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Topic : 09/06 The Ex Factor

Number of Replies: 127
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:21:47 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
What do you do when your ex is still in the picture and wreaking havoc? Louise says she broke up with Mike two months ago because he choked her, threw chairs at her, and even threatened to throw their infant son over a fence. Mike says anger just runs in the family, and he wants Louise to take him back but another ex of Mike’s has a warning for Louise. Shannon says she wants to expose Mike for the cruel man he really is. Mike says Shannon is a liar and an unfit mother. When Dr. Phil digs deeper into the story, you won’t believe the claims Shannon makes. Plus, what did Mike confess to Louise that has Dr. Phil concerned for the children? As allegations of abuse, threats and theft fly, Dr. Phil tries to make sense of these strained relationships. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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September 4, 2007, 6:41 pm CDT

Thank you for writing.

Thank you to all the strong women who have posted their stories here.  I can't imagine what you have been through - I really can't.  I also can't imagine what it would be like to have to walk away from it all... and especially after being abused.  All of  you women are an inspiration and I hope that many who are suffering as you have, will get strength from your stories and leave too.  No one deserves anything less then love and friendship.  Anything other than that is abuse and life is too short to let anyone mistreat you.  Peace.

 
September 4, 2007, 8:22 pm CDT

09/06 The Ex Factor

Quote From: lisadba

 Wow! Can't wait to see this one! My ex TO THIS DAY (4+ years after divorce) tries to control me and STILL abuses me and the kids emotionally! He lies to his family, employers and friends about me, going so far as to telling his employers that I had moved to California while HE had custody of the kids.........he took a two month vacation and told his bosses that he had to take the kids to see me, when in reality HE went on vacation and the kids were here with me! He has told my daughter that he was working in the same town as we live and that "she had better not be surprised if she turned the corner and he was there watching her" and that "he knew more about her than she thinks he does", etc. I called where he said he was working and I was told that he had NEVER worked at that station before (US Post Office) and wasn't at any time working there. He has told his family that I had an affair and that was why he ended the marraige when in truth, he came out of the closet, but doesn't have the nerve to tell his family, and he has been living with his "life partner" for over two years now! But instead of telling people the truth, he tells them lies and tries to tell people that I am a bad mother, I sleep around, etc. and that he always has the kids with him, when again, in reality, the kids are with me 99% of the time! The whole time we were married he would tell me that I wasn't pretty enough, not smart enough, I could never make enough money as him, I couldn't clean as well as him, cook, etc. What'sworse is that he would say things like this to his family and friends. He had beat me so far down emotionally that I believed him, and I am STILL recovering from it! Recently I bought a house, and he is so mad that I have succeeded without him, he is taking me back to court because he is mad that I bought a house 1 1/2 miles away from where we were renting! All of a sudden, where we live is an "inconvenience" to him! Because of the way he has treated me for the past 15 years, I rarely leave my house unless it is a school function, I have to pay bills or go to the store. I haven't dated in over two years and I am afraid to. I do not trust anyone, and if I am not with my children, I am usually home alone. I could go on and on but I will stop now. I am interested in watching this particular show, because I want to see how Dr. Phil can help this woman. I would hate for someone else to live the way I do and be afraid.
Wow! Your ex sounds just like my ex! My ex calls my adult daughters (I have 3 of them ) on their cell phones and demands to know where they are. They do not even live with him! He calls them when they are visiting me. Sometimes my daughters don't answer their phone and other times they lie to him about where they are. They live in fear of him. At one point, my daughter told him that she was at Wal-Mart and he said "prove it!". At that point I felt like saying, "Attention Wal-Mart shoppers". He has made sure that he has some control over them in some way... @ of them are on his cell phone service and the other one is a co-owner of a car that she drives to college. He bought 4 tires for my other daughter's car and threatens to "take them off" when she doesn't answer her phone. With me, he has been battling it out over a property settlement agreement and will not give me my personal belongings nor will he close the joint bank account and give me my $600 of my share of the money. We have been divorced for 4 years now and he is still battling. All I want is to have my share of the proceeds. He told my son to ask me "Why don't you just give dad the house?" I worked 2 jobs and suffered thru 20 years of marriage to a control freak and an abuser and I have decided to fight back! The house and my belongings are the last things that he has to control me. Once the house is ordered sold through the court then my new husband and I will move as far away as possible.
 
September 5, 2007, 1:36 pm CDT

????WHY?????

I dont undertand why women are like this?? If somebody is beating you why in hell stay with them? Dont get me wrong, I have been in that type of relationship before and I got the hell out of there real quick!! All it should take is one hit, one time and you should run like hell. I understand that "they love him" or they "want to stay together for the kids" but you have to think.... what will the kids grow up to think if they are watching their father beat up their mother?? Even if they dont see it they will see the out come, and hear all  the fights. Kids are not as stupid as people think. They do pick up on things. I really just dont understand. No women should put up with this. Love does NOT concore all, and love CANNOT cure anything. The choices you make dont only effect you.. it effects everybody.
 
September 5, 2007, 7:02 pm CDT

09/06 The Ex Factor

She needs to take her son and get a no contact order put up against her ex. She should not let any guy treat her and her son this way. Why didn't she call the police when he chocked her and threaten to throw the child over the fence. That's assault and child abuse. Where is her family in all of this. Why arnt they helping her.

 
September 6, 2007, 6:43 am CDT

This is ridiculous!!!

Thirty minutes into the show and I have seen enough!!!   These "grown-ups" in this situation deserve whatever they bring on themselves.  They are all three crazy.  Dr. Phil needs to call the Department of Children's Services to remove these children immediately and give them a chance at a decent, safe life with foster or adoptive parents.  These children need to be protected!!!!
 
September 6, 2007, 6:55 am CDT

09/06 The Ex Factor

It's wishy-washy people like this woman that make it so difficult for women who really need help to get away from abuse to actually get it.  I actually had a police officer tell me that until my divorce was final, my soon-to-be-ex-husband could break into my home and trash whatever he wanted and they couldn't do a thing about it.  He (my ex) had moved out and decided he wanted to stop by to talk and I didn't answer the door - he heard voices, decided I was with another man so he kicked the door in and went ballistic.  What he'd heard was the television.  A neighbor called the police and they came - to be absolutely NO help whatsoever.  I believe it's because they see this wishy-washy crap too much and just don't believe it when a woman says she wants out of a relationship.  An added note, at this time my ex had recently been arrested for drunk driving and was on a restricted driver's license which he was violating at the time, he had expired tags on his car and had canceled this insurance to get money back - all of which the cops had no interest in.

Come on women, if you're in an abusive relationship, stop making excuses, pack your stuff and RUN!!  I was fortunate and had no children with this idiot but if I had, I would have left sooner.

 
September 6, 2007, 7:13 am CDT

09/06 The Ex Factor

Quote From: frustrated2007

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and are an amazing couple.  From day one, his ex girlfriend, who he has a 2 year old daughter with, has made it her mission to get rid of me.  She lies, spends her days and nights searching for bad information on me, is vindictive and conniving and will stop at nothing to drive a wedge between us!  She has held her child above my boyfriends head for a year now, claiming he would see her all he wants if I were out of the picture.  It has gotten to the point that she has gotten a lawyer and is making allegations of extensive drug and alcohol use by us when caring for the child.  She claims the child comes home crying after overnight visits with us and is traumatized.  She is constantly contradicting herself...first saying the child is too young for overnights away from her, then allowing my boyfriends parents to take her for a few nights in a row.  All she cares about is keeping me away from her child.  She is jealous, and had told both of us, that she is worried her daughter will love me, and become attached to me.  She doesn't want us to have children of our own, because she states my boyfriend will "forget" about her daughter.  She feels I should have no say in my boyfriends visitation schedule with their daughter, but I disagree, as I live with my boyfriend, and take part in taking care of her, and it affects my life as well.  If my boyfriend and I have an arguement, she is in there like a dirty shirt, trying to convince him he doesn't need me.  When I called her to tell her to stay out of our personal relationship, she called the police and tried to have me charged with uttering threats.  I have apologized to her a couple of times, and my boyfriend has asked her if we could all get together and talk things out for the childs best interests, and she will not.  She then tells everyone I am trying to come between my boyfriend and his daughter because I will not allow her to phone my boyfriend for personal conversations.  I feel she should only be contacting him for reasons directly related to their daughter, as she has an alterior motive to hurt me, insult me, interfere and disrespect me.  I love the little girl as though she was my own, but have no intention of stealing her from her mother.  I cannot win with this woman.  She is so bitter and obsessed with our relationship, yet she claims she does not want to be with my boyfriend at all, so I do not know what she wants from us!  I have considered stepping out of the picture many times, but love this man and he loves me.  The only conflicts we have it seems, stems from her and this messed up situation.  I don't know what I should do?

Sorry for what you are going through, but what you should do in this situation is back off.  You really have no right to dictate when the ex can and cannot call your bf.  You have no right to interfere with the visitiation schedule - that is between him and her.  Sure, she sounds like an immature nut job, but you have no control over that.  They two of them will have this child in common forever, there is no getting around that, and it will only cause problems for you to try and insert yourself in the middle, cause you're afraid they will get back together. 

 

For your own sanity, back off - if it's that bad, then don't live with your boyfriend anymore until you decide to get married.  And if you love this little girl like you say you do, please realize that all the fighting and control-grabbing going on in this situation is hurting HER - and someone's got to be enough of a grownup to put a stop to it!  I wish you luck, I know this is a tough situation.

 
September 6, 2007, 7:32 am CDT

Stop abusing our country's children!

NOT FAIR to the CHILD.

 

Bottom line....do NOT expose any child to abuse, regardless of at whom the abuse is directed.

 

As a parent (especially a MOTHER who carries her child to term!!!), we OWE IT TO OUR CHILDREN to protect them and be the best role model possible.

 

All this chaos and violence and immaturity is KILLING our children...their minds, bodies and spirits.

 

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

 
September 6, 2007, 7:35 am CDT

Yes, congrats to them. But more needs to be done.

Quote From: mauilover2

Thank you to all the strong women who have posted their stories here.  I can't imagine what you have been through - I really can't.  I also can't imagine what it would be like to have to walk away from it all... and especially after being abused.  All of  you women are an inspiration and I hope that many who are suffering as you have, will get strength from your stories and leave too.  No one deserves anything less then love and friendship.  Anything other than that is abuse and life is too short to let anyone mistreat you.  Peace.

Nice post. These women did do what is best for them AND for their innocent children. I am proud of them, as well.

 

However, we need to examine why so many PICK abusers if we ever want to conquer this national problem. There is something wrong with any human being who wants someone so bad that s/he will tolerate abuse for a second time.

 

This "victim status" needs to be made unacceptable. Pressure needs to be put on women (and men) to do what is best for their children...always. Being a good parent means being unselfish and responsible. Being unselfish and responsble means saying good-bye FAST at the first sign of abuse.

 
September 6, 2007, 7:38 am CDT

It's not just men!

Quote From: bagle1979

i think men you not hit woman at all i think it is wrong to do that ans if you have kides to it scares them and it is not good for men to be abuse towards woman they should get help for it be they hurt some one else and think what could happen if they do that to woman that is my story

Many women are violent as well. I have seen high school girls lay hands on other MORE than I have seen high school boys do the same. Sadly, we (as a society) are more accepting to girls and women's hitting and fighting. But we shoudn't be.

 

NO ABUSE, regardless of gender, is OK. And any woman who raises a hand to a man is quite STUPID, considering the size and stength difference!!! It always amazes me how dumb people get when they get angry:)

 
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