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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 843
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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February 27, 2007, 6:28 pm CST

Giving and Receiving Support

hello

 

this is my first time righting on the message board. i need some help from someone that knows that to do.

 

i feel like i cant control my thoughts, i feel like i;m going crazy. my whole life is about trying to make since out of what as happened in the past and everything even slightly sexual feels like its going to consume me.

 
February 27, 2007, 6:29 pm CST

Giving and Receiving Support

 My love life is in the hole most days i don’t even what to be around anyone because i don’t know who is safe. i fight with my boyfriend daily about things that are sexual, like if he looks at a girl or things he has done in the past like strip clubs. when i look at him all i see is someone that can;t control there sexuality. i scream at him asking why why do you have to look at women why are men so out of control. 

 
February 27, 2007, 6:31 pm CST

Giving and Receiving Support

 i feel like am at the mercy of every man. i;m at the bottom of the food chain. i feel so helpless. my whole world had been consumed  and taken away from me because of man. they made it hard for me to go to school because of there sexual nature and what i see on tv and music videos leaves me hopeless and confirms that my feelings are justified.

 

 
February 27, 2007, 6:31 pm CST

Giving and Receiving Support

what i;m trying to ask is how do i stop my thoughts and fears and get back my life and stop the crying. how do i stop hating my boyfriend and  men because of there sexual nature. How do I stop feeling scared and just enjoy being in a relationship with a man

 
March 5, 2007, 1:26 pm CST

Ask For A Little Help

The first thing I would recommend is to find a therapist to help you.  There are issues that you are having and do not understand.   Feeling insecure, jealousy and anger.  You need someone who can sit down with you and find out where these issues are coming from.  Until you know why you react the way you do, you cannot really change it.  Anyone can say, "I will stop overreacting to jealousy."  But to do so is much harder.  Please talk to someone, before it gets too out of control.  I have seen people become violent because of these issues, and I wouldn't want you to have this happen to you.   I wish you the best of luck.

 

Bless you.

 
March 7, 2007, 7:15 pm CST

Giving and Receiving Support

Hello everyone,

 

I'm Marilyn i'm 21 years old and i live in a situation which i can't handlle.

I'm living with my mom and my extremely abusive 18 years old sister. My sister does everything to ruin our lives she abuses my mom and she always puts me down. When my sister has one of her tantrums all i do is hide because my sister often runs around threatening us with knives. That makes me feel so depressed that i often think of ending my life. I already tried to commit suicide several times. And i know that it doesn't solve anything but i think i'll finally find the rest i'm longing for for such a long time. But because i know it doesn't solve anything now i try to get some support and advice of what to do when my sister has a tantrum like that. What can i do????

 

Greetz Marilyn

 
March 8, 2007, 5:48 am CST

i need urgent help

hell every body,

 

well i really dont know frm where and how to start telling ya my complicated problems, i,m 30 year old non-us honetly i dont know what is my gender some time i feel i,m male and most of the time i feel i,m gay, thats coz we dont have the absolute rites to pratice sex and have gurl friend or what so ever, i born and grew up with muslims and havin gurl friend ,drinkin wine or makein sex is consider as one of the most forbbiden mistake so i dont see it that way and as long as there is some where where freedom of believe and sex is available why dont i ask for help to live where ppl dont have such problems i wanna be some body else so unless ya help me guys i wont be who i wanna be, and honestly livin with muslims and abeyin the islam rules is more than hell , i finally decided to leave islam and muslims i wanna change my believe but i cant do this as long as i still live with them coz there is a punishment for every muslim who wanna leave islam which is cut off a head itz pretty hard punishment thats why i cant do this i honestly wanna have the freedom of choosin my own believe not to believe over ur nose , i wanna live where i dont feel scare frm telling ppl my own view a bout sex and religion or what so ever so i did contact dr,phil to give me support and protection inorder to make this happen coz if muslims learn a bout this they will defintly get me killed coz they call this jihad  and help me find out resloving these problems which i been carring for almost 20 year or my be lil more but it seems like dr phil is just exclusive for native americans or ppl who live in the state, i need ya all really all of ya to start new live with all the new and diffrent  conseptions dr phil help me plz and ya guyz help me i dont wanna be muslim any more i wanna culturized my self read a bout catholic, and christian reigion i wanna choose my own believe not to believe in some thing by force.plz excuse my broken english its my second language

plz help me i cant wait to get ur help

 
March 12, 2007, 8:17 pm CDT

supporting a loved one

Well as always where to start with these things.  I am 28 yrs old, married to my husband for almost two years. It has been the longest; hardest; etc. 2 yrs of my life.  I married my husband after 6 yrs of dating. I love my husband very much. Unfortunately right after our wedding  (5wks) he "snapped" for a lack of a better word. We separated for several months. We then decided to work on our marriage.  I still felt I got married for the right reasons but was now confused with what my husband was going through. I became angry and resentful for his lack of remorse for the things he did to me. When we separated it was very traumatic for me, he was cruel to say the least. I spent many endless nights thinking of things he did to me but knew he was a good person underneath whatever was happening. My husband was abused as a child, I was at the time of our marriage and 3 yrs previous a child protection worker. supporting a system that my husband hated with a god given passion.  I guess there is the first of the my background and to mention my husband was a loving caring person right up to the day I married him . So it's two years later, we have gone to counseling, we have tried to make it work, we have fought uncontrollably at times, I have been abusive (physically, emotionally); he has been emotionally abusive, controlling, and in between all that there were always good times.  Things were going great in opinion since the new year. I  have had my bags packed in my head so many times prior to the new year but decided I wanted this and thought he did too.  After 1 and bit long yr I let my guard down and decided to finally trust in the man I married. He "presented well" and hide his pain from me.  So to any of you who bothered to keep reading this I will get to the point last week my husband attempted suicide and he is currently in inpatient mental health . He has been diagnosed with PTSD re: his family.  I didn't see this coming once again right after I let my guard down and I feel like now that he has done this and sought help "for real" in his words - he feels I should just forgot the last two yrs because he is "getting help and was the problem" his words.  The last 2 yrs have been hell for me, I get he is going through some pretty tough stuff and he needs support. He does not have the support of his family  and few friends. How do I support him yet respect my own need for support and love? How do I just forgot the things he did to me and let my guard down once again? The last two yrs have been hell for me and I just let my guard down again and this happened.  I want to support him yet am still angry at him for so many things.  Just needing to let things out and doubt this makes sense to anyone.
 
March 13, 2007, 10:13 am CDT

Need your help urgently - Feeling betrayed and abandoned by my best friend after the loss of my mom

I have known my best friend for 9 years.  In all of that time he has tried to support me in times of need and has done so by phone calls, but never in material things.  We worked at the same place.  My mom passed away the morning of March 5.  Later that day I called him and told him and after I talked to him he sends me an e-mail saying how sorry he was for my loss, his prayers go out to me and my family and to let this time help me become closer to my family.  He quotes a passage from the Bible that says that my mom will have a new place to live.  But he has not sent my family any kind of card or flowers or to me or has he called or e-mailed to see how I am doing.  I was extremely close to her and due to her illness, I helped my dad take care of her for 6 ½ years.  He knows how difficult that was to do and whenever we would talk he would always say that he is here for me.  When his wife’s father died last year I picked out a card, signed it and sent it to her.  I do not know his wife very well.  I sent her the card because I wanted to and it was the right thing to do out of respect, not because of our friendship.  A few months ago he gave me a photo album of pictures of past times that we had gotten together and done things, lunches, work get togethers.  In the front of this photo album is a poem about true friendship.  I feel hurt, abandoned and betrayed by his actions and am seriously considering ending the friendship.  It feels like we were not very good friends at all and that our relationship was just a lie.  I need to know if I am overacting and if I should just not worry about this, or should I tell him how I feel.
 
March 15, 2007, 3:22 pm CDT

Coping with an alcoholic spouse.

Yes I am sure my message title sparked your interest if not just for a moment.  I am a 22 year old female.  My current husband (caker boyfriend) who is 35 and I have been together a year.  For the most part we have been inseparable for that year.  After being set-up by a mutual friend we knew everything and anything there was to know about each other.  Quickly after meeting/dating I moved into his place and we combined our lives into one, not without sacrifice.  Things just meshed together without explanation.  There were/isn't any shaded areas between us.  It is all black and white.  He was straight up about explaining his many struggles with alcoholism.  Being a nurse I most definitely understood the medical aspect of his addiction/disease as I am a bariatrics/weightloss nurse that sees a wide variety of people on a daily basis who are not only struggling with their weight but some other issues that plague their lives.  I never walked into our relationship thinking he would change or that I could change things because as we all know people only change on their own wants and needs.  With that being said, I've seen him struggle significantly at some points over the last year.  I think the most difficult thing is how do you get someone to see how they are struggling?  During one of these down times I had asked him, "If you are just looking to feel better or get a buzz and medicate the problem then why don't you stop at whatever that point is, whether it is 5 drinks or 1 drink?  Why do you insist on pushing your body that much farther and seeing how far you can take it just that one time?  Why have 10, 11, or more drinks?".  He was really caught off guard by that question and it made him think.  Part of me feels so betrayed by his disease.  It is almost like being cheated on.  At times I feel like it is the bottle or me.  The next morning after he spent the night with "the enemy" it is like nothing ever happened or that he is truly remorseful.  What I really have a hard time understanding is why I get so caught up emotionally with the drinking?  He doesn't verbally, emotionally, psychologically, physically or sexually abuse me.  He never makes me feel like lesser of a person.  I love him with all my heart and if you truly honestly look at it I knew about his problem walking into our relationship.  So the same question comes up, why am I so emotionally effected by it?  When it happens I try to break it down as to why it is a reoccurring incident and what he must feel and think.  Some where in life he must feel cheated but those emotions are not apparent unless there is alcohol in his bloodstream.  What is it they call it?  Liquid courage?  I don't want to "save" him or change him because he is an amazing person who is caught up with fear, emotion, repression, guilt and trauma.  But how do you get someone to look past what has previously happened in life and look for a brighter future?  How do you get them to look past the pain and suffering and to let go of the guilt or the need to please others?  He has done many things in order to treat his disease.  He has attended AA and sought out medical attention.  Every time he gets caught up in trying to successfully complete one of the steps of AA and that is his apology to everyone who he has hurt with his disease.  He truly feels remorseful but has a truly difficult time in trying to tell those precious love ones how sorry he really is and feeling that they understand his apology and accept him for who he is.  I think it is easy to look in and judge how he must feel or see things in life.  However, I will not make excuses for him.  I am supportive of his choices and I am open to supporting him with whatever is needed, however, I refuse to buy the alcohol, drink with him, take him to a bar or a social event that provides alcohol or to accept any abusive behaviour towards me while under the influence or in daily life.  I am always willing to provide him transportation if he has been drinking though because I do expect that he should be responsible and not drink and drive.  At times I feel like I am struggling more with this then he is or that I am the only one who is struggling to be a good wife.  I know I am not the only one who struggles in life with a partner who is an alcoholic but at times you feel so isolated.  At times I almost feel like I am the alcoholic because I get so caught up in worrying whether today is a good day or a bad day.  Is he going to drink today?  What will he drink today?  My subconscious is always thinking about the bottle in his hand.  It is craziness at times.  I would like to hear other peoples experiences, thoughts and feelings because I know I am not the only one who struggles.  Thanks, E!
 
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