Hi all,
I've been with my husband for the last 10 years and he's always been moody and occassionally difficult... but I love him anyway. However, we just purchased a new home in a new state (we are from Maryland, but since real estate is so expensive for first homebuyers, we bought a house in West Virginia - very near Maryland, but the property values/taxes are about 1/3 what they cost in Maryland).
This apparently triggered a very bad reaction in my husband. He is from a close knit family of five children - all of which have bought homes within 5 miles of their parents. They are all grown (he is the baby of the family - his next to oldest brother is 10 years older than him). Even though we are only an hour and a half away, it is a huge culture shock for him.
This area is far more rural than what he is used to. He is used to the Baltimore/Washington Metroplex, where shopping, restaurants, movie theaters, etc. are on every street corner. In WV, it is much quieter, even though we are very close to urban centers like Frederick, Hagerstown, Charles Town, Winchester. Though it is a 1/2 hour drive, not a 5 minute drive.
It frustrates me because it was his idea to move out there to begin with... He wanted a larger house, and the only way we could afford it was to buy in the outskirts. I don't think he thought it through, however I supported his idea. I'm happy and getting adjusted to the new location, but he is miserable.
He had to switch jobs, and his home, and move away from his family. No doubt, a difficult transistion. However, the reaction he is having is far beyond a reaction to stress and transition.
I'm afraid he is severly depressed. No, I know he is. He talks about how he is a failure and how he hates it there and hates himself and how he hates his job (his new one isn't what he was expecting at all). He lashes out at me and says I don't understand, along with other meaner, angry things... and then the next day apologizes for being so harsh.
It is really worrying me because he is starting to talk about suicide. I suggest, and then plead with him to talk to somebody, but he argues he can't take off work (he is working 10-12 hours a day, 5-6 days a week at a job he's only been at for a month - and that's okay by his work because he's salary), nor would he even seek help if he had the time.
I'm worried because he needs a job to be able to afford the house payments and other bills (he took off 2 months when we moved - leaving me to be the only income, which caused us to become behind on bills which we haven't even caught up on when he talks about quitting again!)
He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child (he claims he was patient zero), and was (according to him) a test subject on dosing of Ritalin. I don't know if "overdosing" on Ritalin can cause adult emotional disorders like depression, panic attacks, anxiety... he is still very "hyperactive" and impulsive, suffers from sleep disturbances (insomnia and nightmares), and has difficulty with (what he calls) competitiveness.
He is brilliant, and can get straight A's when it counts, but he seems to never feel like he's achieved anything. He starts and never finishes projects. He's also hurt himself (hitting himself in the face or smashing his face against a hard surface), when he gets really upset. He thinks he is ugly (he is not).
It is very overwhelming for me. To some degree, he's always been like this... not really bad... every once in a while under extreme distress. But now, everything is happening all at once, constantly. I don't know what to do.. I ask him to go get help. I listen to him and attempt to comfort him (sometimes I try to "ignore" him when he starts acting 'badly' because it almost seems he is seeking a reaction from me).
I just wanted to get it out there, maybe get some ideas on how to coax him into talking to a professional.
What can I do to make things better?
