Topic : Getting Along With Your In-Laws

Hi, I'm a 19 year old girl who's found her perfect match. We click in every way, except his mother doesn't like me. We've been dating for over four years and we recently got engaged. my mother couldn't be happier. I told her over the phone because I live in a different city (I'm in college). When I came home for a visit she gave him a big hug and called him her son. Needless to say his mother didn't take the news as well...At least she said "congratulations." But the pained expression that accompanied it gave away her feelings entirely. This isn't the first snub I've taken from her. She once sent an e-mail to my fiance's father telling him what a horrible person I was (this was after we'd been dating for over 3 years). I honestly don't get it? I don't know what's wrong. I'll be the first to admit that we're young (he's 4 months younger than me, so presently he's only 18), but we're happy. Most people tell me to move very far away from her, but I really want her to like me and accept me. I'm worried, my mother wasn't accepted by my grandmother and because my sister looked like her she was treated badly. I don't want any of my (hypothetical) children treated poorly because of a bad relationship I have with their grandmother, nor do I want to keep them away from their grandmother. I just don't know what to do, any suggestions?  

Laura 

I think that you might be a little too harsh. At this point in life, you can predict what they will say when you invite them to do anything... but what is the harm in inviting them anyway? Even though they don't come, its the thought that counts. They are older, and you have tried to accomodate them in all the ways that you know how- so take comfort in the fact that you truly have done everything possible to try to involve them in your lives. But expecting them to make the next "first" attempt at traveling anywhere will get you nowhere, because they don't go anywhere. Its like setting yourself up for dissapointment by doing that. Its unneccessary. What my advice to you is, is this: keep inviting them, but don't send prepaid tickets, and expect that they won't wont come, you need to accept that this is how life is. There hasn't been anything that has changed yet, right? These people are stuck in their ways. 

Holding grudges and/or being resentful that they won't travel doesn't feel good and its pointless. I know its difficult to accept that they just don't want to travel, no matter where it is or what time of year it is, but... its the way it is. You can never change another person, you can only change your reaction to them until you get results that are acceptable for you. I wish you the best of luck with your situation. Be kind. 

Hello, 

    This is my first time posting.  I am glad there is a place to read others stories and possibly gain some feedback for myself.  Can anyone help me? 

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and we have a three month old. (I know!!)  I have been wanting him to ask me to marry him since the baby was born.  I feel ready for the social symbol of his committment to our family.  He has said he wants to, and for me to just be patient.  (Keep in mind he was married proir but it did not end badly and he has no other children.)  I am bocoming resentful as time goes on.  PLEASE tell me what you think about this: 

     We spent Thanksgiving dinner at his family.  During blessing, everyone was sharing what they were thankful for and I was supposed to go last.  When it was my turn his grandmother says, "Lets eat!" COMPLETELY forgetting about me.   

     Two weeks prior I had his mother introduce her son and her granddaughter to one of her friends...COMPLETELY forgetting about me.   

      I am now becoming extremely bitter and I feel that it is his fault.  Why does his family do this?  Is it his fault?  If we were married would they "forget" to introduce me?  Is it wrong of me to feel resentful? 

Please help me if you can, some words of encouragement are greatly needed. 

Thanks, 

Jordyns Mom 

Earlier this year I started dating a wonderful man who is everything I've ever looked for and he feels the same way about me. We want to get married in about a year, and I plan to move an hour north to where he lives and find a job up there. I am currently living with my parents, and was under the impression that he was living in his house with his mother (she has osteoporosis and has broken her leg twice). His mother is rather eccentric and likes to collect furniture- lots of it. His house looks like an antique store and smells like a casino since she insists on chain-smoking in the living room. I always assumed the house was his. Well, it turns out that he does own a house, which he is renting out, and he is living in this house that is actually owned by his mother, because it is a big beautiful house with a riding arena and a place to keep his horses. I am a lifelong horse person too, and I totally agree that we should have horses and a place to keep them, however, he can't afford the kind of house he's living in now, and he wants to move me in with him and his mother. The problem I'm having is that he is trying to make me feel comfortable in her house, and it isn't working. I can't stand the thought of having to live in her house, and smell her cigarrette smoke, and deal with her dirt (she never keeps anything clean) and not be able to have my own stuff. My own mother thinks I'm overreacting, because she's thinking in terms of us (my husband and I) being able to inherit this wonderful, huge house someday, but I'm just thinking I'm going to be 35 years old before I'm even allowed to have my own furniture, or decorate the living space I'm in. My man deals with it by hiding outside with the horses or in his room, but he doesn't seem to grasp the fact that I won't be happy with that once we're married. I'm making him miserable by being so uncomfortable in "his" house, and I've tried to talk to him about it, but he's a man. He can't look at this from a woman's point of view. I don't want to raise my kids in their grandmother's house when there are two salaried (and we make good money by most standards) people who are simplty living where we're living because it's much nicer than we will ever be able to afford. Am I crazy for feeling this way? Any input would be helpful! Thanks.   

Earlier this year I started dating a wonderful man who is everything I've ever looked for and he feels the same way about me. We want to get married in about a year, and I plan to move an hour north to where he lives and find a job up there. I am currently living with my parents, and was under the impression that he was living in his house with his mother (she has osteoporosis and has broken her leg twice). His mother is rather eccentric and likes to collect furniture- lots of it. His house looks like an antique store and smells like a casino since she insists on chain-smoking in the living room. I always assumed the house was his. Well, it turns out that he does own a house, which he is renting out, and he is living in this house that is actually owned by his mother, because it is a big beautiful house with a riding arena and a place to keep his horses. I am a lifelong horse person too, and I totally agree that we should have horses and a place to keep them, however, he can't afford the kind of house he's living in now, and he wants to move me in with him and his mother. The problem I'm having is that he is trying to make me feel comfortable in her house, and it isn't working. I can't stand the thought of having to live in her house, and smell her cigarrette smoke, and deal with her dirt (she never keeps anything clean) and not be able to have my own stuff. My own mother thinks I'm overreacting, because she's thinking in terms of us (my husband and I) being able to inherit this wonderful, huge house someday, but I'm just thinking I'm going to be 35 years old before I'm even allowed to have my own furniture, or decorate the living space I'm in. My man deals with it by hiding outside with the horses or in his room, but he doesn't seem to grasp the fact that I won't be happy with that once we're married. I'm making him miserable by being so uncomfortable in "his" house, and I've tried to talk to him about it, but he's a man. He can't look at this from a woman's point of view. I don't want to raise my kids in their grandmother's house when there are two salaried (and we make good money by most standards) people who are simplty living where we're living because it's much nicer than we will ever be able to afford. Am I crazy for feeling this way? Any input would be helpful! Thanks.