Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards - Giving and Receiving Support

User Mood
Angry

Message Emote
sad

June 14, 2006, 8:02 pm PDT

Sorry for your loss

Quote From: patty_r

I don't know how to go on since losing my 21 yr old son last Sept (he drowned while swimming with friends). I feel like insanity is just below the surface. And if I think about him not coming back for more than a second I will go over the edge and not be able to get back....is this normal....what's normal??? Help!!!

HI, I am so sorry for anyone that losses their children. that is the WORST thing a person must have to bare. I had 3 children. When I was 71/2 months pregnant, My ex beat me, causing me to go into labor. My son lived 2 days and weighed 2 lbs. I never got to hold him. Later, certainly with another husband, I had a son and a daughter. Life was great. Then at age 5 my daughter had leukemia. So a year and a half I helplessly had to watch her slip away from me and lost her at age 7. My son , now 32 , has been upset with me for years and doesn't even speak to me. So greif comes in all kinds of packages. Starting out with terrible parents , craving love since childhood, then to loose the loves of my life. I certainly question WHY? But I find I am a good actress as I face the world everyday. I just stayed busy to keep my sanity and now at 51, when I should be slowing down I just don't know what to do with myself. I pray you will find peace with this horrible situation that happened to you. ONE THING FOR SURE, WE OR SURVIVERS ! God Bless ! L'il t

Read Replies to this Message

thoustin

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

June 15, 2006, 7:20 am PDT

Old Friend's son passed away

I need some advice and I hope this is the place I get it. About 2 weeks ago an old friend's son was killed in a car accident. He was 17 yrs old and I have not seen him or his family since he was 5. I was engaged to his Uncle for 5 years and when he and I broke it off, I seperated myself from his family. I used to babysit this little boy and his family and my family are still VERY close. His brother and sister_n_Law are very good friends with my sister and brother_n_law. ( it was thier son who passed away ) when the accident happened my sister immediately called me to let me know the horrifying news because I did adore this little guy and I kept informed of his life and family from her. My first reaction was to call them right away to tell them how sorry I was to hear about thier loss but after thinking about it, I did not think I should. I went back and forth with myself if I should go to the visitation and finally decided that I did not think it was appropriate. Which leads me to my question ... Did I do the right thing ? I loved this "little boy" but I had no ideaa who he was as a young man. They had his picture on the news and it was as if I was looking at a stranger. Don't get me wrong I cry many nights thinking of him but when I cry I have that picture of him as a little boy in my mind.

I asked my sister to tell his family of how sorry I was to hear about his death and I sent a card with a note to his parents, grandpa and my ex-fiance. I went to the cemetary and said my respects to him on my time and while I was there his " godfather" showed up. He told me of how he grew up and what he became to be in the short life that he lived. Then he showed me the "the blue car " that was buried underneath all the flowers. THAT I remembered ... He played with this car all time as a child and it was then that I felt regret for not going. I still have not called to speak to his family because I do not know what more to say that I did not already say in the letter. I would like some feedback on this and it is greatly appreciated.

Read Replies to this Message

sheri_1972

User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote

June 15, 2006, 7:47 am PDT

a different kind of loss

I feel like I am going through the grief process however I haven't loss anyone to death. January of this year I lost a baby, and March I lost my husband, my independance, and my life. The only good thing through this is I have my 4 year old son. My husband went for an interview and when he came back through probing I found out he had an affair with another man and our lives changed. He came back and asked me to stay as this is not the life he wanted but then it just continued he would spend time on the internet and phone with this man and I couldn't compete. I feel like i have lost the dream that I had for my life and my future. I loved this man with my whole heart and this hurt like crazy. I know this is not the same as some of your losses and I am saddened for you for your loss, but I jus thought maybe you could give me some advise. I am not depressed but somedays are hard to bear. Just looking for some support.

Read Replies to this Message

al143jc

User Mood
Scared

Message Emote

June 16, 2006, 1:10 am PDT

i need help fast

two months ago, i smoked weed with my friends, and i got realllly high, to the point where i was seeing things. it was a bad high. i saw my own death and everything i saw while opening my eyes came towards me, and when i touched it, it tore apart as if it was a set up. when i closed my eyes i saw checkered boards, check marks and all these other things so i had to keep one eye open and one eye closed. i really wanted to go to the hospital but my firend told me there was nothing the hospital could do, and i had to wait for the high to be over. i was so paranoid. i didnt know what was going to happen to me. and ever since then before i sleep i'd see things. i'd close my eyes and lay there in bed. i'd see pictures, any random pictures and sometimes even voices. then when i opened my eyes the picture would fade away. sometimes i'd see someone i've never seen before and i'd hear a voice saying their name or something and its the actual PERSON. cause once i was just laying there and i saw a guy sstanding in a parking lot and i heard a name. as soon as i heard the name i opened my eyes and described that person i saw and gave my bestfriend the name and it was the right person. but anyways... every night i'd see things but tonight, it was worst. whatever it was, it wouldnt let me wake up.. i was moving but i couldnt see my actions... i was just in one spot..my teeth was chatting.. it was like ther was another person in me.. i had to use my bed to pull myself apart fromt he bed.. i was trying to reach for the ocmputer. but that one part wouldnt let me. i saw two different things at the same time... my sight was divided into two.. 25% of it, i was able to see what i doing. 75% was just a vision of me laying in bed. i couldnt part from my bed... something was holding me back.. i couldnt open my eyes.. and the harder i pulled awy from my bed. that 25% grew. so i was pulling reallly hard. but then my sight was shaking... i still saw myself on the bed though.. i felt myself moving and stuff but the view was just how it was when i was laying down. just my body. then outta no where. everything stopped.. and i just got up.. im afriad to sleep. when that happened. i wanted to kill myself but i couldnt, cause i couldnt see what i was doing. i felt myself moving but my sight was just that ONE view. i honestly dont know what it is.. and im afriad its gonna get MUCH MORE worst

Read Replies to this Message

sibyllevox

User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote

June 16, 2006, 9:33 am PDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: al143jc

two months ago, i smoked weed with my friends, and i got realllly high, to the point where i was seeing things. it was a bad high. i saw my own death and everything i saw while opening my eyes came towards me, and when i touched it, it tore apart as if it was a set up. when i closed my eyes i saw checkered boards, check marks and all these other things so i had to keep one eye open and one eye closed. i really wanted to go to the hospital but my firend told me there was nothing the hospital could do, and i had to wait for the high to be over. i was so paranoid. i didnt know what was going to happen to me. and ever since then before i sleep i'd see things. i'd close my eyes and lay there in bed. i'd see pictures, any random pictures and sometimes even voices. then when i opened my eyes the picture would fade away. sometimes i'd see someone i've never seen before and i'd hear a voice saying their name or something and its the actual PERSON. cause once i was just laying there and i saw a guy sstanding in a parking lot and i heard a name. as soon as i heard the name i opened my eyes and described that person i saw and gave my bestfriend the name and it was the right person. but anyways... every night i'd see things but tonight, it was worst. whatever it was, it wouldnt let me wake up.. i was moving but i couldnt see my actions... i was just in one spot..my teeth was chatting.. it was like ther was another person in me.. i had to use my bed to pull myself apart fromt he bed.. i was trying to reach for the ocmputer. but that one part wouldnt let me. i saw two different things at the same time... my sight was divided into two.. 25% of it, i was able to see what i doing. 75% was just a vision of me laying in bed. i couldnt part from my bed... something was holding me back.. i couldnt open my eyes.. and the harder i pulled awy from my bed. that 25% grew. so i was pulling reallly hard. but then my sight was shaking... i still saw myself on the bed though.. i felt myself moving and stuff but the view was just how it was when i was laying down. just my body. then outta no where. everything stopped.. and i just got up.. im afriad to sleep. when that happened. i wanted to kill myself but i couldnt, cause i couldnt see what i was doing. i felt myself moving but my sight was just that ONE view. i honestly dont know what it is.. and im afriad its gonna get MUCH MORE worst

Dear "Scared & Sleepless"

Life is much to beautiful to simply go and kill yourself.It is much to beautiful to be scared and worry all the time.Your life is to precious to not be free and feel happy.

The first lesson you have to learn is that drugs aren't good for you. Especially not to solve any emotional issues or simply for the fact of entertainment, eg hanging out with your friends. I think that you experienced that, now see that truth and choose another way of life.

I can understand that your experience is challenging you tremendously. If you can not see this trough yourself you should consider seeking advice from a doctor, a physiologist, a spiritualist or a dear friend. Someone you feel comfortable with.

The first step is to know about the spectrum of your mind. It is an incredible organ with an incredible power. I can assure you that all you experience is only happening within your mind and has no other reality, as well if it feels like that to you. Implement this knowledge for it will help you stand aside from your experience. Seek understanding and educate yourself.

Change your lifestyle. Increasing the stability of your nervous system can be of incredible help to you. You know what is good for you, do you? Exercise, eat healthy, go to bed early, take in some fresh air and sun. Yoga and meditation are very good to relax and rebuild the nervous system. Seek help from natural remedies such as valerian drops which calm you slightly and help you sleep better. Rest and try to find a place you can relax. Take everyday a small step towards better physical health and continue gradually.

No 3. Try to redefine yourself. Commit yourself to that process entirely. Buy a scribbler and write down short truths about yourself. Do it every day. Don't focus on the past or problem to much. Acknowledge it and move on focusing on your path to a better life.

If you truly desire to change your state of mind then you will succeed and your life will change accordingly. You have all the power you need, you just have to realize it. I wish you strength, belief and determination. Those are the ingredients you'll need to make a difference. Love,

Sibylle

Read Replies to this Message

windsormom

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

June 16, 2006, 9:19 pm PDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: sheri_1972

I feel like I am going through the grief process however I haven't loss anyone to death. January of this year I lost a baby, and March I lost my husband, my independance, and my life. The only good thing through this is I have my 4 year old son. My husband went for an interview and when he came back through probing I found out he had an affair with another man and our lives changed. He came back and asked me to stay as this is not the life he wanted but then it just continued he would spend time on the internet and phone with this man and I couldn't compete. I feel like i have lost the dream that I had for my life and my future. I loved this man with my whole heart and this hurt like crazy. I know this is not the same as some of your losses and I am saddened for you for your loss, but I jus thought maybe you could give me some advise. I am not depressed but somedays are hard to bear. Just looking for some support.

im sorry your going through such a hard time right now. If you ever want to chat i do have msn messenger. please take care of you. ill be praying for you to be strong.

Read Replies to this Message

sheri_1972

User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote

June 17, 2006, 3:49 pm PDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: windsormom

im sorry your going through such a hard time right now. If you ever want to chat i do have msn messenger. please take care of you. ill be praying for you to be strong.

what's your email address I have msn too. Thanks for the prayers, that 's all I can do now is pray for strength, wisdom and patience.

Read Replies to this Message

billysgirl

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
happy

June 19, 2006, 5:57 pm PDT

thank you

Quote From: idunowhy

One day at a time......Give yourself a break, you just went thru an emotional roller coaster.

Tahitian Noni Juice is good to help with cravings, you put a tsp under the tung for 3 minutes each time he craves a cigarette. I heard it(cravings) will stop in three days and if you go to light up again it is as if never smoked before. It has to be Tahitian Noni and 100% juice. A chemist told me about it and Noni juice is very good for the body.

Thank you so much,, I will have him try it,, he has bought the patch again,, but im really worried because hes almost back to smoking what he was before all this happened ,, every time he lights one up I just sit and cry,, thank you we will try your suggestion,, and God bless you.. Martha

Read Replies to this Message

franny2

User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
happy

June 21, 2006, 3:18 am PDT

great song

Quote From: sadkay

i dont feel the suns coming out today,its stayin in ,its gonna find another way,as i sit here in this misery,i dont think ill ever[no lord see the sun from here,and oh as i fade away, theyll all look at me and say,and theyll say "hey look at him! ill never live that way."but thats ok ,theyre just afraid of change. and when you feel life aint worth living youve got to stand up and take a look around you look way up to the sky.and when your deepest thoughts are broken,keep on dreaming boy,cause when you stop dreaming its time to die.and as we all play parts of tomorrow,some ways well work and other ways well play.but i know we cant all stay here forever,so i want to write my words on the face of today and then theyll paint it.and oh as i fade away, theyll all look at me and say,theyll say,"hey look at him and where he is these days."when life is hard ,you have to change.............

Read Replies to this Message

mistysblus

User Mood
Depressed

Message Emote
sad

June 21, 2006, 5:53 am PDT

Just Need To Vent

Hi Everyone just felt i needed to vent this morning. I have struggled most of my life with being over weight and horrible abuse from my past is where it all started. From the age 3 until 23 i could write a book about myself and probably be a best seller. But eating was always a comfort zone for me. If i was sad or hurting i always found food to be my best friend. Well at age 39 i finally decided to STOP LETTING FOOD BE MY BEST FRIEND... my lover and my therapist, i have lost 155 pounds as of today i am 135 and down from a size 24 to a size 8. I have worked so hard to get this weight off . The problem now is i am trying to destroy all the hard work i have done. I had no clue the damage it would do to my body. Being over weight i was always made fun of and laught at. But now i don't know whats worse the bat wings and apron i have on my lower stomach or the wrinkles i gained in my face. People make fun of me worse now than when i was over weight. I am a size 8 but wear bigger clothes once again still hiding the pain. My husband does not like for me to undress in front of him. he stop taking me to the beach and most public places with him. I find myself going back to old habits and buying junk food and hiding it and eating it late at night to convert my pain. People make mean comments like you look so old since you lost the weight. And comments like if it where me i would wear clothes that hide your flabby arms, you know i ate for years to cover a lot of pain from being molested and raped at a early age and my mother throwing me out of the house at 14 because she found out her husband was touching me and wanted me out of the house and took her husband over me. And for years i blamed myself and abused myself by eating and i finally decide to take control of my life and lose the weight and stop the pain, but i ask myself everyday what have i don't to myself i made things worse i look so awful now i am so depressed and i never go any where anymore because of people stare and make comments. I will never have the money to fix the damage i have done to myself over many years of abusing myself. I would give anything in this world if i could just get the little girl who was tossed out at 14 but i know now that never going to happen. For those who read this i am not sure what i am trying to say, just needed to vent thanks for having this board to do so....Misty

Read Replies to this Message

Message Boards

Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Sorry for your loss

Old Friend's son passed away

a different kind of loss

i need help fast

Giving and Receiving Support

Giving and Receiving Support

Giving and Receiving Support

thank you

great song

Just Need To Vent