Topic : Getting Along With Your In-Laws

Hi All,  

This is my first post. I was hoping I could get some opinions and advise.  We have 3 children at home my 15 year old stepson, 7 year old son, and 3 year old son. My MIL has my 7 year old over to her house every saturday night to sleep over as well as takes him many places when she has time off. She has spent time with my stepson and had him sleep over as well when has nothing better to do, but he is not real interested in hanging out with his grandma at his age. Here is what upsets me she does not spend time with our 3 year old. She has had him sleep over twice in his life the last time (about a month ago) at my husbands request so that we could go out for the evening. She will offer to watch the boys every once in awhile so that we can go out (every few months), but has us pick up the 3 year old and keeps the other boys overnight. The only time she see's him is when she comes to pick up our 7 year old and drop him off, maybe a total of an hour each week(I'm being generous here).  We thought maybe she did not want him overnight until he was older, but she does not ask to have him spend time with him for a few hours during the day either. A few times she has brought it up and even picked a day and then blew it off and not said a word about it. Our 3 year old is about the age our 7 year old was when she started having him overnight I can't remember exactly when she started having him. She has always been close with our 7 year old because she watched him for us so that I could work parttime in the evenings and my husband could work on the house when we did some major reconstruction, I feel like she hasn't even give the 3 year old a chance. My question is do you feel this is favortism, I obviously do. Do you think our 3 year old will notice it yet? What should we do about it? My husband won't say much on the subject, I feel because he doesn't want to have to do something about. He hates to confront anyone especially his mom. He tries to avoid conflict at all costs, and as far as I know he has never said  anything to her about any conflicts that have come up over the years. He just can't stand up to her, but he has to be the one to talk to her because it is his mom. I don't think she would take kindly to me saying anything, I'm not even sure she likes me, she is the passive/aggresive type. Never overtly rude but can do some incredibly rude things and look as thought she didn't mean them to be rude. Any suggestions? Sorry so long.                   lovelily 

Hi All,  

This is my first post. I was hoping I could get some opinions and advise.  We have 3 children at home my 15 year old stepson, 7 year old son, and 3 year old son. My MIL has my 7 year old over to her house every saturday night to sleep over as well as takes him many places when she has time off. She has spent time with my stepson and had him sleep over as well when has nothing better to do, but he is not real interested in hanging out with his grandma at his age. Here is what upsets me she does not spend time with our 3 year old. She has had him sleep over twice in his life the last time (about a month ago) at my husbands request so that we could go out for the evening. She will offer to watch the boys every once in awhile so that we can go out (every few months), but has us pick up the 3 year old and keeps the other boys overnight. The only time she see's him is when she comes to pick up our 7 year old and drop him off, maybe a total of an hour each week(I'm being generous here).  We thought maybe she did not want him overnight until he was older, but she does not ask to have him spend time with him for a few hours during the day either. A few times she has brought it up and even picked a day and then blew it off and not said a word about it. Our 3 year old is about the age our 7 year old was when she started having him overnight I can't remember exactly when she started having him. She has always been close with our 7 year old because she watched him for us so that I could work parttime in the evenings and my husband could work on the house when we did some major reconstruction, I feel like she hasn't even give the 3 year old a chance. My question is do you feel this is favortism, I obviously do. Do you think our 3 year old will notice it yet? What should we do about it? My husband won't say much on the subject, I feel because he doesn't want to have to do something about. He hates to confront anyone especially his mom. He tries to avoid conflict at all costs, and as far as I know he has never said  anything to her about any conflicts that have come up over the years. He just can't stand up to her, but he has to be the one to talk to her because it is his mom. I don't think she would take kindly to me saying anything, I'm not even sure she likes me, she is the passive/aggresive type. Never overtly rude but can do some incredibly rude things and look as thought she didn't mean them to be rude. Any suggestions? Sorry so long.                   lovelily 

 Hello. I am new to the boards. I couldn't sleep, issues with my MIL going round & round in my head.  

We have been married for 7 yrs, together for 8. I should've know there would be trouble when she came into my house and instead of sitting next her husband she sat next to my boyfriend at the time. I have 3 sons myself(I've been married before) so I know about motherly love and protecting your young. She was a single mom for a while and he is her only son. BUT.............at what point do you let go and let him live his life and not make my life difficult??!!  

I didn't get the wedding I wanted. I am made to feel as if I am not a good mother. It has gotten to the point that I do avoid her. My husband says he understands but will not stand up to her on my behalf. He has said that I am overly sensitive, I read too much into her coments, that's not what she meant..................................................................................................  

In the beginning I told him how I felt. nothing happened. Then we would argue about it. nothing happened. Then I just ignored it and it built up inside until I would explode. nothing happened. WE almost split up last summer. He said I changed and did not appreciate him. Some of that was true, but what I view as the biggest issue in our marriage is still there and always has been. To this day he will not speak up to her. He will to me, but not her. The latest resoning/excuse is that she pays our daughter's pre school tution so I can work(I used to be a stay at home mom until last summer).   

I constantly feel that he chooses her over me. He says that is crazy. Call ME crazy, but I feel that your husband/wife should be #1 on your list of priorities and you should do whatever you can to make them feel safe, secure, and loved. That's what I thought I was doing all these years by "living" with the situation.   

NOW, she is moving back up north and that has brought a whole new set of issues, mainly the kids visits. She is expecting to have them come up for a month at a time during the summer. I didn't know we got divorced and she got visitation rights! The worst part of that is she asked the kids if they wanted to come up for a month infront of my husband & I without asking or talking to us first!!!!!!!! Yet I make too much out of things???  

I could go on 4ever on this topic. I feels sooooooo good to "tell" someone other than hubby though. Still, nothing will change, but at least it's out there and not pent up inside.  

Thanks for listening.