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Topic : 09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?

Number of Replies: 131
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Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:15:25 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests say their mothers-in-law are just plain evil and out to destroy their marriages. Cindy started having second thoughts on her wedding day when her mother-in-law, Janet, began talking about her son, Jeremy’s, overly active sex life with a former flame. After Janet refused to apologize, Cindy and Jeremy cut off contact with her. They now have a son whom Janet has seen only once. Janet says Cindy is really the malicious one, and she needs to stop turning her son against her. Then, Vivian says her mother-in-law, Phyllis, is so evil, she takes pride in people thinking she’s having an affair with her very own son. Phyllis says Vivian is a master manipulator who has torn the family apart and kept her from seeing her grandchildren. Is there any hope of repairing these relationships? And, what can the men do to keep from being caught in the middle of their wives and their mothers? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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August 31, 2007, 10:49 pm CDT

Who's the Evil-Doer?

Wow... ya know... I really wish mother in laws could just learn to mind their own business. They have to realize that their kids are grown up and can make their own decisions and don't need their parents breathing down their necks anymore...

And what the HECK was that I read about one mother in law who takes PRIDE in the fact that people think she's having an affair with her own SON?!?!?! EEEEWWWWW!!!! That woman's got something wrong with her!!!!

 

Can't wait for this show to come on!!!

 
September 1, 2007, 8:38 am CDT

09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?

Quote From: nightangel1282

Wow... ya know... I really wish mother in laws could just learn to mind their own business. They have to realize that their kids are grown up and can make their own decisions and don't need their parents breathing down their necks anymore...

And what the HECK was that I read about one mother in law who takes PRIDE in the fact that people think she's having an affair with her own SON?!?!?! EEEEWWWWW!!!! That woman's got something wrong with her!!!!

 

Can't wait for this show to come on!!!

 Wish my mother-in-law was still alive to watch this one.  She made similar comments about my husband when we were first married.  That's hard to get over.  Makes you wonder what really went on when my husband was growing up!  The husband must stand up for his wife.  Wish mine had.  It's been 33 years of marriage but it still hurts even though my mother-in-law has been gone for 16 years.  I'm sure Dr. Phil would tell me to move on but I know my husband hasn't really "heard" me and he definitely hasn't apologized for the past.  Such a mama's boy, even now!
 
September 1, 2007, 8:59 am CDT

Over the Top

Quote From: nightangel1282

Wow... ya know... I really wish mother in laws could just learn to mind their own business. They have to realize that their kids are grown up and can make their own decisions and don't need their parents breathing down their necks anymore...

And what the HECK was that I read about one mother in law who takes PRIDE in the fact that people think she's having an affair with her own SON?!?!?! EEEEWWWWW!!!! That woman's got something wrong with her!!!!

 

Can't wait for this show to come on!!!

My only child is a 32 yr old man and happily married.   I love my daughter-in-law.  She is really a good woman.  These mothers are absolutely over the top.  The last thing I want is the responsibilty of running their lives when I have enough of a job running my own.  I wonder what kind of mother in laws they had.  Perhaps they were treated unfairly too.  My ex mother in law was OK  but I was just as glad to be rid of her as I was her son, but I must say her meddeling was nothing as horrible as these people.  I hesitate to call them mothers because the word mother means comfort, nuturing and caring to me.  I don't see any of that so far here.

 

 It's hard to keep your mouth shut all the time but it is the best way to live in peace.  Grown children are not stupid and when you let them go it is a sign of a good parent.  We raise them to be independent, make their own decisions and most importantly pay their own way.  How sad to miss out on a grandchild's life.  How evil to even imply an affair with your own son.  What is the gain here?  How could she possibly think that would be acceptable in any way, shape or form?

 

Once in awhile I will get a visit or a call for advice.  I hesitate to give out too much.  Usually I just help them think things through - Avoid the "you should" phrase and make a few suggestions - then leave it alone.  Nobody wants to be checked on to see if you are doing what someone advised you to do.  These women make Marie Barrone look like Mother Teresa.....

 
September 1, 2007, 9:51 am CDT

it's not always the MIL who is in the wrong....

The DAUGHTER-IN-LAW can be the instigator just as well and turn the son against the mother.  no one knows what exactly she tells her husband about what his mother did or said to her.  My DIL is very obsessive. they have not been married 1 year yet and have a 4-month-old son whom I have seen once. they live in another state.  she has now stopped sending me any pictures of my only grandson although she continues to send weekly pictures to others.  We were not invited to the baby's baptism.  I am very hurt and have had many days where all I do is cry because I can't see or be near my grandson or be a part of his life.  this gal has problems and wants me no where near her house, the baby and my son.  I won't play her game. I hope she eventually gets the help she needs but I'm afraid this marriage won't last and it is going to be my son who loses.  AGAIN>>>>> the DIL can be the instigator and "tell" her husband that his mother is at fault..... two-way street here.  So who does the son side with???? Either way he loses.
 
September 1, 2007, 10:31 am CDT

Put the shoe on the other foot

Why is the blame almost always put on the Mother n law.  Don't they realize their husband has a Mother n law too whom the daughter n law almost always claims is the one who never interferes?  The daughter n laws can be most disrespectful, obnoxious, evil, rude and just about every vile thing imaginable.  Believe me, I have one.  She has lied about our family and their is no was to disprove her lies.  She has turned her two children against this family and noone gets to see them.   She holds divorce over my sons head if he dare comes near this family.  I have learned to move on and they will pay the consequences as we are a good upright family and their children have missed out on a lot of good things, especially just knowing their Grandparents.  Today is my Granddaughters birthday and I will not be able to see her.  I got along so well with my own Mother n law and she was like a Mother to me.  This is my son's second marriage and he always made bad choices in women.  It's not always the Mother n law.

 
September 1, 2007, 10:34 am CDT

Who's the Evil-Doer

Quote From: kstryk

The DAUGHTER-IN-LAW can be the instigator just as well and turn the son against the mother.  no one knows what exactly she tells her husband about what his mother did or said to her.  My DIL is very obsessive. they have not been married 1 year yet and have a 4-month-old son whom I have seen once. they live in another state.  she has now stopped sending me any pictures of my only grandson although she continues to send weekly pictures to others.  We were not invited to the baby's baptism.  I am very hurt and have had many days where all I do is cry because I can't see or be near my grandson or be a part of his life.  this gal has problems and wants me no where near her house, the baby and my son.  I won't play her game. I hope she eventually gets the help she needs but I'm afraid this marriage won't last and it is going to be my son who loses.  AGAIN>>>>> the DIL can be the instigator and "tell" her husband that his mother is at fault..... two-way street here.  So who does the son side with???? Either way he loses.
I could have written this email.  I'm in the same boat and my Son was made to make a choice.  I wish you and I could email one another.  Is their any chance of that Dr. Phil?
 
September 1, 2007, 10:47 am CDT

married people get a backbone!

 

     Nobody! but nobody can wreck your marriage but the two married people! The solution is simple.  Stop allowing malicious gossip to affect how you respond!  Mother-in-laws or mother-outlaws have no power, but the power you give them over your lives.  Relatives do not have any rights when it comes to your marriage and family.  

      So stop whinning about your mother-in-law and set the boundaries to prevent problems! Your mother-in-law bothers you because you  allow her to bother you.  Just stop-it ! Take authority over your lives and children.  You can not reason with someone who is unreasonable!

Keep people out of your married life and family life,  that is your right! Mother-in-laws have no rights, but the rights you give them! So get a backbone!!!

 
September 1, 2007, 10:54 am CDT

mother-in-law, Janet

I think that this mother-in-law Janet needs to stay out of the business of her son and his soon to be new wife. It is not her place to tell of all her sons escapades of sexual partners. She shojd not be telling any stories of that. I thikn she needs to be set straight.

  I think she needs to realize that she needs to step back and take a look at the bigger picture. This is the girl that her son loves and wants to marry . I think she needs to realize that she needs to not be telling stories of past girlfriends and such and change to the stories of how cute her sone was when he did baby things. It makes for a bond that could be built by the future daughter. it is better to do this as it means there will be visits from her son and daughter-in-law to be than to be cut off for the future. Dr. Phil set this mother right as sometimes it takes some one who knows more or has been there to make a person open their eyes.

 
September 1, 2007, 11:02 am CDT

Husband!! get some courage!!

   

     Married men shouldnt be caught between his mother, mother-in-law and his wife!! His first obligation is to his wife and children.  When a man marries! his wife and children are his

foremost priority! not his mother, mother-in-law or anyone else!!!

     Married people should set the boundaries and if those boundaries are violated!  then the married couple should absent themselves from stupid and malicious gossip!! why play trivial games with people with evil-intent!  Why even bicker with low-life non-sense!!!???

     If you are the man! then wear the pants! and stop being weak!  You can love your mother, or mother-in-law and still keep them out of your house and your business!  Why, and how could any loving couple allow someone to cause division in their home???  It's just plain stupid!! and outrageous!!

 
September 1, 2007, 11:03 am CDT

Yes, either way he loses--however...

Quote From: kstryk

The DAUGHTER-IN-LAW can be the instigator just as well and turn the son against the mother.  no one knows what exactly she tells her husband about what his mother did or said to her.  My DIL is very obsessive. they have not been married 1 year yet and have a 4-month-old son whom I have seen once. they live in another state.  she has now stopped sending me any pictures of my only grandson although she continues to send weekly pictures to others.  We were not invited to the baby's baptism.  I am very hurt and have had many days where all I do is cry because I can't see or be near my grandson or be a part of his life.  this gal has problems and wants me no where near her house, the baby and my son.  I won't play her game. I hope she eventually gets the help she needs but I'm afraid this marriage won't last and it is going to be my son who loses.  AGAIN>>>>> the DIL can be the instigator and "tell" her husband that his mother is at fault..... two-way street here.  So who does the son side with???? Either way he loses.

The grandchildren lose more.  They come into a family that is split and so are their brains:  one side is what they see and the other side is unknown whether there is truth or lies.  There will always be something missing from these grandchildren's lives and their psyche is not intact.  It can turn them into perpetual liars or non-committal people.

Also:  when there is a MIL problem, there is the eternal triangle--wife, husband, MIL.  I have these troubles with my son and as far as I am concerned, I cannot get OUT of their marriage inspite of the fact that they never respond to any contact from me including no responses to gifts sent to the grandchildren. 

I took my son to a therapist with myself in the beginning of the schism and the first thing she said was:  Well, what are you going to tell the children????

There was no answer.  A month later my son lied to the therapist about whether he had or had not notified me of his cancellation of a scheduled visit.

No one who knew my relationship with my son can even believe that this has happened because it always seemed he loved me.  Well, we MIL have to make our peace and preserve our mental health and for me this demands that I not have contact with sadistic and deceptive blood relatives.

Sue

 
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