Topic : Getting Along With Your In-Laws

Remind your MIL her title is Grandma, NOT mom.  You are the mom now and she should not be taking that away from you.   

Does your post-baby body bother your husband?  If not, then why does it bother your MIL?  You do not need her approval.  I know it's easier said than done, but don't let her comments get to you or don't let her know they bother you.  Point out to her that she seems to be the only one that has a problem with it.  Stand up for yourself, you're a roll model now.  :) The more she sees she can get to you, the more she'll push.  

Talk to your husband about the stress and low-esteem your MIL is causing you because it will eventually hurt your marriage.  Ask him to continue sticking up for you and perhaps a little more.  Do they need to visit daily?  You need some family time without your in-laws.    

And by all means, visit your family for holidays too.  You are not invisible, you have an identity and your family is part of it and part of you and your husband accepted this when he married you. 

Good Luck and remember, you are allowed to have your own opinions and identity. 

 I have a question... Is it right for my inlaws to expect us to dole out money every holiday for expensive gifts they have choosen? They also invite us on trips for thier birthdays and expect most of the time expect us to foot 80% of the bill. For an example of the gift thing my MIL picked out a new recliner and wanted us to pay for half of it!   I've decided to put a stop to it this christmas and stay in our budget and get them things that aren't on thier lists. Is this a good idea? 

 I have a question... Is it right for my inlaws to expect us to dole out money every holiday for expensive gifts they have choosen? They also invite us on trips for thier birthdays and expect most of the time expect us to foot 80% of the bill. For an example of the gift thing my MIL picked out a new recliner and wanted us to pay for half of it!   I've decided to put a stop to it this christmas and stay in our budget and get them things that aren't on thier lists. Is this a good idea? 

Getting through this day by day, situation to situation, is really all you can do at this point. I do have a question though, if you come back to the board- why does your husband want to go to this party for the BIL? Wouldn't it be better for both of you if one of you got ""sick""  (or something..) instead, and then go visit with his sister and daughter when the husband isn't there? Going to the party is like saying, "hey we are here again, abuse us please!!" I know that isn't how either of you feel, you both are kind of waiting for some acceptance and respect; however if it hasn't happened by now, the chances of it happening spontaneously are very slim.  

How far away do the SIL and BIL live? When you said your  husband isn't sure how his sister will react to the two of you doing things with the child, what does that mean, does it mean that he thinks she will not like that idea? Its all in how you present the idea, you need to present it as a favor for you guys, as something that the two of you want to make a tradition.  

Keep your chin up :) 

My FIL has had numerous affairs and even asked my husband very personal questions about me when we first got married.  I had always told my husband that when we had kids there would be problems because I would not trust him around them.  After our daughter was born, my MIL and FIL began coming by the house almost daily wanting to take our daughter with them.  She was my first born and wasn't going anywhere except with me or her daddy.  Needless to say, there were problems after that.    

Right before my son was born, they had a meeting with my husband in which they told him that they were pursuing grandparent's rights.  They said they would have our kids every other weekend and there was nothing we could do about it.  His dad said some very nasty things to him, like they would have us arrested if we didn't let the kids go, etc.  

They did not pursue this because after we talked to our lawyer, it was discovered that they didn't have a case.  My husband has forgiven them for this and goes to see them occasionally.  I still have not forgiven them and don't see that I ever will.  I hate it when he takes the kids to go see them.  How can I get past this?