Topic : 09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?

I had a wonderful mother-in-law. She was always truthful with me as well as helpful. She told me once that I was acting like a spoiled brat when my husband and I were arguing,which I was! I was 16 then and had been married only months. That was 43 years ago and we are still married. I still miss her today.She was an angel on earth. She said when she was in the hospital dying that she loved me like one of her daughters. We lost her quick,( 3 days). She had cancer.

I think that so many daughters-in-law view their husbands mothers as the enemy. I think so much of the time without any reason. They think it's the way they are supposed to veiw the M-I-L. 

I have one daughter-in-law that is that way. I did everything I could to let her know that I loved her and was glad to have her in our family. It didn't work. It has been over a year since I have seen my two grand-daughters and they live less than 10 miles away. I do blame my son for that because he could do something about it. He will come to see us but he never brings the girls. One day he will realize how wrong that was but it will be too late. They get to see the other grand-parents every day most of the time.

I have another daughter-in-law and I let her know that I am glad she's in our family. We give each other hugs before we leave. We talk on the phone . Go places together and laugh and cry together.We have a good relationship and my son or daughter-in-law make sure that when one set of grand parents see those precious children so do the other set of grand parents. I think  you need to work on the relationship to make a complete family. Sometimes it just won't work but each should try 100% to make a complete family.

If you know you have done everything you could do and the hate and blame is still there, you just may have to learn to live without them in your life. It's not easy but when it comes down to it ,You can't make someone love you.

Absolutely !!

i was engaged in high school. i moved to the city to live with my fiance'  and his parents at the tender age of 17. i found his mum to be very opinionated, over emotional and a tad pushy. i always felt intimidated by her (she is such a strong headed woman and raised 4 boys) and thought perhaps it was because she never raised a daughter that she didn't understand approaching a "daughter" requires a much more "tender touch" then that of perhaps a son.  i married her son and we are happily married. we moved into our own place and his mother would always persist with what we should do and how we should do things and it felt like she was continually pushing her way into our lives. It felt like she didn't think i was as capable as she was in running a household a didn't want me to be the queen bee as far as her son was concerned. i have always felt like this with my husbands mother and secretly wished that she could "be different" so i could like her..until recently.  On Sunday (fathers day) my husband and i decided to take his parents out for a fathers day dinner. i could see my mother in law was distressed. when we got a quiet moment and i gathered enough courage to ask her if she was okay. then she let it all spill out! she told me her husband has been suffering form depression and she was finding it difficult to support him. she said she felt isolated and lonely and didn't know what she had done to make her children not want to spend time with her. she said she couldn't help being the way she was and really just wanted the very best for her children and my husband and me. she said she was finding she was becoming overwhelmed and just wanted a friend so desperately to talk to. . All this time i thought my mother in law was a pushy interfering cow. the truth: she was mealy a woman crying out for help to her children and didn't know how to say "i love you. come chat with me awhile." she was lonely and wanted to be part of my life.  she cared - TOO MUCH! it seems the only person that needed to change was me. (not me but my attitude) when people take emotion away and really look at a situation it can give you a much better perception on what really going on. My special prayer for every DIL and MIL is that they find the courage to speak up and try hard to really get to know each other and find some common ground. if not that to at the very least respect each other as women. i know i have changed my opinion of my mother in law and look very much forward to investing some quality time into a life long friendship. God bless.

Today is Sept. 3rd.  I'm watching Dr. Phil right now about Mother-inlaws and the problems with their families.   First, I'd like to say, I love my Mother-in-law dearly and we do get along pretty well.

In watching this show, one thing comes to mind, Ephesians 5:31.   "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh."

Seems to me that these Mothers need to realize their sons have grown, married and now have famlies of their own.  Time to cut the "apron strings".       I was shocked at the fact the the one mother  was proud of the fact that people actually think she's "having a thing" with her own son !!

I say, it's time they grow up and leave their sons alone with their families.

And the sons need to get some backbone in them and say "enough is enough."