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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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seek_help
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worried
November 10, 2005, 5:07 pm PST

don't give up

Quote From: patty_r

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It helps to hear I just might be normal after all.

I am so sorry for your losses also. I have been working alot on a web site for my son and I visit a chat room for parents who have lost a child. I am going to a support group tomorrow night also. I hope all of these things will help me in so many ways. His web site helps so much...it is a way I can make sure the world knows my son was here!!!! Take care and thanks. God Bless.

Patty

I lostmy 16 year old granson on prom night no drinking or drugs were involed ,and his so called funeral would not go in my church, 

 it realy bothers me that he has no place to even know he is gone, My husband died after a serious rare illness with no retirment ,Life can throw some strange curves I am trying to pay 15,00.00 to get mouth reconstion done and lost my home over it ,now I will have to lleave here and go to lower income aparrtment  geting too ols for this stuff seek_help 
 
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itsonlyme
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chillin'
November 11, 2005, 2:28 pm PST

hey, maxomax!

I have not been on this board before and thumbed back a little bit, and boy did your message catch my attention.  I have been in a situation like yours before, and it took a while to escape.  I cared for my mom after a stroke, and my dad lived with me for years until he passed away from cancer, God rest his soul.  I have some moochers in my life now, but oh well.  I no longer give to them, only food when they are in need, and only for the children. 

If you family has true disabilities, good for you for caring for them, but make sure it's not only an excuse.  All of us have issues, and most of us could manipulate people around us into taking care of us.   

You are depressed, that is a disability.  you deal with it, right?  Help your family stop killing you.Make them get jobs, many women have worked until the day the give birth, name anything more difficult than that.  

Cut the strings for your own good, you will eventually break if you don't. 
 
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aidaspunkr
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November 12, 2005, 5:28 pm PST

Financial assistance for Adults with facial birth defects

There are many great organizations and foundations out there for children with every disease, deformity and such out there but I have not came across any organizations and foundations for financial assistance for Adults with facial birth defects. Its true that most research is done during the childhood years but could there be possibly good research done on adults as well that could help in that research, and in the same process help those that can not help themselves financially and are only trying and struggling to better their lives against discrimination of being different in this society. Individuals that want to be looked upon because of their inner and outer beauty and seen beyond the scars and battles of the birth defect that they had to be born with.  

  

Anyone interested or have any information, is definitely appreciated. I am hoping to find someone or some people that want to either help in one way or another and get a good cause started.  
 
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aidaspunkr
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November 12, 2005, 5:33 pm PST

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: tnhorton

I personally have never been blamed for anyones death; however I have had issues where family became divided by other experiences & due to my admission. It all happened over a serious issue & one of which that certain individuals wanted to just let it lie under the rug & pretend that the problem didn't exist; when others wanted to solve the problem & understood the importance of coming to terms with it all. Ultimately the family divided & became hateful toward each other (which I was to blame for) & still to this day "nothing" has been resolved the proper way & the tension is still in the air for certain individuals.  

  

For myself, I had to take care of "me". I had to come to terms with the issue in some way even though I couldn't bring my family to do the same. I removed myself from the harmful relationships & moved out of state. For me, this was the best thing that I could have done for myself.....the distance! This allowed me to not just get away from the chaos, but also to work through this issue on my terms & in my time. Mind you, this was a serious issue that took a few years for me to come to terms with....it didn't happen over night. But I learned that even family can be harmful people (unfortunately) & that it is ok for me to remove myself from these harmful people in order to live the full & happy life that I deserve & want.  

  

As far as grief is concerned, I guess I am understanding that it has been just a little over a year since your grandmothers death? If that is the case, then yes, this is very normal. Generally the hardest part of grief is through the first year; however, you don't just stop grieving once you've hit the one year mark.....grief continues, but lessens more & more as you work through your grief a little at a time. I am sure that you can look back & see a difference in yourself today compared to a year ago, or even maybe 6 months ago. But also you might want to consider that some of your grief might not be all in regards to your grandmother....but in regards to family members who you have lost through this ordeal & moved away from. Because that is also like grieving as well. Just wanted to point that out in case you hadn't thought of that....to identify your grief & each person individually.  

  

I hope this helps you! God Bless! 

Thank you very much for your reply I just got around to reading it tonight and it completely makes sense....all of it...even the part about grieving about the family members that are mad about her death and blame me, even though I did everything in my power. I can tell that you have had reflection of your own situation and have kind of been there done that. Thank you!
 
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aidaspunkr
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November 12, 2005, 5:45 pm PST

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: dulce81

I wasn't sure where to post this at. . . 

  

I am a 23-year-old third year college senior who is very unhappy about my life situation. I felt that I have setlled because I only applied here and I should have applied to other places especially to the Big Ten university back home. One of my friends who graduated from this rinky-dink university suggested that I come here since she said it was a "great " school and everything and that I needed to "grow into an independent woman leaving home", but I think she's wrong.  

  

Things aren't going the way I expected here and I had tried to leave out (transfer) last year but some people were telling me that I should stay here and "stick it out." I disagree because it's me who is going through this not them. I had some people ask me howcome I didn't go to the Big Ten university back home and I tell them that I needed to go somewhere else for a little while and each time they ask me that I feel like beating myself up for making such a bad decision. Even my family puts me down for the decision I made and my father really wanted me to attend the Big Ten university since he graduated from there and he tells me that I could get in easier since he is an alumn there.  

  

If I do transfer I would be happier and proud of my school rather than getting my degree here and being unhappy about it. So, please help me!! I am in the pursuit of my happiness and I can't get that here. Thanks for all of the advice! 

I can totally relate. I went to this school out of state and half way across the country. That was my way of telling my family and friends that I needed a change of scenery and pace. I went from the City to the country quite literally. I was there for a year and a half but after that some events happened in my life and I no longer wanted to be there. I had people telling me too, to stick it out and I would be okay but I had to what was best for me and not best for them. I did move back for two years until more recent events in life....but anyway...... 

  

If you believe that you are going to be happier somewhere else and you have better opportunities there, and a great support network there, then you have to follow your gut and your heart. You need to do it for you and no one else, this is your life and future after all. What does your heart and gut it tell you?  

hope this helps! 
 
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angel18g
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November 14, 2005, 2:38 pm PST

hubby just left for IRAQ

Quote From: red_white

*1 More Yellow Ribbon*

On September 11, 2005 a new message board was established on drphil.com to SUPPORT OUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS in the military.

This is a forum for soldiers, their families other compassionate and concerned individuals for both mutual support and to talk about real things folks can do to help those who serve and protect.

Will you please join us? Who do you know that is in-harms-way? Tell us about them. We can do more to support our loved ones. We can make our voice heard and make their voices heard as well.

GO TO MESSAGE BOARDS page
CLICK BEYOND THE HEADLINES
CLICK News and Current Events
CLICK *1 More Yellow Ribbon*

Most Americans agree to support OUR TROOPS. Thats wonderful. But what does that mean? OUR TROOPS are individuals... every soldier is someones son or daughter. As we tie our yellow ribbons, lets attach names to the sons and daughters collectively know as OUR TROOPS.

FAMILIES are also caught up in the war.

THIS WAR has hit our home. Our son Mike is in the desert. Until he returns safely the light on our patio shines day and night on a large AMERICAN FLAG tied with a YELLOW ribbon. We call it MIKES LIGHT.

Please light a lamp in your window or keep a porch light on, fly the flag proudly, and tie a yellow ribbon for those in harms way. We invite folks to post pictures of these tributes on the board.

What else can we do to support those who are sacrificing because of the war? Everyone can do SOMETHING. Please share your ideas.

When I asked our son what I could do for him, he said, You speak for me! Mike said I should tell people that each man and woman in the military has a job to do. They need the support of the American people to get the job done and come home!

Mikes Mom
this is what i was looking for support to help deal with my hubby leaving us for 18mths!!!  thank you  Angel
 
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mylilbox17
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November 21, 2005, 1:21 pm PST

Hey

Quote From: jade_73030

Thanks Buffy i needed that
hey gosh im sorry I haven't been on lately My internet got disconnected. hows things going? I hope well. Im not doing to bad. I have been taken off my zoloft ^_^  but i still struggle with my eating disorder but thats life we have to take the bad with the good. lol well please if you ever need anything or to just talk I am here and if I'm not I check my messages. hAVE A GOOD DAY!! ttyl (((HUGS)))           ~Buffy~
 
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cc_allen
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November 27, 2005, 8:05 pm PST

Help me!!!!

Ok I need some advise.  My father died in February.  Well the front of June, my mother went to AL and got her uncle (Her dad's brother)  and he moved in.  Well then my mom turned to drinking everyday.  My little sister called me and told me to come and get her because *UNCLE* was feeling between mom's legs in the living room and she was scared.  So I went and got her.  She now lives with me.  I waited to the next day to ask my mom when she was not drunk. And she is together together with him.  She is choosing him over everyone.  She has four daughters (25,24,21,12) and she is putting us on the back burner.  She says she is a grown women and she can make her own decisions and that is what she wants to do.  She tells me that if i don't accept her then I don't have to talk to her or be around her.  It hurts so bad, that I just lost my dad and now I have to lose her.  I am 24 years old and married with a one year old and now I am having to be a mother to a 12 year old.  It gets stressed out a lot. I don't know how to handle this. I cry and talk to my husband and sisters but we have no idea how to approach it.  It is sick and nasty.  I need some help to talk to her.  When I do I think I get to mad and start yelling and she gets mad and kicks me out of her house, or hangs the phone up.  When I am over there the *uncle* tries es to talk to talk to me but I don't say anything. Is there any advise out there that someone can give me.  I don't want to lose my mother, She is the only mother I have.  My dad is gone but I will never forget him.  Please help me
 
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reject

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November 28, 2005, 7:26 pm PST

I am trying to cope

From the outside I seem ok...but from within I scream...they are trying to say that my mother killed herself...but they didn't know my mother...I had just talked to her...the boyfriend was there...but stays to drunk and now out of his mind to answer the same question the same...he keeps changing the story...I wrote most of this story down already...here... http://spaces.msn.com/members/BarefootCajun/Blog/cns!1pkbfRCzfo6z8S3fQkwuYtgg!593.entry 

  

I don't know if anyone ever accepts that a loved one kills themself...but I know my Mom and all that shes gone through in life and I WILL NEVER BELIEVE IT........... 
 
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profderien
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November 28, 2005, 9:01 pm PST

peace to you

Quote From: reject

From the outside I seem ok...but from within I scream...they are trying to say that my mother killed herself...but they didn't know my mother...I had just talked to her...the boyfriend was there...but stays to drunk and now out of his mind to answer the same question the same...he keeps changing the story...I wrote most of this story down already...here... http://spaces.msn.com/members/BarefootCajun/Blog/cns!1pkbfRCzfo6z8S3fQkwuYtgg!593.entry 

  

I don't know if anyone ever accepts that a loved one kills themself...but I know my Mom and all that shes gone through in life and I WILL NEVER BELIEVE IT........... 

i am so sorry that you've lost your mother -- and that you can't grieve properly because of the questions about the manner of her death.  do you think the local police are capable of solving the riddles? 

  

there was someone in my life -- long ago -- who killed himself.  in the suicide letter, he blamed virtually everything on me.  i didn't love him like he loved me, he wrote.  the sheriff took the letter away from me... and i was glad to let it go. 

  

that leads me to ask if your mother left some sort of communication explaining "why"?  a note or letter?  a tape?  something in her art? 

  

i would be sure that the police are clear about the boyfriend's behavior -- the phone calls, etc. -- and any physical or mental abuse he may have made her live with. 

  

my very best wishes -- may you get some real rest -- may the truth play itself out. 

  

prof-de-rien 
 
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