Topic : 09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?

I've noticed that Dr. Phil picks people who are really really out there with their behavior!  I wish my

dIL could watch this one ~ then she might think of me as a Saint! ~

Dr. Phil said that loving your mother is not at your wife's expense, and loving your wife is not

at your mother's expense ~ My dIL can dish it out and is very critical in nature ~ no one dares

stand up for themselves against her or she will and still does use the children against me ~

My son has told her that 4 years of her coldness towards me has gone too far and he is

allowing me to see the grandchildren ~ I don't see them with her around ~  Her

childish wrath is at my expense and at the expense of the grandchildren and my son ~ she is

a grudge holder and her own mother has said that her daughter is controlling and selfish ~

Dr. Phil is right when he says to keep your marital problems within your marriage, because

if you go to your parents with your problems your parents aren't so easy to forget, even

when the two of you make up ~ If my son's wife were a man everyone would be calling

her behavior abusive ~ 

There aren't too many of us "grandmothers" who have raised their own children and just

can't wait to have grandchildren so we can raise them too !  We just want to be grandmother's,

spoil them some and give them back~!

I've been married 25 years, and I believe compromise is everything ~ if my husband had

told me that my parents could not see the grandchildren I would have told him then his

parents won't be seeing them either ~  But, in the case of these mothers in the show, the

sons don't like their own mothers ~ which is not in my case or in most cases ~ 

Young people might want to buy Dr. Phil's "family first" before they tie the knot, and at the

very least buy a astrology book ~ in my son's case Gemini and Virgo do not mix ~!

yeah, they have a jocasta complex, they treat their sons as if they were their husbands becuase they think their job to take care of them, make them etc  when they should be taking care of their wives and children, he should  always put the wife and children first foremost.

I agree ~ it's not always the Mother-in-law ~ but remember the mother-in-laws on the show

are always over the top and not your normal mother-in-laws ~ so for us normal mother-in-laws ~ our differences with our dIl's would be a waste of Dr. Phil's time.  I'm sure that Dr. Phil knows

that it takes two to tangle. ~

Dr. Phil told one husband on the show that he can not make the choice for his wife.

(she doesn't want the grandmother to see the grandchildren/) I also believe that

a husband has a mind of his own and a wife can not make the choice for him either ~ a

compromise needs to be made.  Maybe there are some dIL's out there that need

rescused by their husbands, but I disagree that it's 98% of the time.  Some

dIL's don't mean to be offensive, they just don't seem to be able to see their husband's family

as being as important to him as their's are to them ~ anyway, that's my case.  I believe

when you people get married it's not a his, mine and ours,,, when it comes to

extended family it shoud be "ours".  It's not always the men, or the mother-in-laws

that are controlling and possessive ~ I don't believe that a man has to disown his

parents to keep the love of his wife or vise-versa, and a man has a much say so over

the children as the wife does ~

I hope that you and your son can work things out ~

   My heart went out to Vivian.  It seems her Mother-in-Law has some mental problems and she is projecting them onto her son and his family. 

  I know the daughter-in-laws are telling the truth based on their concerns and comments they made. I have had my own bad experience with my mother-in-law, and I have found myself making almost exactly the same comments and expressing the same concerns that the daughter-in-laws shared on the show. This really validated their credibility to me because of my experience.

  I do not feel that these situations were analyzed thoroughly on the show. Based on my experience and from what I have seen in other situations like this, there are problems that exist that go much deeper than mother-in-laws needing to mind their own business. I feel this should be revisited on the show because this is such a common problem and has caused so many conflicts in families for many years. I believe mothers who cannot let go of their sons in such ways that were exhibited in the show have serious psychological problems, and unfortunately there isn't as much research given to this as is needed.

  What really concerns me is that both mothers on the show exhibited some kind of sexual link to their son, whether talking about oral sex or claiming one could have been her son's wife/girlfriend. I feel is telling of the psychological nature of this problem. I would like to know where the father of these sons are and if they were inadequate in any way, possibly causing the mothers to depend on their sons to fulfill roles in which the husband should have.