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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 878
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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November 2, 2005, 10:39 am PST

Lost my Mom

  Hi! I lost my Mom on Sept.6,2005 

we did not know she was sick, One day I'm having a cut of tea with her and the next day she was gone, 

  I miss her so much ,we were best friends,I cry all the time,I only think of Mom. 

I forget to pay a lot of bills because Mom  is the only thing I think about. 

some time I wish I can go where she is. 

but I have a husband and a daughter. 

Please help me with this. 

I live in florida 

  

Jeannie 

 
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Stressed

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upset
November 2, 2005, 11:47 am PST

lost mom on Sept.1,2005

Quote From: jeannie454

  Hi! I lost my Mom on Sept.6,2005 

we did not know she was sick, One day I'm having a cut of tea with her and the next day she was gone, 

  I miss her so much ,we were best friends,I cry all the time,I only think of Mom. 

I forget to pay a lot of bills because Mom  is the only thing I think about. 

some time I wish I can go where she is. 

but I have a husband and a daughter. 

Please help me with this. 

I live in florida 

  

Jeannie 

Hi Jeannie, My name is Kim I too lost my mom a couple of months ago.  My mom was diabetic for 23 years,she had Kidney failure for 7 years andwas on dialysis for 7 years. she had hypertension. but saying all that to say this With all her ilness  if you met her you would never think that she was sick.She had a good heart and I can understand why god called on to her because she was trully an angel on earth.  I think about her everyday and yes i still cant understand why she is gone. The night before her death my father a just been released from the hospital cause of his hypertension. And my mother was so worried about my fater , thinking that maybe his doctor shouldnt have released him yet because he had seem to be still sick when he got home.  Me my mom my father my 2 sisters and my brother were all togather laughing and joking.  We were laughing so hard that we all were in tears. We were up till lil after midnight .  The next morning my mom and father left for dialysis in different cabs headed to diferent dialysis centers(like usually) I never saw my parents leave but i heard them take off aroudn 4:45a.m. to arrive a dilysis at 5:00a.m. the rest of the house did there usual morning routine either headed to work or to school. at 9:37a.m. i recieved the most devistating call " to get to the hospital asap something is wrong with my mom" Immediatley leaving class i went to the hospital and was tooken to the confirmation room to hear of my mothers death(Cardiac arrest).  Seeing my mom laying ther lifeless with breathing tubes in her mouth I instantly was angry with god.  But now kind of being in the right state of mind I thank God for that one last night with my mother because it was him that put all of us togather that one last night .  Be thankful for your last day with your mom having a cup of tea.  I now understand the saying"here today ;gone tomorrow" I too lost not just a mother but an bestfriend also.  I shared everything with my mother and was very close to my mom.  I no longer have her here physically but i have her here in spirit.  Since her death i sort of excluded others out of my life.  I sometimes wish i was with my mom but like you i have an husband and two precious lil girs to care for.  I know it hurt and it probably is going to hurt for a long time.  So coming from some body who lost there mom exactly two months ago like you , try hard to stay strong and seek god when find yourself on the edge and ready to jump ask the lord for the strength to go on with your life.  kimmie1 

 
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November 2, 2005, 12:08 pm PST

not sure

Quote From: heather81

Four years ago my father passed away from brain tumors. He was 49 and I was 20. My dad and I were always very close.  A month prior to his passing I was taking care of him while my mom worked and I discovered due to his suspisious behavior that he was having and affair on my mom who he had been married to for 20 years.  I was completely shocked.  I knew i had to tell my mom but that was one of the hardest decisions ive ever had to make.  He was dying and this was the last of his time on earth, i really didnt want to hurt my mom that way.  But I told her and she was crushed.  We both continued to care for him and I realized that i had to forgive him for what he did before he died or i wouldnt be able to live with myself.  I forgave him but to this day i wonder if i made the right decision.  I made peace with my dad and told him how much I loved him before he died, i like to think it was the 28 tumors in his brain that caused him to choose to have an affair but I just dont know.  It was just his four year anniversary of his death and its still hard everyday.  In addition my mom is remarrying on Saturday so im trying to be happy for her but deep im hurting.  NOt that i dont like the guy just that its not my dad.......Any advice would be appreciated 

Thanks 

Hi Heather, I just lost my mom 2 months ago so does it get better i dont know the answer to that but I say to be srong because i know it hurts.  I also was thinking maybe you can help me with something how long was before your mom starting dating again?  Because since my mom death my dad started to things he didnt usually do.  And startinting to recieve more privte phone calls than usually .  Im sort of upset about the whole thing because i remember him holding my mom hand when she died and telling her that he would never marry again and there is no woman that can take her place and then now he out dating.( I know he said he wouldnt marry and nothing about dating) but i am very upset about this and I know that it may because he miss my mom and he is lonely but i probably could and would accept it better if my mom grave wasnt still fresh while all this is taking place.  so I say that to say this would i be out of place if i mention my feelings toward this to him? keep in mind I am a very mature married 23 years old and know how address him in very respectful manner.  or should i leave it alone and let him grieve in his own way?  kimmie1 
 
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angry
November 2, 2005, 12:23 pm PST

Get help for the kids.

Quote From: fritangela

I have an uncle named gary.He has a daughter named stacy,and i found out about 2 months ago,that he has another daughter named christina.Well i just had a baby girl and shes now 4 months.Christina had a baby boy about a month ago.She seemed very nice, and when she held my baby girl,she was very gentle,and sweet with her.I wanted to become close to her,to welcome her more into the family.Because stacy was very jealous,and my family never wanted to be around her,which seemed very weird.So i felt sorry for her,and i was very nice,and talkative to her.When she had her son,the next day she called me for a babysitter.I was very suprised.I saidno @hat she should bond with her baby.I asked her why.and she said because she wanted to go to a movie with her boyfriend.From that day forward it was like she only called me for a babysitter.Well she came down from florida because her babys daddy kicked her out.So she found her dad gary,and asked to move in with him.He said yes.so shes now living here in california.her son isnt growing right.Hes still as much as he weighed when he was born.he has very bad skin,and i was starting to get curious.I found out that shes on meth.I couldn't believe it.Well shes now on her way back to florida with her baby and her older daughter.shes about 5.She can not handle 2 kids,especially her being on drugs.Nobody in my family seems to care about these kids and no one is doing anything about it.So what do i do.Im only 18.And i dont really have an option.Do i turn her in?or call the cops? i need some advice.Please.I want to do something before she leaves on the 15th.
You seem to be very smart for 18 and have a warm heart.  You also seem to be the smartest one in your family (no offense to any one) I say you should call Social service on her asap get them kids away from her before she leave.  Meth is very serious and dangerous drug and those innocent children can get hurt cause of her nasty habit.  She also need to get her self help for her nast drug habit. PLEASE GET THOSE CHILDREN INTO A SAFE PLACE BEFORE SHE TAKE OFF!  I am not saying you have to take on the responsibility of the kids because you have responsibility of your own but one phone call can do more than enough.
 
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happy
November 3, 2005, 5:41 am PST

Diabetes support

I AM A 43 YR OLD MALE, WHO WAS 2 YRS AGO DIANOSED WITH DIABETES. TYPE 2 DIABETES TO BE TREATED WITH DIET AND MEDS. THANK GOODNESS I DO NOT HAVE TO RELY ON INSULLIN AT THIS POINT... THE HARDEST PART FOR ME ARE THE DIET AND THE MEDICATION, BECAUSE THE MEDICATION COSTS ARE SO APPAULINGLY HIGH AT THIS POINT THAT I'M HAVING TO GO THROUGH A MAIL ORDER PRESCRIPTION PROGRAM. FOR EXAMPLE, A RETAIL PHARMACY  WANTED $35 FOR A 30 DAY SUPPLY OF MEDICATION. HOWEVER, WHEN I LOOKED INTO THE MAIL ORDER DRUG PLAN THROUGH MY INSURANCE CARRIER THEY WANTED THE SAME PRICE BUT FOR A 90 DAY SUPPLY. 

 

I WOULD REALLY AND TRULY LIKE SOME ADVICE ON DIETING, MONITORING, ETC. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME. 

 
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hopeful
November 3, 2005, 10:29 am PST

I offer this simple thing to all who need our love and support....(HUGS)

To All, 

I offer this to all that need love and support for all the GOOD & the BAD times in our lives....*s* 

When my heart was heavy, hurt and confused...when I felt the most lost and frustrated with those that lack compassion for other's than themselves, a friend sent me the following wisdom. I helped me see that the world is part of all of us, as we are ALL part of the world. It helps me stay balanced, and especially true to myself and who I truly am within myself. 

I'm having a terrible time myself right now, and I keep these words in my wallet. I take them out when I get frustrated with trying to communicate with those that will not "listen".  I hope that although the person I'm trying to get through to at that moment is not listening...perhaps instead I can "listen" to someone else that has a greater need at the moment to be "heard". 

Wolfweep's 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

  

NATIVE AMERICAN SPIRITUALISM     
 

Native American Code Of Ethics  

  

1.`` Rise with the sun to pray. Pray alone. Pray often. The Great Spirit will listen, if you only speak.
 

2.`` Be tolerant of those who are lost on their path. Ignorance, conceit, anger, jealousy, and greed stem from a lost soul. Pray that they will find guidance.
 

3.`` Search for yourself, by yourself. Do not allow others to make your path for you. It is your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
 

4.`` Treat the guests in your home with much consideration. Serve them the best food, give them the best bed and treat them with respect and honor.
 

5.`` Do not take what is not yours whether from a person, a community, the wilderness or from a culture. It was not earned nor given. It is not yours.
 

6.`` Respect all things that are placed upon this earth - whether it be people or plant.
 

7.`` Honor other people's thoughts, wishes and words. Never interrupt another or mock or rudely mimic them. Allow each person the right to personal expression.
 

8.`` Never speak of others in a bad way. The negative energy that you put out into the universe will multiply when it returns to you.
 

9.`` All persons make mistakes. And all mistakes can be forgiven.
 

10.`` Bad thoughts cause illness of the mind, body and spirit. Practice optimism.
 

11.`` Nature is not FOR us, it is a PART of us. They are part of your worldly family.
 

12.`` Children are the seeds of our future. Plant love in their hearts and water them with wisdom and life's lessons. When they are grown, give them space to grow.
 

13.`` Avoid hurting the hearts of others. The poison of your pain will return to you.
 

14.`` Be truthful at all times. Honesty is the test of ones will within this universe.
 

15.`` Keep yourself balanced. Your Mental self, Spiritual self, Emotional self, and Physical self - all need to be strong, pure and healthy. Work out the body to strengthen the mind. Grow rich in spirit to cure emotional ails.
 

16.`` Make conscious decisions as to who you will be and how you will react. Be responsible for your own actions.
 

17.`` Respect the privacy and personal space of others. Do not touch the personal property of others - especially sacred and religious objects. This is forbidden.
 

18.`` Be true to yourself first. You cannot nurture and help others if you cannot nurture and help yourself first.
 

19.`` Respect others religious beliefs. Do not force your belief on others.
 

20.`` Share your good fortune with others. Participate in charity.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~The Native Americans have a saying.....
What is Life? Life is the flash of the firefly at night. Or the breath of the buffalo on a cold winter's morning. Life is like the small shadow that runs along the tops of the grasses until it gets lost. It is not long nor is it short. It is just Life.  

Author Unknown  

  

 


 
 

 
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November 3, 2005, 2:33 pm PST

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: kimmie1

Hi Heather, I just lost my mom 2 months ago so does it get better i dont know the answer to that but I say to be srong because i know it hurts.  I also was thinking maybe you can help me with something how long was before your mom starting dating again?  Because since my mom death my dad started to things he didnt usually do.  And startinting to recieve more privte phone calls than usually .  Im sort of upset about the whole thing because i remember him holding my mom hand when she died and telling her that he would never marry again and there is no woman that can take her place and then now he out dating.( I know he said he wouldnt marry and nothing about dating) but i am very upset about this and I know that it may because he miss my mom and he is lonely but i probably could and would accept it better if my mom grave wasnt still fresh while all this is taking place.  so I say that to say this would i be out of place if i mention my feelings toward this to him? keep in mind I am a very mature married 23 years old and know how address him in very respectful manner.  or should i leave it alone and let him grieve in his own way?  kimmie1 

Hey Kimmie, 

  

You asked the right person for advice on this.  First off thanks for writing me back I appreciate any advice I can get.  When my dad passed away my mom said a lot of the same things your father said.  I wont marry again and no one can take my dads place.  And you know what she wasnt lying.  No one can ever take my dads place and both her and I know this.  My mom started dating about a year after my dad died.  But you know what, I think everyone deals with death in a different way.  Perhaps your dad just needs that compainionship and support and this is how he is going about getting it.  I had a huge problem with my mom dating again.  My dad has been gone for four years and I had a hard time with her marrying again.  I really had to convince myself that it was very selfish of me to deny her of that, she is a wonderful woman who deserves to be happy and have that compainionship.  I think you are having a hard time because you miss your mom so much and that is the same exact way that I felt.  I personally think that you should confront you dad on your feelings.  I am 24 and married and my family has always had a very open relationship, i confronted my mom about my thoughts on her dating and she is the one who was there to comfort me it never hurts to be open about your feelings if you do it in a respectful way and remember he is hurting too.  I just want you to know that I have gone through exactly what you are going through now. I would love to help you as much as i can because it is a long process as you can tell its something that i still deal with everyday.  If you want you can email me at hmizzou@yahoo.com, maybe we can be a support system for each other. 

Heather 

 
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ecstatic
November 4, 2005, 6:19 am PST

mediation

Thus saith the Lord God,
 
My Children, "Ye have sold yourselves for naught: redemption comes from God, and cannot be bought with money"
 
"My name every day is continually blasphemed. Therefore, my people shall know my name: Therefore in this day, they shall know that it is I that speaketh".
 
BEHOLD: IT IS I
"The Alter"
 
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upset
November 7, 2005, 8:01 pm PST

How do you help someone...

Who doesn't want to help them self? 

I have a family member with major depression and OCD, this person refuses to seek help, but expects everyone to deal with their verbal attacks, moody behaviour and to walk on egg shells every day.  If you have any suggestions as to how family members who are trying to be supportive can manage, I would really appreciate it. 

  

Thank You 

 
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blank
November 7, 2005, 8:04 pm PST

OCD Help

Quote From: glorious

Who doesn't want to help them self? 

I have a family member with major depression and OCD, this person refuses to seek help, but expects everyone to deal with their verbal attacks, moody behaviour and to walk on egg shells every day.  If you have any suggestions as to how family members who are trying to be supportive can manage, I would really appreciate it. 

  

Thank You 

Please see the link below for Dr. Phil's recommendations and advice about OCD.  You can also try typing in a word or phrase in the search box at the top right side of the page here to find more information on a particular topic. 

  

http://drphil.com/articles/article/220/ 

 
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