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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 845
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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March 27, 2008, 8:23 pm CDT

Thanks for listening

Quote From: peanut_2

For the past  few months my husband health has gone down hill. When I noiticed that his hearing  was gone I thought to myself  how would cummunicate with him. After  while his I started to noiticed that he was not remebering anything at all. We have filed for ssi,but,we haven"t heard anything yet. I wished that they would hurry up,and, tell us something of what they are going to do.

My husband goes to the Dr. again tomorrow and I will try to get him on medicaide tomorrow so he can have an ultra sound of his stomach , they think there is fulid building up .!! But the hospital wants us to pay  for half, thats 150.00 !! Ha ha why does it take so long to get him on medicade?? The stress is over whelming, I say a lot of prayers, thanks for listening
 
March 27, 2008, 8:34 pm CDT

going threw the same thing

Quote From: nana_poot2

My husband goes to the Dr. again tomorrow and I will try to get him on medicaide tomorrow so he can have an ultra sound of his stomach , they think there is fulid building up .!! But the hospital wants us to pay  for half, thats 150.00 !! Ha ha why does it take so long to get him on medicade?? The stress is over whelming, I say a lot of prayers, thanks for listening
 we are going threw the same thing, the Dr. put him on laculose, this is supposed to help with his memory , mental alertness . He starts it tomorrow , I will let you know  how it works .You are in my prayers
 
March 27, 2008, 8:44 pm CDT

Going threw the same thing here

Quote From: peanut_2

For the past  few months my husband health has gone down hill. When I noiticed that his hearing  was gone I thought to myself  how would cummunicate with him. After  while his I started to noiticed that he was not remebering anything at all. We have filed for ssi,but,we haven"t heard anything yet. I wished that they would hurry up,and, tell us something of what they are going to do.

 My husband has been put on laculose, this is supposed to help with memory,  , he starts it tomorrow. He is seeing the Dr. tomorrow to for his bypolar to , FINALLY, I hope some meds will help him , his mood swings are awfull !! Is there such a thing as a Happy Pill!! lol ha ha I have to laugh to keep from cryin all the time and I say a lot of prayers, I will check the board tomorrow Thanks for listening
 
March 31, 2008, 6:02 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: donnamrh

             i HAVE BEEN FIGHTING DEPRESSION AS A RESULT OF LEAVING A VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.  I AM READING POSITIVE THINKING BOOKS AND TRYING TO FOCUS ON MYSELF, RATHER THAN THE MAN I LEFT.  I THINK IT IS GOOD TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS AND IF  YOU NEED TO RELEASE THE ANGER AND HURT IT HELPS.  I TAKE LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH AND TH AT SEEMS TO HELP.  YOU CAN SCREAM YOUR HEAD OFF AND NO ONE WILL HEAR YOU.   I AM ENJOYING WATCHING DR. PHIL AND OPRAH AND ANY OTHER SHOW I WANT.  I WASN'T ALLOWED TO WATCH THOSE PROGRAMS BEFORE.  IT HELPS ME TO READ THESE MESSAGE BOARDS ALSO.

It sounds as though you are taking some positive steps toward recovery. Do you have a good support system (close friends, family, etc)? Surrounding yourself with the right kind of people during a time like this can be very important. You need people in your life who will build you up and encourage you, but also those who won't be afraid to speak a little truth into your life if it looks like you're about to make the same mistake again (by this I mean fall for the same kind of guy).  Don't try to go through this alone.

 

I would encourage you to look into some individual or group counseling as well, for help in processing all you've been through. 

 

Breaking things off with this guy is a giant step toward regaining control of your life. Know it or not, that is a tremendous accomplishment! There are many women who continue to suffer in silence because they don't have your courage.

 

Also, it sounds as though you're learning to enjoy life again--that's awesome! Be proud of yourself and learn to enjoy the journey--you only get the one trip!

 
May 5, 2008, 12:38 am CDT

Truly Alone

  I injured myself at work a couple of weeks ago. I prolapsed my C4/5 disc. Normally it gets better with rest and analgesia inside of 14 days for most people.Mine unfortunately has not. I am swallowing Panadeine Forte & Tramal ( at times) for the pain.  I cannot tolerate NSAIDs. Regardless of how full my stomach is when I take it I get gastritis and diarrhoea after more than one dose and no pain relief. I feel like a zombie. I can't take any analgesia when I have to see the doctor or physiotherapist so it is always a painful session either way I am also taking Lyrica 75mg twice a day. I've been getting neuropathic pain down my arms and into my hands. The Lyrica is helping that pain but at the price of not being able to drive my car because it makes me drowsy , dizzy and affects my balance. I've been told I will have to take it for  some time and the side effect will lessen. I've been taking it for two weeks now and still sway and stagger.

 

  The doctor and physio are going to start some rehab work on Friday to get me fit for work ASAP. In my job there are no light duties so I have to be100% fit to return to work.  I have given my  7mth puppy to my cousins to babysit until I can bend forward to feed and play with her. However, I am having problems doing the housework , cooking meals and grocery shopping. I am single and live alone. My parents live in another state and can do little more than speak to me on the phone. The rest of my family , one brother , one sister and countless cousins, Aunts and Uncles live here in my state. They all keep me at arm's length and offer platitudes. I have asked for actual physical assistance but none of them can manage one hour of their time. If the boot were on the other foot I would drop what I was doing and dig in and help them. They know this because I've done it countless times in the past.

 

  I feel that if I died  tomorrow the only people who would notice would be my employer and the bank. My family don't ever phone me so how would they even know something wasn't right? I feel truly alone. I cannot get support beyond well wishes from my family and I have only one friend. His mother was diagnosed with bowel cancer last week. He relies on me to keep him strong and give him explanations / education about his mother's path fom here on.

 

  Am I just being self-absorbed ? I am normally a very strong woman but I can't cope with this. I'm not simply depressed or an emotional wreck I cannot physically manage to do basic chores due to the pain. I just feel so alone. My physio gave me some exercises to do at home and making the assumption most people do, he told me to get someone to hold my shoulder down while I did the exercises. I have no one unless I can train my Jack Russell pup to sit on my shoulder. Everybody tells me to make sure I'm not too modest to ask for help. Well I'm asking and nobody is willng or able? There is no community service I can use as I'm not considered aged or disabled. I am starting to lose weight from an inadequate diet. I don't know what I can do?

 
May 6, 2008, 6:13 am CDT

PMDD

I am 27, single mother and I suffer from PMDD (Pre-menstrual dymorphic disorder) which affects approx. 7% of women. When I am suffering, some of the symptoms are extreme uncontrollable rage, in which often times i have to seperate myself from my two year old because i feel so out of controll that I am afraid that i may oneday inflict injury on him. (I have never). I have no patience and yell and scream like a crazy women over the dumbest things that normally i could care less about ie, spilled juice. I am extremely fatigued, as if I have mono, and can't get enough sleep. my eating becomes out of control,and i binge eat all day long when i normally barley eat duringh the day and I cry over the smallest of things, and then as soon as that one week is over, i am a completely normal functioning happy person, who has the patience of a GOD. I am wondering if anyone else suffers from this, and how they are able to cope with it. I absolutely feel for the one week I experience PMDD like a complete crazy women, and it affects every part of my life. I guess I'm just hoping that im not the only one here feeling/experiencing this.
 
May 10, 2008, 8:26 pm CDT

Parental Alienation Syndrome

 

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I have always considered myself to be well informed, but I have to say that I am hearing about

Parental Alienation Syndrome for the first time.

 

In the last 8 months my life has been turned upside down due to the fact that my 14 year old daughter went to her fathers one weekend  ( as she had done most of her life )

BUT  this time decided to NEVER come back, she also cut ALL contact with me.

 

I have struggled desperately to understand why she would do this.. Her father & I separated when my daughter was only 2yrs old ... Without ever having to go to court we came to a mutual agreement with regards to custody arraignments.

The arraiggnment was that my daughter would live with me, and visit her father 2 days a week... as well as every other weekend. 

As far as I was concerned Her father and I always had a good relationship, we live in the same town and my daughter was able to see her father any time she liked regardless of "who's day it was to have her"

For 12 years this has been the arraignment, and it worked well. ( So I thought )

 

Granted, I was always aware that her fathers ability and willingness to surround our daughter with her (every and any) materialistic whim & desire could be very luring to her... It also makes it very difficult to work around when the other parent ( ME) lives on a budget and is unable to offer the same materialistic spoils.

 

Her father and I have always had different ideas about enforcing consequences
when it came to our daughter’s bad behavior.

 

(I) have always known that a child will resist the enforcement of consequences and test your limits.
But I also knew that without follow through, nothing has been learned.

She most certainly was not happy when her cell phone was taken away for a while because after repeated warnings she continued to use it in class!...

She was also quite upset when I've had to revoke her after school privileges because I received yet another phone call from the principal’s office about her disruptive behavior. BUT I did it non the less because it is my job to make sure that she grows up to be someone with a good value system that is, honest ,respectful ,trustworthy, compassionate, and just plain well rounded.

 

Her father on the other hand, (although I do not question his love for her),

will almost without exception, cave in under pressure if our child protests the consequences he establishes. He seems to think that giving in to her when she is protesting and that catering to her every materialistic whim & desire is going to produce the same results.

I strongly believe that in doing so he is doing her a disservice!

 

Being a parent can at times be the most challenging job in the world & I am certain I made mistakes along the way...thankfully I have always had a great relationship with my daughter,and when the situation called for it we were always able to sit down and talk about things even if it meant the conversation would end up with me telling her I realized I was wrong, and that I was sorry.

I always felt we were lucky to have that kind of relationship.

There is much I do not know about life, but the one thing I believe without hesitation

is that I have always acted with my daughters best interest at heart and I truly feel that I am a good mother. Which is what makes all of this so puzzling to me.

 

Right now my daughter is enjoying the unsupervised freedom she has at her fathers...

She is enjoying all of the amenities money can buy. And I don't even seem to be a fleeting thought in her mind.

Despite every loving attempt I have made in the last 8 months to contact her so that we can sit down and have a conversation in order to figure this all out ...she remains cold callus and uninterested..

So much so that the way in which she treats me has a unshakable inhumane feel to it.

 

Which brings me back to how I started this letter...

It would be far to involved for me to get into all the details ... But I must say that after reading your entry regarding Parental Alienation Syndrome it sounds very much like what has happen to me.....

But how can I be certain ? What if my child is just acting like a spoiled brat?

Is there a way to tell the difference???

 

:(

 

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May 27, 2008, 2:04 pm CDT

Parenting Adult Children

 I have been watching brat camp this week on Dr. Phil and I can definitely relate to these families.  I as a mother let our daughter manipulate me and be a brat.  I as a mother did not do what I needed to do. We adopted her when she was a year old and she has been angry about being adopted or rejected by her birth parents.  I was not a good parent for her.  I feel like I messed up a lot.
I needed help and did not know how to ask.  Now our daughter is 20.  She left home at 18 and moved in with a 16 yr old boy and his family allowed it.  We have helped them out of jams because we feel sorry for the grandmother that they are living with and mooching off of.   They recently married and had a baby.
The husband has the education of a 6th grader and is lazy.  The grandmother coddles him and is trying to support them.  Our daughter does have a part time job.  Whenever she asks for help, and I say that he needs to work and support them financially she says that he does.  She just gets mad at me and thinks that he is wonderful.  She is very defensive.  I know that we should not help them financially.  Is there anything that we can do to help her help herself?  If anyone has any ideas I would appreciate it.
 
June 5, 2008, 8:47 am CDT

help

Quote From: happytobehere1

 I have been watching brat camp this week on Dr. Phil and I can definitely relate to these families.  I as a mother let our daughter manipulate me and be a brat.  I as a mother did not do what I needed to do. We adopted her when she was a year old and she has been angry about being adopted or rejected by her birth parents.  I was not a good parent for her.  I feel like I messed up a lot.
I needed help and did not know how to ask.  Now our daughter is 20.  She left home at 18 and moved in with a 16 yr old boy and his family allowed it.  We have helped them out of jams because we feel sorry for the grandmother that they are living with and mooching off of.   They recently married and had a baby.
The husband has the education of a 6th grader and is lazy.  The grandmother coddles him and is trying to support them.  Our daughter does have a part time job.  Whenever she asks for help, and I say that he needs to work and support them financially she says that he does.  She just gets mad at me and thinks that he is wonderful.  She is very defensive.  I know that we should not help them financially.  Is there anything that we can do to help her help herself?  If anyone has any ideas I would appreciate it.
i know how you feel.where do we end & what are our rights?my daughter is married-11yr- & has 2 children that i usually babysit for full time. her husband is trying to keep a home maintenance  company going that caused his father to go bankrupt but he thinks he can make it work.she is a full time teacher.in the last year they have had their vehicle repossed-we gave them money to get it back-almost lost their house-we gave them money to save it.borrowed money from my mother to fix a truck for his business. they finally lost the house,  had the vehicle repossed for good, have not paid anyone back & haven't paid me-babysitting- for 10 weeks.if he does get a contract he doesn't get paid -so he says. they screw up the job, because he isn't good at this stuff & the 2 guys he hired drink & he drives around "getting new business" instead of staying & doing the work himself. he wants to "run the business not do the work." i finally told my daughter that i felt they would be better off him staying home to daycare & not worry about paying anyone-me.he had decided to get a job but says there are no office jobs out there. he is so not an office job person.so he is keeping the business-not- & now they are mad at me because of what i suggested.noi am not babysitting, they got his mother  who got fired from her job.& he pretends to run this business.Im so disapointed in her for not standing u to him, & for turning on me.
 
June 19, 2008, 10:03 pm CDT

Nosey!

Is there anyone out there who has a spouse or someone they know who has lost their nose, top lip, upper palate, facial and forehead bones and part of their brain to  a cancer of any kind, especially, Ameloblastic carcinoma.


My husband lost all of that to this cancer and we haven't met anyone yet who suffers from this.I called the American Cancer society and they couldn't help.


It has been so hard. I think it would help to see, talk to and hear from others who have gone through this. We often feel so alone.

 
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