Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

my son who just turned 37 April,was having trouble reading he is divorced raising a 16 yr old since  

he was 5 <deadbeat mother> we help him a lot they live behind us we share a back yard  

when he and i went to see about reading glasses for him the Dr couldn't bring up any vision  

numbers to work with so he sent us to eye Dr he said i know what I'm looking at on paper but i cant  

tell you why is sight is the way it is.... 

he sent us down to a teaching hospital eye Dr,he did test next thing we know we or into 7hrs of  

brain surgery he had 80% of his sight gone already,, 

we only went for reading glasses they found a growth on his optical nerves nothing they can do it  

now has took all his optical areas and destroyed the cones in his eyes.. 

they is no tests,glasses,operations,noting he is left with 20% sight,this come out of the blue we  

never expected nothing like this and he didn't either.they or staying with us for now he wants to be  

able to go home we went to low vision Dr  

and we had hope maybe strong glasses but no.....he is being refereed to council of the blind 

 who can help him adjust to his vision loss.this is tearing up all of us,he is our only child and the  

son he has is his only child..we just went for glasses.. 

. 

he had to give up his drivers licenses, 

his dad sold his trk bought sons trk,to keep in family. 

...our son goes every day to a support group for depression some days or really bad for him.. 

..all i can keep saying and seeing is we just went for reading glasses......i close my eyes and try to  

think of what he must be going threw but i cant i know when i open  my eyes i can see...they have  

him on steroid and now have to get him off a Little at a time 

 it is causes so many side effects he has gained 27 lbs.of water.... 

my son lived a very lonely life caused no one any trouble and to go threw this is heart breaking i  

see him struggle every day...his dad told me while he was driving one day he had to pull over tears  

just started..this is more then what we all can bear at times....we or a close family...his dad is  

disabled from heart problems my son is disabled from depression and sever headaches,to have  

this happen at a time when none of knew..we got the final word nothing can be done last week...i  

don't know how to help him..we all or just walking on air trying to stay on our feet..i could see if he  

got something in his eyes a wreck or anything but to just have 20/20 vision one day 80% gone  

next.i have never screamed at god i thank him everyday for some sight he has left him.blind  

assoc.is coming to his home to help him adjust.my son cant see he is in the same area as a blind  

person so we let him say low vision..i know him and his son live on such a low income but they  

make it his bills or always payed the minute he gets his s.s. check..i wish there was support  

groups for all of us out there on this.i feel like their should be 3 of me aim going in circles my home  

his home ,child's school.every thing.my son is a lot stronger then i ever knew him to be i admire  

him for going every day i don't know if i could.there is a growth laying over his optical nerves if they  

go mess with it he will go blind,they had no choice but to leave it alone.in time this killed all cone  

areas in his eyes.and in between Dr and surgery he turned 37 this yr.surgery was march 23,2006.i  

just don't were to turn for him or me just to get some understanding...my son said a sentence of i  

had to lose my vision to have my eyes opened..his x wife is a dead beat mother,she is on 5yr  

probation for non support,knows nothing about the boy from 5yrs old to now 16.judge ruled in June  

2006 for her to leave the boy alone till he wanted contact with her....you can fill in any story you want 

 and it would be OK the truth is bad enough.i just want to say i know about grief we all or going  

threw it now every day  

Leah, I to had similar issues with my father when i decided to get married. that was 15 years ago and we are still married. He too did not suppor tthe idea of marriage at that time for me. We had only been together a few months, she had a child from a previous marriage, etc. Any, you need to seperate the two issues. Your wedding is your wedding and it will hopefull only come once, make it the best day possible. there is no way you should wish for her to show just to cause trouble i promise you would regret that forever as that will then become the only memory of that day instead of the joy and love you wish to spend wi those that do want to share it with you. You have done your part you made the ivitation what they do after that is their choice. Work out your differences on a whole different setting someother day. But for that day enjoy your husband and the friends and family that do want to be there and make the best of it not the worst. you do not need any new reasons not to tlak to your mother some people just dont get along family or not and it does have to be two ways to get along. it may not ever work. You will have your new family ejoy them and live on. it will be your mothers loss at that point not yours. 

good luck. 

I am married to a man who simply represents all the things I hate in human beings.He had a rough life being abandoned while his mum was pregnant with him and being raised by a ruthless, materialistic and vindictive mother.You probably think what a poor fellow!!well think again coz he ended up being a copy cat of his mum& dad!!!!!!!I can not explain it!!I always try not to let my kids suffer from what I had to go through but strangly enough he is making us all suffer the poverty,instability and insecurity of his life.He is miserly, irritable,selfis ,rude and introvert.When he goes outside and meet people he turns into the polite and helpful man but as soon as we are alone he turns defensive.He feels that he is being abused and used by us even if we asked him to drive us to the supermarket!!He beat me at times and verbally abuses me all the time.I have no money and no family so I stay on with him but I loathe him and I despise my self.Now, Iam turning into an edgy,nervous,insecure woman who eats as a way out of her troubles.Please can you solve the mystery of his character?why does he abuse us???how can I be happy again???   

please help me!   

The only person that can stop this cycle is you. I judge you not as I know the face of madness. I too have faced the man who smiled at the neighbors and they never knew the man behind that mask of civility was the demon sleeping in my bed that night. But there is a choice you have that no abuse excuses. Teach your children to be victims or teach them to be survivors who broke the cycle. I know it is hard but when I looked at my daughter and realized the legacy I was going to leave her I chose to risk death leaving rather than teaching her to be another victim.  

Please beleive this is not meant to be cruel but a reminder that you are a Mother first and and punching bag last. Your husband lives what is his norm and so will your children. Teach them what will prevent an excuse to do the same.   

If not for you for your children. That is where your strength is waiting for your grasp.  

Yes, there are many with stories like yours. But stand tall and be proud the ending is far different than yours. While they have voices stifled with dirt 6 feet under you are speaking loud and clear. It is lonely but the one thing an abuser cant steal is your will to live. You may feel alone, you may even feel fear (false evidence appearing real) but you stand proud that you have a voice he could not stuff with dirt and bury your will. We survive for a reason, there is no shame in survival. When down and ashamed take a moment to remind another that the shame they feel is a badge of honor that the lesson of true power was derived from.  

Everywhere we go we look for him but that never stops us from going anymore. I beleive in you. Be prepared to look at him not just for him.