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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support
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April 7, 2007, 2:09 pm PDT
 Quote From: joanmendes I am 46yrs old. Mother of two. Happily married for 24 years to the same man. I have grown up with parents that are very negative about alot of things. My mother and I have found a way to get past all the negative atmosphere, this has taken place over the last few years.
My father however, still thinks of his children as complete assholes. I thought for many years that he was an okay guy, but he has within the past five years shown his true colors. One particular event was when he was to invite my two nieces to his home for a visit. He refused to ask my brother if he could bring them, instead he asked my brothers exgirlfriend to bring them to visit. That was very upsetting to me and both of my brothers. My brother has issues, but should be given the opportunity to share the visit with his daughters. Well, the exgirlfriend ended up bringing the children to visit grandpa.
Anyway, days had gone by. You have to know that expressing my feelings to my parents has always been difficult for me. I have always felt that my opinions were not important to them. My father calls on the phone, I really don't have much to say to him. He keeps asking what is my problem, why don't I want to talk? Finally after much proding by him, I express my disappointment in him for not allowing his son the opportunity to bring his daughters for the visit.
Well, as I had expected my father became very angry towards me and called me every name in the book. I was shocked and began to cry and told him that if he couldn't speak to me in an adult fashion, that I didn't have much more to say to him. My sixteen year old son was witness to this conversation, he wasn't on the phone, but walked into the room and saw me crying, and begging my father to stop talking to me that way. My son hung the phone up for me.
Now five years later, we still haven't spoken, his sister, my aunt tells me that I only have one father and I may regret not corresponding with him. Mind you he has made no attempt to contact me in all these years. So I email him. Tell him how his grandchildren are and what is going on in my life. He responds. That was okay. Then two weeks go by and he writes to ask why haven't I responded to his emails, (haven't gotten but one)? Would I tell my brothers Merry XMAS and he doesn't know what my problem is.
Dr. Phil, How long does one need to be emotionally put through badgering by their father and stepmother. I have responded to let him know how I feel. His wife is getting into the middle to this mess and I am just to the point of never wanting to have a relationship with either of them. Should I just give it to the lord and see what happens? Do I try to convince my father that I am not the evil person he thinks that I am. I'm spent emotionally over this whole thing.
Please Dr. Phil or Robin give me some advice to go on. I guess I am doing the right thing, but not sure. Do I just move forward with god and my husband's support. Or do I try to make amends. I'm always full of doubt. Life isn't getting any shorter. Please advise |
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April 7, 2007, 8:07 pm PDT
me and my boyfriend have been together for almost six months now and i truly believe he is the one i was meant to be with. althought right now things are very difficult because i am two years older than him and right now i am working on my cosmetology liscense but he has signed up to go into the National Guard! he leaves in 3 weeks for fort leonard wood missouri for 5 months im trying to cope with him leaving me but its getting harder and harder because i know that we wont be able to talk much while he is gone. he says when he gets back he wants us to get an apartment together while he goes to college but 5 months is such a long time to me and im scared he might come back a diffrent person and not want to be with me anymore. i have never had anyone care about me the way he does but i get upset about this stuff so often in front of him and i cry about it that he is too the point where the only thing he can say is everything will be ok dont worry about it and i cant stop worrying or hurting i cry all the time now thinking about him leavcing and then him possibly haveing to go somewhere that is not safe like iraq or something i dont know what to do or how to cope with all of this he and his best friend are going together to basic but im still worried |
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April 22, 2007, 2:52 pm PDT
Not sure where to start or if this is the right forum for this...but i will try anywhere. I am dealing with parental alienation and have no where to turn. I cannot afford a lawyer, though everyone I tell my story to says thats what we need, and I know that, but right now that is totally impossible. So how do I help my babies. I have been alientated from them my heir father who has brainwashed them into lying extensively about abuse. (I will not go into details, though please think the worst!) They convinced social services and the courts, though after social services dropped their case, they told us my kids were brainwashed but couldn't do anything. There was no criminal investigation, I took a polygraph and passed!!! EVERYONE says my ex is nuts and crazy and is brainwashing the kids, but there is nothing I can do...please help!!! My babies need to come home!!! |
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April 26, 2007, 10:24 am PDT
Hi
Not sure where to begin. I am a frequent watcher of this show. I'm a young adult with depression and anxiety for quite awhile now. Being a male with these has been rough.
Thanks so much. I feel better.
Ryan |
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May 3, 2007, 10:30 am PDT
I'm sitting here feeling lonely, frustrated and very tired. My mother inlaw just left after a four day visit. I am a horrible mother, an competent wife and and a fanatically religious person who can't get do anything well and my imcompentence is an amusing joke to those around me. I am hormonal at present so magnify that times ten. My church is falling apart. My husband and I go to a very small church whose median age is mid 50's. We are in our late thrity's and have three children 3, 4 and 9. We are the youth of our church. There are literally no other children in our church. We do not have a pastor at present. We have a used carsalesman who live 45 miles away and comes in on Sundays and Wednesdays to preach and claims he doesn't know where anything in the bible is located, but he knows it is there we can find it later. I am a stay at home mom and have been for the last 3 1/2 years. We were foster parents and adopted three boys. My youngest came to us with some severe sensory integration issues and very severe lack of attachement issues. MY KIDS NEED SOCIALIZATION AND INTERACTION WITH OTHER KIDS. I know that. But I committed to teaching the women's Sunday School this year. My term won't be up until October. Now our church is deciding to really struggle and divide itself on whether or not to have a pastor search and get a leader for our church or continue down the path of least effort and maintain until the death of the church or congregation completely. As a younger person of the church some want me to fight the good fight and help save the church. I am wanting to bale and get my kids into a church they can grow and thrive in. I feel like a horrible person, but am a protective mother who knows my kids need to come first. I still feel sad and very horrible for the church's situation, I don't want to totally detach but, there is not a shortage of stress in my life and I really don't need it from the place where you go for comfort and refreshment. I'm in a bad place right now, but am healthy enough to know it is temporary and I don't have it as bad as some. Just venting to keep from going to bed and crying, If I start I'm afraid it will take some time before I quit. I am choosing to share so that if anyone can share some encouragment and positive feedback, I sure could use some about now. |
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May 4, 2007, 2:51 pm PDT
hi! my name
is carina. I'm 16 (nearly 17). and I really need some help. I dance. It's one
of the most important things for me on earth (really) ... My biggest wish is to
become professional... I'm not from america.... but my jazz teacher is american
.. so last summer she took 7 girls (including me) to the united states to dance
(TREMAINE..) that was the best time in my life... When we were there I was sooo
full of adrenaline that I wasn't able to eat... I never felt hungry ... when we
were at the swimming pool all were shocked 'bout how thin I am... and so on...
the whole week they were talking 'bout me ... I didn't notice that for a very
long time.. I wasn't able to go to the restroom alone everytime somebody else
went also to the toilette... they weren't sure if I throw off... My dance
teacher always told me to eat.. she watched me all the time we were in
restaurant and so on.... there was a test 'bout eating habbits in a dance
magazine she read out loud and wanted me to give her answers but I didn't ...
she told me that I was to thin and so on... I had a "best friend"
(she isn't anymore..) and the husband of my danceteacher is always making jokes
and call her paris hilton .. so once my dance teacher said you are the friend
of paris hilton but you really don't have to be nichole richie... we went home
2 days before my danceteacher returned home because she spent two other days
with her mother... when we said goodbye she huged me and wanted me to promise
her to eat (she said she want's me to be able to dance) I'm not sure but I
think I saw tears in her eyes (but today I think this can't be true) ... [ when
we were in the states wasn't the first time I got told to eat ... She told me
to eat a few times before.. and her friend who also dances at our studio ( she
is a doctor) told me very often to eat... but in america was the first time I
got told very directly to eat.. don't know if you know what I mean] okay when
we all were back at home my danceteacher gave me a nutrition plan she
printed out... she also sent me links like (Nutrition Fact sheet -
fuelling dancers).... so 'bout 2 weeks after we returned she took me by her
side after dance class and talked to me... she said that I'm really too thin
and that she thinks that I have an eatingdisorder that I look weak and she
asked me if I would think to be a better dancer when I'm so thin... and so on
... I started crying and said that I really can't see it that I really can't
see the problem because I think that two other girls are much more thin than
me... she told that that's really not the truth... and I really have to do
something she said she could talk to my parents if I want but I told her that I
can't tell my parents because they would never let me dance again (that the
reality!!! with an eatingdisorder my parents would never let me dance again!)
she asked me if I'm throwing off and all that stuff... she promised me not to
tell my parents if I gain weight but if she sees that I'm not she would tell
them... so she bought a pair of scales and weighed me... she gave me limits I
had to reach.. and so on .... she worte me emails ... I had really much
attention... but after 2 months or more I wasn't able to reach her limits ...I
wasn't able to gain weight I really tried no matter that I didn't want that I
tried to gain... |
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May 4, 2007, 9:52 pm PDT
Quote From: carina_dancer hi! my name
is carina. I'm 16 (nearly 17). and I really need some help. I dance. It's one
of the most important things for me on earth (really) ... My biggest wish is to
become professional... I'm not from america.... but my jazz teacher is american
.. so last summer she took 7 girls (including me) to the united states to dance
(TREMAINE..) that was the best time in my life... When we were there I was sooo
full of adrenaline that I wasn't able to eat... I never felt hungry ... when we
were at the swimming pool all were shocked 'bout how thin I am... and so on...
the whole week they were talking 'bout me ... I didn't notice that for a very
long time.. I wasn't able to go to the restroom alone everytime somebody else
went also to the toilette... they weren't sure if I throw off... My dance
teacher always told me to eat.. she watched me all the time we were in
restaurant and so on.... there was a test 'bout eating habbits in a dance
magazine she read out loud and wanted me to give her answers but I didn't ...
she told me that I was to thin and so on... I had a "best friend"
(she isn't anymore..) and the husband of my danceteacher is always making jokes
and call her paris hilton .. so once my dance teacher said you are the friend
of paris hilton but you really don't have to be nichole richie... we went home
2 days before my danceteacher returned home because she spent two other days
with her mother... when we said goodbye she huged me and wanted me to promise
her to eat (she said she want's me to be able to dance) I'm not sure but I
think I saw tears in her eyes (but today I think this can't be true) ... [ when
we were in the states wasn't the first time I got told to eat ... She told me
to eat a few times before.. and her friend who also dances at our studio ( she
is a doctor) told me very often to eat... but in america was the first time I
got told very directly to eat.. don't know if you know what I mean okay when
we all were back at home my danceteacher gave me a nutrition plan she
printed out... she also sent me links like (Nutrition Fact sheet -
fuelling dancers).... so 'bout 2 weeks after we returned she took me by her
side after dance class and talked to me... she said that I'm really too thin
and that she thinks that I have an eatingdisorder that I look weak and she
asked me if I would think to be a better dancer when I'm so thin... and so on
... I started crying and said that I really can't see it that I really can't
see the problem because I think that two other girls are much more thin than
me... she told that that's really not the truth... and I really have to do
something she said she could talk to my parents if I want but I told her that I
can't tell my parents because they would never let me dance again (that the
reality!!! with an eatingdisorder my parents would never let me dance again!)
she asked me if I'm throwing off and all that stuff... she promised me not to
tell my parents if I gain weight but if she sees that I'm not she would tell
them... so she bought a pair of scales and weighed me... she gave me limits I
had to reach.. and so on .... she worte me emails ... I had really much
attention... but after 2 months or more I wasn't able to reach her limits ...I
wasn't able to gain weight I really tried no matter that I didn't want that I
tried to gain... I am sorry to hear that your so-called friend said bad things about you. The little facts your dance teacher gave you are correct, for example: your body will perform better if you nourish it properly. It would be worth a try to see your doctor about the anorexia thing, because it is an illness. It's a medical issue that needs to be dealt with right away. If you have anorexia wouldn't you like to know about it? Maybe the doc will tell you that you must have an extremely high metabolism, but please do get checked out. It seems like when you go through bad times in your life you do find out who your friends are. You may be surprised that some of the other girls in your class do care about you and just want to be there for you as you navigate through whatever your issue is. Focus on your dancing and don't worry about christina because her dancing will never get you anywhere. I was a world class trampolinist and I was not in the clique at the gym, but I worked hard at workout and I tried to leave the gym a little bit better than when I walked in that day. It worked well for me. I hope that you can start to feel better about yourself and totally dismiss chrissy's remarks because she is not looking out for your best interests so just ignore her. |
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May 4, 2007, 10:08 pm PDT
Quote From: xylo2001 Hi
Not sure where to begin. I am a frequent watcher of this show. I'm a young adult with depression and anxiety for quite awhile now. Being a male with these has been rough.
Thanks so much. I feel better.
Ryan I am also a young adult with bipolar 2 and sociophobia, I am a female and I don't know whether that makes it harder or easier not. I have had this illness since I can remember. I am so sorry about you being locked in your room that must have been horrible. I spent a good 15 years in my room just voluntarily because of my illness, I just wanted to be in there with the door shut safe and alone. They did not get me any help, but they did get mean exorcism for my antisocial behavior. Didn't work, LOL! My therapist is excellent and we love to joke about that in group. I have gone through so many sets of meds but I think I havce got the right ones now. I am going through a major depressive episode and I feel lonely, too. Just reading your post made me feel better. Thanks for posting! I love music, too. I play wind instruments only. I sing too, but I suppose that is a wind instrument too! OK my jokes stink. My favorites are trumpet, flute, piccolo, and bari sax. I want to learn how to play the violin so badly, but I can't afford to buy one at this time. Well, have a good one, Unshine |
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May 4, 2007, 10:18 pm PDT
Quote From: faullzoomom I'm sitting here feeling lonely, frustrated and very tired. My mother inlaw just left after a four day visit. I am a horrible mother, an competent wife and and a fanatically religious person who can't get do anything well and my imcompentence is an amusing joke to those around me. I am hormonal at present so magnify that times ten. My church is falling apart. My husband and I go to a very small church whose median age is mid 50's. We are in our late thrity's and have three children 3, 4 and 9. We are the youth of our church. There are literally no other children in our church. We do not have a pastor at present. We have a used carsalesman who live 45 miles away and comes in on Sundays and Wednesdays to preach and claims he doesn't know where anything in the bible is located, but he knows it is there we can find it later. I am a stay at home mom and have been for the last 3 1/2 years. We were foster parents and adopted three boys. My youngest came to us with some severe sensory integration issues and very severe lack of attachement issues. MY KIDS NEED SOCIALIZATION AND INTERACTION WITH OTHER KIDS. I know that. But I committed to teaching the women's Sunday School this year. My term won't be up until October. Now our church is deciding to really struggle and divide itself on whether or not to have a pastor search and get a leader for our church or continue down the path of least effort and maintain until the death of the church or congregation completely. As a younger person of the church some want me to fight the good fight and help save the church. I am wanting to bale and get my kids into a church they can grow and thrive in. I feel like a horrible person, but am a protective mother who knows my kids need to come first. I still feel sad and very horrible for the church's situation, I don't want to totally detach but, there is not a shortage of stress in my life and I really don't need it from the place where you go for comfort and refreshment. I'm in a bad place right now, but am healthy enough to know it is temporary and I don't have it as bad as some. Just venting to keep from going to bed and crying, If I start I'm afraid it will take some time before I quit. I am choosing to share so that if anyone can share some encouragment and positive feedback, I sure could use some about now. Biological Family First and Church Family next. It sounds like you are burning the candle at both ends and that never ends up well. Your children are your precious gifts from God and raising them to the best of your ability is truly fighting the good fight. You alone can't save the church. Teaching Sunday School is a huge contribution already, and check out some info on boundaries to help you say no without feeling terrible. Those boys really need you. Best Wishes and Good Luck |
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May 6, 2007, 2:43 pm PDT
Quote From: carina_dancer hi! my name
is carina. I'm 16 (nearly 17). and I really need some help. I dance. It's one
of the most important things for me on earth (really) ... My biggest wish is to
become professional... I'm not from america.... but my jazz teacher is american
.. so last summer she took 7 girls (including me) to the united states to dance
(TREMAINE..) that was the best time in my life... When we were there I was sooo
full of adrenaline that I wasn't able to eat... I never felt hungry ... when we
were at the swimming pool all were shocked 'bout how thin I am... and so on...
the whole week they were talking 'bout me ... I didn't notice that for a very
long time.. I wasn't able to go to the restroom alone everytime somebody else
went also to the toilette... they weren't sure if I throw off... My dance
teacher always told me to eat.. she watched me all the time we were in
restaurant and so on.... there was a test 'bout eating habbits in a dance
magazine she read out loud and wanted me to give her answers but I didn't ...
she told me that I was to thin and so on... I had a "best friend"
(she isn't anymore..) and the husband of my danceteacher is always making jokes
and call her paris hilton .. so once my dance teacher said you are the friend
of paris hilton but you really don't have to be nichole richie... we went home
2 days before my danceteacher returned home because she spent two other days
with her mother... when we said goodbye she huged me and wanted me to promise
her to eat (she said she want's me to be able to dance) I'm not sure but I
think I saw tears in her eyes (but today I think this can't be true) ... [ when
we were in the states wasn't the first time I got told to eat ... She told me
to eat a few times before.. and her friend who also dances at our studio ( she
is a doctor) told me very often to eat... but in america was the first time I
got told very directly to eat.. don't know if you know what I mean okay when
we all were back at home my danceteacher gave me a nutrition plan she
printed out... she also sent me links like (Nutrition Fact sheet -
fuelling dancers).... so 'bout 2 weeks after we returned she took me by her
side after dance class and talked to me... she said that I'm really too thin
and that she thinks that I have an eatingdisorder that I look weak and she
asked me if I would think to be a better dancer when I'm so thin... and so on
... I started crying and said that I really can't see it that I really can't
see the problem because I think that two other girls are much more thin than
me... she told that that's really not the truth... and I really have to do
something she said she could talk to my parents if I want but I told her that I
can't tell my parents because they would never let me dance again (that the
reality!!! with an eatingdisorder my parents would never let me dance again!)
she asked me if I'm throwing off and all that stuff... she promised me not to
tell my parents if I gain weight but if she sees that I'm not she would tell
them... so she bought a pair of scales and weighed me... she gave me limits I
had to reach.. and so on .... she worte me emails ... I had really much
attention... but after 2 months or more I wasn't able to reach her limits ...I
wasn't able to gain weight I really tried no matter that I didn't want that I
tried to gain... Little one...if you do have an eating disorder it can become very dangerous for you. Hopefully, that's not the case. If dancing is your passion and you want it to be your profession, REMEMBER, you need strong bones. You have to nourish your bones by following good nutrition. It won't make you fat, but it will promote good muscle health and strength, and give you good bone density. When you don't eat enough, your body will take nourishment out of your muscles...then your muscles will begin to shrink, and your bones will become weak and brittle. They will break, even if you step off a sidewalk. A weak body is a target for any kind of infection, as well. Your leg bones could become infected, and you will have to have surgery or it might kill you. At the very least, it will cripple you. This is just a small part of what could happen to you if you don't treat your body well, so please listen to the wisdom of those concerned about you. Sometimes people think that tough love will influence another to change harmful behavior, but until that other person admits they have a problem, it doesn't work. Your friends are suffering too, from worry for you, but they don't have enough experience in life to know how to positively respond to you...except to fight it or be critical of you. It begins with you...and it's a simple choice. LIFE or DEATH??
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