Quote From: olivarI agree that my daughter should have just done what she was told. But like anyone in this world, when you've been pushed too far or for too long, you end up pushing back. No, I don't think that my child is manipulating me at all where this situation is concerned. My daughter doesn't normally talk back to any adult and has never done this to the SIL before. There is a long history with the MIL and SIL saying inappropriate things to my daughter that other people have overheard. My daughter's problem is that her father doesn't listen to or care what her side of the story is where his mother and sister are concerned. She didn't get in trouble from her father for talking back to SIL. She got into trouble for repeating what she said to the SIL when she was asked by the MIL. The MIL over exaggerated the story like my daughter had cussed her out. I asked each of the other kids (one by one, alone) what they had heard or saw. All of the other children's stories pretty much are the same. The SIL could have just washed the dishes herself instead of making an issue out of it or she could have come to me, which she should have. MIL is costantly prying into my home and famiy business. I think her reason for getting the SIL to my house was that she would have some eyes and ears in my home to see what she couldn't see herself. There has been constant problems since she has gotten here.
My daughter wants us to leave because she doesn't see it getting any better only worse. And frankly, if it continues like this, I don't either. As long as he allows the MIL to be the other parent in our home, then we are always going to have this problem.
As I have told my daughter, she would have still faced a punishment for not doing what she was told by an elder. But I would have given her an opportunity to tell her side of the story before deciding what punishment she would have gotten if any. I tried to speak with my husband regarding these issues and his response is, if it has anything to do with my family, I don't want to hear about it. So, where does that leave us.
I don't believe you are approaching thr root of the issue. I feel like you need to go to the source of the problem and tackle it from there. It's your SIL, and here's how I'd handle it. I'd sit her down and tell her exactly what you have said to us. She doesn't pay any rent, or any of the bills. The problems that she is causing are far worse than what she brings to your home and life. Then I would tackle my MIL explain to her she can either butt out of your home and not buy into or listen to what your SIL says or watch as her daughter become homeless.
Then I'd work on my husband. How are you approaching him about this topic? Is it out of anger or nagging all the time. I know first hand where my husband's family is involved this tactic doesn't work. Your children are old enough, ask them to write a letter to thier father explaining to him how they feel when this is going on and how it affects them. Hand them to him and ask him to go read them and reflect on what hey have said. I know my husband who can and has sided with his mother over me would at the very least listen to his children.
With your daughter's acting out ( asking you to move, talking back etc.) this is a sign of her inner turmoil. No these things are not right. However she is seeing someone who isn't living by the rules being set for her and her siblings but your daughter is expected to live by them. \
After all of this had taken place I'd ask my husband to sit down with myself and our kids to have a family meeting to see what's going on ... without the SIL there. Then as a couple decide what your next move is going to be.
Always remember the easy thing to do is give up. Men aren't like us they think and process very differently. I have learned to be realistic as well with the timelines in which I expect things to happen. It's not going to happen when I want it done which is normally right there and then. Trust however that it will get done.
Good Luck and Keep me updated!
Stephanie
