Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

hi, am not chure  what to say!! or how to start, I  have  4 children and my ex  and his new wife  won't let me be a part of my kids life, I   went to see and attorney, and  I  call my ex but he always, but he always woud tell me that  my babys dion't wan't to see me, for  tree years I  keep trying, this last time, I  wan it to here it from them, and I ask him if my 17teen  fill the same, his answere  was that he didn't  coment,  you see my son  is veery sweet and he is aspecial  ED , but my   14teen daughter  my ex put her on the phone, and she  acussed me of thing that never happen, any ways,  I am  getting stronger,  my children wrote me letters even my  baby boy 12 year old, yes my ex and his wife make me fill, like I  don't deserve  my children,  las I  know my oldest daughter  19 teen move out, and not in verry good terms this is what my ex told me, she hates me that was my ex words, but you see my ex  does call me back  tells me if they are doing fine, but won't let me see them, I  verry confuse I  MISS THEM .................... today I  am reading books on how to pick up my self , again, for ten years I was a full time mom, ,,,, I got it go!!!   

dear gelee -- 

i am sorry your partner is having difficulties -- it sounds like a tough situation for the both of you.  i don't know if this will help, but it may prove a starting point: [Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance Florida]: 

http://www.geocities.com/dbsaflorida/DBSAFlorida.html 

On August 19th 2005 my daughter and her best friend were in an auto accident. My daughter was driving, they were on their way to her friend's house to spend the night. A deer ran into the path of the VW Beetle and it was t-boned by a SUV in the passengers side. My daughter's best friend was killed instantly. My daughter was flown to a tramua hospital and is physically doing well. However the Survivors Grief is ripping our family apart. In the beginning the family of her best friend were here and very comforting and supportive. Now they refuse to return my daughter's pleas to visit with them left on voice mails. No communication at all. My daughter is suffering from the loss of someone she loved with all her heart and is grieving in a way words cannot express and this is making it all harder. As a mother I do not know what to do to make things better. I have her in couseling and we are a spiritual family who have a lot of faith but days like today make me just want to give up. Understanding this is NOT an option I am lost... I have spent the entire day in bed, crying uncontrollably. I would give anything if I could have given my life for this beautiful high spirited young woman but that was not God's plan. I am at the point that I am getting confused as to what this plan could possibly be? Does anyone have any advise that might be helpful to me? 

Hi. I am so sorry for all of you. This has to be so difficult. When I first read this I was thinking...I don't know how to respond, but the more I thought about it the more I felt inclined to try.  

Since it has only been 2 months I would say give it time for the girls parents to somehow come to terms with this horrible tragedy. You might tell your daughter to give them some space right now so they can heal.  

I can tell you are a very warm person and I feel for you. I truly feel you are already doing everything you can possibly do for your daughter. I know that might not be what you want to hear, but  I believe getting her into therapy where she can vent her feelings is a good thing. I feel that you too might benefit from seeing someone professionally because you seem to be carrying so much pain as well.  

I am also a very spiritual person and I agree that this was in God's plan. Sometimes when something tragic like this happens we all find ourselves questioning...now wait a minute...this just can't be. He works in mysterious ways and we are not supposed to understand ...only to trust it. That is a HARD thing to do.  

Your daughter will be okay. It will take time for her to heal, but her therapist can help her to realize that it wasn't her fault, etc. I am equally concerned for you because I feel you have no one to talk to and YOU need someone as well. Just give it some thought. If  you are having feelings come up that make you even think for a second about "giving up" then you too are suffering.  

I know that I didn't say much, but I want you to know this was all heartfelt and I said it all with the best intentions. I hope some small part of this has helped you. Don't be hard on yourself, ok? You are doing a good job getting your daughter the help she needs.  

Good luck to you and your family. I will say a prayer for you. 

Jeannie 

I used to be able to support others and still do at times... yet I've come to the end of my rope again and just feel life is not improving and want to just stop my world and get off. I some ways I'm doing that slowly through my lack of care for my health. Hoping deep down inside that I just won't wake up. 

Life has be hard since I was born and am not looking forward to many more years since I've lost everything that meant anything and everything to me. The list could go on and on. My heart races at times and I feel it will break some day physically as I know it has been broken and damaged so much over my 45 yrs on this earth. Lord I just wish You would come back or take me home to you! 

I will wait ... but each day I pray and yern more for the end to come.  

Hopelessly sad & tiered 

Sandy C 

dear sandy, 

you sound very sad -- and i am sorry you feel so desperate.   

could you try to take one small step at a time?  i am not an expert -- but [!] wonder if you aren't showing signs of a major clinical depression.  depression is treatable. 

i think there is another forum here at drphil.com that discusses depression -- i am sure that you will find support there and good suggestions until you can get a doctor's appointment. 

before you know it, you will be helping others to deal with depression! 

Hi how do I start?  I am 41 years old.  I married my highschool sweet heart which is 20 years but been together for 26yrs.  He has a kidney disease which is currently on dialysis.  This is his second time around with dialysis - Had a transplant in 1994 which lasted for 8 1/2 years.  I have always supposed him big time and continue to do so.  But here is the problem.  For the past 8 mths (which I noticed) he has changed.  or is it me that changed.  He is doing well on his treatments and I have begun to look after my self.  I lost some weight not alot that I would like too.  I have grew my hair out and really like who I am.  I had some girlfriend which I have never had as my soul concern was my husband and my children (who are 19 and 17 now).  Lately he has become very very jealous and thinks that every men is out to get me.   I love going out with my girls as they love the same thing I do - Dancing.  None of them are married which he thinks that is not right.  He is upset that I do not ask him to go out with us.  Ok say I do this would be the problem - He doesn't like the way I dance (flirty) and there is guys in the bar (oh my god).  He basically thinks that I am his wife and he owns me and he is the boss.  I don't know and where he got that idea - this is the first time I am seeing this side of him.  Let me just explain what happened last night.  We have a social gathering with the co-workers (everyone is married so the spouse were invited).  We had supper and drinks.  My supervisor told me that other co-worker asked if I was going cause I should go and enjoy myself and he was going to buy my drinks and supper if he had too.  I deserved to have a good time.  (I usually just sit at my desk and don't have coffee breaks with them)  Now he did buy my drinks - nice guy.   My husband asked why he was buying my drinks and I said I don't know but Cindy (my supervisor) told me he was going too which I did not think he really was going too.  During the evening laughing and listening - my husband asked why he keeps looking over at me.  Man what a shock - I said what makes you think he is looking at me???  Of Course I can not believe this so instead of getting mad which I don't too often I laughed (mainly cause he always thinks the worse - a total joke) While he got up and walked home.  I am just tired of him thinking that everyguy wants me - And no I am not good looking just an average woman But have a heart of gold.  My concern is that he is pushing me away and I don't know how much more I can take it.  I have told him that if he doesn't stop thinking like this I could not be with him and I will walk away.  (or talk to a counsellor) I would be there to suppose him thru his illness but can not be his wife......  Man what is wrong with this situation. 

Thanks Sandra