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Topic : 09/04 Violent Kids

Number of Replies: 265
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Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:16:52 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Exploding anger, brutal attacks, death threats. Perhaps this sounds like the behavior of a hardened criminal. But what happens when such violent rages come from your own child? Kevin and Jean say their 10-year-old son, Cole, is a ticking time bomb. He yells, hits, screams and turns destructive when he's in a rage, and his out-of-control meltdowns are taking over the household. Jean even fears Cole may kill her in her sleep. What is behind his rages, and how can his parents help him and bring peace to their family? Then, Ryan and Rebecca's 6-year-old son, Sam, has violent temper tantrums that include kicking, hitting and biting his siblings and teachers. He has even threatened to kill his twin brother and burn the house down. Is Sam really dangerous, or just a master manipulator? What does Dr. Phil tell these parents they must do to change Sam's behavior? Talk about the show here.

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September 2, 2007, 10:29 am CDT

Violent Kids

Quote From: llplug

If either one of my boys ever acted this way I would ship them off to military school. No joke. I do not tolerate children who bully their way around the house. At the first signs of this behaviour the parents should have put their foot down and said "no way never again." Why do parents let it get so out of control? Perhaps not all parents have the financial resources to ship their kids off to military school, or  behaviour boot camp etc. But what about calling the police? I would do that if my boys tried to bully me. If my child hit me I would call the police and demand my child spend 72 hours in detention. I don't think that I am being mean by saying that. I do think that if you let your child bully you, then your child will not stop as a child bully, but perhaps will grow up to bully other adults and even their spouse. These types of children learn that if someone will fear them, they can have what ever they want. That is destructive for these children and their futures. imo
So you would rather them just fear you.
 
September 2, 2007, 10:55 am CDT

Father Of Four

Quote From: happybutterfly

Wow, you have never than had a children that you try to spank, take things away, give time outs too and nothing works.

 

Please Do Not put people down unless you have been there yourself!!

 

From A Loving Mother Of 7

I have been there myself . I am the father of 4 kids three Boys . My kids are all grown now with children of there on . When  they were young I used the belt maybe  three times on each one of them . After that did not have to I said behave after that they new i was serious. I know in this time they the law would lock be up . THe juvenile justice system  is  full of kids that there parents did not teach them right from wrong when they were young ,I did They are grown responsible adults today all of them . I have 14 grand children an 2 great grand children . All my family love me me them most of all they respect me an there Mother of 46 yrs
 
September 2, 2007, 11:28 am CDT

Violent Kids

I believe that children with rage may have suffered some sort of abuse from someone? Most often at the hands of family or friends of family, babysitters or Uncles cousins etc....my daughters both were sexually abused by their father, I did not know of this; I feel guilty for not knowing, but my children don't blame me as I worked 3 jobs; (they both told the people from Protective Services that someone had to feed them)! I guess they (Protective Service)  tried to blame me for allowing it, I felt he was verbally abusive, bad enough to accept! my jobs were: one full time and 2 part time jobs to feed, clothe and keep a roof over their heads, my "husband" claimed he hurt his back shortly after we were married and said he couldn't work? I believed him, he convinced the doctors as well, he actually threatened to file a law suit if he fell or re-injured himself!  yet he would go and run his hounds into the woods at night? I felt so stupid after I was injured and truly have nerve damage, (no way could I have walked through the woods let alone hunt at night with dogs!)  from a second husband's violence against me! the first husband was verbally abusive to me! I hate hunting animals; and prefer never to have been in a relationship with a hunter; I fought the battle of staying married to him or leave him for years, then asked myself am I better off with or without him? there were no answers on the with him side of the paper! So I finally left after 11 years, my youngest daughter began having night terrors, she would scream in her sleep! I took her for counseling for years, she punched holes in the walls, and never told, at age 16 she finally tried to take her life, and the truth came out, my oldest daughter stated that he had abused her as well, it started when my father was dying in the hospital and she was being molested in my father's house! what a low life piece of crap! My youngest daughter had flash backs, but the oldest daughter never forgot! I had told  them many times, if anyone touches them where it is a private part of their body, no matter who it was for them to tell me, (I was sexually molested when I was 3 or 4 years old) I knew how an abuser worked, and told my children; my 2 beautiful daughters to always tell Mommy, yet they were frightened, because of the terror that woke my daughter throughout her young life? (she survived and is 26 years old) but; this all happened before the laws changed and the District Court did not feel that flash back memories were enough to bind over to Criminal trial, my oldest daughter was over 21 at that time, she was the one not allowed to testify at the preliminary trial!  pretty sad state, now the girls would have to bring charges against him themselves! But, the only release of their emotions and the Circuit Court was when the "sperm donor" as he is referred to; tried to bring a law suit to retrieve his attorney fees against my youngest daughter! Crazy?   the Judge allowed both girls to testify! Allowing them to at least confront him and the Court with  the truth! The Judge of the Circuit Court believed the girls! My question is; the Judge stated he had no doubt that the abuse happened to the girls, yet he did not issue an arrest warrant there in the Court room! I don't understand that! My feeling for violent children, yes I suppose some can be just violent, but there is usually an underlying cause, even with my daughter receiving counseling, she never disclosed those memories to her psychologist? Fear, I imagine is the reason, and she knew her "sperm donor" had many rifles & guns! Sad situation all the way around, and before I married him, he had a; "favorite niece" who he always rushed to hug,  she now has 3 or 4 children , and is unmarried as far as I know, and remains overweight! As are myself, & my children, well the oldest is now loosing weight with diet and exercise, my youngest daughter is at least 100 pounds overweight, and I too have about 30+ pounds extra on my broken body! Yes I worry about all of our unhealthy weights, have tried to ask her to walk with me, without mentioning weight, that would bring on more problems, just saying to be healthy and that is touchy as well!  I had attempted this for years, but she, herself needs to want to do this, and she wears her emotions on her shirt sleeves! She did get married last year, and I just pray that they begin living a healthy life style, she works 2 jobs, and her husband is employed too, but no benefits for insurances; but she could seek counseling again, (Alliance against Violence is free!) receive counseling with the truth this time! I have done so and I am 52 years of age, I see now where many of my mistakes came from in my life, abuse at the hands of a teen age boy, on such a small child! (I had to ask my oldest brother what years my parents visited and went out with the parents of this kid; he said about 57 or 58, so that made me about 3 or 4 years old! I remember it as if it were yesterday!  I was always the one who didn't cause any problems for anyone, in fact a real people pleaser, as you probably know Dr. Phil, if you read these blogs! People usually didn't know I was around, I was such a quiet child! Finally realizing at age 52 after 2 marriages to abusive people, I use to feel I did not deserve better; and married the wrong people even knowing I had done so, as I really didn't want to marry either one of them! CRAZY?? perhaps, but I feel a bit wiser now and will continue with support from our local Alliance against Violence workers in our small rural area! I hope they can continue receiving some tax money to stay in operation; it is $$ well spent!

 
September 2, 2007, 1:35 pm CDT

Violent Kids

I have a 17 year old granddaughter that has anger problems. she has attacked her parents in my presents. They both deny that she has any anger problems. I first saw her hit and shove andtry tobest her mother in 2005 Memorial Day weekend. She then attacked her father as he tried to get her under control. How can parents say there is no angry problem. This chaild now at 17 is bigger than both her parents. She is well over 250 pounds and at least 5' 8'. There are 2 small foster children in this home and I fear for their safety to the point of reporting my granddaughter to Child protective services for grabbing the youngest just shy of 4 in May of 2007 for grabbing the young girl and holding and shaking her by her ankle... How can this type of problem be corrected if the parents say there is no problem?

 

I wish there were more people like Dr. Phil who really care. and try to educate the public about the fact that the kids can be as dangerous to the family as abusive parents.

 

 
September 2, 2007, 1:38 pm CDT

17 and out of control

  • I am a divorce father who has always had an active part in my daughter life since birth.  What does a parent do when their child is 17 and out of control.  Violence, exploding anger, verbal attacks, threats.  The past years have been spent  with  the NY State  PINS  program which is a joke to say the least.  It seems our society wants to give kids more legal rights than the parents.  My daughter needs help and is in so much denial she refuses it.  A walking time bomb who threatens  violence towards her mother, she hates me,  I don't except the behavior.  The answer could be throw her to the streets  and let the world deal with her.  Tuff Love or unloving, it's a dangerous world out there.  We give her nothing except a private education, (Public school didn't work never went) some clothing and food. Many friends & family member talk with her about this behavior, but it falls on a deaf ear.  How do we get help for our 17 year old who won't take it and is on a path to destruction.  Wish I could sit her down with Dr. Phil.
 
September 2, 2007, 2:35 pm CDT

physical/emotional effects of music

I am aware that talking about music style and music volume is not a popular topic, but has anyone considered the possibility that the music in a person's life might be at least a contributing factor in violence, whether family violence or road rage or any other violence ---- especially with young people. 

   Situations in my own life have forced me to do research on the emotional and physical effects of music ..... the way music effects us physically and emotionally REGARDLESS of whether or not we like the music and regardless of whether or not the words are positive or negative in attitude.  And there is ALOT of reputable information out there.  From what I've been able to find been able to find out, i am suspecting that the music a person listens to, whether a child or adult, whether by choice or "second-hand", may even be a contributing factor in our increase in obesity and ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), in addition to violence ----- rock music causing us to eat more food faster, the anapestic rhythm causing agitation and the infra-sound sound waves of bass battering and effecting the heart, lungs, and sternum. 

  In fact, part of what I have found out, by the way, is that many businesses are aware of the way music effects people and use the music on their PA system to subliminally effect and control their customers and/or employees (for example, many fast food places play rock music because that music causes people to eat more food at a faster rate ---- or employers effect the pace at which their employees work; ex.: faster music in assembly lines and classical in accounting offices). 

   I can't help but wonder if perhaps that is what we are doing to ourselves and/or our children without even realizing it.

   I wonder what would happen if we started playing soothing music instead of acid rock/etc.

 
September 2, 2007, 5:11 pm CDT

Kids with Tempers/Underlying concerns

Quote From: nightangel1282

Hmmm... I don't promote violence at the best of times, especially when it comes to kids, but I think sometimes a kid could really use a good old fashioned spanking... I know I never acted like that when I was a kid, because if I were to, my dad would have had his belt off and I'd be running!!

 

Seriously though... either those kids have something seriously wrong with their upbringing, or they have some sort of mental or behavioral disorder. I was shocked when I saw the previews for this show, and I'm actually not sure if I'm looking forward to watching it or not... but I'll be glued to the TV when it airs!!!!!

Thank goodness you weren't troubled and are perfect.  My Dad didn't stand for bad behaviour when I was young either.........but let's look at the message the child is trying to say, but has no idea how to express it.  We have to look past the end product and work hard at finding the source of the problem.  Not an easy task.

 

I have a daughter struggling with what sounds, thank goodness not as severe a problem, though has difficulty.  I identified just last night with her that I had moments of FRUSTRATION, ANGER BUILD UP when I was young.  Sense of like mind understanding, and letting her know, that I am there beside her to work with her to learn new coping strategies.

 

Take care.  We need to open our minds and hearts up. 

 
September 2, 2007, 5:29 pm CDT

Passing responsibility

Quote From: tiffany_2007

So you would rather them just fear you.

You keep mentioning shipping them off to Military School or to the police station.  At what point would you step up to the mark and listen to them  Find out what is troubling them.  You can't control our precious children, we have to guide them.  Yes we do protect them, love them, listen to them, talk with them. 

 

Please, be constructive.  Nobody likes judgement.  We listen, empathise, support.  You gain more, and people around you gain more.

 

Take care.

 
September 2, 2007, 6:18 pm CDT

09/04 Violent Kids

Quote From: sharperk

I believe that children with rage may have suffered some sort of abuse from someone? Most often at the hands of family or friends of family, babysitters or Uncles cousins etc....my daughters both were sexually abused by their father, I did not know of this; I feel guilty for not knowing, but my children don't blame me as I worked 3 jobs; (they both told the people from Protective Services that someone had to feed them)! I guess they (Protective Service)  tried to blame me for allowing it, I felt he was verbally abusive, bad enough to accept! my jobs were: one full time and 2 part time jobs to feed, clothe and keep a roof over their heads, my "husband" claimed he hurt his back shortly after we were married and said he couldn't work? I believed him, he convinced the doctors as well, he actually threatened to file a law suit if he fell or re-injured himself!  yet he would go and run his hounds into the woods at night? I felt so stupid after I was injured and truly have nerve damage, (no way could I have walked through the woods let alone hunt at night with dogs!)  from a second husband's violence against me! the first husband was verbally abusive to me! I hate hunting animals; and prefer never to have been in a relationship with a hunter; I fought the battle of staying married to him or leave him for years, then asked myself am I better off with or without him? there were no answers on the with him side of the paper! So I finally left after 11 years, my youngest daughter began having night terrors, she would scream in her sleep! I took her for counseling for years, she punched holes in the walls, and never told, at age 16 she finally tried to take her life, and the truth came out, my oldest daughter stated that he had abused her as well, it started when my father was dying in the hospital and she was being molested in my father's house! what a low life piece of crap! My youngest daughter had flash backs, but the oldest daughter never forgot! I had told  them many times, if anyone touches them where it is a private part of their body, no matter who it was for them to tell me, (I was sexually molested when I was 3 or 4 years old) I knew how an abuser worked, and told my children; my 2 beautiful daughters to always tell Mommy, yet they were frightened, because of the terror that woke my daughter throughout her young life? (she survived and is 26 years old) but; this all happened before the laws changed and the District Court did not feel that flash back memories were enough to bind over to Criminal trial, my oldest daughter was over 21 at that time, she was the one not allowed to testify at the preliminary trial!  pretty sad state, now the girls would have to bring charges against him themselves! But, the only release of their emotions and the Circuit Court was when the "sperm donor" as he is referred to; tried to bring a law suit to retrieve his attorney fees against my youngest daughter! Crazy?   the Judge allowed both girls to testify! Allowing them to at least confront him and the Court with  the truth! The Judge of the Circuit Court believed the girls! My question is; the Judge stated he had no doubt that the abuse happened to the girls, yet he did not issue an arrest warrant there in the Court room! I don't understand that! My feeling for violent children, yes I suppose some can be just violent, but there is usually an underlying cause, even with my daughter receiving counseling, she never disclosed those memories to her psychologist? Fear, I imagine is the reason, and she knew her "sperm donor" had many rifles & guns! Sad situation all the way around, and before I married him, he had a; "favorite niece" who he always rushed to hug,  she now has 3 or 4 children , and is unmarried as far as I know, and remains overweight! As are myself, & my children, well the oldest is now loosing weight with diet and exercise, my youngest daughter is at least 100 pounds overweight, and I too have about 30+ pounds extra on my broken body! Yes I worry about all of our unhealthy weights, have tried to ask her to walk with me, without mentioning weight, that would bring on more problems, just saying to be healthy and that is touchy as well!  I had attempted this for years, but she, herself needs to want to do this, and she wears her emotions on her shirt sleeves! She did get married last year, and I just pray that they begin living a healthy life style, she works 2 jobs, and her husband is employed too, but no benefits for insurances; but she could seek counseling again, (Alliance against Violence is free!) receive counseling with the truth this time! I have done so and I am 52 years of age, I see now where many of my mistakes came from in my life, abuse at the hands of a teen age boy, on such a small child! (I had to ask my oldest brother what years my parents visited and went out with the parents of this kid; he said about 57 or 58, so that made me about 3 or 4 years old! I remember it as if it were yesterday!  I was always the one who didn't cause any problems for anyone, in fact a real people pleaser, as you probably know Dr. Phil, if you read these blogs! People usually didn't know I was around, I was such a quiet child! Finally realizing at age 52 after 2 marriages to abusive people, I use to feel I did not deserve better; and married the wrong people even knowing I had done so, as I really didn't want to marry either one of them! CRAZY?? perhaps, but I feel a bit wiser now and will continue with support from our local Alliance against Violence workers in our small rural area! I hope they can continue receiving some tax money to stay in operation; it is $$ well spent!

I wish it was that simple.  My kids act out big time and nope they have not been abused in any way.
 
September 2, 2007, 6:21 pm CDT

09/04 Violent Kids

Quote From: ceildh1

I have been working with children like this for the past two years, and yes the environment and support systems for both the children and their families DO play a pivital role in how these children grow up and develope.

Judgements from others (just spank the kid, show him whose boss or when they are sent to a group home situation "oh sure the going got tough so you threw him away ) DO NOT, i repeat DO NOT help these kids, and an already confused parent (belive it or not most of the ones I work with come from loving stable homes), or distraught parent will wonder what's wrong with them, why is my child not like his siblings or neighbor's kids.  Parents, I say "To Hell" with what others think, they don't live with this look people are going to talk no matter WHAT you do.

The boy I work most closely with has a host of disorders going on, Autism (high functioning) ADHD, Schizophrenia (? spelling) , a Mother who abandoned him and his sibs for a man, no father to speak of (all of them have different fathers anyway) and surprise surprise all three are angry, but the eldest boy with his other problems can be violent, and threatening, thankfully his grandparents REFUSE to give up, he's in counselling and they are providing all three children with the structred loving home they need (even when Mom was there it was chaos, and she wouldn't regularly give him his Meds, imagine the fun those days were).

We'll see Tuesday.  I don't blame the Media per say, simply because if that were the case well all of us would be running around causing chaos, however violent TV shows and video games are not helping.  Working Parents (knew this debate would rear its ugly head), sorry but I've known some excellent ones and how many times have women stayed in less than loving relationships because they have neither the skills or resources to get out ? Divorce, I do belive it depends on whether or not the couple can behave more maturly than their children.

I suppose as human beings we need to find a REASON for EVERYTHING, "sigh" if only it were that easy, but it never is.

But I will say, that you shouldn't really judge these kids and parents, wait and see, there might be more to it than what we may see as obvious reasons.

my kids play video games.......only sports......my kids watch tv only sports and ESPN if they watched and played violent things that would be one thing they don't so for some kids it may be those things but in my experience with my kids nope not that.
 
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