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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 845
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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May 4, 2006, 7:19 pm CDT

THANK YOU

Quote From: littletlo

For some reason this old message popped up on my screen the frist time I logged in. I hope if you do not read this response someone who needs to hear it does.   

   

God does not make mistakes. No one chooses to be an outcast from society and the family they wish to give pride. Even those called "gay" are a creation of God. The only "choice" (gay or straight) is to honor God's creation with dignity and honor and love towards another human being or desecrate it with judgement, hate and hypocracy. Those who sit in judgment based on "christianity" have a fluffy hypocritical pillow to soften the fall they will see is not quite as high as the skelatons piled in their own rightous closets.   

   

Those who preach, condemn and judge others, with  "how to"  get the heavenly pass into the blessed kingdom, are usually who we love the most or who we are convinced have the same judgment as God. How arrogant are those who use the bible to judge those who only dare to love.  

   

I am straight but have watched the suffering of those who were born with no choice. I  respect those who have honor and dignity within themselves. You can not change chromosones, you can change who you allow to be toxic while you live. I am certain your life has been filled with enough punishment for who you are. This world never lacks cruelty for those who feel deserving.   

   

I hope you find the respect for yourself that I have for you and the person you were created to be.  

   

 I read your reply and found it very moving. Many try to use the bible (the Tanach or the Christian bible or Islamic Koran)  as a weapon to beat others  into submission to their particular creed or into some suffering they think is deserved b/c the person deviates from their one way. I don't believe G-d has shown any one individual the ONE TRUE WAY (pace Christrians) for all of humanity. I believe that G-d's love is large enough to embrace the way He She / They have made human beings as we are made. There is a Jewish blessing that I say each day-"Blessed art Thou, O Lord, Our G-d, Who created me as I am fashioned."  I believe that could be said for ALL human beings!  

 
May 4, 2006, 7:26 pm CDT

More than can I hang on.....

Quote From: rebbetzin

 I am an Orthodox Jewish femme woman married to an Orthodox Jewish transgendered butch. We are retired, both relatively young, but housebound due to a multitude of illness for which we receive SOME care (MS, diabetes, MG, RSD, et al). We have sought doctors and social services, only to be put upon waiting lists or to be told the docotrs weren't taking any new patients EVER. The doctors are moving out of this area at an alarming rate, not to replaced.  If it weren't for J's mother, we wouldn't have any help whatsover, but this is both a blessing AND a curse. She is getting older (77) but would take any HINT that we get outside help to clean the house- as if! We would get such a zetz! Not that we could get social services-we've tried! No-ones' listening! And after today, I'm at my wits' end! I made challah-an all day affair for me! (I have to make it on Thursday now so I can rest for shul on Friday nights.)The cat went nuts at a noise and knocked over J's swordstand-a gift from a student- and broke that AND a trophy of his-J was highly distressed and wants to take the cat to the vet anyway and went frumft physically from MS and MG and my MS and diabetes are giving me problems.   I want to go frumft myselft but also want to take care of him....there's no-one to talk to....no-one returns my calls...no friends in this tiny little town.....i thought it would be easier  

I'm not sure what I will do if I don't get someone to talk to soon this isolation is getting to be more than I can bear. I've NEVER been this isolated before-no rabbi, no friends, the shul is so small...I don't know what to do....I am so very, very tired....
 
May 4, 2006, 10:41 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Ok here it goes, (My fiance) Tyler's Step mom really dislikes him. Becuase he has disablitities. His dad is a real jerk. Ok, he isnt breaking up with me, and he does love me. It was his Step mom that did this. His step mom wants him kicked out of the house. So she told his dad to minipulate Tyler into thinking that I am a bad person to be with (that I am a phsyco bitch) so that he would break up with me and get really mad at me. They forced and convienced him to break up with me because I love him and his step mom thinks I'm a sic person to be loving him. She is doing all of this so that she can kick him out with no where or no one to turn to. She minipulated him to break up with me so that he can get mad and so she has a reason to kick him out. And she is also thinking of a restraining order... Bottom line someone needs to tell him (since he wont listen to me because he thinks bad of me now)... How do I know all this?? Becuase I called his house last night and his step mom picked up and told me the whole story... I have no way of getting ahold of him and he doesnt wanna see me. With out saying I told you (cause then he'll think its a lie) someone needs to tell him that his step mom and dad have him wrapped around their fingers and that they are minipulating him to think I am bad for him to get mad and then use that reason to kick him out. So then if someone tells him this, he will call me and make up with me, and I will be able to help him out. He has seizers, short term memory loss and obsessive compulsive disorder... He also has a lot, A LOT, of anger built up inside of him that you can kinda see... His whole family is like this... And I am the only one who can really help him with this, since I understand him more... But now he is mad at me thinking I am a bitch because his dad told him that and said if he doesnt believe him, he is stupid... Tyler is afriad of his dad so of couse he listens to his dad and then starts saying mean things to me that his dad says about me all the time and Tyler has been sucked into this... What can I do??
 
May 4, 2006, 10:43 pm CDT

my fiance's family is mean to him

Ok here it goes, (My fiance) Tyler's Step mom really dislikes him. Becuase he has disablitities. His dad is a real jerk. Ok, he isnt breaking up with me, and he does love me. It was his Step mom that did this. His step mom wants him kicked out of the house. So she told his dad to minipulate Tyler into thinking that I am a bad person to be with (that I am a phsyco bitch) so that he would break up with me and get really mad at me. They forced and convienced him to break up with me because I love him and his step mom thinks I'm a sic person to be loving him. She is doing all of this so that she can kick him out with no where or no one to turn to. She minipulated him to break up with me so that he can get mad and so she has a reason to kick him out. And she is also thinking of a restraining order... Bottom line someone needs to tell him (since he wont listen to me because he thinks bad of me now)... How do I know all this?? Becuase I called his house last night and his step mom picked up and told me the whole story... I have no way of getting ahold of him and he doesnt wanna see me. With out saying I told you (cause then he'll think its a lie) someone needs to tell him that his step mom and dad have him wrapped around their fingers and that they are minipulating him to think I am bad for him to get mad and then use that reason to kick him out. So then if someone tells him this, he will call me and make up with me, and I will be able to help him out. He has seizers, short term memory loss and obsessive compulsive disorder... He also has a lot, A LOT, of anger built up inside of him that you can kinda see... His whole family is like this... And I am the only one who can really help him with this, since I understand him more... But now he is mad at me thinking I am a bitch because his dad told him that and said if he doesnt believe him, he is stupid... Tyler is afriad of his dad so of couse he listens to his dad and then starts saying mean things to me that his dad says about me all the time and Tyler has been sucked into this... What can I do??
 
May 5, 2006, 12:23 am CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: cherylvera

I know exactly how you feel! I, too, want to die.  I'm trying to get ins. papers, etc. in order. I don't want to live this life anymore.  Maybe some people will be sad, but at least I won't keep hurting people or feeling this pain over and over again. It may go away, but it always comes back.  I do know people do get over this, and I pray you are one of them.  I just hope it helps knowing  you are not alone.  I don't need anyone's guilt about if it's the right thing to do or even if I have a right to do it.  I have no kids and I have enough guilt without loading another one on me. But, please, take advantage of all the help there is.  For me, years of this has helped at times, it's just it keeps coming back.  You may be a much stronger person than I.

For you to give such advice to convince another they have strength means that you have it and have only forgotten your own. No guilt, you have the right to choose to die, I want to remind you before you do so that you have a gift you do not see. Relating to others while convincing them to hang on may be a way to find a reason to live yourself and make a difference in the world. It is possible that if you change one mind you discover meaning and pride that you were created to do. You have the right to take your life but maybe saving another will give your pain a purpose and reason to live.  Just a suggestion, not a judgement. Before you take your life just consider those like yourself wishing for the same. it is possible your pain is a gift to help others and yourself. Just seeing your wish to help another not choose what you are preparing to do tells me your darkness offers light, you just don't see it. 

  

You cartainly can end it all now, you have the ability to do so. But maybe ending it all after preventing another will give reason to live or pride when you choose to leave. Reggardless, your life is your own and you have the ability to take it as long as no one is left behind to spend their life in pain because you gave that curse to them the day you gave up. 

  

There is a purpose you have here and a gift, maybe you will see it and then the darkness will lighten and find some hope or reason to make a difference in a world filled with indifference.  

  

I hope your will try this but I judge you not if you leave this world. We have choices in life and the choice to fight or give up is the legacy you leave behind, you write that history yourself. Good luck to you, your pain is real and I know how that is, for you to offer strength to another tells me you would convince them to live but not yourself. If you aren't there a life can be lost and that you must consider who would suffer from yor choice.  

  

I wish the spark of purpose to turn your despair into a driving force that empowers you to save those still in the dark needing a guide into the light. 

  

 
May 5, 2006, 12:53 am CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: rebbetzin

 I read your reply and found it very moving. Many try to use the bible (the Tanach or the Christian bible or Islamic Koran)  as a weapon to beat others  into submission to their particular creed or into some suffering they think is deserved b/c the person deviates from their one way. I don't believe G-d has shown any one individual the ONE TRUE WAY (pace Christrians) for all of humanity. I believe that G-d's love is large enough to embrace the way He She / They have made human beings as we are made. There is a Jewish blessing that I say each day-"Blessed art Thou, O Lord, Our G-d, Who created me as I am fashioned."  I believe that could be said for ALL human beings!  

I could not agree more. i am actually more spiritual than religious for reasons you have given. This world and the bible is filled with interpretaions and madness preaching even another interpretaion is just a man with a mike telling us what God wants. Soon the money pot is passed and stares and sermons guilt you into buying your way into heaven or a  new car for the preacher!  

   

Wow! I am bitter today! Sorry! I just know that God creates us and this world (if we allow) make his creation a mistake. Those who use the bible to justify their judgement and hate are who claim to to be chrisitians the most while sinning by judging as if they deserve none of the same.. Not all are my description, certainly. But those who lack compasion for those with a life of cruelty and consider it a choice convince me the strongest of all are those who fight to be themselves unafraid of the judgement they must face.  

 
May 5, 2006, 10:17 am CDT

to cherylvera

 I read in an a quote from another message where you said that you wanted to die,  that you were getting ins. papers together, and that you were alone. To me this sounds as though you had a very serious intent to die. Please, kindele, think again before you contemplate such an act. I know from the brief quote that I tread that this is something to which you HAVE devoted much thought and that you ARE in great pain but please, please give life another chance. There is always the feeling of sunshine again on your face through the window, the smell of bread in the oven, the remembrance of your loved one's laughter... I won't quote platitudes at you b/c they aren't any good . PLease let me know if you see my reply and if you'd like ,we could correspond. I could give you a friendly eye and ear....
 
May 5, 2006, 4:36 pm CDT

I need real big help and support

Hi, This is the first time that I have posted a message on this Message Boards and I have posted other messages on sites for depression and grief.  I have a letter one of many that I got from my brothers lawyer.  This is over the last will of my father, which died on Jan. 26 2006.  My brother only can to see dad one time in the 28days that he was in the hopital.  Also was not there when I buried our father.  But he could go and have the locks changed on dad's home the day of the funeral.   I would like to share this letter with someone but I do not know if anyone be interested in it.  My problem is that I can not afford a lawyer and my brother has lied from day one.   I have sent many messages to Dr. Phil, and I know that he is a very busy man.  I now feel that there is no one anywhere that is willing to help me.   There is times now that I not only lost my father on the 26 of Jan. but I have also lost all my family.  My aunt and uncle on my mom's side do not want to get into this mess even when they know that all this is lies.   

  

I am sorry  I just do not know what to do anymore. 

 
May 7, 2006, 6:46 pm CDT

Confused

I went through alot of emotional and physical abuse over the last three years, I've been kidnapped and kept without food, raped, and 6 houses broken into the last house someone broke into and beat me, and tied me up for four and a half hours telling me how he was going to despose of my body, it left me with broken ribs and other injuries, my old friends use to tell these people where i was so they could cause me more harm. 

  

 It has caused me to be fearful of men and group situations where I would have no physical control, I don't trust people but sometimes I do and it is usually used against me or to there advantage or I am laughed at. I never had time to grieve and I don't even feel I deserve to have this effect me. I have anxiety attack's I don't want to disclose this info to everyone but because I seam wierd it causes people to judge and make fun at. Help I feel lost. 

 
May 9, 2006, 10:48 am CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

I have been married 3 times and they have all ended in divorce.  The men I seem to pick has to have other women while married.  The first one had to go to clubs to watch women , then the other two had to have estra martial affairs.  My last marriage I really cared and loved this man.   He and my so called best friend was having sex not long after we where married.  I did not find out until we where married for about five years.  I confronted him and he said he wasn't.  After a while I had gotten so depressed that I just wanted to die.  So I left and went to a therispt and he went also.  So we tried to work it out again.  It worked for a little while but then he fell back into affairs again.   I left and move away.  I felt as if there was something really wrong with me.  I ended up having an affair with a married man.  He made me feel special and not dirty or disgusting.   I knew this was wrong and I felt that I reach the bottom of the pit so I tried to commit suicide.  As you can see it didn't work.   My daughter wanted me to come and live with her. So I did for about 2 1/2 years .   I have moved back to the area where I had the affair.   I work and visit family.  But just the other day I went on a blind date.   This brought up some serious feelings.  I don't even know how to date anymore.  I'm so very afraid of giving any part of myself to anyone anymore.   As a child I was molested and I know this has some to do with the reaction I have of myself still.
 
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