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Topic : 09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

Number of Replies: 88
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Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:24:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage is too often a war zone with innocent kids trapped on the battlefield. Dr. Phil sounds the alarm on parents who use their children as pawns in their relationships. Vangie had a lover, Dave, for 18 years before she married him last year. There was just one small problem -- Vangie was already married! Her daughter, Danell, was forced to lie and cover up the affair, and now she refuses to accept Dave. Should Danell forget the past and make peace with her mother’s new husband, or does she have the right to resent her stepfather? Then, Denise says Bruce, her husband of 22 years, is such a bully that she left him eight months ago. She says that he badmouths her in front of their kids and tries to pit them against her. Their 14-year-old daughter, Lauren, says he’s called her a pig, a slob and a bitch and has left nasty messages on her cell phone. Bruce says he’s not a bully; he’s just preparing his kids for the real world. What’s behind Bruce’s behavior, and will he and Denise be able to salvage their relationship for the sake of the kids? Talk about the show here.

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August 31, 2007, 11:05 pm CDT

Kids Caught in the Middle

Um... why would a woman marry a man when she was ALREADY married?! Has she not heard of a divorce? Or maybe living common law? I mean come ON!!!

 

Looks like another good show from DrP!!! Can't wait to see it!

 
September 1, 2007, 6:48 am CDT

this is my story

i think that people should not be abuse children at all because it is not right for then to so that at all to them that makes it not ok for them because i had to happen to me and i have to pay for it the rest of my life and i seen happen to kides i think partents should not do that to children at all. that is my throught on it and they should not have children if they are abusive towards them selfs that my story and it is not right for a child to go through it at all
 
September 1, 2007, 10:13 am CDT

Doctor Phil Show

Cau Doctor Ght In  Middle Phil The. Doctor Phil I think that you are doing a great job but kids get caught in the middle of the argument is not good at all.  See you next week on Doctor Now Phil.-

Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaandeen.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
September 1, 2007, 10:45 am CDT

Vangie and Kids caught in Middle

The person called Vangie should know better. That  by marrying some one when she is already married is unacceptable. It is also something that she can go to jail for. I hope she realizes this fact  and does something about it.

 

As for the kids caught in the middle that is a story that needs to be made in the light for all parents who seperate or divorce from their spouses. I am one of those such kids that was in the middle of this situation. It messes the children up mentally and makes for low self esteem. Even before a break up they should watch what they say. I am still haunted by the events of my Mom leaving my father by walking down the road with 2 of my sisters ( one being 14 and the other 10) leaving my baby sister 12 and myself ( 12) behind. My father had my baby sister by him and I being in the middle near the hedges as my father yelling for me to come back in and my mother yelling as well " Stay with him you will go to an orphanage". It caused so much trauma for me who stood there crying and screaming as my heart broke by the way they behaved. I still to this day have the feeling of abandonment from loved ones.  Parents need to watch what they say to each other and not put their issues into their children trying to turn them against the other. it is so unfair to hear what a bad mother you have or to hear the mother tell her ex that "I don't want those two girls as they look to much like you ."  I think they need to come to some couciling to where they can have a resonable respect for each other to give their children a sense of peace and not a sense of fear for what will happen next or what the other is saying. Dr. Phil set them right on the whole thing.

 
September 1, 2007, 10:55 am CDT

Toughening up your child

My dad was very critical - jokingly saying things like your feet are so big no one will ever want to marry you - and it didn't toughen me up.  I took it to heart.  I do have big feet (size 10, narrow) but have had no trouble finding a husband.  Finding a friend or boyfriend (it's a long story) has always been a problem because I lack self-confidence in general.
 
September 1, 2007, 11:51 am CDT

The adults acting like children

   You can not toughen your children by negative abusive talk!! They way to toughen them is teach them by your knowledge and most of all -- by the example you set before them!  The parents are to model the behavior.   Their children may not ever forgive their mother for a destructive example she set before her daughter!   The daughter, in this case, has no obligation to accept her new step dad because the relation was founded on fraud and deception!   This is very damaging, and  the former husband is behaving badly.  Everybody is sick and need a physician !!!

   Some pyschological scars are for a life-time!!  Right now!!  the children should not be forced to chose between any of the adults or try to be reconciled, because there was never a healthy relationship in the first place!!  On what premise could they choose???  Children are smart and shouldnt be forced to choose between adults at this stage in their lives. Especially, between immature, immoral adults!! 

 
September 1, 2007, 12:18 pm CDT

Reply from mother of 3 daughters

Quote From: ibroyalpain

The person called Vangie should know better. That  by marrying some one when she is already married is unacceptable. It is also something that she can go to jail for. I hope she realizes this fact  and does something about it.

 

As for the kids caught in the middle that is a story that needs to be made in the light for all parents who seperate or divorce from their spouses. I am one of those such kids that was in the middle of this situation. It messes the children up mentally and makes for low self esteem. Even before a break up they should watch what they say. I am still haunted by the events of my Mom leaving my father by walking down the road with 2 of my sisters ( one being 14 and the other 10) leaving my baby sister 12 and myself ( 12) behind. My father had my baby sister by him and I being in the middle near the hedges as my father yelling for me to come back in and my mother yelling as well " Stay with him you will go to an orphanage". It caused so much trauma for me who stood there crying and screaming as my heart broke by the way they behaved. I still to this day have the feeling of abandonment from loved ones.  Parents need to watch what they say to each other and not put their issues into their children trying to turn them against the other. it is so unfair to hear what a bad mother you have or to hear the mother tell her ex that "I don't want those two girls as they look to much like you ."  I think they need to come to some couciling to where they can have a resonable respect for each other to give their children a sense of peace and not a sense of fear for what will happen next or what the other is saying. Dr. Phil set them right on the whole thing.

  I am appalled by the parent's behavior, and their insensitivity  to these precious girls.  They are not even thinking about the ramifications of their conduct and how this will emotionally damage the children.  I think alot of abuse is going on.  The mother needs to get her act togegether and grow up.  She knows better than to bring another man into the picture.  That just makes it that much worse.  Both the father and the mother need to go seek intense marital counseling.  They need to put their children first in their lives.

 I feel that all of the children need individual therapy.  All of the children are in trauma, worrying about what will happen next.  They need to have some peace in their lives, not turmoil.  No child should ever have to worry about being abandoned or unloved.

 The couple needs to work on trying to resolve their marital problems or go there own separate ways and develop a healthy, co-parenting relationship for their daughters.  If they continue to act in the same way,  the daughters will pay the ultimate price.  What a shame that would be.

 
September 1, 2007, 1:16 pm CDT

THIS WEEKS PROGRAMS

Quote From: bluhrig

My dad was very critical - jokingly saying things like your feet are so big no one will ever want to marry you - and it didn't toughen me up.  I took it to heart.  I do have big feet (size 10, narrow) but have had no trouble finding a husband.  Finding a friend or boyfriend (it's a long story) has always been a problem because I lack self-confidence in general.
This weeks programs sounds like our life's story.   Anyway, the story of our marriage.  I shouldn't call it a marriage.  Seventeen years ago, I married this beautiful little blonde with two little boys.    The marriage was fine, for a few months and then things began to go sour.  First was her drinking problem. One day, she was drunk and hit me in the left eye with a ceramic pitcher and put out my left eye. I forgave her.  Things went down hill until we were finally divorced about three years into the marriage.  Her favorite answer to discussing a problem was, "I don't want t talk about it."  We were apart for about five years and got back together and re-married.  It should have been no surprise but things were worse.  Her drinking and loose living were worse and we split up again.  Two years later, she wrote to me and, because I dearly loved her, I went back.  It was worse. Her 32 year old son was still sponging off Mom and living on the couch, with a crack cocaine habit. He stole and sold everything he could.  I finally got him into a rehabilitation program, where he was supposed to be for 13 months but stayed two months. He's back on Momma's couch, working at a place called Labor Ready, where he gets paid minimum wage and paid daily so he is able to get his daily crack fix.  Sometime in; the two years we were apart this last time, she contracted AIDS.  I suspect she had it longer than I knew about because it takes about 10-15 years for HIV to turn to AIDS.  Anyway, NOW, I am HIV positive but am doing OK. My doctor says at my age I will probably die of old age, first.(I am 73)  Plus I have a great immune system and am even immune to hepatitis.  I remember taking a vow to love, honor anc cherish her "through sickness and in health."  I told her I didn't care what she had, I would stay with her. It turns out that she only married me for mercenary reasons and doesn't love me at all.  Sonny Boy is still home living on the couch, doing crack, Her 60 year old brother lives two door down and is a drunk and  a druggie, and a bum.  Now, apparently SHE  is on something, too.  Periodically makes these frantic searches of the neighborhood for something called XANTAX or something like that.  Her sister is on Methadone and I believe the whole family is addicted to SOMETHING. The son has a 21 page "rap sheet" and has a blood pressure of 210 over 199, but no one cares.   I GOT THE HELL OUT OF THERE. They don't want help.  They dont  want to talk about it.    Someone said, "You guys belong on the Dr. Phil Show." I am afraid that this would be one that Dr. Phil wouldn't win.
 
September 1, 2007, 1:24 pm CDT

I agree

Quote From: bagle1979

i think that people should not be abuse children at all because it is not right for then to so that at all to them that makes it not ok for them because i had to happen to me and i have to pay for it the rest of my life and i seen happen to kides i think partents should not do that to children at all. that is my throught on it and they should not have children if they are abusive towards them selfs that my story and it is not right for a child to go through it at all
You are totally right!  Children should never be subjected to any kind of abuse.  This is nothing against your parents because you said you were abused, but I think parents who abuse their kids should be abused in the same manner.  That should be their punishment.  Everytime I see another man put his girlfriends baby in the microwave or dryer because he/she won't stop crying I get physically ill.  I want to ask them did you ever consider the fact that they may be hungry , have a dirty diaper or possibly have the collic?  Babies/kids don't just cry for the fun of it.
 
September 1, 2007, 1:25 pm CDT

09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

 

                      When I see things like this it just makes me so sad, and angry!!  How do these parents think?   Who gave them the right to put themselves frist?  I am remarried to a wonderful man, but my ex is still a big part of our childrens lives.  Does he drive me crazy of course!!!  If he didn't we would still be together!!! Do I personally respect him NO, but he Is the father to our two boys who love him.  I respect that!!!  Yes there are days that we have DISCUSSIONS when the children are not around, if we start to yell we stop and one of us will walk away and we will contiune when we both have cooled off.  NEVER IN THE CHILDRENS  EAR SHOT!!!!! 

      How does Dr. Phill do this?  I watch the show and find myself yelling at the T.V.  As parents we are given a ture gift!!!!  no matter what we do our children love us whole hearted.  I had to go through alot of pain and anger, but the worst was when my children would ask why is daddy gone and they would cry (he had an affair and left when my second child was a week old) was I angry yes, but the children don't need that adult stress.  We did alot of hugging and loving and reassuring it was not thier fault we as mommy and daddy let you down and we are sorry.  The mos important thing my parents taught me was always acknowlege the emotion!!!  I would tell my children Mommy and Daddy love you very much IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  I know your sad.


All adults going through this-stop thinking of yourself.  This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life.  GET HELP  it's out there.  Don't even make facial expressions when the children are speaking about your ex the children are always watching and listening.  They need to know they are loved and safe. 

GOD BLESS YOU DR. PHILL I DON'T THINK I COULD DEAL WITH SOME OF YOUR QUEST WITHOUT JUST GIVING THE A V8 SMACK RIGHT IN THE FOREHEAD.
 
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