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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 845
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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August 18, 2007, 11:47 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: marilyn1986

Hello everyone,

 

I'm Marilyn i'm 21 years old and i live in a situation which i can't handlle.

I'm living with my mom and my extremely abusive 18 years old sister. My sister does everything to ruin our lives she abuses my mom and she always puts me down. When my sister has one of her tantrums all i do is hide because my sister often runs around threatening us with knives. That makes me feel so depressed that i often think of ending my life. I already tried to commit suicide several times. And i know that it doesn't solve anything but i think i'll finally find the rest i'm longing for for such a long time. But because i know it doesn't solve anything now i try to get some support and advice of what to do when my sister has a tantrum like that. What can i do????

 

Greetz Marilyn

I feel that you all should not be living in one place, very important, and in order to try to lessen the outburst of her anger perhaps being a little pushed by as little as reacting  to her in any way, is to go away from the heat and do your own thing pay no attention in  of getting into something that takes you mentally away. This is what I would do until your living situation changes, It's time for your mom to see you be able to learn to live on your own, both of you, especially your sister who abuses her. I would never ever accept that from any one of my 3 daughters, 23, 22, 16......

You need to look outside the box, this sucks, get you in a better place of fun, safety, peaceful, A HAPPY PLACE

 
August 19, 2007, 10:59 pm CDT

Ways to support someone in crisis

I've been in enough  life or death situations within myself and a child and mom & dad, and more that I needed support! I have been the caregiver knowing my Father was dying and there was nothing I could do and I found myself with little to no support and I was the sick one, battling cancer and I was receiving chemo and I was so sick and the side affects were faster than any drug before and I lost me along with all my hair, eyelashes, brows, and I was so sick I could barely carry on a conversation and I lost everything I had and had no income for I could not work, I couldn't do anything at all and my oldest daughter was my hero, she was always watching over me and  I was told to leave the man I had been with for the past 13* years, leaving my 12 yr.old and me homless, got into the womens shelter and I called  a co-worker I became friends with a call and she called me back and insisted my daughter and I move in while I go thru this battle and her husband would not except no....... That was the great support I had and I love these people and I will be there always, but  I needed alot more support. I was battling cancer and we just got done with my daughter's chemo-therapy treatments, quit work, homeless,relationship gone wrong and that was a world that I had no preparation to comprehend how I would loose me in some ways and I would have wanted to meet people with there stories and share something common to me, and in so many ways it can lead to an idea of knowing something new and talking , sharing!  Perhaps help in someway with some knowledge unknown and yet familiar to many. Spend cheerful time, plan  little outings that would be inspirational. I've found church helps , Sometimes no matter what's causing you a mountain to climb we all detach in ways rhat we can't control and people can help us to find strength and hope. We support by taking time to help out and show we care!!!!!!
 
August 24, 2007, 8:12 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: richval

I feel that you all should not be living in one place, very important, and in order to try to lessen the outburst of her anger perhaps being a little pushed by as little as reacting  to her in any way, is to go away from the heat and do your own thing pay no attention in  of getting into something that takes you mentally away. This is what I would do until your living situation changes, It's time for your mom to see you be able to learn to live on your own, both of you, especially your sister who abuses her. I would never ever accept that from any one of my 3 daughters, 23, 22, 16......

You need to look outside the box, this sucks, get you in a better place of fun, safety, peaceful, A HAPPY PLACE

hi there and thanks for your reply. Yeah your right when you say that we shouldn't be living in one place. But moving out isn't as easy as it seems because i don't have enough money to get myself a house soon. And my sister simply doesn't want to move out. My mom often suggested it to her but when she does my sister just throws another tantrum. Very dificult situation. And as for the not reacting thing yeah thats what i always try to do. When she has a tantrum i run to my bedroom and lock myself and i stay there until it's over. Because one time i did say something and it only made it worse. And my mom also tried the not responding thing before but my sister gets more angry if she doesn't get any reaction from my mom at all. Here in the house my sister's the boss. Everything has to go her way and if we doesn't do that she explodes. I know it is far from normal and i did try to go away to family just to get rest. But after two days my sister started asking me when i came home so i went home and the whole circus started all over again. But i'm definatly try to do the things you suggested and i hope i one day can live and be the happy person i so desperatly want to be. Thanks again. Marilyn.

 
September 4, 2007, 1:41 pm CDT

Boyfriend recently lost is father!

Last weekend after my boyfriend and I had a nice romantic evening. He had got news that his father passed away suddenly. It was about 2 hours after I had left his house. Since then he has been really upset with himself. For the past week he has been sending me text messages, telling me what he and his family is doing. As well as needing my support. Tho I feel hopeless in the situation. I understand that he needs his family and they need him. Seeing that I haven't met the family yet, going to the funeral is out of the question.  I know I need to be there, though sometimes its hard. He sends me hugs and kisses and calls me to say good night. Tho I feel hopeless in this situation! I'm wondering if he will open up to me about how he feels, I know its really difficult on him seeing that it happend suddenly. Please help, I'm not sure what to do!
 
September 10, 2007, 5:19 am CDT

Anger Illness

I need some good advice and support. I believe I suffer from what has been identified as Anger illness. I lose my temper regularly with my children aged 6 and 10. I was never an angry person and when i divorced after a 10yr abusive marriage I was ok for a couple of years but in the last 3yrs i have suffered badly from anger outbursts towards my kids.

I have narrowed this behaviour down to a number of things.

Firstly i suffer from anxiety and have a terrible fear of "what others think of me" I feel now that when my kids do something wrong or "unacceptable" I take it as a reflection of my parenting and believe others will judge my parenting by their behaviours aswell. I fly into a rage behind closed doors fuelled by embarrassment and shame.

Secondly the anger I display is the same as the anger inflicited on me by my ex husband. I words i say and even the physical attacks mimic those of what i suffered for 10yrs. I know now this has been a learnt behaviour.

I am at the point where i am embarrassed , ashamed and scared to get help locally. I know I need help but i dont know where to go or what to do. I need support through this time. Can anyone out there offer me some advice, techniques or support that will help me get through this.

 
September 11, 2007, 1:03 pm CDT

911 Memories & Healing

Every one has individual, as well as collective memories of September 11, 2001.  It left us all with many emotions and a deep sense of loss, some more profoundly than others.  Some people know the pain of surviving. 

 

I am relieved to see people sharing their stories of that day.  It feels as though pressure is being slowly released.  For 6 years many of us have sustained a strong hold on our individual experiences.  Those experiences have taken up residence within our minds, bodies, spirits... and continues to affect our lives.  By sharing our individual experiences and harbored emotions, we make our selves vulnerable.  (Although sometimes uncomfortable, vulnerability isn’t a bad thing.)  By expressing the moments, hours, and days filled with images and pain, we make room within ourselves.  We allow healing to begin in a place that can only be opened by expression.

 

I have recently been urged to understand the connection of the spirit of dog to a human permanently marked by an attack.  Two years ago my bottom lip had been removed by a dog I met on a first date.  The man was nice enough, his dog... not so much.  Petting him (the dog, I mean) seemed innocent enough, until he suddenly growled and lurched at my face.  I've since been working on accepting the alteration of the face I knew for 44 years.  The past two weeks has led me to feel strongly to understand the spiritual connection. 

 

With the help of a new friend, I believe I understand.  From the list he sent, the following are relevant to my own healing:  The spirit of dog heals emotional wounds in humans, helps in the understanding of the duality of doubt and faith, companionship, unquestioned loyalty, love, protection, and the ability to smell trouble from a distance.  For me, there is relevance in all of this, directly connected to my own healing from 9/11 and it's subsequent events.  Perhaps it will hold meaning for others, as well.

 

When I returned to the Ithaca area, some days after the 11th, my friend Sandy picked me up from the bus depot and took me to the market.  I felt as though I had been picked up and set in some random and foreign world.  Gone were the eyes resonating shock and pain.  People were light on their feet, smiling, laughing... going about their lives as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.  Standing in a grocery store amidst all of those people, I felt uncertain, perplexed, shocked, and alone.  That is where I've remained.

 

My family refuses to talk about my experience of that day.  Even as my dad discussed two of my step-brothers' experiences as they waited to board flights in different parts of the country, he never mentioned me being in Manhattan, responding to the call.  Not even to his best friend.  In '02, my sister couldn't figure out why I remained mesmerized by anything conceivably relevant.  To this day, she hasn't asked about that day in my life.   Nor have any of my friends.  And the few times in the past 6 years that I attempted to broach the subject with my kids were met with an instant distance.  The void others seem to place between themselves and the events of that day just doesn't make sense to me, except to understand that maintaining that void doesn't allow healing.

 

Release is vital to healing.  I have sat down a few times to actually write, and have even been able to get random parts of that day on paper.  I've drawn only a few of the images that haunt me.  Yet, to this day, I haven't seemed able to purge from my mind and heart.  I imagine there are thousands of people out there that have felt the same frustration.

 

We are all connected, always.  That day, the entire world was made aware of the connection we have to each other.  We were attacked, in the very foundation of who we are, to the core of what we believed. It doesn't matter if you lived in California, Tibet, Washington, or NY.  In mind, we were connected by images and thoughts.  We shared so many feelings about the enormity of the situations.  Our bodies reflected the same heavy walk we all felt.  In Spirit, we were and remain connected by the prayers we sent, the love and compassion we experienced, that we sent to the souls that went to the place unseen.  


September 11, 1001 was a catalyst.  It opened the world to the awareness of vulnerability and connectedness.  Every experience is relevant and important to our healing as a World, a Country, and as an individual.  Perhaps, in sharing our experiences, we will open ourselves to begin to allow healing through more channels than the passage of time.

 

 
October 25, 2007, 12:11 pm CDT

i need help

iam manal

thise is the first time i share my story iam 17 years old i live in egypt i have a mind of some one in his 70 but there is no one to understandnthat i have needs or that i need some one to listen i need to know new people who can understand other people and help them in their live i need support to share my story so if any one can take to me i will be thankfull

 
October 25, 2007, 9:46 pm CDT

day by day

Quote From: manal_m

iam manal

thise is the first time i share my story iam 17 years old i live in egypt i have a mind of some one in his 70 but there is no one to understandnthat i have needs or that i need some one to listen i need to know new people who can understand other people and help them in their live i need support to share my story so if any one can take to me i will be thankfull

i have found that just writing on here helps alot.  you may get a reply or maybe not but just writing things down will help if i can be of any help please let me know
 
October 26, 2007, 1:19 pm CDT

thank u

Quote From: skyblueangel

i have found that just writing on here helps alot.  you may get a reply or maybe not but just writing things down will help if i can be of any help please let me know

i know that writing will be very usefull here i just asked for answer because u need to know if u are the one who donot understand

i had tryed every way to make my family and friends here understand that people could have deffrent wayes to solve there proplems and in the end i find my self alone and need some one to tell me that iam inthe rigth path in my live

 
October 29, 2007, 5:57 am CDT

Help

Quote From: skyblueangel

i have found that just writing on here helps alot.  you may get a reply or maybe not but just writing things down will help if i can be of any help please let me know

Hi.. I would like to talk to you, and listen..

 

Rizwan.massani2@gmail.com

 
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