Topic : Competitive Family Relationships

 Anybody know how to deal with a sister-in-law who I have never met, who wants control over my adult children? 

Hi. I have a sister I do not talk to because she called my son an animal (with a swear word in front). My mother never says anything to her about how she should apologize to me. She always says how i get angry and tells me to leave. Well. now this week is our fathers birthday and that sister was going to take my dad out to dinner, now i hear it will be a party and she invited our mom(our parents are divorced), my oldest sister and her husband and our aunt. She told my mother she would invite me, but she does not know how i would be. I am really angry, my mother says and does nothing to my sister, but i am the one who does all wrong. Is that wrong? or is it just me? I feel hurt and angry. I am not even going over my moms for Thanksgiving or Christmas, because that sister comes in bragging about her kids and does not let anyone talk at the table, and when i say something my mom tells me i can leave. I find myself such an outcast and i hate it. I really would appreciate some advice.  Thank You.

I am recently married (10 months) and dated my husband for almost three years before we married.  I have two grown sons (21 and 23) and my husband has two grown daughters (20 and 23).  My husband and his ex had a very bad divorce with a tremendous amount of competition for the girls' loyalty, which has caused some emotional problems with the girls, as you can imagine.  The oldest daughter is estranged from her mother, and is living near us, married and is trying to start a family.  The younger daughter is living near her mother and attending college (in another state), and comes for periodic visits.  I get along with both girls on the surface.  There's some severe competition on the part of the oldest daughter, which I realize is fairly common and wouldn't normally be a problem for me.  However, though she calls me "Mom" and shows affection toward me, she cuts me off at the knees whenever she gets a chance when her father is present.  this is done very subtly and is not really noticed by her dad.  When she was planning her wedding she asked me to be "mother of the bride" (which worried me a bit) then made it a point to tell her mother that I was taking on that role at her wedding.  Of course my husband was very proud that his daughter "accepted" me so completely as her step-mother.  Whenever me and my husband take a trip away for ourselves, she calls several times a day to chat with her father, usually while we are in the car or just around dinner time.   There are many subtle things that she does to insert herself into our time together, I won't name them all.  I have mentioned it to my husband but he becomes defensive and I don't want it to come between us.  I am thinking I should encourage my husband to spend extra one on one time with her whenever possible so that she will not feel such like she needs to compete for his time and so I can start to distance myself from her a bit.  I wonder if that is the right thing to do, I don't want to hurt feelings, but I'm really at the point of losing my temper and I don't want to behave badly toward her.  I feel used and manipulated by her.  I do not believe she "loves" me, as I know that takes time to nurture.  I have raised a step-son, so I know I am capable of loving someone else's child.  I'm confused as to how I should be handling this.  I'm getting to the point where I dread our visits together.  Just need a little guidance....

I left a controlling, gambling, womanizing ex who used me to provide whatever his extended family needed  and for whatever he wanted. I had to leave while he was at work for fear he would freak out and kill me.  It has been 3 years and I've remarried, but my son (age 17) and daughter (age 15) will not visit me (did I mention he made me pay child support but encourages the kids not to see me).  My son hates me, calls me really ugly names and says there is something wrong with me because I left his dad.  He helped me move and my daughter left with me!!  My son knew how things were and helped me move, and now hates me and thinks I'm constantly doing something to make them miserable. Everything is my fault, their grades, their misery, their ruined lives etc.  My daughter was very close to me, but as soon as I let her go visit her dad, he had her too.  He took both down and got them to sign papers to live with him and then made me pay him child support.  My ex told me before we were completely divorced that things would be so much better on the kids if I would just die, maybe run into a tree in my truck or something.  Now, both of my children have told me how much better off everyone would be if I would just die. 

 

I love my kids more than anything, but I do not put up with disrespect.  My son has said things to me that were so horrific that I couldn't believe it was my child saying it!  His dad's response was "he has a right to his opinion!".  My daughter told me just a week ago that if I would not have left her dad, she would not have to be there cleaning his toilet.  They have no mercy or feeling for me at all.  For 3 years, I have sent texts, emails, and even done a video for my son to let him know how much I love him and how sorry I am that I hurt them...and they react with venom.  I finally decided to just let God handle it and stop contacting them since they keep saying the only resolution is to be a part of their family of 4 (go back to their dad) and I am married to someone else now.  They refuse to have anything to do with me or my current family and they are extremely hateful.  I hope I'm making the right decision to just leave things alone. My ex only contacts me when he wants money, and he tries to get me to pay for their college etc simply "because they are my kids" even though they are so mean towards me and refuse to see me.  Has anyone else been through this that may give me some advise?  I would do anything for my children, but I cannot go back to that man.  I was sooooo miserable and isolated all those years.

my story is one you have never heard even though i lived it i still do not beleive it how do i begin born into a family with abusive father and a helpless coward of a mother my father beat us all the time my sister being the first born beat everyday he sent us all out to work took all our money while he decided at a point he would stay home and do nothing even though he did this my sister for some reason is the scapegoat for his actions my brothsers hate her and blame her because in her twentys she left home had 3 children who her husband took to argentia as babies and she never saw till they reached their twentys my mother for some reason blames her for everything which is really sick my brother who also suffered bad beatings is a power freak and thinks he walks on water and hates me and my sister dad is now dead this family makes jerry springer look like the donna reed show if you know what that is