Quote From: tenlettersWell, another crappy Thanksgiving at the in-laws.
WHY? Because my sister in law (husband's brother's wife) is very competitve and my mother in law favors her and the brother over me and my husband.
For example:
She gave them a wedding gift (supposedly a VERY generous gift) and we got a card with NOTHING in it.
We're married close to 10 years now and I feel sick every time I'm in their presence and have to listen to, "We got this, and we have that." She's a spoiled you-know-what who is taken care of.
She doesn't have to worry about bills like I do, or budgeting or saving for retirement because every body (in laws and her husband) kisses her butt.
She plays innocent but is very slick.
It's frustrating, especially when my husband is oblivious to it all. He is TOO nice and thinks positively all the time. He never says a bad thing about anybody and that is good but it also isolates me and my feelings from being validated.
My mother in law has also removed my and my husband's photo of us together and replaced it (in a fridge frame) with my sister in law. My stomach dropped, and again, another event RUINED. Tears well up in my eyes and I have to smile for the rest of the night and pretend everything's fine!
It sickens me and I don't know if I can stay married for the rest of my life TO THIS FAMILY.
They are pleasant, etc. to me, it's not outright in my face, it's "behind the scenes." I KNOW they talk about me w/ my sister in law, I just know it and I know they get handouts when they don't even need the money and I know they favor them over us. How can they do this to their SON?
They won't ever say anything to my face and we've never done anything TO them, my sister in law is VERY SLICK and knows how to "play" my mother in law.
I don't know how to handle them when they throw things in our faces (when we are getting by modestly) all of their purchases, etc.
She calls her every day and kisses my mother in law's butt and even convinced my mother in law to talk her now husband into marrying her. They don't yet have kids, that will be hell.
What can we do or say to make them stop trying to show off to us?
How can I show my in-laws that WE (her son and me) should be appreciated the same (REALLY MORE) than them??? We DESERVE it.
We are such nice people and I guess the squeaky wheels get the oil. We never ask for anything. I want them to feel bad about screwing us and treat us equally.
HELP! Divorce? Stay married? We don't have any kids, 1. because we are just getting by $
2. no one to babysit all day, i have to work
3. i don't want to give that family anything of MINE
Not sure what to do. But if anyone can tell me how important the in laws play in a marriage, I'd appreciate it.
My husband ignores these details and when they tell him he should visit someone (family member) he HAS run and obeyed what they wished. That bothers me.
Divorce is a huge undertaking and I don't want to regret anything.
What else can I do? Ignore her comments? Just smile and say, "How wonderful for yoU!" ?????
HELP!
I can totally relat to what you are saying. My husband has 3 older brothers and one younger brother. They are all married. Our marriage is my husband's second marriage. The second oldest son is the most educated of the five sons. His wife does not do a single thing. They have six kids and she did not raise a single one of those six children. I think they only had those children for tax purposes...I'm dead serious. They live in their own home. My father-in-law & mother-in-law lives with my husband and I. The older brother & sister-in-law brings their kids over to our place all the time for my in-laws to baby-sit. The in-laws NEVER want to go to any of the other brother's house so whenever the brothers need childcare, they'll bring their kids over to our place which is EVERYDAY.
The annoying s-in-law kisses up to my in-laws. She gets away w/everything. I always get looked down and I am the least liked d-in-law. She does not have to lift a finger to cook for her family or her husband. Yet, her husband had the nerve to tell me that I shouldn't be complaining about their children coming over all the time because I don't have to babysit them, his parents are the ones babysitting their kids. Oh and that I am not a good wife to my husband because I don't cook and clean for him, which I do ALL the time. I have two children, I am working and going to school full time. I have to cook & clean for my husband & the in-laws. His wife does not even go to school or work. She just runs around town with him because she feels insecure. They have more money than my husband & I because they are older and started out in life much sooner than us. Keeping in mind, my husband has a first marriage and owes a lot of debt that I didn't know about until after our first child. Now, I have to help my husband pay off his debt from his first marriage, which him & his ex loaned.
My in-laws refused to live with anyone else but now due to unexpected circumstances, they have no choice but to move in with the annoying s-in-law & older brother. We are selling the house to pay off my husband's debt. I am just very bless to have this opportunity for my husband & I to move out and live on our own for the very first time. Now I don't have to deal w/her coming over everyday leaving her kids over for days, I don't even have to see her unless I chose to. There will be occasions like T-day. My eyes have welled up with tears at many gatherings because of her. This past T-day, I just ignored her like she never existed. I just look the other way and talked to everyone else but her. She has turned my husband's whole family against me, even my own husband. He feels he owes it to her & his brother to respect them.
I can go on and on but I wanted to share my experience with you and tell you that there has got to be one thing that annoys your s-in-law. That is your target. For example, my s-in-law hates being ignored and needs to be center of attention & superior than all of us. If she does not have my attention, her needs are not met. So if I ignore her, she'll have to work very hard to get me to pay attention to her or respect her.
