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Topic : 09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?

Number of Replies: 131
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Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:15:25 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests say their mothers-in-law are just plain evil and out to destroy their marriages. Cindy started having second thoughts on her wedding day when her mother-in-law, Janet, began talking about her son, Jeremy’s, overly active sex life with a former flame. After Janet refused to apologize, Cindy and Jeremy cut off contact with her. They now have a son whom Janet has seen only once. Janet says Cindy is really the malicious one, and she needs to stop turning her son against her. Then, Vivian says her mother-in-law, Phyllis, is so evil, she takes pride in people thinking she’s having an affair with her very own son. Phyllis says Vivian is a master manipulator who has torn the family apart and kept her from seeing her grandchildren. Is there any hope of repairing these relationships? And, what can the men do to keep from being caught in the middle of their wives and their mothers? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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September 2, 2007, 2:18 pm CDT

Mother in-laws

I can't wait for the nesxt season of Dr. Phil top start! I am glad that he is doing another show on mother in laws. While mine is  wonderful some of the time the other times she can be ovebearing and somewhat controling! Recently she even went as far to tell me that I could not be with my own husband for a night, and that she was going to watch my kid's so that way I could have a night to myself...While all along blamming me that it was my fault that her son was having a close call to a nurvous breakdown and that I was the cause of his stress! So, I called my mom and my husband from home, so that way I could go talk to my husband face to face and see what was happening! My mother in law actually wanted us to get a divorce, and I and my husband do not believe in Divorce and feel that it would not solve the problems that we have. Because lets be honest everyone has problems especially in relationships, but I could not believe that my mother in law would go so far as to try and get my and my husband to get a divorce! I of course was nurvous at first that anytime my husband would just see his mother that something would happen and he would not come home, well it is getting easier as time goes on, but I will always remember that she wanted us to get a divorce just so that way I would not be in her family anymore. I am glad that my husband and I are continuing to work on things.

 
September 2, 2007, 2:57 pm CDT

what is the deal?

after first reading about this story, all i could think off was this is the kind of woman that gives mother-in-laws a bad name. First of all why would you know the ultimate details of yours sons sex life.  now thats just wrong. granted i am all about honest.  i have three boys, and my oldest  told me when he was having sex, but thats the extent of it....... i don't want to know anymore.

I have a feeling this girl is in for a rough time if she stays in this marriage. how the moms treat you in the beginning i think is a good indication of how they always will be........... i know this from experience........ she always treated me like trash, we have been divorced for five years, and its still the same......... i never had a i love you or hug in 9 years of marriage.

 

temp

 
September 2, 2007, 4:06 pm CDT

Funny...

Quote From: raven12

I am a mother in law myself. I stay out of my children's love life. It makes the happiness in the family. I only get in their love lives if the wife, boyfriend, lover, what ever you want to call them puts a hand on my children. Other than that I stay out of theirs. When you married your husband did you think he was a virgin. He must have talked to his mother  about his love life for her to know. You were not put on this earth for everyone to like you. Usually the in-laws are the hardest to get along with because they are going to find something wrong with you because they think that you are taking their love one from them. You need to not think about your mother in law as a enemy . Just ignore her.  But never use you children, her grandchildren againtst her. Just remember you are a mother now. Just think how you would feel if your child did the same thing to you when he getst older. The love of a grandmother is priceless.Why worry about what she was saying on your wedding day. He married you still. You let her get to you because you worry about what people say about you. Live your life for you not for them. You and your husband need to get over it and let her see her grandchild before it is to late. People will be mad at their relatives until they die then they want to forgive. GET OVER IT.
Funny how everyone has so much to say and so many judgements before the show even airs!!!
 
September 2, 2007, 4:32 pm CDT

who's the evil doer

hi I agree a mother-in-law should mind her own business

just can't wait to see your show on this

 

fietkau2

 
September 2, 2007, 5:07 pm CDT

I am a mother-in-law

Quote From: grangransue

Sure wished I knew this was going to be on, I would have loved to be on the show for this one! I too have a son who is married to the most manipulative, spoiled, rude, and downright nasty woman in the world. They have been married for 11 years and at first it was good between us. Then their problems started and and she called to start in on my son to me. I stopped her in her tracks and said she was the one that married him and they needed to work things out on their own because I was NOT going to get involved. That's when she let me have it and has ever since. They lived close to my son's dad at one point and she put a stop to their relationship right fast and my son has not seen his dad in years. She made him move away from there and bought a house 2 blocks from her parents, where they still are. She even called my son's grandmother on his dad's side and chewed her out over something she "heard". Now there is no relationship between my son and his grandmother. 2nd person out of his life. Then in 2004 they had a son, the first grandchild on both sides. I kept the baby for awhile while she went back to work, but was given all kinds of orders, which is fine, but I could not take him anywhere in the car, could not let him in the pool, just one thing after another. Couldn't even take him to the park. Then one day that I had the child, who is now 3, she dropped him off one morning, then called a few minutes later after she left, to give me my orders for the day and I blew up. She said she was coming to get him. She showed up along with her mother who proceeded to tell me off. I have not seen my grandbaby in over a year. I have tried talking to my son but he just hangs up on me, will not answer the phone and even unhooked the answering machine after I left a message for the baby. ( He knew it was his Gan-Gan talking on that answering machine.) I have gone to counseling trying to figure out how to cope with all this and it has worked wonders, but I still cannot get through to be able to see my grandson. I see now that she has total control of all my son's family, and has chased everyone who is dear to him away. I do know my son needs to have some backbone and do something about this, but he won't even talk to me. I've written letters, sent presents through the mail even though they live less than a mile from us, to no avail. I don't know what to do next. I have completely given up all contact now and quit trying. My heart is broken that she has taken my son and my granson away. We have always tried to be good parents and help when we could, even financially when they bought their home, we gave them $5000.00 for their downpayment, I helped by painting the whole inside of the house before they moved in, we have helped in so many ways only to be treated like this.  
Have you noticed that the mother of the son seems to be the bad one most of the time.  I lost communication with my son after only 10 months of him being married..  I know there is always a difference in the way things go because the wives' mother and father seem to get to be the first ones on the list.  I did not put my nose where it did not belong after my son was married.  But as soon as they were married, I was not allowed to come to the house unless I called first, not even to drop off a gift of groceries or something they had needed. After my grandson was born, my ex husband and I had one day a week from 6 until 8:00 that we could come and visit the baby.  I do know for a fact that her sister and mother came almost every day even though we were told they did not.  I can see as I look back things that were done and said that I let slide that were leading to my not being a part of the family.  This was very hurtful to stand and have my daughter-in-law accuse me of things I was suppose to have lied about but did not, and her yelling for my son to call the police to get me out of the house.  He just stood there and said or did nothing to take up for me.  I was all he had growing up because the father was verbally and emotionally abusive to him.  I stood up for him always. To be thrown out of the house and my grandson only four months old was the horror of my life.  I have not seen him since then and was told that I would never see him again.  The daughter-in-law has control over what happens in the family more than you know.  My son was told if he did not get me out of the house that she would take the baby and go to her mother's and told him, "You know what that means!"  I never wanted anything but happiness for them because he grew up in a very unhappy household.  I wouldn't have caused any heartache for him.
 
September 2, 2007, 5:26 pm CDT

You must be a mother in law

Quote From: kstryk

The DAUGHTER-IN-LAW can be the instigator just as well and turn the son against the mother.  no one knows what exactly she tells her husband about what his mother did or said to her.  My DIL is very obsessive. they have not been married 1 year yet and have a 4-month-old son whom I have seen once. they live in another state.  she has now stopped sending me any pictures of my only grandson although she continues to send weekly pictures to others.  We were not invited to the baby's baptism.  I am very hurt and have had many days where all I do is cry because I can't see or be near my grandson or be a part of his life.  this gal has problems and wants me no where near her house, the baby and my son.  I won't play her game. I hope she eventually gets the help she needs but I'm afraid this marriage won't last and it is going to be my son who loses.  AGAIN>>>>> the DIL can be the instigator and "tell" her husband that his mother is at fault..... two-way street here.  So who does the son side with???? Either way he loses.
The mother in law has no business interferring and the only reason she would bring up her son's past sex life is to drive a wedge between him and his wife.  I know this to be true because my ex-mother in law did it continually and the reason reason she stopped is I showed not reaction or interest and simply told her that "everyone has a past it is the present that matters now".
 
September 2, 2007, 5:54 pm CDT

who's the evil -doer

Quote From: got4au

 Wish my mother-in-law was still alive to watch this one.  She made similar comments about my husband when we were first married.  That's hard to get over.  Makes you wonder what really went on when my husband was growing up!  The husband must stand up for his wife.  Wish mine had.  It's been 33 years of marriage but it still hurts even though my mother-in-law has been gone for 16 years.  I'm sure Dr. Phil would tell me to move on but I know my husband hasn't really "heard" me and he definitely hasn't apologized for the past.  Such a mama's boy, even now!
 I wish my mother-in-law was still alive, she was a beautiful, kind woman, and I miss her every day
 
September 2, 2007, 5:58 pm CDT

Mothers in law

Quote From: nightangel1282

Wow... ya know... I really wish mother in laws could just learn to mind their own business. They have to realize that their kids are grown up and can make their own decisions and don't need their parents breathing down their necks anymore...

And what the HECK was that I read about one mother in law who takes PRIDE in the fact that people think she's having an affair with her own SON?!?!?! EEEEWWWWW!!!! That woman's got something wrong with her!!!!

 

Can't wait for this show to come on!!!

  it can be very soul destroying, this, and the kids are so young, mothers can worry for there kids, but to actually get involved in disputes or make control their whole life, it definitly will detroy, marriages, childrens lives, and one day children just will close down, in order to survive.

 

I think to not have contact is simply the best way for all concerned, even the grandchildren becos they can be manipulated by mothers in laws too, its so sad....

Just make sure if u ever get in financial trouble in the future, dont land on mother in laws front door step, becos she will make your life hell, just know your doing the right thing in your marriage with her son, and keep your chin up, and one day mother in law will end up very lonely, and she has bought it all on herself....

 
September 2, 2007, 5:59 pm CDT

Why is it always the MIL that is the evil one?

I AM the FMIL and am NOT the evil one!  I can't imagine a young girl being jealous of her boyfriend or husbands mother. The relationships are not even comparable. But she is terribly jealous of me. That in itself makes for an awkward situation. Son should not have given me this information.

 

I used to give advice when I was asked to give it. I came to the realization that by agreeing to listen to sons moaning about his horrible fiance, all I ever heard were the horrible things about her. He didn't have a need to come to me when things were wonderful, so if she does have any good qualities, I don't know what they are. (I've requested he no longer come to me with his relationship problems).

 

FDIL and I are no longer speaking. It must be awkward for son. We only communicate when she is not around. Only son holds the key to our reunion - in a sense, he is partially responsible for the situation we are in now.  He quite obviously played both sides and continues to play both sides. Because I love him and don't want to lose him, I don't put him in the position of 'choosing'. He can probably see both sides and is torn about what to do. I DO however live in fear that FDIL will indeed make him 'choose', and I will no longer have any contact with my only child. THAT is a scary proposition!!

 

 
September 2, 2007, 6:08 pm CDT

Hoist your own sails

No one can take you anywhere you don't already know how to go.  When people chronically make me miserable, do ugly by me, I start to ask myself what I am getting out of this?  Am I a rightious martor?  Gaining comfort from others pity.  We all get something out of others bad behavior, or we wouldn't put up with it.

 

From Osho,  The Book of Understanding

 

People have remained concerned about their acts: Which act is right and which act is wrong? What is good and what is evil? My own understanding is that it is not a question of any particular act. The question is about your psychology.

When you are total, it is good; and when you are divided, it is evil. Divided you suffer; united, you dance, you sing, you celebrate.

 



 
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