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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 845
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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July 22, 2005, 7:41 pm CDT

Need Help

 Hi i need help I lost my Grandfather almost 2 years ago and i still cant get over the fact that hes gone if anyone could help me in and way i would be so happy to know someone knows how i feel and can help~Buffy~
 
July 22, 2005, 9:29 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Hi i need help I lost my Grandfather almost 2 years ago and i still cant get over the fact that hes gone if anyone could help me in and way i would be so happy to know someone knows how i feel and can helpBuffy

Hi Buffy~

I lost my grandmother June 2003 and then 7 months later lost my grandpa. (1/04) I have been devastated, they were my life! I too have days where I miss them so bad that I can't stand it! Believe me I understand fully and know how you feel*Wish I could help!!!!

I know that life has to go on, and we will some day see our loved ones again!

I also just lost my Mother and Mother in law with in 6 wks. from one another... I miss my Mom sooooooooo bad!!!! I ask everyday WHY did she have to go and leave this world, she was only 56, and I want my Mom back!!!!

I just thought I'd post and let you know there are others out there that know what you are going thru. Keep your head up! (i need to practice what I preach) ha ha

take care... Sam

 
July 22, 2005, 11:57 pm CDT

buffy

Hi i need help I lost my Grandfather almost 2 years ago and i still cant get over the fact that hes gone if anyone could help me in and way i would be so happy to know someone knows how i feel and can helpBuffy
hey buffy, i can't relate with losing a grandparent, but i have lost people in my life. it isn't easy. i recently lost my baby. i was 14 weeks pregnant and i had a misscarriage. i know about losing someone close. i am sorry for your loss, and i'm not sure i can give any advice as i am grieving right now, but maybe it will help to know that it is ok to remember him. and it isn't disrespectful to not be sad anymore. but don't worry if you are. i'm sure grandparents are hard people to lose. have you been to the grave? that might help you accept that he's gone. did you go to the funeral? if not, that could be a reason that you can't get over it. also, "get over it" isn't really the term i would use. i don't think getting over it is what you need to do. maybe just accepting the fact that he lived a long life and he is at peace now would be a good way to look at it. i don't know. death sux, but everyone goes through it at one time or another. i don't mean that to sound cold. it's just a fact of life. sorry i can't be of much help. i hope you are able to accept this at some point so you can go on with your life. again, i'm sorry for your loss. jenna
 
July 23, 2005, 6:31 am CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

hello everyone, a few months ago one of my best friends finally opened up and let out there biggest secret of all. for him, being gay meant giving up alot and having to tell ppl who may not agree with it. Ive supported him in every way that i could but for him he really need suppost from  ALL members of his family which he has not recieved. He has since been kicked out of his house by his grandmother and she has not treated him like a human being since. How can i help my friend understand that its not really his fault?
 
July 23, 2005, 6:31 am CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

hello everyone, a few months ago one of my best friends finally opened up and let out there biggest secret of all. for him, being gay meant giving up alot and having to tell ppl who may not agree with it. Ive supported him in every way that i could but for him he really need suppost from  ALL members of his family which he has not recieved. He has since been kicked out of his house by his grandmother and she has not treated him like a human being since. How can i help my friend understand that its not really his fault?
 
July 23, 2005, 3:36 pm CDT

Thank you for your support

 Thank you to everyone you helped me alot even by just reading and thinking about it. I am sorry to hear about your losses also. But we can all let time heal together. Its nice to know Im not the only one out there who feels like this. I hope we can all help each other the way you have helped me. Thank you ~Buffy~
 
July 23, 2005, 4:49 pm CDT

ll=losing someone

Buffy.

 

I can relate a little to you.  It has been almost 27 years now.  But I only knew my father in law for 3 years before he died.  He died very suddenly of a heart attack and was gone.  There was no chance to say good bye and in my case, I really didn't get a chance to know him very well.  What I did know of him, i missto this day.

He was always kind to me, he was always thinking of others and doing what he could to help.  He would give you the shirt off his back, even if he didn't have it to give.  Our daughter was only 6 months old when he died.  So he knew he was a grandpa, but he never got to know our children.  Again, when ever we would leave our daughter with the inlaws, he would meet me at the door and take my daughter from me and say, my baby, and run off with her.  When we would return, both she and him would be in the easy chair sound asleep.  It was all very sweet. 

My mother in law on the other hand, is nasty, manipulating, self centered and an alcholic.  She is still here with us.  Because she was so busy trying to make our lives a living hell, she missed the kids growing up, we moved away from her, my husband will not speak to her and we basically have no contact with her.  Because of my fil dying so many years ago, she came into some money.  She tries to send checks to my kids, trying to buy their affection.  My kids know who she is, but they don't really know her.  So they don't really have any contact with her either.

The one thing that did come out of all of this, is my husband is alot like his dad.  His temperment is very much the same.  So in a small way, my father in law is still near.  I only wish his physical presents was still here with us.  He is gone, but not forgotten.

 
July 24, 2005, 3:19 am CDT

How do I go on...without my son?

I don't know how to go on since losing my 21 yr old son last Sept (he drowned while swimming with friends). I feel like insanity is just below the surface. And if I think about him not coming back for more than a second I will go over the edge and not be able to get back....is this normal....what's normal??? Help!!!
 
July 24, 2005, 10:36 am CDT

I too lost a son

I don't know how to go on since losing my 21 yr old son last Sept (he drowned while swimming with friends). I feel like insanity is just below the surface. And if I think about him not coming back for more than a second I will go over the edge and not be able toget back....is this normal....what's normal??? Help!!!

First of all I would like to say that I am so sorry to hear of your loss! I too lost a son, very young, at six and a half weeks old, from SIDS. I know that our grief is very different in the fact that you had your son for 21 years & battle not having any other experiences (him in your life) from here on out....and I battle never really knowing my child & what a young man he would have become. However, "grief in general" is very similar regardless the cause of death, relation, or ages. So.....

 

I am addressing your question about "what is normal"

 

Considering one fact, that you lost your son not even a year from now.....this is VERY NORMAL! Typically, the first year, for anyone journeying through grief after the loss of a close loved one is VERY tough! This is the hardest because it is still so fresh. Immediately following a loss, a person is sent into a spin of confusion mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. NOTHING seems normal! Everything around us (in life) we find had something to do with or related in some way to the one we lost, and now we wonder...where do we go from here? It is a lack of balance that has us in such an up-roar of emotions. And it takes quite some time as we work through the grief to gain a new balance in life. 

 

Trust that you are right where you are suppose to be in your grief, as absurd as that sounds. Continue to do the things that help bring you a little added peace at heart. And as you journey your way through your grief, you will look back & realize the changes in you through it all. Turning to others who have been through similar experiences is a great way to work through your grief, you're on the right track!

 

I hope this helps, and that this message finds you having a good day today! Take care!

 

Nancy

 

 

 
July 25, 2005, 1:29 pm CDT

I'M BECKY

I AM SO ENJOYING READING YOUR MESSAGES AND FEEDBACK. I SOFTENS MY HEART. GOSH GRIEF IS SUCH AN HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE. WHEN I WAS 3 MY PARENTS SPLIT UP, I ADORED MY DADDY. THAT WAS MY FIRST AND GREATEST LOSS. MY MOM MARRIED 9 TIMES AND I'M NOT SURE I LEARNED MUCH MORE THAN HOW TO CAMOUFLAGE MY OWN FEELINGS.  AT 21 I WAS WIDOWED, HE WAS ONLY 24. I'M NOW 53 AND STILL WONDER HOW HE WOULD HAVE BEEN AND WHETHER OR NOT WE'D EVEN BE TOGETHER. IT SEEMS LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES. I HAVE GONE THROUGH SO MANY FORMS OF LOSS; MY HOME BURNED DOWN, I LOST MY LAND TO MY EX-HUSBAND, MY DAD DIED WHEN I WAS 4 MOS. PREGNANT. I'M NOT TRYING TO PLAY DOWN ANYONE'S LOSS, I JUST WANT TO COMMUNICATE THAT MY EXPERIENCE WITH GRIEF HAS BEEN BROAD AND WIDE. MY MOST RECENT LOSS WAS OF MY ABILITY TO BE INDEPENDENT. I INCURRED THREE FRACTURES IN MY LOWER EXTREMITIES. MY GRIEF WAS ABOUT LOOSING MY ABILITY TO DO MANY THINGS. BUT THROUGH ALL SUCH THINGS MY GREATEST ABSOLUTE GREATEST FEAR WAS LOOSING MY ONLY CHILD.  I STILL DON'T MEDITATE ON THAT. THE HEART IS STRONG AND USUALLY WON'T LET US QUITE EVEN WHEN WE WANT TO.  I'VE SURVIVED ALL MY PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS. I HOPE NOT TO SURVIVE MY SON OR MY GRANDSON.  MY WAY OF DEALING WITH LOSS IS TO SO MUCH APPRECIATE THE TIME I DID HAVE, TO THINK ON OUR HAPPY TIMES TOGETHER. TO REMEMBER THEM FOR THEIR PRESENCE IN MY  LIFE CAN NEVER BE TAKEN AWAY. LOVING IS SO WORTH IT.
 
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