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Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

Number of Replies: 843
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:08:39 am
Author : dataimport
What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

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July 13, 2007, 9:23 pm CDT

I hear ya

Quote From: coachhandbag13

I have Parkinson's disease and have tried several dating sites.  Unfortunately, my luck hasn't been very good.  People run when they hear your sick.  There is a new site I found, that I want to share with you.  It is specfically for people with challenges.  It can be any kind of challenge, disease, etc.

I have recently joined, and have had some contacts already.  It has been nice chatting with others that have a challenge like I do.

The site is giving FREE Memberships (since they are new).

It is www.datingwithchallenges.com

I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

Lisa

 

PS- Please do not post something saying I am not "politically correct"..... we all have our own opinions of what is 'politically correct'.  I respect what you feel, and expect the same in return.

Thanks for the info!  It's going to help a lot of people.
 
July 14, 2007, 7:42 pm CDT

I totally get it!

Quote From: lsinit

don't wrry about seeming too bossy.  I guess to me the biggest thing is, like i said, "understanding" too much; even when it hurts me; I WILL NOT tolerate hurting ones I love.  i seem to feel i can absorb hurt better than others, so i let myself be hurt rather than hurt someone.  i really just don't have a clue how to NOT be understanding & @ the same time not feel like i am overreacting - esp when my sense of "understanding why" kicks in; or whose wrong - i really good @ finding a way to blame myself for what happened.  Not accepting blame/responsibility are probably the LEAST of  my faults - if they even exist w/in me.

You are obviously a very empathetic and caring person.  That's not a bad thing you can help, but it seems to me that you have been helping so much it hurts!  If you accept blame for a situation than you can control it, and fix it.  I used to have this problem.  It still rears its ugly head but I keep it in check most of the time.

 
August 2, 2007, 10:35 pm CDT

Living in fear in the USA.

What started as a act of love of animals has turned into a daily nightmare. I started feeding one cat about six years ago for at least four of them I thought it was a male then she started to have kittens. Before long more cats showed up I used to look forward to it now it's like a job and a big expense but I still care very much about them. These cats are out side most of them are very lovable I had 10 spaded or neurted this year they don't bother any one . They eat then go sleep in the bushes. I have a neighbor who has been bullying me for years. He's in his thirties weighs around 400 hundred pounds and has a vicious pit bull. I'm 5'1" weigh about 115 pounds and live in severe chronic pain from a automobile accident. He and his Father have a terrible alcohol problem. On May 3rd. 2007 after drinking all day he walked his unleashed pit bull (leash law in Massachuetts) to kill the cats after the second time I called the police. Many years ago I had to go to the police station and get a permit to carry mace he was the reason. This Bully calls me the C word B word DB and many others in the presence of many small children boys and girls ages 2yrs. to 21yrs. old. When I asked the police about the verbal abuse the officer told me that he can call me any thing he wants it' called freedom of speech. I disagree. I asked about getting a restraining order the officer told me I couldn't the landlord had to I disgree. My pain level became so bad that I had to be hospitilized for 3 days in May. I went out and bought 2 color security cameras and placed them in plain sight in my 2 front windows. They knew they were there they asked my nephew who lives here why your aunt got those cameras. Knowing the cameras are there on June 30,2007 around 11:30am the Father who is 55 yrs. old out side on his porch in broad daylight pulled down his shorts and exposed himself to me I was mortified still am. Called the police insisted they arrest him todays Aug.2,07 they still haven't I don't get it. I received a summons to appear in court on Aug.14,07. I called several lawyers for a consultation Iwould like to know why he wasn't arrested, what to expect at court, what are my rights. Three out of four didn't take that kind of case referred me to a lawyer who would only talk to me over the phone and told me to call him if I didn't like the results after I go to court . I live in constant fear afraid to leave my house afraid to feed the cats I do not leave my house with out my mace even in my house I need it in my sight at all times I take it in the shower. Nobody should have to live in such fear. I have trouble eating, sleeping, I can barely function. I need HELP any one please I will greatly appreciate any and all advise or help with this problem. I am so scared i'm worried I might not make it to Aug.14,2007.       Good Night Friends,
 
August 7, 2007, 10:18 am CDT

Here to talk and lift u up...

  •  abandoned by mother?
  • verbally abused by dad?
  • laid off from job 3 times in one year?
  • taken to court by ex every year fighting for custody accusing your husband and everyone in your family of trying to molest, hurt, abuse your daughter. Fight every year to keep your daughter?
  • Give up your child so he/she will have peace?
  • Married a few times?
  • menopause?
  • Get ahead and everytime u do something happens that drains your bank acct, or makes you not want to get out of bed?
  • Living with a religious freak who treats you like crap all in the name of God.?
  • Living with someone who tries to control your every move? Telling u what to watch on TV. Follows you around town, and is extremely jealous?
  • Family have history of cancer and family dying all around you?
I am 36. I have overcome my relationships with my parents. Good now! I Need God in my life. I let my 9 yr old go. I have a 19 yr old who is hard to handle. I had a hysterectomy last year and am on hormones. Been laid off from work more then anyone. Been taken to court every year by ex with false allegations up the butt. Married more then once. Failed real estate test 4 times during a custody battle while working 10 hr days and studying at night and crying myself to sleep cause ex just accused husband of molesting daughter just so he can have sole custoday. I could go on and on. I am here for you. I believe in God. I have taken all my experiences and have chosen concentrate on me and help you. I have so many reasons to be depressed. I have to much work to do being here talking to you and changing my life.

Please hit these url links and watch these videos. I listen to it everyday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FdB5Adws78
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aS1BD36lrns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuIVnj0mIPI

 
August 8, 2007, 9:23 pm CDT

Please call the SPCA to help you

Quote From: varanesec

What started as a act of love of animals has turned into a daily nightmare. I started feeding one cat about six years ago for at least four of them I thought it was a male then she started to have kittens. Before long more cats showed up I used to look forward to it now it's like a job and a big expense but I still care very much about them. These cats are out side most of them are very lovable I had 10 spaded or neurted this year they don't bother any one . They eat then go sleep in the bushes. I have a neighbor who has been bullying me for years. He's in his thirties weighs around 400 hundred pounds and has a vicious pit bull. I'm 5'1" weigh about 115 pounds and live in severe chronic pain from a automobile accident. He and his Father have a terrible alcohol problem. On May 3rd. 2007 after drinking all day he walked his unleashed pit bull (leash law in Massachuetts) to kill the cats after the second time I called the police. Many years ago I had to go to the police station and get a permit to carry mace he was the reason. This Bully calls me the C word B word DB and many others in the presence of many small children boys and girls ages 2yrs. to 21yrs. old. When I asked the police about the verbal abuse the officer told me that he can call me any thing he wants it' called freedom of speech. I disagree. I asked about getting a restraining order the officer told me I couldn't the landlord had to I disgree. My pain level became so bad that I had to be hospitilized for 3 days in May. I went out and bought 2 color security cameras and placed them in plain sight in my 2 front windows. They knew they were there they asked my nephew who lives here why your aunt got those cameras. Knowing the cameras are there on June 30,2007 around 11:30am the Father who is 55 yrs. old out side on his porch in broad daylight pulled down his shorts and exposed himself to me I was mortified still am. Called the police insisted they arrest him todays Aug.2,07 they still haven't I don't get it. I received a summons to appear in court on Aug.14,07. I called several lawyers for a consultation Iwould like to know why he wasn't arrested, what to expect at court, what are my rights. Three out of four didn't take that kind of case referred me to a lawyer who would only talk to me over the phone and told me to call him if I didn't like the results after I go to court . I live in constant fear afraid to leave my house afraid to feed the cats I do not leave my house with out my mace even in my house I need it in my sight at all times I take it in the shower. Nobody should have to live in such fear. I have trouble eating, sleeping, I can barely function. I need HELP any one please I will greatly appreciate any and all advise or help with this problem. I am so scared i'm worried I might not make it to Aug.14,2007.       Good Night Friends,

PLEASE I beg you, do not let the pit bull or the violent men hurt or kill the cats. Watch Animal Cops and other shows on Animal Planet and you will see it happens everyday. Your problems will just get worse if you have the guilt of knowing harm is about to come to those precious creatures. CALL the SPCA or the HUMAIN SOCIETY immediately. Let them trap the cats and remove them from danger. The cats deserve to be inside out of harms way.

 

I have 9 cats of my own that I've rescued through the years, and in the last five months I've had up to 20 cats in my small home. I'm still fostering 5 who will hopefully find "good" homes soon. There is a huge overpopulation problem accross the country, and you did an awesome thing by having them spayed/neutered. If you can't bring them inside your home, then please let someone help you by getting homes for the cats. Look for rescue groups in your area, where you can foster them INSIDE then show them in a local PetSmart, etc.. Given your physical pain, it's clear you need help. My house smells like a barn and it's a mess that I've been to overwhelmed to deal with properly. But, it was not a choice to let the cats live outside and fend for themselves. There's a million ways cats get hurt outside everyday, and you have the choice to help them.

 

As for your legal problem. We have a FREE LEGAL LINE here in Houston. Once a month you can call in to talk to a lawyer in training. Maybe you have something like that where you live.

 

Don't let fear take over!! You stand strong and know that all of Dr Phil's group members are with you. Geez, I know what you're going through. In my case the neighbor hit me in the eye after threatening to kill the homeless cats I had been feeding.

 

God Bless, take care of yourself and the cats. Please love the cats by removing them from that environment.

 

 

 

 
August 13, 2007, 9:27 pm CDT

Helping my partner

Two of my partner's best friends were in a car accident just over a week ago.  One is doing fine (still in intensive care but should be out soon) but the other has been flown to our capital city for lots of treatment.  He's in a medically induced coma and we've all been told to expect the worst.  He's fighting his injuries but we've now been told if he does survive, he'll probably lose his legs. 

 

My partner is really down about it all, since they are all so close.  He's become really withdrawn and doens't talk much to me at all.  He just plays computer games when he's home.  I have asked how he's feeling and he just says "I'm fine" but I know he's not.  I know he needs to talk about it with someone but how can I help him open up without being too pushy.  He's opened up to me about many other things in his life but he just doesn't want to talk about this.

 
August 15, 2007, 5:11 pm CDT

What happened in Court?

Quote From: varanesec

What started as a act of love of animals has turned into a daily nightmare. I started feeding one cat about six years ago for at least four of them I thought it was a male then she started to have kittens. Before long more cats showed up I used to look forward to it now it's like a job and a big expense but I still care very much about them. These cats are out side most of them are very lovable I had 10 spaded or neurted this year they don't bother any one . They eat then go sleep in the bushes. I have a neighbor who has been bullying me for years. He's in his thirties weighs around 400 hundred pounds and has a vicious pit bull. I'm 5'1" weigh about 115 pounds and live in severe chronic pain from a automobile accident. He and his Father have a terrible alcohol problem. On May 3rd. 2007 after drinking all day he walked his unleashed pit bull (leash law in Massachuetts) to kill the cats after the second time I called the police. Many years ago I had to go to the police station and get a permit to carry mace he was the reason. This Bully calls me the C word B word DB and many others in the presence of many small children boys and girls ages 2yrs. to 21yrs. old. When I asked the police about the verbal abuse the officer told me that he can call me any thing he wants it' called freedom of speech. I disagree. I asked about getting a restraining order the officer told me I couldn't the landlord had to I disgree. My pain level became so bad that I had to be hospitilized for 3 days in May. I went out and bought 2 color security cameras and placed them in plain sight in my 2 front windows. They knew they were there they asked my nephew who lives here why your aunt got those cameras. Knowing the cameras are there on June 30,2007 around 11:30am the Father who is 55 yrs. old out side on his porch in broad daylight pulled down his shorts and exposed himself to me I was mortified still am. Called the police insisted they arrest him todays Aug.2,07 they still haven't I don't get it. I received a summons to appear in court on Aug.14,07. I called several lawyers for a consultation Iwould like to know why he wasn't arrested, what to expect at court, what are my rights. Three out of four didn't take that kind of case referred me to a lawyer who would only talk to me over the phone and told me to call him if I didn't like the results after I go to court . I live in constant fear afraid to leave my house afraid to feed the cats I do not leave my house with out my mace even in my house I need it in my sight at all times I take it in the shower. Nobody should have to live in such fear. I have trouble eating, sleeping, I can barely function. I need HELP any one please I will greatly appreciate any and all advise or help with this problem. I am so scared i'm worried I might not make it to Aug.14,2007.       Good Night Friends,

What happened in court and do you feel better? How are the cats?

 

Best wishes!

 

 
August 18, 2007, 11:24 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: aggredior

Haven't been reading too much on this thread before, so this kinda went by me. I know you must be terribly tired of all this, but what I'd do, or try to do, is physically drag that man out of bed each and every day I was able to. I'd never let him do what he's doing to himself, his wife, and the rest of your family. If he doesn't pull together, he'll lose his wife without even noticing, he'll just be as apathetic as always. He's withering away day by day as long as he does this. I would really make it my mission in life to get him to see that even though he lost his daughter, life has to go on. There is time for grief, and there is time for reconciliation, as there is a time for moving on. If you can, give him what he needs, which is the proper motivation to help his wife.

First of all, I am so sorry for what life has done to turn your world inside out and I can't imagine. I was with each one of my parents when they died and my mom just turned 61 and to me she was young and ran circles around everyone and I can remember the way my heart ached and I just begged for one more day.. You sound like you need some resources to see what help is out ther and I know that you can call your county adult social services for alot of help with getting each of your parents the help needed. Honestly, sometimes we are faced with very trying times that leave us hopless and we don't have support enough to help us think in a more optimistic way.. Give them a call, you are entitled to seek help, espwcially when they are unable to themselves. I hope to hear your results
 
August 18, 2007, 11:47 pm CDT

Giving and Receiving Support

Quote From: marilyn1986

Hello everyone,

 

I'm Marilyn i'm 21 years old and i live in a situation which i can't handlle.

I'm living with my mom and my extremely abusive 18 years old sister. My sister does everything to ruin our lives she abuses my mom and she always puts me down. When my sister has one of her tantrums all i do is hide because my sister often runs around threatening us with knives. That makes me feel so depressed that i often think of ending my life. I already tried to commit suicide several times. And i know that it doesn't solve anything but i think i'll finally find the rest i'm longing for for such a long time. But because i know it doesn't solve anything now i try to get some support and advice of what to do when my sister has a tantrum like that. What can i do????

 

Greetz Marilyn

I feel that you all should not be living in one place, very important, and in order to try to lessen the outburst of her anger perhaps being a little pushed by as little as reacting  to her in any way, is to go away from the heat and do your own thing pay no attention in  of getting into something that takes you mentally away. This is what I would do until your living situation changes, It's time for your mom to see you be able to learn to live on your own, both of you, especially your sister who abuses her. I would never ever accept that from any one of my 3 daughters, 23, 22, 16......

You need to look outside the box, this sucks, get you in a better place of fun, safety, peaceful, A HAPPY PLACE

 
August 19, 2007, 10:59 pm CDT

Ways to support someone in crisis

I've been in enough  life or death situations within myself and a child and mom & dad, and more that I needed support! I have been the caregiver knowing my Father was dying and there was nothing I could do and I found myself with little to no support and I was the sick one, battling cancer and I was receiving chemo and I was so sick and the side affects were faster than any drug before and I lost me along with all my hair, eyelashes, brows, and I was so sick I could barely carry on a conversation and I lost everything I had and had no income for I could not work, I couldn't do anything at all and my oldest daughter was my hero, she was always watching over me and  I was told to leave the man I had been with for the past 13* years, leaving my 12 yr.old and me homless, got into the womens shelter and I called  a co-worker I became friends with a call and she called me back and insisted my daughter and I move in while I go thru this battle and her husband would not except no....... That was the great support I had and I love these people and I will be there always, but  I needed alot more support. I was battling cancer and we just got done with my daughter's chemo-therapy treatments, quit work, homeless,relationship gone wrong and that was a world that I had no preparation to comprehend how I would loose me in some ways and I would have wanted to meet people with there stories and share something common to me, and in so many ways it can lead to an idea of knowing something new and talking , sharing!  Perhaps help in someway with some knowledge unknown and yet familiar to many. Spend cheerful time, plan  little outings that would be inspirational. I've found church helps , Sometimes no matter what's causing you a mountain to climb we all detach in ways rhat we can't control and people can help us to find strength and hope. We support by taking time to help out and show we care!!!!!!
 
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