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September 3, 2007, 5:35 pm PDT
Haven't Seen MIL for nearly 9 years
Quote From: drleenersHi there,
After watching the show today, I believe this illustrates how difficult it is to live with family members who suffer from a mental illness. The second mother in-law (the one who was pleased that people asked her if she was her son's wife) may be suffering from a mental illness that was not mentioned on the show as she seemed to be unaware of all the situations that caused grief to her family, was seeing a lot of doctors, and appeared to rely on ineffective coping strategies to deal with the issues at hand.
It is a sad that the possibility of mental illness was not mentioned, as I think many families could benefit from insight on how disruptive and difficult it can be on family members (especially those who marry in).
Nice job on bring up the importance of boundaries Dr. Phil. What healthy boundaries are is a show in itself!
I've been waiting for Dr. Phil to air this type of show for ever because I was hoping that he would share some good advice for us DIL's. I too have not seen my MIL for nearly nine years. My daughter was only 6 months old when we last encountered a heated argument in my driveway. I hope she was watching the show today, but like the MIL on today's show, my MIL never admits to wrong doing---she seems to forget the things she has said and done. As for me, I have tried to forget, and I can't. I moved purposely to get away from her. Even when she wasn't causing trouble intentionally, she had a way to stir things up and cause turmoil for my husband and I anytime. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her and what she has done to me and my family. I pray for her, and I pray for myself, but I don't think I can ever heal from her harm. I wish that my daughters could know her, but if they do know her, they also know the disturbed person she is. She has raised three dysfunctional children, all alcoholics, drug addicts, and one even in prison. With this track record and her own problems, I think it is better that my girls aren't around her. One message board reply said that the children would grow up not knowing their grandparents, and have problems. Well, I don't think that. At least they won't be subjected to the dysfunction that she would bring along. When she came to my home and started an argument in my own driveway while I had the 6 month old on my hip---she overstepped her boundaries. I think never knowing her at all is better than knowing them, loving them and then getting hurt by them as I have. I am trying to protect my girls from her. Sure she would be sweet as pie, buy their love and put on a show for a while, but her true colors would come out---like the woman on the show, she can be set off in a split second, and you never know what she's going to say or do. Afterwards, she acts as though nothing has ever happened. And yes, just like the others, she claims that I keep her son from her, fill his head with stuff, and that I threaten him with divorce and taking the kids to keep him away----All of which are untrue. He would like to see her, but he realizes that he can't because of the way she is. He doesn't want his own girls to grow up experiencing the dysfunction that he was raised in. I don't threaten him, but I will protect my kids from her and her evil ways at all costs. If that is manipulating, then call me a manipulator, but I've only got one chance to make their childhood as normal as possible and with or without her, I will. I am still angry, angry that she hurt me, angry that my kids can't know her and angry that she put us in this predicament to start with. And even angrier that she is too mentally ill, evil or whatever to realize what type of person she is.
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Dr. Phil’s guests say their mothers-in-law are just plain evil and out to destroy their marriages. Cindy started having second thoughts on her wedding day when her mother-in-law, Janet, began talking about her son, Jeremy’s, overly active sex life with a former flame. After Janet refused to apologize, Cindy and Jeremy cut off contact with her. They now have a son whom Janet has seen only once. Janet says Cindy is really the malicious one, and she needs to stop turning her son against her. Then, Vivian says her mother-in-law, Phyllis, is so evil, she takes pride in people thinking she’s having an affair with her very own son. Phyllis says Vivian is a master manipulator who has torn the family apart and kept her from seeing her grandchildren. Is there any hope of repairing these relationships? And, what can the men do to keep from being caught in the middle of their wives and their mothers? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
