Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

I was diagnosed about 4 years ago with uni-polar depression. I was hospitalized twice and seem to have a grip lately. However, my wife has been diagnosed as bi-polar and one of the most severe cases our psychiatrist has ever seen. Thank god I had it first! I knew what she was going through and have some insight. Those who have never had serious depression have absolutely no idea. My 4 adult kids are probably the least compassionate. They think we should "snap out of it". The worst part of all is not being able to describe to people how debilitating it is. It grabs hold of your soul and feels like darkness has settled into your heart. And darkness in this case is something palpable, almost tangible and still that does not fully describe it. Hence the reason I am here. This is my first post here. I have been all over the internet looking for answers but there are so many aspects to consider when dealing with depression that it seems like I am alone. Alone is a state of mind in this instance because I have people all around me all day. So I will continue on in an effort to gain hope....it is a tough journey.

Hi , 

I have been dx with major depression recurrent. Right now my Dad id days away from death in an assisted care facility. We are also dealing with my Mom who has Alzheimer's and is very upset about Dad but does not really understand. I had been estranged from most of my birth family due to the fact that an older brother molested me when I was a child and I DIid not want anything to do with him but the others did and thus left me out of their lives. 

A month ago my brother called and said my Dad was near death. My husband and I went to him and since then I have been helping my brother with my parents daily. It is an 90 minute drive each way.My brother does appreciate it. The problem is the end is nearing and other family members are coming to see him. This might be in my mind  but I feel I get to do all the work and not socialize while they have fun. The one that molested me is coming in today.I know they will try to keep us separate while he is here. The brother that I am helping has been very good to me lately but he completely folds when the others are here. I think my question is how can I do for my father but not be hurt by my family. My grown son told my husband don't let her get involved they will only hurt her again. I am stable on medication and am seeing my therapist today to try to stay on top of things. 

Take ownership and delegate. This is not the time to get sucked into an emotional black hole of doubt and guilt. You cannot do anyhing at this point accept make yourself  willing to do what is needed to get through this hard time. Do not feel obligated to do as others may suggest nor what guilt may make you feel like doing. Part of healing yourself is to get control of those things that you actually have the ability to control. The reason you need solid emotional ground to walk on is that it is not over when your father passes. Unfortunately then your mothers turn will come. I would also deal with the molester if you haven't already. I guess I would ask myself how many other people he has emotionally assassinated throughout the past. It is not is not a case of "dredging up the past" as some family members may tell you. It is all part of you finding that person who was buried back them, out of shame or guilt. Let that person climb out of the emotoinal darkness and breathe again. Good Luck!

I have found a forum online where people get together and talk about their constant sruggles with issues such as self-injury and suicide. I used to be suicidal and have promised myself that I would help people especially those who are suicidal. I understand how the suicidal mind works. I can explain to anyone who asks all the logic, the hows, and the whys about being suicidal. I can people what needs to be focused on when trying to help someone who is suicidal, but I am having a hard time putting that same thing into practice. I'm eager to help others, but at the same time, I've very hesitant to even get started. I guess that's because I'm aware of the seriousness of the matter and how increadibly difficult it can be. I'm very aware that once you get started, you can't ever stop and that might take months, even years, of long emotionally draining and worry-some days and nights. I guess since I've actually been there, I'm extremely aware of the gravity of what it really means to help someone who's suicidal and the full impact of that. I want to help more than anything, but I'm extremely hessitant to get started. So far, I've haven't done much to help the suicidal, but have chosen to start with those who have lost friends or loved ones to suicide. It took a bit of research on my part to start to see things from the other side of the matter, but I think I've come to understand just enough to know what those left behind need to hear the most. I still feel like a complete outsider though because I haven't actually known anyone personally who committed suicide. I want to help as many people I can, but sometimes I just don't know where to start.

I am married and have 2 children...My husbands best friend had an affair almost 2 years ago and then told his wife's best friend and then his wife kicked him out...Since then he has completely lost it...He lost his job of 25 years at a hospital and has been on and off depression drugs...he started drinking alot and then ended up in the hospital with pancretitous(sp)...his ex wife has taken everything from him.  He lives with us and does not pay us a frickin dime.  I don't know how to help him...he frustrates me when he stays in his room and cries.  Help me...I am usually a very compassionate person but he has frustrated the heck out of me...What can I do to help this extremely depressed man.  I want to kick his butt out, but cannot because I feel bad about his depression.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

  

  

HI, I am so sorry for anyone that losses their children. that is the WORST thing a person must have to bare.  I  had 3 children. When I was 71/2 months pregnant, My ex beat me, causing me to go into labor. My son lived 2 days and weighed 2 lbs. I never got to hold him. Later, certainly with another husband, I had a son and a daughter. Life was great. Then at age 5 my daughter had leukemia. So a year and a half I helplessly had to watch her slip away from me and lost her at age 7. My son , now 32 , has been upset with me for years and doesn't even speak to me. So greif comes in all kinds of packages. Starting out with terrible parents , craving love since childhood, then to loose the loves of my life. I certainly question WHY? But I find I am a good actress as I face the world everyday. I just stayed busy to keep my sanity and now at 51,    when I should be slowing down I just don't know what to do with myself. I pray you will find peace with this horrible situation that happened to you. ONE THING FOR SURE, WE OR SURVIVERS !  God Bless !   L'il t 

I need some advice and I hope this is the place I get it. About 2 weeks ago an old friend's son was killed in a car accident. He was 17 yrs old and I have not seen him or his family since he was 5. I was engaged to his Uncle for 5 years and when he and I broke it off,  I seperated myself from his family. I used to babysit this little boy and his family and my family are still VERY close. His brother and sister_n_Law are very good friends with my sister and brother_n_law.  ( it was thier son who passed away ) when the accident happened my sister immediately called me to let me know the horrifying news because I did  adore this little guy and I kept informed of his life and family from her.  My first reaction was to call them right away to tell them how sorry I was to hear about thier loss but after thinking about it, I did not think I should.  I went back and forth with myself if I should go to the visitation and  finally decided that I did not think it was appropriate.  Which leads me to my question ... Did I do the right thing ? I loved this "little boy" but I had no ideaa who he was as a young man.  They had his picture on the news and it was as if I was looking at a stranger. Don't get me wrong I cry many nights thinking of him but when I cry I have that picture of him as a little boy in my mind.    

   

I asked my sister to tell his family of how sorry I was to hear about his death and I sent a card with a note to his parents, grandpa and my ex-fiance.  I went to the cemetary and said my respects to him on my time and while I was there his " godfather" showed up.  He told me of how he grew up and what he became to be in the short life that he lived. Then he showed me the "the blue car " that was buried underneath all the flowers. THAT I remembered ... He played with this car all time as a child and it was then that I felt regret for not going.  I still have not called to speak to his family because I do not know what more to say that I did not already say in the letter. I would like some feedback on this and it is greatly appreciated.   

I feel like I am going through the grief process however I haven't loss anyone to death.  January of this year I lost a baby, and March I lost my husband, my independance, and my life.  The only good thing through this is I have my 4 year old son.  My husband went for an interview and when he came back through probing I found out he had an affair with another man and our lives changed.  He came back and asked me to stay as this is not the life he wanted but then it just continued he would spend time on the internet and phone with this man and I couldn't compete.  I feel like i have lost the dream that I had for my life and my future.  I loved this man with my whole heart and this hurt like crazy.  I know this is not the same as some of your losses and I am saddened for you for your loss, but I jus thought maybe you could give me some advise.  I am not depressed but somedays are hard to bear.  Just looking for some support.

Dear "Scared & Sleepless"

Life is much to beautiful to simply go and kill yourself.It is much to beautiful to be scared and worry all the time.Your life is to precious to not be free and feel happy.

The first lesson you have to learn is that drugs aren't good for you. Especially not to solve any emotional issues or simply for the fact of entertainment, eg hanging out with your friends. I think that you experienced that, now see that truth and choose another way of life.

I can understand that your experience is challenging you tremendously. If you can not see this trough yourself you should consider seeking advice from a doctor, a physiologist, a spiritualist or a dear friend. Someone you feel comfortable with.

The first step is to know about the spectrum of your mind. It is an incredible organ with an incredible power. I can assure you that all you experience is only happening within your mind and has no other reality, as well if it feels like that to you. Implement this knowledge for it will help you stand aside from your experience. Seek understanding and educate yourself.

Change your lifestyle. Increasing the stability of your nervous system can be of incredible help to you. You know what is good for you, do you? Exercise, eat healthy, go to bed early, take in some fresh air and sun. Yoga and meditation are very good to relax and rebuild the nervous system. Seek help from natural remedies such as valerian drops which calm you slightly and help you sleep better. Rest and try to find a place you can relax. Take everyday a small step towards better physical health and continue gradually.

No 3. Try to redefine yourself. Commit yourself to that process entirely. Buy a scribbler and write down short truths about yourself. Do it every day. Don't focus on the past or problem to much. Acknowledge it and move on focusing on your path to a better life.

If you truly desire to change your state of mind then you will succeed and your life will change accordingly. You have all the power you need, you just have to realize it. I wish you strength, belief and determination. Those are the ingredients you'll need to make a difference. Love,

Sibylle