Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Maybe you should ask him before you both go to bed. He may think thats all you need. Men want to be told what is needed from them. They are not good at guessing our expectations. That is what I have learned from my husband.   

Glad to hear your in counseling and I hope your night mares start to go away. You should be very proud of yourself, it takes a very courages person to go thru with pregnancy and give someone a gift. I'm not sure I could of. I'd like to think so but..............  

You could look it up on the web. I'm sure it would be there.  

I am 48 years old.  I was divorced 5 years ago after a 25 year marriage.  I met a man on the internet.  I was safe.  I didnt give him my name or phone number.  We met at a coffee house and then were to go home and email each other if we were interested in dating.  Our first coffee date lasted 3 1/2 hours.  We talked and talked and talked.  I went home and there was a message waiting.  He said his name was Frank, and he very much enjoyed my company and would like to see me again.  I did not tell him, but he had me from hello.  He had the warmest smile and the brightest eyes.  We went out for our first real date the next night.  We were pretty much inseparable from then on.  Well except for weekends.  He told me that he had been divorced 3 years and had young children that he got every weekend.  Should have been the first sign.  For the first month he didnt call real often, and never on weekends.  Then as time went on we got more comfortable with each other.  He traveled a lot with his jobs.  I started going to conferences with him.  He would come to my house and stay.  We just spent a week in Las Vegas.  We did not gamble we just did a little site seeing and mostly just enjoyed each others company.  

The last month and half have been like a fairy tale come true.  We talked on the phone for hours on end.  Text messaged each other and emailed.  We were only able to spend 8 days together but he told me he was working out of state to fill in for a ill employee.  We made plans for him to move in with me in June.  We had plans for him to meet my twin sister in two weeks.  He was happy to be accepted by my daughter and eager to meet the rest of my family.  I never once supected that he was lying, hurtfull or a sick human being.   

Yesterday I recieved and email from his wife: 

Rhonda, Let me introduce myself. I am Angie. I
am Mike's wife of 23 years. He is not divorced. I know
everything as I have read all of the emails on
ourtime3 site. Mike has snapped, hit rock bottom. He
has had approx. 30 women in the last year. He has
ripped the life out of me and my children. He has not
only cheated many, many times on me but is lying
severely to you. Think about the risk you are taking.
The Rose in the email is his high school friend he has
actively been pursuing while with you.  There are many
others-many one night stands. When Mike said he was on
a trip in March, he was with me at home. I have
nothing else to say. Sincerely, Angie

Angie

He will not answer my calls.  He has canceled his email account.  He is a coward and a user.  I just wish I knew why?  If it all was a lie?  How could I be so naive?  How could something so good be wrong?  Because I finally found true love, or did I?  Was it too good to be true because it is?  That there is no such thing as soul mates?  He fed me all of those lines along with others. 

I just don't know where to go for help.  I am angry, depressed and have so much pain.  I don't feel that I can be around famiy and friends because of the humiliation.  Please help 

Rhonda 

 I am an Orthodox Jewish femme woman married to an Orthodox Jewish transgendered butch. We are retired, both relatively young, but housebound due to a multitude of illness for which we receive SOME care (MS, diabetes, MG, RSD, et al). We have sought doctors and social services, only to be put upon waiting lists or to be told the docotrs weren't taking any new patients EVER. The doctors are moving out of this area at an alarming rate, not to replaced.  If it weren't for J's mother, we wouldn't have any help whatsover, but this is both a blessing AND a curse. She is getting older (77) but would take any HINT that we get outside help to clean the house- as if! We would get such a zetz! Not that we could get social services-we've tried! No-ones' listening! And after today, I'm at my wits' end! I made challah-an all day affair for me! (I have to make it on Thursday now so I can rest for shul on Friday nights.)The cat went nuts at a noise and knocked over J's swordstand-a gift from a student- and broke that AND a trophy of his-J was highly distressed and wants to take the cat to the vet anyway and went frumft physically from MS and MG and my MS and diabetes are giving me problems.   I want to go frumft myselft but also want to take care of him....there's no-one to talk to....no-one returns my calls...no friends in this tiny little town.....i thought it would be easier  

 I read your reply and found it very moving. Many try to use the bible (the Tanach or the Christian bible or Islamic Koran)  as a weapon to beat others  into submission to their particular creed or into some suffering they think is deserved b/c the person deviates from their one way. I don't believe G-d has shown any one individual the ONE TRUE WAY (pace Christrians) for all of humanity. I believe that G-d's love is large enough to embrace the way He She / They have made human beings as we are made. There is a Jewish blessing that I say each day-"Blessed art Thou, O Lord, Our G-d, Who created me as I am fashioned."  I believe that could be said for ALL human beings!