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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 845
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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June 27, 2007, 9:09 am CDT

okay, lets talk

Quote From: sunshine80

You know what, you need to dissesct that big burden into little burdens and kick them all to the curb one at a time.  If you need ideas we can talk about it, but i don't want to seem bossy.
don't wrry about seeming too bossy.  I guess to me the biggest thing is, like i said, "understanding" too much; even when it hurts me; I WILL NOT tolerate hurting ones I love.  i seem to feel i can absorb hurt better than others, so i let myself be hurt rather than hurt someone.  i really just don't have a clue how to NOT be understanding & @ the same time not feel like i am overreacting - esp when my sense of "understanding why" kicks in; or whose wrong - i really good @ finding a way to blame myself for what happened.  Not accepting blame/responsibility are probably the LEAST of  my faults - if they even exist w/in me.
 
June 30, 2007, 7:10 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

my friend told me today that i am negative and behave like a machine, she is right,i am emotionless now, my broken heart will never heal, i want to die more than i want to live.

do u know what i like?????

i like to hurt people emotionally, i didnot know this truth until today, because i hurt a person who really cares for me,i destroyed her life, i donot know what to do, i just wanna die.u know now how hurrible i am. i am so sad coz i was such a lovely girl,i like good things for people, i had never any intention to break other people's hearts,i would never do something like that.

i really need someone to help me,i need professional help, i need to see a therapist, but unfortunately, there is no therapist in my area,but i cannot believe that i am that bad.

u know? this person i am talking about was crying, what was i doing???? i hid a smile,( i cannot believe that it is me) i am not a bad person, i used to be kind,i used to care for people.

u know??? after all i stay and cry nearly every night.

something happened yesterday made me fine, my cousins were fighting, i had nothing to do except i interfered, he was so nervous and slaped me on the face, oh my god, i cried, i was happy and fine when i was crying because it had been few days that i didnot cry on, so i was fine coz i believe that crying get the bad emotions out of me.

if u have any advise for me, plz tell me how to love again after being hurt and with a broken heart

 
June 30, 2007, 10:27 pm CDT

This is my very first post, I need support

Hi,

    I have a few medical problems, I have grand mal epilepsy, a spinal injury and bone degenerating disease and an auto immune disease caused by my thyroid and not it's not catching, it's not hiv like a lot of people think as soon as I say an auto immune disease, but I have to be very careful not to get infections as they always get very bad and can cause some serious problems.  I also suffer depression and anxiety and post traumatic disorder, so I have a lot to cope with, but I am doing really well, I can't get around much, not allowed to drive and travelling is very painful for me, my wonderful husband is my full time carer and he is so caring, I have an 18 year old son who is studying to work with disabled kids, he has already learned sign language and loves his work and study, I am so proud of him after all he has had to put up with from me being so sick a lot of the time and I was in treatment for just over 2 years having to be away from him and he coped so well.

 

I  volunteer at our local hospital helping people who suffer wich chronic illnesses like me and depression and abuse as I also have had to endure.  But even though I am used to helping others, my nephew has had an accident and I am having serious trouble helping him as he is relying on me for support as I too have a spinal injury.

He was swimming with my son, he is only 22 and he jumped into a back yard pool, it is an in growned pool, 10 ft deep and has a diving board, he just jumped in but hit a lilo that was in the pool, he sunk straight to the bottom of the pool and hit his head, he floated upto the top of the pool and my son jumped in to check him out because he was laying face down.  Joel, my son asked him what was wrong and he just said to call an ambulance because he couldn't feel a thing.......

 

To cut a long story short, he has damaged his spine and neck in 4 places and has damaged his spinal chord which has left him a quadriplegic, it is so very hard to cope with and my son blames himself as it was his idea to go swimming i the first place, I am trying to help them both.  Peter, my nephew gets the nurses at his rehap hospital to ring me on speaker phone and he cries and tells me how hard it is to cope with but he is keeping a brave face for my sister, his mum and his dad as he doesn't want to upset them more.  So, he looks on me for support as I know what it's like to go through therapy and have been where he is, but I can use my arms, he can't,.   How on earth do I help him and what can I say to him except to work hard at therapy and give it all and never give up because you never know what might happen. 

 

I just need some support here as I am so upset about this, he is like my own son as he grew up with my own son and they are more like brothers, I love him dearly and feel so sorry for him, but he needs support not pity...  What on earth do I do now....

 

Yours truly

Shelley

 
July 1, 2007, 8:15 am CDT

use the mental health rescources

Quote From: rambo5

my friend told me today that i am negative and behave like a machine, she is right,i am emotionless now, my broken heart will never heal, i want to die more than i want to live.

do u know what i like?????

i like to hurt people emotionally, i didnot know this truth until today, because i hurt a person who really cares for me,i destroyed her life, i donot know what to do, i just wanna die.u know now how hurrible i am. i am so sad coz i was such a lovely girl,i like good things for people, i had never any intention to break other people's hearts,i would never do something like that.

i really need someone to help me,i need professional help, i need to see a therapist, but unfortunately, there is no therapist in my area,but i cannot believe that i am that bad.

u know? this person i am talking about was crying, what was i doing???? i hid a smile,( i cannot believe that it is me) i am not a bad person, i used to be kind,i used to care for people.

u know??? after all i stay and cry nearly every night.

something happened yesterday made me fine, my cousins were fighting, i had nothing to do except i interfered, he was so nervous and slaped me on the face, oh my god, i cried, i was happy and fine when i was crying because it had been few days that i didnot cry on, so i was fine coz i believe that crying get the bad emotions out of me.

if u have any advise for me, plz tell me how to love again after being hurt and with a broken heart

Dr. Phil lists them and they help you find the closest medical help close to you.  Do not be afraid to speak to your general physician about this.
 
July 1, 2007, 8:22 am CDT

Shelley you are a strong person

Quote From: shelleyb2

Hi,

    I have a few medical problems, I have grand mal epilepsy, a spinal injury and bone degenerating disease and an auto immune disease caused by my thyroid and not it's not catching, it's not hiv like a lot of people think as soon as I say an auto immune disease, but I have to be very careful not to get infections as they always get very bad and can cause some serious problems.  I also suffer depression and anxiety and post traumatic disorder, so I have a lot to cope with, but I am doing really well, I can't get around much, not allowed to drive and travelling is very painful for me, my wonderful husband is my full time carer and he is so caring, I have an 18 year old son who is studying to work with disabled kids, he has already learned sign language and loves his work and study, I am so proud of him after all he has had to put up with from me being so sick a lot of the time and I was in treatment for just over 2 years having to be away from him and he coped so well.

 

I  volunteer at our local hospital helping people who suffer wich chronic illnesses like me and depression and abuse as I also have had to endure.  But even though I am used to helping others, my nephew has had an accident and I am having serious trouble helping him as he is relying on me for support as I too have a spinal injury.

He was swimming with my son, he is only 22 and he jumped into a back yard pool, it is an in growned pool, 10 ft deep and has a diving board, he just jumped in but hit a lilo that was in the pool, he sunk straight to the bottom of the pool and hit his head, he floated upto the top of the pool and my son jumped in to check him out because he was laying face down.  Joel, my son asked him what was wrong and he just said to call an ambulance because he couldn't feel a thing.......

 

To cut a long story short, he has damaged his spine and neck in 4 places and has damaged his spinal chord which has left him a quadriplegic, it is so very hard to cope with and my son blames himself as it was his idea to go swimming i the first place, I am trying to help them both.  Peter, my nephew gets the nurses at his rehap hospital to ring me on speaker phone and he cries and tells me how hard it is to cope with but he is keeping a brave face for my sister, his mum and his dad as he doesn't want to upset them more.  So, he looks on me for support as I know what it's like to go through therapy and have been where he is, but I can use my arms, he can't,.   How on earth do I help him and what can I say to him except to work hard at therapy and give it all and never give up because you never know what might happen. 

 

I just need some support here as I am so upset about this, he is like my own son as he grew up with my own son and they are more like brothers, I love him dearly and feel so sorry for him, but he needs support not pity...  What on earth do I do now....

 

Yours truly

Shelley

You are right, you don't need pity, you need some ideas.  Peter has the nurse call you during rehab?  That doesn't seem to be productive!  At this time, doesn't Peter need to be focusing on his rehab tasks?  Joel needs to understand that it not his fault, it's nobody's fault, the circumstances simply are what they are.  It's best to move forward and deal with changes.  Joel beating himself up over this will not change Peter's condition.  Let me think some more.  I have to go now and I will be back later.  Peter also should get online and find sites like this one, where he can talk to people.  He could meet people with similar disabilities and get advice from them on how they coped.

Best of Luck

Sunshine

 

 
July 7, 2007, 10:55 am CDT

Hi Sunshine

Quote From: sunshine80

You are right, you don't need pity, you need some ideas.  Peter has the nurse call you during rehab?  That doesn't seem to be productive!  At this time, doesn't Peter need to be focusing on his rehab tasks?  Joel needs to understand that it not his fault, it's nobody's fault, the circumstances simply are what they are.  It's best to move forward and deal with changes.  Joel beating himself up over this will not change Peter's condition.  Let me think some more.  I have to go now and I will be back later.  Peter also should get online and find sites like this one, where he can talk to people.  He could meet people with similar disabilities and get advice from them on how they coped.

Best of Luck

Sunshine

 

I'm sorry, I didn't explain myself right, Peter calls me from his rehab hospital when he has finished his days rehabilitation and rounds and back in his room, the nurse puts the phone on speaker as he has no use of his hands at all, he talks to me then because he knows I know what it's like to live with disabilities.  Joel, my son is finally getting some counselling and the counsellor pointed out to him that he may have saved Peter's life by getting into the pool and helping him take that breath and that he should look at from that angle, what ever the counsellor is saying to him it seems to be working.   He is doing much better and is working hard at his studies again.  Things are finally getting back to normal for him which is great.

 

All I can do for Peter is just listen to him, he has a lot to deal with and I believe he is just venting a bit and he and I have always been close so he feels he can call me.  I will be fine, I just don't know what to say to him sometimes.  Going from an active and working person to a quadriplegic is a hard thing for anyone to deal with, I think he just needs time to deal with it and if I can help him at all I will.  It's just hard not knowing whatto say to him at times, he is never angry with me or blaming, he is just frightened at what will happen next, he is just a scared young man that doesn't know what will happen next a  he has to undergo operations for a colostomy bag and soforth before he can think about coming hime and for some reason this worries him as it seems like the last step and there is no turning back, where at the moment he has a glimmer of hope that he will be able to walk again...

 
July 7, 2007, 11:23 pm CDT

I hear ya

Quote From: shelleyb2

I'm sorry, I didn't explain myself right, Peter calls me from his rehab hospital when he has finished his days rehabilitation and rounds and back in his room, the nurse puts the phone on speaker as he has no use of his hands at all, he talks to me then because he knows I know what it's like to live with disabilities.  Joel, my son is finally getting some counselling and the counsellor pointed out to him that he may have saved Peter's life by getting into the pool and helping him take that breath and that he should look at from that angle, what ever the counsellor is saying to him it seems to be working.   He is doing much better and is working hard at his studies again.  Things are finally getting back to normal for him which is great.

 

All I can do for Peter is just listen to him, he has a lot to deal with and I believe he is just venting a bit and he and I have always been close so he feels he can call me.  I will be fine, I just don't know what to say to him sometimes.  Going from an active and working person to a quadriplegic is a hard thing for anyone to deal with, I think he just needs time to deal with it and if I can help him at all I will.  It's just hard not knowing whatto say to him at times, he is never angry with me or blaming, he is just frightened at what will happen next, he is just a scared young man that doesn't know what will happen next a  he has to undergo operations for a colostomy bag and soforth before he can think about coming hime and for some reason this worries him as it seems like the last step and there is no turning back, where at the moment he has a glimmer of hope that he will be able to walk again...

what else can you do but try to support Peter?  I am glad that Joel is in counselling, too.  I hope through modern technology Peter can meet other people online and connect with others as you have. 
 
July 11, 2007, 8:28 am CDT

Looking for the missing part of me

Hi everyone  My name is sharron\. I want to inquire about how to find people. My grandmother left my dad when he was 10 years old. I want to get to know her and know more about where I came from. I'm getting married next year and I want her to be a part of it. I don't know this woman but I feel like I do. I don't have alot of money but I'd really like to find my real grandmother to answer so many questions I've had for years. If you could help me at all or point me in the direction of someone that could I would be forever grateful.

my gram is prob in her 70's and i want to find her before she passes away. I wake up at night in tears and cant stop thinking that I know her somehow and I just need to know more. Any help would be great

 Sincerely
  Sharron

 
July 12, 2007, 10:34 am CDT

thank you sunshines

Quote From: sunshine80

Dr. Phil lists them and they help you find the closest medical help close to you.  Do not be afraid to speak to your general physician about this.
thank you sunshine for caring for me, but i am from a small city in egypt, i donot know if i can find help here, but i will try.
donot worry, i am fine now, i try to  help myself by myself,  i try not to hurt other people's emotions.
i am very happy to find a person who really listens to me, thank you very much
 
July 12, 2007, 2:11 pm CDT

** Dating Site for People w/Challenges, disabilities, etc

I have Parkinson's disease and have tried several dating sites.  Unfortunately, my luck hasn't been very good.  People run when they hear your sick.  There is a new site I found, that I want to share with you.  It is specfically for people with challenges.  It can be any kind of challenge, disease, etc.

I have recently joined, and have had some contacts already.  It has been nice chatting with others that have a challenge like I do.

The site is giving FREE Memberships (since they are new).

It is www.datingwithchallenges.com

I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

Lisa

 

PS- Please do not post something saying I am not "politically correct"..... we all have our own opinions of what is 'politically correct'.  I respect what you feel, and expect the same in return.

 
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