just to different degrees.  I do know God is ABLE -- no matter what the problem. I am a Christian and I will pray for you.
 I'm so sorry you are in a bad place right now. I've only had 2 mild panic attacks but that was more than I wanted! I would ask if you have tried yoga type meditation to still your mind? Don't try it without an instructor because you will just get frustrated, I think. Just to be clear, I have not done yoga, but do the progressive relaxation and find it helpful when I can do it. If I'm very depressed, I just can't get my mind there. Hope to hear from you and God bless. I'll be thinking of you.
 
November 23, 2007, 11:32 am CST

hi

Quote From: snapeswidow

My names Sarah and Im 17. Ive been blessed with the worlds greatest parents who have given so much to there 3 children. From the outside we look like the perfect family, but lately in the inside were troubled. My fathers work moved him 4 years ago, and every since,  3 hours away in Death Valley, California so we only see him on the weekends. My fathers whole life he's been a complusive liar. For the last couple years my parents have been getting in fights with each one ending in "im going to get a divorce" but they never ment it. Over the weekened my parents got in a fight in my mom room for 4 hours straight, I had to lie to my little brother to get him out of the house so he would'nt hear what was going on. I over heard "You LIAR, I HATE you! Why did you do this to me!?" and "its because of your past that haunts me, and constaly hurts me and humiliates me. you say you love me, but if you did you wouldnt have done this!" My mother confronted me saying my father no longer wanted to be with my mother and what he did she could never forgive him. For now on myself and my youngest brother will eaither go to his house, or he'll come here but my mom wont be at home or he'll sleep in my room. I love my parents and I dont want their marriage to end, even though they dont I believe they can work this out.

My question for you, should I try to get the help by dr.phil on the show, or is this not drastic enough?

Thanks

Hey im Eric. I'm sorry for whats going on in your life right now. fighting parents does takes its toll on the kids involved. My take on this is that i dont think that the dr.phil show would help based on the reason that that your parents has been fighting on the consistant bases. I dont think they should get a divorce, but they should be away from eachother and ask themselves if this what I really want . meaning that they got to think hard to decide wether they should work out their problems by starting to forgive eachother. after that they can cleary decide wether they should be together or not. What I do know for sure is that  it is not fair to you or your brother to be going through that. Other than that any way you go about it its entirely up to you. my hopes and prayer are there as well.

 

yours truly

Eric 

 
November 23, 2007, 1:01 pm CST

Hey There

Quote From: katzenseuche67

Hi all,

I think I'm depressed, have been for a long time now.  The history is long, my mother was very mentally abusive and mentally ill, father couldn't cope and started to drink. We had money and perhaps I was spoiled in other ways, but I always was my moms therapist and keeper. She yelled, screamed and tried to kill my father on several occasions. In public she told lies about us. She made several suicide attempts to keep us in line(and telling us so)

 

In school I was tortured by my classmates. Both parents died in short succcession under weird circumstances when i finally fled the nest at an age I should have long gone. Several years have passed. my life has changed for the better. Many of my dreams have come true.  Still I cannot be happy about that. There is always the nagging fear of betrayal (my spouse has done so before), My old interests don't interest me anymore, I cannot be at home for a long time without getting extremely antsy, I'm always afraid of catastrophe in my life,nothing makes me happy anymore, I blow up easily and have no self-esteem., always think nobody loves or likes me and that I'm stupid.

 

How long does baggage from youth stick with a person?  My husband says I'm constantly playing old videos in my head and just have "to decide" to "just live".  Is that so easy? How does one do that? I'm afraid to take medication. I don't want to get dependent and I don't want to live in a fog. Are other people "happy"? Is there such a thing? Am I just an idiot and blowing things out of proportion?

Hey how are you doing today? I really want to say this with great sicerity that you are an overcomer and strong. I believe it is so because for starters that you took on a very difficul task of counseling your mom on the account that she was very abusive to you. I know that is something hard to deal with, espicially on a child. Evanthough you went through abuse and enternal conflict in your life, remember that you have overcame  and what courage it took what it continues to take. My gift to you is this the past  is over , and what we have is right now.  your husband is right the movie in your head you should find something that is good.... good thoughts.And  you should close your eyes and say out loud 'I FORGIVE MYSELF AND IM NO ONES VICTIM"  I hope you can leave a email or comment to let me know hows it working for you. take.

By the way.. Happiness is for real but it has to start within.

yours truly,

Eric Day  

 
First | Prev | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81 | Next | Last