Topic : Getting Along With Your In-Laws

They treat my hubby the same! These actions acctually didn't start until after we were married though! MIL Started iniatec the disconnect first! Thanks so much for your advice! I'll remember everything when I'm dealing with my inlaws! I never though of it that way!

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years.  Six months into our relationship his mother's attitude toward me changed because I would not help her force my boyfriend to do something.  Since then his mother and I have had a strained relationship (strained is actually putting it lightly, I really can't stand her).  Throughout the years I have tried to be the bigger person, but she will lie on me to my boyfriend and try to manipulate him so that he is always in the middle.  She has also told him that she thinks I am snobbish because of my vocabulary; however my boyfriend believes that she's jealous because I went to college and law school and she did not.  At this point I am basically done with her and I don't want anything to do with her.  However, my boyfriend and I are getting engaged in November and getting married in October of 2009.  I would like nothing more than to never see her again but I know that this is not possible because she is his mother and I would never want to hurt him by getting in the way of their relationship.  Having been in this relationship for five years, I believe his mom would prefer he be with someone that he (AND SHE) could manipulate and walk all over (but that is definitely not me).  I would just like to know what to do.  We live in the same town about 5 minutes from each other (but I have never invited her over to my house and I have not been to her home in over 6 months).  I do not want this problem to continue for the rest of our lives, but I see know end in sight because I refuse (and I can't) bend anymore.  Help Please!

I have been with my fiance for 3 years now and he has 2 boys on 14 and lives with us and the other 12 who lives with his mom. A little over a year ago we started renting his parents house they couldn't sell, everything was good for awhile until this May. Then the tension begins. His mother has done a lot for us which was very nice, but there is a limit to this. The 14 year old's mother died at childbirth so he was born early so he is just a little slow, can't remember anything. Well since we moved in she comes and gos from the house usually when we are working to check up on the house. She yelled at me a few months ago in front of my mother who was visiting telling me that I treat her grandson like garbage and told me that she is the only mother he has known. I feel like we live in a fish bowl, we were much happier when we were living 30 miles away and not 5 miles. Now my fiance is caught in the middle. He says she doesn't want anything to do with me and wants me out of his life and out of the house. She has done this before with someone else that he was with before and they took his kid away from him for a year. I feel like she wants to control our lives and she comes over to our house and critizes how we live. I've about had enough of this. My fiance is 42 years old and I feel like he doesn't support me and how I feel and he won't stand up to his mother and tell her to let us live our lives and stay out. I'm sorry that I'm rambling but I need some help or some advice before I lose my mind.

Let it go! You had the power to tell him no, but you didn't. You are not responsible for his bad behavior, now that you know all about him, keep your family far away from him. Very weird would feel to me if my FIL offer me a massage in my back. Be assertive and you have a though situation in your hands. Sorry, I hope you have a good husband that you can talk that through, you FIL should apologies to you. take care

My MIL is a good person. I do feel that she can be controlling at times and sometimes gets in the way of how I parent my 4 year old son. Meaning sometimes she takes over the parenting role when I am around and a lot of times when I am in the middle of disciplining, teaching, or even just feeding my son. It's like I am not doing what she feels is right or she thinks she can do better. She will even go so far as to give my son bed times, tell him when he can get on the computer, and now it is to the point where he is really confused and unsure about who has the authority, which is me his mother. The thing that really bothers me is the fact that she decided that she wants him to call her ma ma and his step grandfather pa pa. It truly offends me that he calls her ma ma because she didn't respect me when I told her that it bothered me and that it was confusing, especially now that I am expecting. But she told my son that is what he is to call her. I think ma ma is to close to mama and mommy both of which my son calls me. And I believe that she does it for control and her own satisfaction. Am I wrong for letting such a thing get under my skin? Is there anything wrong at all with ma ma?

I bet that is hard and it is probably harder when you feel like your fiance is not supporting you.  I bet you love him but you don't feel like he respects you or values you, at least not enough to stand up to his mother.  I only say that because that is how I feel myself.  Stay strong.  Have you sat down and talked to him and let him know how you really feel?  Do you have an alternative, like moving out, confronting her, talking to her husband?

I'm hoping someone can give me ideas on what I can do (besides move) to put this woman in her place.I'll give a brief run down on the situation. I've been with my husband for a little over 3 years. We got Married in May 06. I brought two teenagers into the relationship. My husband has no kid, nor do we plan on having children. The first time I met his parents his mom did nothing but bash her other DIL's. At first I didn't know who she was talking about and then i Figured it out. The times we've gone over to their home in the beginning no one talked to me, I was treated like I wasn't even there. During our wedding planning, His mom never returned my calls, never gave me family list, or addresses, Never wanted to talk about the wedding, We finally changed our plans and got married in my home state 1200 miles away. Not one member of his family called us, or even my husband. Nothing from no one.My husband did call his my mom 2 days after the wedding and she stopped him from talking and asked him If he still had her carpet cleaner. We returned home and no one in his family acted like they cared. His Mom then called and stated she was going to throw us a dinner, it got canceled. My husband comes from a big family and non of his siblings or their wives will talk to me. His mom doesn't like me so no one can like me. She has bashed me to everyone in her family and has even gone so far has doing it to my husband and my kids. When we first started dating she did everything to dig into my past and cause problems. My husband and I have a great marriage, we both work hard to make our dreams come true, we respect each other and trust ourselves that we won't hurt each other. Niether of us tell each other what to do, theirs no controlling in our relationship. She has judged me on my parenting of my children. (my son graduated early with a 4.0 GPA, he's now full time Army serving our country),My daughter graduated and is in the Reserves, she works and goes to College full-time. I'm not going to say I was the best  single mom but I managed to put my kids back on the right track if the moved the wrong way. I did the best for them in providing and I never made excuses for their actions good or bad. But my MIL judges me, has told me I'm a bad influence to my children. I'll give a run down on MIL. She's been going to AA meetings for over 25 years. She was a bad drunk that allowed her drinking to take controll of her life and she lost her children when they we're younger.  It took a year to get them back. There was abuse in family .She goes to AA meeting just about every night. Then talks about everyone every chance she gets. You can't sit and have a conversation about the sky being blue she will turn it around and talk about people drinking and such. All she wants to do the few times she has talked to me is talk about what her children have done when they had bee drinking. Trust me I never wanted to here the story of my BIL so drunk he pooped himself. All she does is bash her kids for the low times in life. Or she makes excused for them, and the things thay have done. I try right along with my husband to have relationships with his siblings but when MIL finds out they come over for dinner  she makes them feel like they have done something wrong. She works them over to find out what was said and done while they are over at our home. My son hadn't been home for 8 months we had a big dinner for him, MIL called around 5pm and said she was coming, she came for 2 minutes and left, not a good bye nothing, Next thing I know  BIL's phone rings Sil's phone rings people are putting the plates away and everyones packing up and leaving. She has sent emails to my husband and make bad remarks about me, It took her almost 6 months to come over and see the home we bought in March of this year. She doesn't give a rats butt about my kids. My husband called her and told her my son's unit was being deployed she got made because all she wanted to talk about was his brother who's been in prison for 7 years.When my DH told her that he wanted to talk about my son and his worries for him she  made the comment "what your worry more about him then you are about your brother getting out" Talk about guilt trip. I can't stand my Mil, I can't say it's at the hate level yet but it's getting there. I have done nothing for her to treat me this way. I have told her how I felt and i have told her that boundries or needed when it comes to her and my marriage with my husband but she just crosses them.  The way she see's it she's done nothing wrong, I'm just crazy, stupid, and selfish. My husband asked her one day what will it take she mentioned the word divorce, She's always tells him if and when he confronts her on her actions to me that she gives up on him. She makes him feel like he has to pick between the two of us. She tells him he's a drunk, selfish person. Mind you we like beer when we Grill, and we have friends over of dinner and drinks, but we don't have drinking problems, We both work 12 hour days our house is clean, our bills are paid, we are clean people, we don't go out, but every once in awhile, We spend time at home and such. But we're bad becuase we drink a few beers on our days off. Has for her other children they are nothing like my husband, one is in prison for Meth, another divorced he hit his wife,  neither knew how to clean a house, Lets just say there's no reason to have poop painted on your walls or live in a home with mold growing in your cabinets (dishes are to be washed before you put them away) No child should have to sleep in a bed with rat holes in it. Another son he just puts his wife down all the time, calls her names and such. Ther's nothing normal with any of them. I can't sit in any of their homes with out getting sick because of the smells. Not one can have a conversation with out bashing someone in their family. But all of them run back to mom and let her dictate and make excuses for them. Advise please!!!!!

My advice to you is to listen to your instincts and keep your distance from these people! There isn’t anything that you can say or do that will change your MIL. She LIKES being miserable, she enjoys making everyone around her miserable. You and your husband don’t want to be like that, and it makes her crazy. You deserve to live a happy, healthy life- but to do that, you have to let go of the idea that your MIL will somehow come around one day and like you. Accept her for the way that she is; negative and condescending. Do you want to spend time with someone like that? Of course not! Why do you do this to yourself? You deserve so much more respect than any of his family is capable of giving you. Respect yourself by keeping them all at an arm’s distance and live your life in a way that makes YOU happy!!