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Topic : Competitive Family Relationships

Number of Replies: 395
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:13:13 am
Author : dataimport
Does someone in your family always have to one-up you? Or are you tired of watching your family members try to outdo one another?

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October 12, 2005, 4:57 pm CDT

sister and her daughter fighting please help

my sister and her daughter are fighting to the oint they hate each other my sister is 60 her daughter is 36 they always been close but now they are using bad words and really hate each other it breaks my heart to see my sister and my neice fighting i don't know how i can help them please can someone help me.
 
October 13, 2005, 8:07 am CDT

Competitive Family Relationships

Quote From: abcforn9

my sister and her daughter are fighting to the oint they hate each other my sister is 60 her daughter is 36 they always been close but now they are using bad words and really hate each other it breaks my heart to see my sister and my neice fighting i don't know how i can help them please can someone help me.
well to be honest from what i just read your family i mean your sister and niece both need help like counsleing.because they need to sit down and talk to each other.or you can sit them both down and talk to your sister just you two get her side of why she hates your niece and then sit with your niece get her side of why she hates your sister then sit them both down all three of you and talk about it that should help because thats what my family did when my aunt and i were constantly fighting and arguni all the time so remember im 13 so they had to help me cause im 13 and shes 30 so thats not right.so just try my advice and please post me and tell me if it helped or not ok.byes.i wish you and your family the best of luck.xoxoxo.
 
October 13, 2005, 8:19 am CDT

the music separation.?

i have a very enormous family.we get along very well on my moms side of the family but its just my papi's side.hes sister and i are always fighting and arguing.she says its because of the music i listen to.she likes gospel and r&b.i like gospel.but its just i listen to rock,punk rock,hip-pop,rap,goth,metal,techo,underground,reggaeton,and other dark and worldly music.so she is upset because she wants me to listen to want she wants me to listen to.i always say no so she hits me and i hit her back.so my parents think this is a bunch of crap because music shouldn't come between family.what should i do?
 
October 18, 2005, 7:24 pm CDT

in laws

ive been with my partner for 2 wonderful years the only problem is his parents and brother and wife.  Every thing i do is wrong or his sister in law up stages me.  when i graduated from my studys she had to go and throw a party for finishing her study to this didint bother me it was the fact that they invited my partner not me and no one acknowldeged that i had graduated. for 2 years they have not said happy birthday or acknowledged me for xmas.  when they got married i was told i could not stay with my partner in his hotel room because it wasfor wedding party only(every one in the wdding party had their own room and partners staying with them) i still have not recived a thank you for the gift that i spent 2 mths making for them!  and now we have moved the brothe and sister and law have follwed only to turn up at our new house and tell us they were staying but didnt ask us they just turned up we had know idea.  i dont know if i am been silly to let this get to me or if  im just over analysing everyting? oh have i forgot to mention now his parents are moving over to.   we are also looking at starting a family but when i mentioned this to his brother the sister in law decied to intterupt me and tell everone about their plans to start one to!!! Argghhh.
 
October 19, 2005, 8:13 am CDT

Music,

Quote From: helena309

i have a very enormous family.we get along very well on my moms side of the family but its just my papi's side.hes sister and i are always fighting and arguing.she says its because of the music i listen to.she likes gospel and r&b.i like gospel.but its just i listen to rock,punk rock,hip-pop,rap,goth,metal,techo,underground,reggaeton,and other dark and worldly music.so she is upset because she wants me to listen to want she wants me to listen to.i always say no so she hits me and i hit her back.so my parents think this is a bunch of crap because music shouldn't come between family.what should i do?
Music is a way of expressing emotions. We all have different likes and dislikes, and when we are young, we tend to change our minds a lot about what we like and dislike. If your parents don't have a problem with what you listen to, and you can discern what is truly sending negative messages, then your papi's sister should back off. The fact that she resorts to hitting when she can't get you to agree with her shows that she needs to attend to the messages in her music a little more, and stop preaching about yours.
 
October 20, 2005, 1:41 pm CDT

Should I move on, HOW??

I'm faced with many delimas right now, My partner of 7 yrs (3 of which we were engaged) finally speaks up and says he wants to "he's done, he's sacrificed too much and were thru". We are still living  together but in separate everything. I hate it, because in my mind I have made all the sacrifices, we broke up because I finally stood up for myself 3 times in the past year over his drinking..  i taold him how it makes me feel and how he can help us but he's stubborn, he can drink up to $200 - 300 a night and not come home till late afternoon the next day.. he has never disclosed who he was with, why he had to stay out all night and day or why he had to spend so much while out. Meanshile i stay at home with our 4 kids wondering and waiting and literally feeling disrespected unappreciated and knowing he'll flip out on me for even asking anything about his nights out.. he then doesn't feel trusted.. get this i haven't had a night out without kids since 2001! I have gone for coffee a couple of times but 1/2 hour into my time out he calls n needs me home.  Now i admit 85 % of the time he's disconnected from our family, he's a workaholic, and he does make an awesome dad and he has been good to me... at times. But now I either have to move closer to my kids school or stay right where i am or move to where my job is 2 hours away. the place closer to the school will cost 300.00 more a month but its closer for them, where i am now i can live without him, and me and the kids have no supports in the town i work. What would Dr. Phil tell me to do. I do want to keep him in our lives with me as my partner i'm used to him and he is really all i have... I do not want to give up on us we do share many things, only thing is our social lives they are so different and not shared thats where all our probs stem from... please share anything that will help me decide thanx 4 reading
 
October 21, 2005, 9:54 am CDT

Your "separation" is working.

Quote From: cree_candy

I'm faced with many delimas right now, My partner of 7 yrs (3 of which we were engaged) finally speaks up and says he wants to "he's done, he's sacrificed too much and were thru". We are still living  together but in separate everything. I hate it, because in my mind I have made all the sacrifices, we broke up because I finally stood up for myself 3 times in the past year over his drinking..  i taold him how it makes me feel and how he can help us but he's stubborn, he can drink up to $200 - 300 a night and not come home till late afternoon the next day.. he has never disclosed who he was with, why he had to stay out all night and day or why he had to spend so much while out. Meanshile i stay at home with our 4 kids wondering and waiting and literally feeling disrespected unappreciated and knowing he'll flip out on me for even asking anything about his nights out.. he then doesn't feel trusted.. get this i haven't had a night out without kids since 2001! I have gone for coffee a couple of times but 1/2 hour into my time out he calls n needs me home.  Now i admit 85 % of the time he's disconnected from our family, he's a workaholic, and he does make an awesome dad and he has been good to me... at times. But now I either have to move closer to my kids school or stay right where i am or move to where my job is 2 hours away. the place closer to the school will cost 300.00 more a month but its closer for them, where i am now i can live without him, and me and the kids have no supports in the town i work. What would Dr. Phil tell me to do. I do want to keep him in our lives with me as my partner i'm used to him and he is really all i have... I do not want to give up on us we do share many things, only thing is our social lives they are so different and not shared thats where all our probs stem from... please share anything that will help me decide thanx 4 reading
 It's not working because it's not getting the point across to him. He can still go out drinking whenever he wants, he's got someone at home taking care of his kids paying half of the bills. If you got a real separation, he would have to pay support for his kids while keeping a roof over his own head. He wouldn't get to see his kids unless he was sober and wouldn't be drinking up any of your money or being threatening or disrespectful to you.

Dr Phil says that alcoholism is a deal-breaker, cause for getting away until the alcoholic can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has changed his ways. If he can't, kick him to the curb. Because he's ruining his life does not make it even close to OK to ruin yours and the kids' lives.

Get some legal advice, and information on assistance programs and support groups. Your kids only have one childhood, do you want them learning the lessons they are learning in your current household?
 
October 21, 2005, 4:05 pm CDT

Competitive Family Relationships

Quote From: ritehere

Music is a way of expressing emotions. We all have different likes and dislikes, and when we are young, we tend to change our minds a lot about what we like and dislike. If your parents don't have a problem with what you listen to, and you can discern what is truly sending negative messages, then your papi's sister should back off. The fact that she resorts to hitting when she can't get you to agree with her shows that she needs to attend to the messages in her music a little more, and stop preaching about yours.
thank you.im thats what im saying.i dont know why she gets so pissed like now im listening to H.I.M and SLIPKNOT.and my mom and papi dont care.they will just leave the room.why cant she?
 
October 23, 2005, 2:06 pm CDT

i want my father to know me.

I am 61.  My mom told me a few months ago that the father i thought was mine, was not.  My real father, Ray, lives in Wisconsin.  I live in Rhode Island.  Mom had enough information for me to be able to find him, but his wife has intercepted his mail and i can't get to him.  I wrote letters to all 7 brothers and sisters telling them about me, hoping they would tell him, only one brother and his wife answered me. They seem to be very lovely people.  I don't want to put them in the middle of this situation.  I just wish I could correspond with him before it is too late.  I hated my so called father because he always made me feel as though i didn't exist.  Mom lived in Australia when she met my real father. He was in the Army.  Her family had a fit when she became pregnant and refused to allow him to come around. He shipped out and she did not see or hear from him.  It is possible my grandmother hid her mail.   I was two when Lou married her.  He made her promise never to tell me.  When he and her parents died, she felt free to tell me. How can i get to my father now?  I really want to know a bit about him.  His brother said I look like him. Mom said i act like him. She also said he was the kindest, sweetest person she ever knew. I give  my  mom a lot of credit for being able to hold on to that secret by herself for so many years.  Please write to me if you have any ideas. Thanks, Pammy2378@hotmail.com
 
October 23, 2005, 2:17 pm CDT

try a happy medium

Quote From: ritehere

Music is a way of expressing emotions. We all have different likes and dislikes, and when we are young, we tend to change our minds a lot about what we like and dislike. If your parents don't have a problem with what you listen to, and you can discern what is truly sending negative messages, then your papi's sister should back off. The fact that she resorts to hitting when she can't get you to agree with her shows that she needs to attend to the messages in her music a little more, and stop preaching about yours.
i was always taught to appreciate all kinds of music, even if i didn't like it, like OPERA. Yuck. I have taught my kids the same thing. I don't like some of their music and they don't like some of mine.  But we try to respect each others choices.  Maybe you could talkabout finding some music you can both enjoy.   and PLEASE don't hit her anymore, Someday she won't be around any more.  Then you will wish you had done things differently.  Good luck.
 
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