Topic : Getting Along With Your In-Laws
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July 18, 2008, 11:34 am PDT
 Quote From: makingitwork MY MIL was talking about me to my husbands family basically about how she can't stand me. My husband and I had heard from his family different bits and pieces but carried on having a breakfast to get the family together. At the breakfast my MIL didn't say hi to me and didn't talked to me. She was rude and upon leaving walked right by me. My husband went outside to see what was wrong and she said all these things (like I changed him, I didnt look at her the right way etc) and how she was so upset and sped off. So my husband and I drive up to see her and confront her and she tells us that she is hurting and that she "wanted to hurt me" right in front of my husband. when I asked what I did to her - she couldn't come up with anything other than things lilke - you didn't say hi to me like you did everyone else etc - stuff that is completly made up. She completly direspected me and my husband said how it was wrong and should of never occurred. To makes matters worse my husbands whole family was aware my MIL wanted a fight basically at the breakfest. My MIL talked about things that occurred in our house when she visited on there way up to NJ which is where they stay at my brother in laws house for 6 mths. These were private mattersand told the rest of my husbands family. I do not trust her and she told me that if we had not come to see her she would of never talked to me again. The only reason I made the effort is becuase of my husband and becuase I want her to have a relationship with her grandchildren. We live four states away but this past summer I decided to stay at my parents beach house which is 30 minutes from them. They will not come to see the kids and complain they have no relationship with our kids....but won't drive to see them except when its convient for them to stop on their way up. They want us to go to them and she blames me for not driving the kids to see them when its very hard with my two kids to transport them (they are 3 and 1) and much easier for them to stop by. Anyway, i was crying and kept on asking her what did I ever do to her and she said "lets just forget the whole thing" and just like that wants it to be over. No sorry or anything - worse part is my husband says - thats just the way she is and to move past it. I wouldn't talk to her again becuase she has said so many things which she has no business in....but now in addition to talking to her I have to make believe it didn't happen. My husband I didn't go to a family party of his becuase I would of be left with the kids and it was only his family which don't like me. So we didn't go. Now my sister in law is having a party for my MIL and wasnts to know ASAP if we'll go. I don't trust any of them especially if my husband is not there. So if my husabnd gets off I will go with the kids - but if not I don't feel comfortsblr because of what she pulled. I need advice on how to deal with her.
Hi,
Seems like she's pulling the strings in "her" family, and they don't realize this. She's being controlling and manipulative of the members of the family, and you are one that she knows won't put up with all that, so she makes you to be the bad guy. She has probably always been this way and no one has confronted her and made her accountable for her actions. They basically ignore it and sweep it under the rug like it never happened.
She had already created the chaos that she wanted, thus it was time to "forget the whole thing". That leaves you feeling unsatisfied and confused and resentful, which is where she wants you. She knew that it upset you because you made an honest and sincere attempt to find out what was wrong.
You might need to start using some non-defensive sentences to her attacks. For instance, when she's blaming you for not bringing the kids to see her, reply with "I'm sorry you feel that way". That puts the ball in her court. As long as you continue to defend yourself to her, she will use what you say against you, and it makes her even feel more in control (even when she's not).
You need to understand that this is the way she is (your husband told you this also) and that she's been doing it a long time, and that she knows her children and other family members are not going to say anything to her. She does not care. On the other hand, you seem like a very caring person, and I know that you haven't done anything to deserve this. It is not you, but her. Once you understand this, you can move to changing how you relate to her. Please don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the "why" of it all. There is no rational why.
In an ideal situation, your husband should go straight to his mother and have a talk with her about making these kind of negative comments about you to other members of the family. He should talk to her about her disrespect towards you. If she doesn't comply, then he should let her know he will not attend family functions ( or whatever ) until she can act like a decent human being. He chose you and she should respect that, and he should demand that she, at least, respect that. She doesn't have to like you, but she should respect you. Showing disrespect for you is disrespecting your husband, her son. What does that tell you about her? She will only care about herself.
Read Susan Forward's book, "Toxic In-Laws". It has very good ways to deal with these kind of MILs. I didn't realize there were so many mothers out there who still want to control and be overly involved in their adult children's everyday lives.
Please take care of yourself and read that book. Hope this helps some. |
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July 19, 2008, 11:53 am PDT
Quote From: makingitwork MY MIL was talking about me to my husbands family basically about how she can't stand me. My husband and I had heard from his family different bits and pieces but carried on having a breakfast to get the family together. At the breakfast my MIL didn't say hi to me and didn't talked to me. She was rude and upon leaving walked right by me. My husband went outside to see what was wrong and she said all these things (like I changed him, I didnt look at her the right way etc) and how she was so upset and sped off. So my husband and I drive up to see her and confront her and she tells us that she is hurting and that she "wanted to hurt me" right in front of my husband. when I asked what I did to her - she couldn't come up with anything other than things lilke - you didn't say hi to me like you did everyone else etc - stuff that is completly made up. She completly direspected me and my husband said how it was wrong and should of never occurred. To makes matters worse my husbands whole family was aware my MIL wanted a fight basically at the breakfest. My MIL talked about things that occurred in our house when she visited on there way up to NJ which is where they stay at my brother in laws house for 6 mths. These were private mattersand told the rest of my husbands family. I do not trust her and she told me that if we had not come to see her she would of never talked to me again. The only reason I made the effort is becuase of my husband and becuase I want her to have a relationship with her grandchildren. We live four states away but this past summer I decided to stay at my parents beach house which is 30 minutes from them. They will not come to see the kids and complain they have no relationship with our kids....but won't drive to see them except when its convient for them to stop on their way up. They want us to go to them and she blames me for not driving the kids to see them when its very hard with my two kids to transport them (they are 3 and 1) and much easier for them to stop by. Anyway, i was crying and kept on asking her what did I ever do to her and she said "lets just forget the whole thing" and just like that wants it to be over. No sorry or anything - worse part is my husband says - thats just the way she is and to move past it. I wouldn't talk to her again becuase she has said so many things which she has no business in....but now in addition to talking to her I have to make believe it didn't happen. My husband I didn't go to a family party of his becuase I would of be left with the kids and it was only his family which don't like me. So we didn't go. Now my sister in law is having a party for my MIL and wasnts to know ASAP if we'll go. I don't trust any of them especially if my husband is not there. So if my husabnd gets off I will go with the kids - but if not I don't feel comfortsblr because of what she pulled. I need advice on how to deal with her. Firstly, I want to address something that you said regarding your children and their grandmother: you are NOT depriving them of a relationship with their grandmother; the grandmother is consciously choosing not to have/create a relationship with them and it will be her loss. It is possible that as they get older, their grandmother might “mature” and come around; but her window of opportunity will get smaller and smaller as the years go by. Do not ever feel guilt, because this is totally out of your control! You should not subject yourself to degradation in an attempt to create a relationship between your MIL and your children. That is too big of a sacrifice. Like the previous poster said, Susan Forward’s book “toxic in-laws” is a great book to read. You will find that there is a lot of advice on how to create and enforce healthy boundaries with your in-laws, and there is also advice on how to move forward without that relationship after you’ve tried to create a healthy one. It is better to have NO relationship then to have a sick, toxic one. I wish you the very best! |
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July 19, 2008, 12:04 pm PDT
Quote From: mommysangel My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now. We have a one year old little girl and another baby on the way in Dec. My husband is a US marine and those of you who are a military spouse or are in the military know we don't get paid a whole lot!! So somtimes its very difficult to keep your head above water! Well my husbandand I were doing really bad for the first year and a half of our marraige.(financially) Then my husband re-enlisted and got a pretty generous amount of re-enlistment money! This got us completely out of debt and we were able to buy the nice TV and car and go on the vacations we wanted to. We FINALLY had a sense of financial security. Well that was until recently!! His mother called and asked him for money! Sh knows we were trying to buy a house and that what money we had was going towards our new home. She also knew that we are expecting our 2nd child. My husband and I are 21 and 23!! His mom is not elderly she is just now turning 40 yrs old!! She is fully capable of working and yet....... she runs to her son the second things are "hard" for her!! This woman has had problems with drugs, she has not been there for ME when I begged her for her help!! But still I am nice to her and act like nothing is wrong for my husbands sake!! Now she called and asked for this money claiming that shehad rent due and no food in the house and that she ws gonna be kicked out of her place and this and that!! so naturally we feel bad and even though we don't have the money my husband feels obligated to help!! About a week ago Im talking to her on the phone and she tells me that right after we sent her that money her new Boyfriend asked her to move into a house with him that was owned by family and no rent was needed!! Now I am really upset because that means she didn't need that money for what she said she needed it for!! She even said that she was scared to tell my husband about this!! I ahvn't said a word because I don't want to be set up by her!! Shes done it in the past!! I dont want to be the bad guy in any of this! I know Im not but I know thats what she'll make me look like if I tell him!!
Then yesterday he gets a call and now its his father asking for 1200$. I didn't know what to say to my husband! His father has been very generous throughout our marraige and we appreciated that but Im beginning to feel like it's just a way to make us feel guilty whenever he needs moneybecause he doesn't have a job! his story is that he needs the money because he hasn't gotten the job confirmation yet on a construction site and gave too much money to his parents my husbands grand parents because they are elderly and need the money!! I understand helping your family is important when you can but WE CAN'T!!!! We have a small child and another on the way and I am just so sad about all of this because I know that my husband is just torn and he feels responsible for his parents and he feels guilty!! I can't be happy at all because I know if I say somthing Im screwed if I don't then I just keep feeling like this!!So basically damned if I do and damned if I don't!! I just cry and cry and cry because I am so stressed from being pregnant and from being used by my in-laws and from knowing that there is nothing I can do for my husband on this issue!!!
I just wish his parents would understand that we are the childen and we have our own family that we need to take care of!! That they are not immediate family anymore. That they don't come first anymore!! I know this,my family gets that, why can't his family?? I'm just sad andhave no one to talk to!! I'm also back to worrying about how much I spend at the grocery store!! Because people keep asking for handouts and because we have have just enough money saved for an emergency and just enough money to scrape by every month!! I don't know maybe I am crazy for feeling this way but I came from a family that doesn't do this kind of stuff!! I know that my parents would NEVER ask me for money because they know that we don't have it!! They would ask me to watch my siblings or get on a plane for a family emergency. They know that Im here to talk and listen to them but they would never put this kind of stress on me like his family has done to him!!
There have been several times that his mom has said mean or nasty things to me that hurt in times when I was reaching out for help because I thought that she was the only other person who could really reach my husband. Just to find out that everything I would say she would twist and turn around when she talked to my husband!! But when I would confront her on the issues she would deny them!!
I am just at a loss Im stuck and I have no one to turn to! I want things to be different!! I want to want to visit his family for the holidays!! I wanted to be excited about them visiting us or us visiting them!! I just don't know how to anymore!! It feels like things are just hopeless for that kind of a relationship with them!! More his mother than anyone else!! My first advice to you is this: read the book “Toxic In-Laws” by Susan Forward as soon as possible. I credit that book with helping me to create a healthier, happier relationship with my in-laws, who are totally toxic. I feel that if it could help me, it can help anyone- and you need some help badly! You and your husband need to NOT talk about money at all with family; they shouldn’t know that you guys have money in a savings account; it is NONE of their business. As you already know, instead of being proud of you and excited that you are saving for a home, they will take that information to mean that you are their personal bank. You and your husband are aware that his mother, most likely, will not be paying you back, correct? Don’t hold your breath waiting for it. The only thing you can do is take this as a life learning experience; when family comes to you for money with a sob story, just remember what YOU need. You’ve got a small child and another on the way; you must put yourselves first, otherwise you are going to get nowhere in life. You could even end up homeless! It is understandable that you want things to be different. But, they are not different; this is the way that it is. His family is like this, and the only thing you can do is accept it, learn how to be around them without giving out too much personal information, and make peace with that. It is very important that you and your husband get on the same page when it comes to giving out money. It is very awesome that you’ve worked hard to get yourselves out of debt and that you can save for your future home; be proud of yourselves for that!! See what happens when you are responsible with money? Continue to be responsible; because if you aren’t, and you continue giving it out to people, you are going to end up with nothing. You don’t deserve to do that to yourself. And, it wont be the in-laws fault- it will be you and your husband’s fault for allowing them to take advantage of you. I wish you the very best- be good to yourself. |
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July 20, 2008, 9:26 am PDT
Quote From: mommysangel My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now. We have a one year old little girl and another baby on the way in Dec. My husband is a US marine and those of you who are a military spouse or are in the military know we don't get paid a whole lot!! So somtimes its very difficult to keep your head above water! Well my husbandand I were doing really bad for the first year and a half of our marraige.(financially) Then my husband re-enlisted and got a pretty generous amount of re-enlistment money! This got us completely out of debt and we were able to buy the nice TV and car and go on the vacations we wanted to. We FINALLY had a sense of financial security. Well that was until recently!! His mother called and asked him for money! Sh knows we were trying to buy a house and that what money we had was going towards our new home. She also knew that we are expecting our 2nd child. My husband and I are 21 and 23!! His mom is not elderly she is just now turning 40 yrs old!! She is fully capable of working and yet....... she runs to her son the second things are "hard" for her!! This woman has had problems with drugs, she has not been there for ME when I begged her for her help!! But still I am nice to her and act like nothing is wrong for my husbands sake!! Now she called and asked for this money claiming that shehad rent due and no food in the house and that she ws gonna be kicked out of her place and this and that!! so naturally we feel bad and even though we don't have the money my husband feels obligated to help!! About a week ago Im talking to her on the phone and she tells me that right after we sent her that money her new Boyfriend asked her to move into a house with him that was owned by family and no rent was needed!! Now I am really upset because that means she didn't need that money for what she said she needed it for!! She even said that she was scared to tell my husband about this!! I ahvn't said a word because I don't want to be set up by her!! Shes done it in the past!! I dont want to be the bad guy in any of this! I know Im not but I know thats what she'll make me look like if I tell him!!
Then yesterday he gets a call and now its his father asking for 1200$. I didn't know what to say to my husband! His father has been very generous throughout our marraige and we appreciated that but Im beginning to feel like it's just a way to make us feel guilty whenever he needs moneybecause he doesn't have a job! his story is that he needs the money because he hasn't gotten the job confirmation yet on a construction site and gave too much money to his parents my husbands grand parents because they are elderly and need the money!! I understand helping your family is important when you can but WE CAN'T!!!! We have a small child and another on the way and I am just so sad about all of this because I know that my husband is just torn and he feels responsible for his parents and he feels guilty!! I can't be happy at all because I know if I say somthing Im screwed if I don't then I just keep feeling like this!!So basically damned if I do and damned if I don't!! I just cry and cry and cry because I am so stressed from being pregnant and from being used by my in-laws and from knowing that there is nothing I can do for my husband on this issue!!!
I just wish his parents would understand that we are the childen and we have our own family that we need to take care of!! That they are not immediate family anymore. That they don't come first anymore!! I know this,my family gets that, why can't his family?? I'm just sad andhave no one to talk to!! I'm also back to worrying about how much I spend at the grocery store!! Because people keep asking for handouts and because we have have just enough money saved for an emergency and just enough money to scrape by every month!! I don't know maybe I am crazy for feeling this way but I came from a family that doesn't do this kind of stuff!! I know that my parents would NEVER ask me for money because they know that we don't have it!! They would ask me to watch my siblings or get on a plane for a family emergency. They know that Im here to talk and listen to them but they would never put this kind of stress on me like his family has done to him!!
There have been several times that his mom has said mean or nasty things to me that hurt in times when I was reaching out for help because I thought that she was the only other person who could really reach my husband. Just to find out that everything I would say she would twist and turn around when she talked to my husband!! But when I would confront her on the issues she would deny them!!
I am just at a loss Im stuck and I have no one to turn to! I want things to be different!! I want to want to visit his family for the holidays!! I wanted to be excited about them visiting us or us visiting them!! I just don't know how to anymore!! It feels like things are just hopeless for that kind of a relationship with them!! More his mother than anyone else!!
Hi,
Please listen to what Jaimie1974 said in the previous post. What she said is so true! A recent example of this was when my DH brother bought a land/home package that was very nice. He had it about 1-1/2 years before he lost it. He lost it "helping out" his mother, my MIL. Guess where he lives now? With her. And he's in his 40's! She does feel that their ( her children's ) money is hers. She is always needing money for something every month, sometimes 2-3 times a month. I learned 12 years ago not to "lend" her money, as you will not get it back! So, I do not "help" her with her financial woes. She gets herself in these financial messes and needs to learn to either get herself out of it or don't get in it in the first place. It's almost like having to teach a child about financial responsibility. As long as she knows one of her children (usually my DH) will help her, she will continue along this recklessness with her money. It's that she expects this of her children, and of course if you don't comply, you are in the dog house! No matter that you have bills of your own to pay. She should come first!
So, the best thing for you to do is NOT let her know your financial state. If you do, then be prepared for the sob stories and just say no, no matter what. They can do all the asking they want, it is up to you and DH to say NO! Be firm about this if you want to keep your hard-earned money. But be prepared to be in the dog house. Though, at this point, that might not be so bad! LOL!
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July 21, 2008, 6:47 am PDT
Quote From: mommysangel My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now. We have a one year old little girl and another baby on the way in Dec. My husband is a US marine and those of you who are a military spouse or are in the military know we don't get paid a whole lot!! So somtimes its very difficult to keep your head above water! Well my husbandand I were doing really bad for the first year and a half of our marraige.(financially) Then my husband re-enlisted and got a pretty generous amount of re-enlistment money! This got us completely out of debt and we were able to buy the nice TV and car and go on the vacations we wanted to. We FINALLY had a sense of financial security. Well that was until recently!! His mother called and asked him for money! Sh knows we were trying to buy a house and that what money we had was going towards our new home. She also knew that we are expecting our 2nd child. My husband and I are 21 and 23!! His mom is not elderly she is just now turning 40 yrs old!! She is fully capable of working and yet....... she runs to her son the second things are "hard" for her!! This woman has had problems with drugs, she has not been there for ME when I begged her for her help!! But still I am nice to her and act like nothing is wrong for my husbands sake!! Now she called and asked for this money claiming that shehad rent due and no food in the house and that she ws gonna be kicked out of her place and this and that!! so naturally we feel bad and even though we don't have the money my husband feels obligated to help!! About a week ago Im talking to her on the phone and she tells me that right after we sent her that money her new Boyfriend asked her to move into a house with him that was owned by family and no rent was needed!! Now I am really upset because that means she didn't need that money for what she said she needed it for!! She even said that she was scared to tell my husband about this!! I ahvn't said a word because I don't want to be set up by her!! Shes done it in the past!! I dont want to be the bad guy in any of this! I know Im not but I know thats what she'll make me look like if I tell him!!
Then yesterday he gets a call and now its his father asking for 1200$. I didn't know what to say to my husband! His father has been very generous throughout our marraige and we appreciated that but Im beginning to feel like it's just a way to make us feel guilty whenever he needs moneybecause he doesn't have a job! his story is that he needs the money because he hasn't gotten the job confirmation yet on a construction site and gave too much money to his parents my husbands grand parents because they are elderly and need the money!! I understand helping your family is important when you can but WE CAN'T!!!! We have a small child and another on the way and I am just so sad about all of this because I know that my husband is just torn and he feels responsible for his parents and he feels guilty!! I can't be happy at all because I know if I say somthing Im screwed if I don't then I just keep feeling like this!!So basically damned if I do and damned if I don't!! I just cry and cry and cry because I am so stressed from being pregnant and from being used by my in-laws and from knowing that there is nothing I can do for my husband on this issue!!!
I just wish his parents would understand that we are the childen and we have our own family that we need to take care of!! That they are not immediate family anymore. That they don't come first anymore!! I know this,my family gets that, why can't his family?? I'm just sad andhave no one to talk to!! I'm also back to worrying about how much I spend at the grocery store!! Because people keep asking for handouts and because we have have just enough money saved for an emergency and just enough money to scrape by every month!! I don't know maybe I am crazy for feeling this way but I came from a family that doesn't do this kind of stuff!! I know that my parents would NEVER ask me for money because they know that we don't have it!! They would ask me to watch my siblings or get on a plane for a family emergency. They know that Im here to talk and listen to them but they would never put this kind of stress on me like his family has done to him!!
There have been several times that his mom has said mean or nasty things to me that hurt in times when I was reaching out for help because I thought that she was the only other person who could really reach my husband. Just to find out that everything I would say she would twist and turn around when she talked to my husband!! But when I would confront her on the issues she would deny them!!
I am just at a loss Im stuck and I have no one to turn to! I want things to be different!! I want to want to visit his family for the holidays!! I wanted to be excited about them visiting us or us visiting them!! I just don't know how to anymore!! It feels like things are just hopeless for that kind of a relationship with them!! More his mother than anyone else!! I agree it is important to help family out if someone experiences a crisis. My point of view is, someone choosing to spend their money on non-necessities and then not having money for usual necessaties does not constitute a crisis, just poor decision-making. That is a self-created crisis, not a real unexpected tragedy (like medical crisis, unexpected big house/car repair, etc). You and your husband have children that are literally not capable to care for themselves. Your kids don't have a chance to support themselves, they are rightfully dependant on you, their parents. Your husband's family, however, are adults w/ the ability to support themselves. If they chose not to, that is their choice. But that does not make it your responsibility. I totally understand "darned if I do, darned if I don't", that's how I have often felt w/ my MIL. (who, by the way, early on in our marriage tried to borrow money from us after she overspent and I told her no. Funny how reading this board, you see such common patterns of behavior). It's a no-win situation, you just have to deal w/ reality and make the best out of a bad decision by controlling your own reactions to it. Also, my MIL tends to escalate her behavior whenever someone is having a baby. It's like a weird cry for attention, it's like she wants to check to make sure her kids will stay focused on her needs even w/ a baby coming. This past Mother's Day she asked her kids for an elaborate, expensive gift even though we had a ton of medica bills this winter (she knew) and her one daughter had just had her 2nd kid. My husband didn't contribute to the gift I don't know if her 2 daughters got it for her w/o us or not. Gotta go for now, but I wanted to reinforce you are doing the right thing caring for your children.
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July 26, 2008, 8:40 am PDT
Hi, my husband and I have been married for almost 5 years and we recently moved from Alabama to Texas. When we lived in Alabama, my father-in-law dogged my husband all the time, but now that we have moved to Texas, he doggs me. He blames me for my husband not finishing college yet and he acts like I should never say one word to my husband about any financial matters or anything whatsoever! My husband is having a hard time keeping a job and I'm blamed for that too, because he says I put too much pressure on my husband regarding money, bills, and marital responsibilties.
Since the move to Texas one year ago, I have had two arguements, over the telephone, with my father-in-law. He constantly "loans" my husband money, but then expects me to help pay it back. He blames me for him loaning my husband money, also. He acts like if my husband wasn't married to me, then he wouldn't have to loan my husband any money, yet my father-in-law has been given my husband money and financial support long before he even married me.
I just need some help in how to deal with my father-in-law. I do not want his constant interfering into our marriage run me off or cause me to leave my husband. Please give me some advice on how to deal with a medling in-law. I want my marriage to last forever, but sometimes I feel like my father-in-law has an agenda and that is to get his son back to Alabama with him. Please help!! Thank you!!! |
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July 26, 2008, 2:38 pm PDT
Quote From: lucky35 Hi, my husband and I have been married for almost 5 years and we recently moved from Alabama to Texas. When we lived in Alabama, my father-in-law dogged my husband all the time, but now that we have moved to Texas, he doggs me. He blames me for my husband not finishing college yet and he acts like I should never say one word to my husband about any financial matters or anything whatsoever! My husband is having a hard time keeping a job and I'm blamed for that too, because he says I put too much pressure on my husband regarding money, bills, and marital responsibilties.
Since the move to Texas one year ago, I have had two arguements, over the telephone, with my father-in-law. He constantly "loans" my husband money, but then expects me to help pay it back. He blames me for him loaning my husband money, also. He acts like if my husband wasn't married to me, then he wouldn't have to loan my husband any money, yet my father-in-law has been given my husband money and financial support long before he even married me.
I just need some help in how to deal with my father-in-law. I do not want his constant interfering into our marriage run me off or cause me to leave my husband. Please give me some advice on how to deal with a medling in-law. I want my marriage to last forever, but sometimes I feel like my father-in-law has an agenda and that is to get his son back to Alabama with him. Please help!! Thank you!!! Your husband is allowing his father to meddle in your marriage! To preserve your marriage, your husband MUST create and enforce healthy boundaries with his father. That doesn’t mean that he has to argue/fight with his father; it simply means that he speak up for his wife. For example, if his father says something to him about you that is disrespectful or uncalled for, your husband can simply say, “dad, please don’t disrespect my wife. We appreciate your help over the years, and we want a healthy relationship with you…” Do you know why your husband doesn’t speak up for you in regards to his father? Why does he allow his father to have so much knowledge about your life, especially your financial situation? For the well being of your marriage, it is best to not rely on financial assistance from your FIL in the future. When you owe that man NOTHING, you will feel a great sense of freedom! |
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July 26, 2008, 8:26 pm PDT
My mother-in-law thinks that her sons have never done any wrong in their lives. Anytime someone's child acts up in public, she always says, "My boys never acted like that." Now my niece is a teen. I admit teens can be difficult at times. Yet my mother-in-law always says, "My boys never would have said or done what she has done." As a DIL, I'm thinking, if one of my kids does something wrong in front of her, is she going to be judgemental and tell everybody like she does when my niece does anything wrong. I don't know what kind of dream world she is living in, but my husband can't even believe how perfect she seems to think he was growing up. I love my children and think they are special, but I know that they are not angels. |
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July 27, 2008, 6:48 am PDT
Quote From: yoshi31 My mother-in-law thinks that her sons have never done any wrong in their lives. Anytime someone's child acts up in public, she always says, "My boys never acted like that." Now my niece is a teen. I admit teens can be difficult at times. Yet my mother-in-law always says, "My boys never would have said or done what she has done." As a DIL, I'm thinking, if one of my kids does something wrong in front of her, is she going to be judgemental and tell everybody like she does when my niece does anything wrong. I don't know what kind of dream world she is living in, but my husband can't even believe how perfect she seems to think he was growing up. I love my children and think they are special, but I know that they are not angels. I think that has less that they're covinced their own child was perfect, more w/ the older woman believing they could do a better job parenting that child than the current mother. It's more about "if I were that child's mother, they wouldn't act like that." I hear the same toned comments from varios older women, even just overheard comments in stores, restuarants, etc. This seems to be quite a common attitude. I guess they've raisd children, have a lifetime of experience, etc. (I once read a quote that said the irony of old age is that you finally have all the answers but nobody want to hear them! lol) It's a shame, she could use her wisdom to set an example of tolerance toward this teenager's angst..... And, yes, she will be saying the same thing about your kids! LOL! Just realize & expect that; and if she's not being truly mean, or inappropriately vocal, maybe chalk it up to aging and roll your eyes. And I guess we should try to remember for ourselves to keep a loving, humble attitude as our families grow versus turning bitter with age. |
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July 27, 2008, 9:14 pm PDT
I have been married to my husband for 15 years, and for 15 years I have put up with my Mother-in-Law. When we first got married I tried to be as nice as i could be with her. I would take her to lunch, go shopping with her, talk to her,etc. But as the years went by all she would do is complain about everything and everybody...so I stopped taking her places. She is now 79 years old and is worse than ever. She has 3 sons and 1 daughter and all of them have dissowned her except for my husband. No one visits her or calls her. It has gotten so bad that we won't answer the phone because SHE might be calling. We can't move away (because my husband feels that someone has to look out for her). She lives less than a mile from us. I have so many stories to tell of just how evil she is but there isn't enough space. I wish I could be on the Dr. Phil show with her. We need a mediator to sort all of this out, because as of today we had a big argument over the phone and now I am not talking to her. Somebody please help me!!!
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