Topic : 09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?

In general, we don't learn much about healthy communication skills and interaction techniques in school or in our culture.  The only way we learn how to communicate and interact in relationships as adults is by what we see in our homes as we are growing up. 

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS (including family members): 

1.  Be kind, think kind thoughts, and use kind words

2.  Be gentle

3.  Take turns, be fair and share

4.  Be polite

5.  Care about others

6.  Be helpful

7.  Listen attentively  

8.  Respect the thoughts and feelings of others

9.  Give encouragement 

10. Cooperate with others

10a. Set healthy boundaries

How to get posters for your family:

www.teachchildren.com/0768213932.html  

If you grew up in a family where you had to yell to be heard or acknowledged, while your partner grew up in a family where emotional outbursts were ignored or not tolerated, your divergent communication and interaction styles are going to get in the way of your long-term healthy bonding (with your partner and others). 

Hope it helps!

I was just listening to your show, agreeing with most of what the couples had to say.  You finished the show stating that you will have to bury your parents one day, indicating some loyalty to your parents.  I want to share my personal experience with you.  I know many come your way, but this gives an extra twist to something YOU have not experienced.

I married 37 years ago.  I was suppose to be the love of his life.  For EVERY weekend for the first 2-3 years, we always visited his parents, usually a 2 hour drive each way, leaving on Friday evening and returning to our home on Sunday night.  Now, I was the love of his life, but he could not devote a weekend  to us.  I got tired of the competition and stopped going every time he went, hoping,again, that he would start spending time with me.  He didn't.  He would always put me and our son off with the "when I retire"routine.  He retired 4 years ago.  His mom would not exercise, gained weight and became bedridden.  He "had to " go up and help care for her because she refused to go to a nursing home.  He got her up to use the potty, washed her down when she messed herself, bathed her, the whole thing that I believe a son should not have to do for his mother.  He would come home so angry that he would go out and chop wood.  He became depressed.  His father died in December 2004 and his depression worsened.  He went to a psychologist who diagnosed him with survivor's guilt.  She died the following May 17,2005.  While at the cemetary, a friend of his mom's came to me to tell me his mother was so glad that I did not come to her house and ruin her Mother's Day with her son.  As usual, she wanted him to herself.  It did hurt me that she would even tell other people how much she wanted him to herself.  He began working as a landscaper, I, on the other hand, tried to plan trips and entertain him to keep him from being so depressed.  We went to Hawaii in May 2006.  This was to celebrate his retirement, our anniversary, and our son's graduation, all we had put off.  He didn't really get excited while there.  On the 16th of May he repeatedly asked "Is today the 17th" referring to the date of his mothers death.  Due to all his stress from caring and feeling guilty, he died on the 20th of May from an enlarged heart.  So, I had accepted my lot as second person.  We had put her first with the intentions of "catching up" later.  Dr. Phil, later never came.  Never, never, never.  Now I am alone, 56 years old and don't trust a single man.  My purpose is to say, you never know when your spouse will die also.  There you have never been.  To have to deal with the tragedy, the plans in an unfamilar place, telling everyone and only have one person who hurts just like you do is soo dificult.  Tomorrow never came.

Personally, I didn't really change my mind even after seeing it.

Don't know about you, but I thought this board would be hopping a bit more, time zones and things like that I suppose.

Hehe, can't wait to hear from the guests themselves how their words were twisted and how they were misrepresented and all that, honestly, you air your dirty laundry on an international TV show, what do you expect ? Seems to me if you are being misrepresented, then you are lying on the tapes.

Anyway, guess I'll check back later.

And I thought MY parents were too concerned with my life and my business......Thanks for putting things in perspective for me. (Evil Mother-in-laws show)

YIKES! That's all I can say.....YIKES!

I have a fantastic mother-in-law. She is my friend and like a mother to me since my mother past away many years ago. That said, Maybe Phyllis is mentally ill. Its a really sad situation and my heart goes out to Vivian and her husband.