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May 10, 2008, 8:26 pm PDT

Parental Alienation Syndrome

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I have always considered myself to be well informed, but I have to say that I am hearing about

Parental Alienation Syndrome for the first time.

In the last 8 months my life has been turned upside down due to the fact that my 14 year old daughter went to her fathers one weekend ( as she had done most of her life )

BUT this time decided to NEVER come back, she also cut ALL contact with me.

I have struggled desperately to understand why she would do this.. Her father & I separated when my daughter was only 2yrs old ... Without ever having to go to court we came to a mutual agreement with regards to custody arraignments.

The arraiggnment was that my daughter would live with me, and visit her father 2 days a week... as well as every other weekend.

As far as I was concerned Her father and I always had a good relationship, we live in the same town and my daughter was able to see her father any time she liked regardless of "who's day it was to have her"

For 12 years this has been the arraignment, and it worked well. ( So I thought )

Granted, I was always aware that her fathers ability and willingness to surround our daughter with her (every and any) materialistic whim & desire could be very luring to her... It also makes it very difficult to work around when the other parent ( ME) lives on a budget and is unable to offer the same materialistic spoils.

Her father and I have always had different ideas about enforcing consequences
when it came to our daughter’s bad behavior.

(I) have always known that a child will resist the enforcement of consequences and test your limits.
But I also knew that without follow through, nothing has been learned.

She most certainly was not happy when her cell phone was taken away for a while because after repeated warnings she continued to use it in class!...

She was also quite upset when I've had to revoke her after school privileges because I received yet another phone call from the principal’s office about her disruptive behavior. BUT I did it non the less because it is my job to make sure that she grows up to be someone with a good value system that is, honest ,respectful ,trustworthy, compassionate, and just plain well rounded.

Her father on the other hand, (although I do not question his love for her),

will almost without exception, cave in under pressure if our child protests the consequences he establishes. He seems to think that giving in to her when she is protesting and that catering to her every materialistic whim & desire is going to produce the same results.

I strongly believe that in doing so he is doing her a disservice!

Being a parent can at times be the most challenging job in the world & I am certain I made mistakes along the way...thankfully I have always had a great relationship with my daughter,and when the situation called for it we were always able to sit down and talk about things even if it meant the conversation would end up with me telling her I realized I was wrong, and that I was sorry.

I always felt we were lucky to have that kind of relationship.

There is much I do not know about life, but the one thing I believe without hesitation

is that I have always acted with my daughters best interest at heart and I truly feel that I am a good mother. Which is what makes all of this so puzzling to me.

Right now my daughter is enjoying the unsupervised freedom she has at her fathers...

She is enjoying all of the amenities money can buy. And I don't even seem to be a fleeting thought in her mind.

Despite every loving attempt I have made in the last 8 months to contact her so that we can sit down and have a conversation in order to figure this all out ...she remains cold callus and uninterested..

So much so that the way in which she treats me has a unshakable inhumane feel to it.

Which brings me back to how I started this letter...

It would be far to involved for me to get into all the details ... But I must say that after reading your entry regarding Parental Alienation Syndrome it sounds very much like what has happen to me.....

But how can I be certain ? What if my child is just acting like a spoiled brat?

Is there a way to tell the difference???

:(

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happytobehere1

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May 27, 2008, 2:04 pm PDT

Parenting Adult Children

I have been watching brat camp this week on Dr. Phil and I can definitely relate to these families. I as a mother let our daughter manipulate me and be a brat. I as a mother did not do what I needed to do. We adopted her when she was a year old and she has been angry about being adopted or rejected by her birth parents. I was not a good parent for her. I feel like I messed up a lot.
I needed help and did not know how to ask. Now our daughter is 20. She left home at 18 and moved in with a 16 yr old boy and his family allowed it. We have helped them out of jams because we feel sorry for the grandmother that they are living with and mooching off of. They recently married and had a baby.
The husband has the education of a 6th grader and is lazy. The grandmother coddles him and is trying to support them. Our daughter does have a part time job. Whenever she asks for help, and I say that he needs to work and support them financially she says that he does. She just gets mad at me and thinks that he is wonderful. She is very defensive. I know that we should not help them financially. Is there anything that we can do to help her help herself? If anyone has any ideas I would appreciate it.

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mommyout

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June 5, 2008, 8:47 am PDT

help

Quote From: happytobehere1

I have been watching brat camp this week on Dr. Phil and I can definitely relate to these families. I as a mother let our daughter manipulate me and be a brat. I as a mother did not do what I needed to do. We adopted her when she was a year old and she has been angry about being adopted or rejected by her birth parents. I was not a good parent for her. I feel like I messed up a lot.
I needed help and did not know how to ask. Now our daughter is 20. She left home at 18 and moved in with a 16 yr old boy and his family allowed it. We have helped them out of jams because we feel sorry for the grandmother that they are living with and mooching off of. They recently married and had a baby.
The husband has the education of a 6th grader and is lazy. The grandmother coddles him and is trying to support them. Our daughter does have a part time job. Whenever she asks for help, and I say that he needs to work and support them financially she says that he does. She just gets mad at me and thinks that he is wonderful. She is very defensive. I know that we should not help them financially. Is there anything that we can do to help her help herself? If anyone has any ideas I would appreciate it.

i know how you feel.where do we end & what are our rights?my daughter is married-11yr- & has 2 children that i usually babysit for full time. her husband is trying to keep a home maintenance company going that caused his father to go bankrupt but he thinks he can make it work.she is a full time teacher.in the last year they have had their vehicle repossed-we gave them money to get it back-almost lost their house-we gave them money to save it.borrowed money from my mother to fix a truck for his business. they finally lost the house, had the vehicle repossed for good, have not paid anyone back & haven't paid me-babysitting- for 10 weeks.if he does get a contract he doesn't get paid -so he says. they screw up the job, because he isn't good at this stuff & the 2 guys he hired drink & he drives around "getting new business" instead of staying & doing the work himself. he wants to "run the business not do the work." i finally told my daughter that i felt they would be better off him staying home to daycare & not worry about paying anyone-me.he had decided to get a job but says there are no office jobs out there. he is so not an office job person.so he is keeping the business-not- & now they are mad at me because of what i suggested.noi am not babysitting, they got his mother who got fired from her job.& he pretends to run this business.Im so disapointed in her for not standing u to him, & for turning on me.

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sassycaregiver

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June 19, 2008, 10:03 pm PDT

Nosey!

Is there anyone out there who has a spouse or someone they know who has lost their nose, top lip, upper palate, facial and forehead bones and part of their brain to a cancer of any kind, especially, Ameloblastic carcinoma.

My husband lost all of that to this cancer and we haven't met anyone yet who suffers from this.I called the American Cancer society and they couldn't help.

It has been so hard. I think it would help to see, talk to and hear from others who have gone through this. We often feel so alone.

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emocutie4life

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June 19, 2008, 10:45 pm PDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Alrighty, I'm 16 and i was diagnosed with depression when i was 14, and frankly i really don't believe that anything the "system" does help. People don't seem to understand that depression takes a long time to recover from, you can't just shove meds down our throats and lock us up in mental hospitals expecting everything to be ok, its not. You can't rush someone into being ok, and parents, spouses, friends, family members, just can't seem to follow the concept. I've sat here patiently for 3 years having therapist after therapist tell me that everything will be ok, just do what they say and it'll be fine. Got great news, never worked! There's a shocker, my life hasn't seemed to change from people bugging me or from taking annoying little pills. I'm seriously not trying to be some spoiled brat, or teen agnst, but i honestly do not believe that you can fix medical conditions with medication, there has to be a better way. I don't think people really see how frustrating it is when your doing everything your therapist says or suggests, and you take the little happy pills, and your still a depressed junkie. Pychiatrists (I know that's spelled wrong) job is to play the guessing game, which is all fine and dandy, until your patient feels suicidal and follows through. I'm tired of not having support from family, or friends, or whoever, and when i turn to the counselor's side. I'm their little guinea pig, and all they can suggest is bringing up a dose or trying another med that most likely won't do the job either. It's basically come to the realization that i will most likely not get any better from this, i mean i'm the girl who does the cycle. I would just kill to know exactly why is it meds are supposed to help, cause maybe there's something i'm not seeing.

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mysteryeyes10

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July 14, 2008, 5:29 am PDT

I know what you mean

Quote From: emocutie4life

Alrighty, I'm 16 and i was diagnosed with depression when i was 14, and frankly i really don't believe that anything the "system" does help. People don't seem to understand that depression takes a long time to recover from, you can't just shove meds down our throats and lock us up in mental hospitals expecting everything to be ok, its not. You can't rush someone into being ok, and parents, spouses, friends, family members, just can't seem to follow the concept. I've sat here patiently for 3 years having therapist after therapist tell me that everything will be ok, just do what they say and it'll be fine. Got great news, never worked! There's a shocker, my life hasn't seemed to change from people bugging me or from taking annoying little pills. I'm seriously not trying to be some spoiled brat, or teen agnst, but i honestly do not believe that you can fix medical conditions with medication, there has to be a better way. I don't think people really see how frustrating it is when your doing everything your therapist says or suggests, and you take the little happy pills, and your still a depressed junkie. Pychiatrists (I know that's spelled wrong) job is to play the guessing game, which is all fine and dandy, until your patient feels suicidal and follows through. I'm tired of not having support from family, or friends, or whoever, and when i turn to the counselor's side. I'm their little guinea pig, and all they can suggest is bringing up a dose or trying another med that most likely won't do the job either. It's basically come to the realization that i will most likely not get any better from this, i mean i'm the girl who does the cycle. I would just kill to know exactly why is it meds are supposed to help, cause maybe there's something i'm not seeing.

Just sent a long winded note to Dr. Phil.

I am in the same place as you. The Dr.'s most of the time are just RX writers.

I hope you are doing better. For me, finding out my Mom is dying of brain cancer and my daughter having her own issues and living 5 minutes from me, I haven't seen her since 11/07. Really depressing.

My email is beckintx@hotmail.com if you'd like to talk.

If you contact me, it would probably help me and you both....

Becky in Texas

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maggiesparky

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July 21, 2008, 4:09 pm PDT

husband has bipolar please help

I am a 30 year old women, with two kids girl 5, boy 10, and living with a BIPOLAR husband. all's i can say is that I HAVE BEEN THERE and BEEN THROUGH JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING and STILL DON‘T UNDERSTAND. (the lying, cheating if you can think it, he has done it.)
For example, 12 months ago we bought a new home, two weeks after that we needed a new car. my husband at that time became stressed and went into a manic state. We had only been in our new home for about a month, and he said he was leaving. He moved in with a 42yr. old woman that he had only know for about 2 weeks from a bar. She has 2 kids that she doesn't take care of, tatoos all over, doesn't how to drive and lives in a one room apt. He lived there for about 2 weeks, would not talk to me or the kids, and his sons birthday was that week ( can you believe how bad that was.) In 2 wks. time he spend $6,000, got engaged to her, yes he brought a $50.00 ring, and had her NAME tatoo on him. After, he did that he woke from his manic state, left her and never talked to her again. And that's part of my story. Today, we are together and trying to work it out. The doctor’s we go to say things like this can happen. But how can I get over this and believe in him again. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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mommyofrcmj

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July 26, 2008, 12:12 am PDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: maggiesparky

I am a 30 year old women, with two kids girl 5, boy 10, and living with a BIPOLAR husband. all's i can say is that I HAVE BEEN THERE and BEEN THROUGH JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING and STILL DONT UNDERSTAND. (the lying, cheating if you can think it, he has done it.)
For example, 12 months ago we bought a new home, two weeks after that we needed a new car. my husband at that time became stressed and went into a manic state. We had only been in our new home for about a month, and he said he was leaving. He moved in with a 42yr. old woman that he had only know for about 2 weeks from a bar. She has 2 kids that she doesn't take care of, tatoos all over, doesn't how to drive and lives in a one room apt. He lived there for about 2 weeks, would not talk to me or the kids, and his sons birthday was that week ( can you believe how bad that was.) In 2 wks. time he spend $6,000, got engaged to her, yes he brought a $50.00 ring, and had her NAME tatoo on him. After, he did that he woke from his manic state, left her and never talked to her again. And that's part of my story. Today, we are together and trying to work it out. The doctors we go to say things like this can happen. But how can I get over this and believe in him again. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry you are going thru all this. And it all sounds so familuar. My brother is bi polar and has had simular behavior. He has left his wife and 3 children. Told his wife that he wished he had never had a family. Its been a long haul for them. My mother is also bipolar and it was so hard growing up with a parent who was always trying to take her life. Can I suggest going to www.truehope.com Your family will be in my prayers. Love to you

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blcole

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July 26, 2008, 4:01 pm PDT

someone who understands

Quote From: emocutie4life

Alrighty, I'm 16 and i was diagnosed with depression when i was 14, and frankly i really don't believe that anything the "system" does help. People don't seem to understand that depression takes a long time to recover from, you can't just shove meds down our throats and lock us up in mental hospitals expecting everything to be ok, its not. You can't rush someone into being ok, and parents, spouses, friends, family members, just can't seem to follow the concept. I've sat here patiently for 3 years having therapist after therapist tell me that everything will be ok, just do what they say and it'll be fine. Got great news, never worked! There's a shocker, my life hasn't seemed to change from people bugging me or from taking annoying little pills. I'm seriously not trying to be some spoiled brat, or teen agnst, but i honestly do not believe that you can fix medical conditions with medication, there has to be a better way. I don't think people really see how frustrating it is when your doing everything your therapist says or suggests, and you take the little happy pills, and your still a depressed junkie. Pychiatrists (I know that's spelled wrong) job is to play the guessing game, which is all fine and dandy, until your patient feels suicidal and follows through. I'm tired of not having support from family, or friends, or whoever, and when i turn to the counselor's side. I'm their little guinea pig, and all they can suggest is bringing up a dose or trying another med that most likely won't do the job either. It's basically come to the realization that i will most likely not get any better from this, i mean i'm the girl who does the cycle. I would just kill to know exactly why is it meds are supposed to help, cause maybe there's something i'm not seeing.

I am so sorry you have had to live with diease a such an early age. I also grew up with depression and I do know how you feel. I was fortunate to meet some very understanding people that helped me understand what caused the depression to begin to show itself at 14-16. I will not go into details on what happened to me that caused my mind to try and find a way to deal and wasn't able to. I am 50 years old now and I am still diagnosed with depression. With that said I have to also tell you that I did the medication thing, The phychotherapist the hospital all of it. Read Dr Phils book Self Matters and if you read the Bible read the 4th Chapter of Phillipians. I do not take any perscription medication for my depression any more I went to the organic ones you would need to choose the ones right for yourself. But I helped myself by reminding myself life has to be better, I began to find things that intrest me, found myself a hobby. And just to let you know one more time I understand I also raised a son that is bipolar-manic derpession/multiple personality diorder. If you would like to email me and talk to me you may at ibcrazzy2@hotmail.com

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stayc215

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August 18, 2008, 10:08 pm PDT

Please read story, sign petition, help

Please sign the petition if you agree. Please send the petiton to all you know so that we may show the courts that alot of people, citizens, tax payers, are not pleased with their handling of the situation when it comes to Law and Justice for the Muhammed Kids. The link is below: Please copy and paste URL into your browser. Thank you. http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/savethemuhammedkids1234/
The petition
The court has not repsected the kid's rights to have a safe, drug free,sex abuse free, nurturing environment. Instead they have been subjected to drug abuse, felony sex abuse, neglect, mental abuse, and physical abuse. Kids were told by mom that she wouldn't ever want to see them again if dad got custody so they opt to not say anything when given the chance because of the pressure of what mom said- the mental abuse. The kids have said without saying that they do want help but they don't want to be the reason why they are saved or taken away from mom since this is something they would have to live with but can and will accept it being done by the hands of someone else- the cry out for help. With all the evidence against the mom, the courts did not remove the kids yet they did take summer's away from dad but allowed him to keep his every weekend parenting time and increase child support to mom as a result of him taking her to court about the drug abuse and sex abuse. Both mom and minor have failed drug tests, furthermore,Father had to find out of the abuse from the mom's own mother whom had to hear it from someone else. Her own mom has called CPS on her, doctor's have called CPS on her, neighbors have called CPS on her, and the cops threatened to call CPS on her because she wouldn't cooperate with the investigation, but to no avail. She didn't even take the minor to the hospital after learning of the repeated felony sexual abuse-the neglect. Also these disgusting acts happened during the times that the dad was suppose to have minor but mom did not send her out of vengence.-Kept child from loving and caring dad but failed to protect minor from felon who lived at their home. Lets save these kids, godwilling. All it takes is a signature. If you feel as though if evidence can prove all the above allegations are indeed true, again, only if the evidence presented to the court does indeed prove all the abuse above to be true, then the kids should very well be removed from this custodial home then please sign this petition. Again the evidence presented to the courts include, repeated felony sex abuse of a minor in mom's custody during the dad's parenting time weekends(the felon aka cousin's live in boyfriend at mom's home is in jail awaiting trial right now), drug use/abuse of adult and minor(test were given to both and both mom and child failed for same drug also mom's van was confiscated by police in 2007 because of the same drug in van)-courts gave a sob story as to why she can't take kids to doctor's or get employment because of no transportation when the same courts have evidence and knows that the van was impounded on drug offense so now she's the victim and still didn't learn her lesson because she failed a drug test on June 18, 2008, physical abuse of minor, mental abuse of minor, and neglect of minor(minor was not taken to doctor's, hospital or nothing after sexual assault until dad found out about the assault over a month later, then he took the minor right away; she was more concerned about dad finding out and losing custody than the possibility of the minor being pregnant or have a STD),so because of this lack of evidence this also makes the case weak so the felon may very well get off. The Friend of the Court's solution to all of this was to take summer time away from the dad so the kids are forced to be in this environment even more so and to increase his child support payments, and take his legal custody away. Dad is drug free, has religious morals, Works and Goes to school, currently has one son and three step kids.The kids in his care are on honor roll and doing well.This man had tears in his eyes when he asked for my help, he wonders if one of the kids would have to die before they finally help them, so here I am trying to get him help. Please sign petition and please pass it on. These kids need our help. UPDATE: Mom is being evicted AGAIN August 20, 2008-4th eviction in 4 years. When dad brings issues like this up the Friend of the court says he's "borderline obsessive" of mom so in other words he has alot of evidence against her but instead of acknowledging this its easier to put him down. The evaluator also said though mom makes poor decisions there will be no change of custody because of his wanting to control the mom. In other words him telling mom not to have drugs around his kids, give him his kids on the weekends and during the summer when he is suppose to have them anyway per court order, is him attempting to control her. Friend of the court used such a big word to describe dad-borderline obsessive- but mom and minor being on drugs and mom not following court orders resulted in the minor being raped several times on different occassions were just referred to as "poor decisions". She also said there was no evidence warding for change when he turned in the police report mom and minor made to the cops about rape, not him, the transcript of testimony from child in court about the rapes, test results of minor who failed drug tests, and mom failed drug test given by Friend of Court, yet their main concern is money. If dad gets custody then they can no longer make money off his kids. He would take care of them and they would be out of the system.Last but not least the Friend of the court admits or shall I say favored him as being the parent who is capable of maintaining food, clothing, and medical care for the kids. They had a choice of favoring him, mom, or they could have said both parents are equal when it comes to providing these things yet the mom was totally knocked out the equation and it went solely to dad. Aren't food, medical care, and clothing the basic things we need in life to survive?-but according to the same people who wrote this, its better for them to live at the home where getting these essential things to survive may or may not be a possibility.So they admit she's not the best caretaker but they don't admit that she does help the state get more money for her carelessness. Again HELP THESE KIDS. If you know of anyone who can help then please email to the sponsor on the right of petition to contact dad directly. Thank you.

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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parenting Adult Children

help

Nosey!

Giving and Receiving Support

I know what you mean

husband has bipolar please help

Giving and Receiving Support

someone who understands

Please read story, sign petition, help