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Topic : 09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?

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Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:15:25 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests say their mothers-in-law are just plain evil and out to destroy their marriages. Cindy started having second thoughts on her wedding day when her mother-in-law, Janet, began talking about her son, Jeremy’s, overly active sex life with a former flame. After Janet refused to apologize, Cindy and Jeremy cut off contact with her. They now have a son whom Janet has seen only once. Janet says Cindy is really the malicious one, and she needs to stop turning her son against her. Then, Vivian says her mother-in-law, Phyllis, is so evil, she takes pride in people thinking she’s having an affair with her very own son. Phyllis says Vivian is a master manipulator who has torn the family apart and kept her from seeing her grandchildren. Is there any hope of repairing these relationships? And, what can the men do to keep from being caught in the middle of their wives and their mothers? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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hawaiifurelise
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September 1, 2007, 11:17 am PDT

mom, mil, and friends

my husband and i have been married 26 years and counting. I got married at 18 a week out of high school he was 23. we have found over the years that we needed to come to an understanding with each and every person in our lives. we appreciate there support through some hard times, but we had to draw the line at them getting involved. it was not easy to say end discussion or i will leave but we have done it. maybe if the families on your show showed their mother in laws that if they discussed family issues or said inappropriate comments they would loss their company, no yelling, no reasoning, just  pack up and go ,thank you see you again soon bye. everyone would get the point. (i did tell my mom i would leave if certain things were discussed) it took awhile to work, but it bin years since, and it has given us all a better relationship with each other and there's a lot less drama in all our lives.
 
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bcolter220
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September 1, 2007, 12:16 pm PDT

Sounds Fishy

Quote From: kstryk

The DAUGHTER-IN-LAW can be the instigator just as well and turn the son against the mother.  no one knows what exactly she tells her husband about what his mother did or said to her.  My DIL is very obsessive. they have not been married 1 year yet and have a 4-month-old son whom I have seen once. they live in another state.  she has now stopped sending me any pictures of my only grandson although she continues to send weekly pictures to others.  We were not invited to the baby's baptism.  I am very hurt and have had many days where all I do is cry because I can't see or be near my grandson or be a part of his life.  this gal has problems and wants me no where near her house, the baby and my son.  I won't play her game. I hope she eventually gets the help she needs but I'm afraid this marriage won't last and it is going to be my son who loses.  AGAIN>>>>> the DIL can be the instigator and "tell" her husband that his mother is at fault..... two-way street here.  So who does the son side with???? Either way he loses.
I read your entry a few times to see what I may have been missing and came to the conclusion that I'm not missing anything but your story is...it just makes no sense. I have a son and I am very confident that 1st, I as his mother would never place him in a position where he would have to choose between his wife and myself...2nd, no one can poison his mind against me because I am confident that I raised him to have his own mind so if he had a problem with me it would be his problem and no one elses...and 3rd no one can stop a grand-parent who wants (badly enough)  to see their grandchildren from seeing them. Your son is his father, why is it only your DIL taking the blame for your inability to interact with your grandchild...it sounds like you want this woman to take the blame for actions in which your son also has a say.
 
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feezal
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chillin'
September 1, 2007, 1:19 pm PDT

In law problems

both or my in laws give with one hand while stabbing you in the back with the other. I can't wait to see what this show will be like. I'll have a score card for everything I go through and what they have to go through.

 
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jimtheclipper
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September 1, 2007, 2:51 pm PDT

In Laws

Quote From: merlot5050

My only child is a 32 yr old man and happily married.   I love my daughter-in-law.  She is really a good woman.  These mothers are absolutely over the top.  The last thing I want is the responsibilty of running their lives when I have enough of a job running my own.  I wonder what kind of mother in laws they had.  Perhaps they were treated unfairly too.  My ex mother in law was OK  but I was just as glad to be rid of her as I was her son, but I must say her meddeling was nothing as horrible as these people.  I hesitate to call them mothers because the word mother means comfort, nuturing and caring to me.  I don't see any of that so far here.

 

 It's hard to keep your mouth shut all the time but it is the best way to live in peace.  Grown children are not stupid and when you let them go it is a sign of a good parent.  We raise them to be independent, make their own decisions and most importantly pay their own way.  How sad to miss out on a grandchild's life.  How evil to even imply an affair with your own son.  What is the gain here?  How could she possibly think that would be acceptable in any way, shape or form?

 

Once in awhile I will get a visit or a call for advice.  I hesitate to give out too much.  Usually I just help them think things through - Avoid the "you should" phrase and make a few suggestions - then leave it alone.  Nobody wants to be checked on to see if you are doing what someone advised you to do.  These women make Marie Barrone look like Mother Teresa.....

II think being an in-law is a very fine balancing act.  Once you've raised your kids you have to let them go and do their own thing.  An in-law should keep their opinions to themselves and not give advise unless asked for and even then it should be kept to a minimium.  In laws should help where they can but the rest of the time they need to mind their own business.

 
 
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nightangel1282
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September 1, 2007, 3:18 pm PDT

I should clarify...

Quote From: nightangel1282

Wow... ya know... I really wish mother in laws could just learn to mind their own business. They have to realize that their kids are grown up and can make their own decisions and don't need their parents breathing down their necks anymore...

And what the HECK was that I read about one mother in law who takes PRIDE in the fact that people think she's having an affair with her own SON?!?!?! EEEEWWWWW!!!! That woman's got something wrong with her!!!!

 

Can't wait for this show to come on!!!

I don't mean it to sound like ALL mother in laws don't mind their own business. But there are a fair number of them that DON'T. My sister got married to her husband, and her future mother in law was a royal pain in her butt!! In fact, she was being a pain before the wedding!! She tried to dictate the decorations that were going to be used in the wedding (which my sister refused to listen to), she had the absolute nerve to tell my sister that she looked FAT in her wedding dress when she went in for the fitting and told her she was going to look like a blob at her own wedding (that woman should have looked in the mirror before saying anything like that!! She's about a hundred pounds heavier than my sister and the only reason my sister was a little larger at the time was because she had just given birth to her second child!!!), and then when she found out that my sister wanted to be married outdoors, she deliberately went behind her and her husbands backs and booked a hall for an indoor wedding!! It was a war when my sister told her that she wanted to be married by a JP instead of a priest (our old elementary principal is one and marries former students for free, so it was more convenient), and for almost a full year after their wedding, the MIL was breathing down their necks about how they were raising their children (I think she has no say whatsoever, because she used to abuse her children as they were growing up, and she's the LAST person I would look to for advice). Thankfully, my sisters husband got fed up and told his mother to mind her own darn business and she's mellowed out significantly over the last few years, and she's even got a decent relationship with my sister now.

 

And I'm certainly not denying the fact that DIL's can be just as bad. They can be manipulative and possessive of their husbands and can cause as much trouble for MIL's as MIL's can cause for them... even moreso when grandchildren are in the picture. I don't think either situation is right and families need to find a balance and mutual understanding.

 

Just my take on things.
 
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omie12
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September 1, 2007, 4:09 pm PDT

09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?

Quote From: gofigure

   

     Married men shouldnt be caught between his mother, mother-in-law and his wife!! His first obligation is to his wife and children.  When a man marries! his wife and children are his

foremost priority! not his mother, mother-in-law or anyone else!!!

     Married people should set the boundaries and if those boundaries are violated!  then the married couple should absent themselves from stupid and malicious gossip!! why play trivial games with people with evil-intent!  Why even bicker with low-life non-sense!!!???

     If you are the man! then wear the pants! and stop being weak!  You can love your mother, or mother-in-law and still keep them out of your house and your business!  Why, and how could any loving couple allow someone to cause division in their home???  It's just plain stupid!! and outrageous!!

  I  have 5 Son's  ,all married  to wonderful  Girls we are not  only inlaws  we are very close Friends . I told each one of the couples  that  i would always be there  to help out if the need  me give me a call and i will be there. But only if they asked.  In all we have 12 Grandchildren  and 2 Greatgrandchildren. 2 of my D I L  call at least  twice a week and chek on us . The  other family's live all near us.  we feel very blest with our girl's as my Husband call's them. Wy would anyone  make such problems for their child? 

  I  do no many people  that love to cause trouble for others.   I cant understand it  ,we have such wonderful  times when we are all together. MY Family  is everything  to me .
 
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txcowgal
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September 1, 2007, 4:19 pm PDT

Not always the MIL, I've seen both sides

My first MIL was awful to me. Just plain didn't like me. My second MIL was awful to me until my husband finally stood up for me and we didn't see them for a year. I am one of 5 DIL's and all were treated awful, so it wasn't just me. We were taking away her boys I guess! Some divorced due to her in part. She finally became a Christian and turned out to be a great MIL until she passed away.

On the other hand, I have an evil SIL that turned one of my brothers against our Mom and he has had nothing to do with any of us for over 20 years. My Mom is the best Mom, most polite and fair Mom in the world and that brother used to be closest to her as far as being the family clown, buildng things, etc. It's a shame. This SIL is the only one out of 3 who hates my Mom for no other reason than my Mom asked her if she was giving their baby enough water to drink?! That was over twenty years ago! SIL said and did a lot of mean things, even to my brother......I guess love is really blind!

We really missed that brother for a long time but I've heard he changed so much and is now an alcoholic, go figure. Now I hardly ever thnk about him at all. He just through us all away and started over with her family, moved far away to live near her family and he never looked back! His loss.
 
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marywaspe
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September 1, 2007, 4:54 pm PDT

mother in laws

Mother in laws, should mind their own  business. I am a mother in law, I love my daughter in law very much in fact I refer to her as daughter no 2, I never poke my nose in unless I am asked then I would be truthful.

I had an interfering MIL to a degree, and I just say to people out there, don't let it happen. take control, and teach your husband to stand up for himself and his family. get a back bone.
 
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queenegypt
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September 1, 2007, 5:09 pm PDT

PLEEZE...SHOW THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS TOPIC!!

Quote From: kstryk

The DAUGHTER-IN-LAW can be the instigator just as well and turn the son against the mother.  no one knows what exactly she tells her husband about what his mother did or said to her.  My DIL is very obsessive. they have not been married 1 year yet and have a 4-month-old son whom I have seen once. they live in another state.  she has now stopped sending me any pictures of my only grandson although she continues to send weekly pictures to others.  We were not invited to the baby's baptism.  I am very hurt and have had many days where all I do is cry because I can't see or be near my grandson or be a part of his life.  this gal has problems and wants me no where near her house, the baby and my son.  I won't play her game. I hope she eventually gets the help she needs but I'm afraid this marriage won't last and it is going to be my son who loses.  AGAIN>>>>> the DIL can be the instigator and "tell" her husband that his mother is at fault..... two-way street here.  So who does the son side with???? Either way he loses.

 I do SO hope that Dr. Phil will show the opposite side of this topic!      My son-in-law has the brain of a seagull and shows it with every word, every move, every action he takes.  When my daughter first got serious with him,   I welcomed him into our family, showered him with love, attention & gifts (and money...he LUVED the money..his hand was always the first one out),  I treated him like I now had a son to love.   He plays the game well,  he acted like he just LUVED me back, all the while he was telling his buddies the opposite, told them when he knew that I was coming,  he would leave.  I could write pages about the 'real' jerk that he is and it took me about 10 years to accept the kind of thing he is.  He is a mama's boy and would (and has) kick his children or his wife to the curb to oooch up to his mama,  it is disgusting.  There have been

many arguments between my daughter & myself because of the seagull.  For some reason,  my daughter takes his side and for months at at time,  I am kept from seeing my grandchildren,  so

I just try to ignore him,  keep my mouth shut and give my grandchildren all of the love that I can, when I get the chance.

This jerk has applied to many jobs where a psychiological tests was given and he has yet to pass.  He does not pass any of the parts of it. 

PLEEZE....DR. PHIL....SHOW THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN ON THIS TOPIC!  

p.s.  I would not miss any of your shows...:-)
 
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justme321
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September 1, 2007, 6:02 pm PDT

Touchy subject...

When it comes to your in-laws, things can sure get complicated! Some are lucky enough to have great relationships with their in-laws, and I hope they realise just how lucky they are!!! I have learned that when it comes to problems, the best thing posted so far was from mom, mil, and friends posted by hawaiifurelise... "maybe if the families on your show showed their mother in laws that if they discussed family issues or said inappropriate comments they would loss their company, no yelling, no reasoning, just  pack up and go". Completely agree! Some may think that would be wrong to do for the grandchildren... but really, what is worse? Having a grandparent in your life that doesn't even make the effort to see you and is in and out of your life causing your family nothing but trouble, or have that person out of the picture and have the grandchild/ren be surrounded with nothing but love? That's a tough decision parents have to make, not just about in-laws, but about everyone! And some may say that thy are being bad parents by doing so... but isn't it the parents job to protect, shelter, and cover their children until they can do it themselves. Especially with a very young child. I think that's GOOD parenting. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things aren't going to change. You cant change a persons nature... and if they are toxic, evil, troublemakers, liars... HOWEVER you put it, chances are they always will be. And when one is trying to play one against the other, that will probably never change! And why is it that the MILs always thing their DILs are brainwashing their the husbands? Could it be that the son is just deciding how he feels on his own? They do see and here what goes on. Maybe their mothers have always been that way and the sons are just tired of it... hmm???
 
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