Topic : 09/04 Violent Kids

I found last night's episode featuring the 10 year old boy, Cole, one of the most disturbing things I had ever witnessed.  This kid was so bad, he seemed almost possessed.  I certainly hope he will get the help he needs.  He is a dangerous individual to himself and others, particularly the smallest and most defenseless.  My heart ached looking at the poor cowering dog and abused cat.  I firmly believe the parents should find good homes for these poor animals.  They should not have to suffer at his hands.  May God Bless this family and I pray Cole will get immediate, intense help!

I have 3 children.  My oldest 14yrs, middle (step-daughter) 14, and youngest 11.  My oldest is my husbands step-daughter.  The biological parents are not in the picture.  My step-daughter's mother abused her until the age of 1 1/2.  Leaving her in wet diapers. Beating her with a spoon. And, dropping her off with family for weeks at a time.  That is how we got custody of her.  When the older children were 2 1/2 years old, it all started.  My step-daughter, Faye, threw a horrible fit when I told her to clean her room.  So, I took her by the arms gently and made her.  I left the room, she threw everything back out.  I took her by the arms again and made her put it back.  She did not throw the toys out again.  Six months later, she threw a fit when she could not go with her grandparents.  I did everything wrong this time.   She was screaming at the top of her lungs.  I told her to go to her room.  She screamed "NO...I....WON'T" as loud as she could.  I lost it and slapped her.  When I tried to take her to her room, she grabbed walls, doors, anything she could.  I finally got her to her room and put her in it.  I was afraid that I would really hurt her, so I held the door shut.  A beerier between her and myself.  I call my husband home.  He did nothing but sit at the table and bad mouth me to my parents for slapping her.  I was hurt enough with out that.  I know what I did was wrong.  It got worse, much, much worse.  Three months later, another.  Then two months. Then once a month. Then once every week.  Then three times a week....a fit three times a week!!!  For every reason.  Not getting her way.  Told to do something.  She would scream, hit, throw, bite, kick and shove everything and everyone that was around.  She even flipped my dinning room table over on its face.  (It is 6ftx3ft solid oak with benches)  She was so bad one time my other 2 children and I were held up in my room with the door locked.  She was out side of it screaming.  I told everyone that I came in contact with what was going on, and they did not believe me because I was the only one she would do it with.  I asked everyone for help.  I got some suggestions from the doctors I was working for at the time.  Everything from wrapping her up in a sheet so she could scream but not harm herself or anyone else to locking her in her room.  She could get out of the sheet every time I wrapped her, so I duck tapped her in it.  She could breathe and scream.  When dad came home, he yelled at me!!  I could not convince him of what was going on.  I would not even dare lock her in her room.  Everyone thought that I was just the evil step-mother.  After about 5 years of this, I finally video taped the fit.  She would scratch and claw for the camera.  When I told her not to break her dad's video camera, she just ran outside.  I put the camera down; pointing at the door I knew she would come in.  She did come in and went straight to the bathroom I was in getting ready for work.  When I showed her dad the tap, he only watched the first 10 minutes of it.  He was so upset; he could not watch the rest of it.  He called her on it.  Then and only then, did I get the support that I so desperately needed.  Therapy for all and even inpatient therapy for Faye.  The chronic fits (3x a week) stopped finally around 7 or 8 years old.  About every 6 months or so, we have a problem.  Usually we end up calling the police.  She either calms down or goes to juvenile.  And yes, we have had her arrested once.  But the damage is done.  Not only for her, but for me.  Now that she is a teen, she is unknowingly challenging me.  Who will dominate?  She now is 3 inches taller than me.  She still talks to me very disrespectively.  She is very nasty and mean.  I am felling a little over whelmed.  My husband is now 3 years sober.  I had a break down on Sunday after our family meeting.  I can not put up with these teens for 4 years like this.  I went to my dr. and she gave me depression meds.  I am starting to believe that I have post traumatic stress syndrome.  I don't want to interact with Faye anymore.  I use to love her, but I am having a hard time finding that love and caring anymore.  I am just tired.  I am now depressed.  I am mentally and physically loosing it.  What, if anything, do you suggest?  I know the therapy.  But, what kind of tactic to hold my dominance over my children?  I feel like I'm in prison.  And almost every time you go to the lunchroom to eat, you get beat up.   Not all of the time, just most of the time.  (Except mine is verbally) You have to go to that lunchroom everyday three times a day.  Every time you go, youre scared to death.  You don't know when the beatings will happen.  But they will happen.  It is a slap in the face to get this treatment from a child you took into your home and loved and raised.  I know all the disapline tactics for young childred from parenting class.  But, these now are teenagers.  I am not giving her anything until she speaks to me with respect.  Even her birthday coming up.  I just need help.  If anything, thanks for listening.