Quote From: blushnrealtorI was in the same relationship as this woman for over 20 years. 2 years ago I filed for divorce only knowing about 1 affair that was years earlier with my now 'ex' best friend of 7 years. I loved him with all my heart. I was only 18 yrs old when I met him and am now 40. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple. I thought we were meant to be together. On the outside, I thought he loved me and would never hurt me...on the inside, I lived with fear that I would lose my husband because even though he said he loved me, I Didn't FEEL It.
During the last 2 years, I checked into therapy and while he was trying to convince me he loves me, he confessed, after finding God, to 5 other women during the 1st 10 years of our marriage. That's 6 women he confessed to and I had about 21 other names during and since then. His phone still rings and he still lies about it being a guy from school when I could hear a female. He doesn't own up to what he did because he says it's in the past even though he'd just dropped them in my lap.
I hope Amy realizes and her therapist tells her: he's considered: "INCURABLE"!!! They, the Incurables, Lie, Manipulate and emotionally blackmails you...THEY LIVE FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN SATISFACTION AT WHATEVER COST TO YOUR OWN WELL BEING AND WHO YOU ARE.
I went to court on December 19th, 2007, to get my divorce finalized. He also made the comment about medical that Amy's husband made...the Judge ordered him to pay my medical insurance for 1 year, added Alimony and upped my child support and retirement portion of his military pay.
The day after I went to court, I questioned if I did the right thing by letting my husband go. Thankfully, my best friend Jennifer, reminded me he would never Value me. Only himself. She made me look back and remember all the abuse and told me how strong I was and to move forward, that he could never change because he would only still be a Mirage of what I hoped he would be.
Amy, continue Therapy...Move Forward and Don't LQQk Back!!! He doesn't deserve YOU! He will never change...he's, like my ex husband, a wolf in sheep's clothing. Don't waste 20 years like I did. Learn from what you've gone through, rise up with your children and be the strong, beautiful woman that you ARE!
Sincerely,
Christine
You are so right about what you experienced and described above.
After having experienced a relationship ,(horrifying in the constant confusion), with a diagnosed sociopath- I would not hesitate to say that Brandon exhibits traits that signal that direction. His wife, Amy, is a very naive, trusting, individual and it's going to take her a LONG TIME to realize what's going on because she is constantly being pulled in and then pushed away - he does these things to her because he WANTS her where she is... probably chose her because she is naive .. and finds something he needs in this relationship (financial security?) and will continue to draw her in -only leaving if someone comes along who can completely support him financially and turns another naive eye to his behavior.
It is absolutely HORRIBLE to live with a socialized anti-social (non-criminal) personality. VERY selfish - but so cunning that you think it just MAY be about you - because you want so much to be loved and cherished the way the person will tell you you are. These individuals rarely feel real concern and/or emotional empathy/guilt about what they do - they will usually just blame someone or claim that they were misled. The psychologist helping Amy is really trying to train her to see the behaviors as patterns which is good advice.
Constant on-the-spot pathological lying is another absolute trait of these types of individuals. They are also MASTERS of manipulation and can easily charm and confuse their way out of a jam. My therapist indicates that they master the art of watching and duplicating emotions they don't feel to get their way without guilt.
Actually, this type of behavior is quite common, especially in our country - because our society rewards these types of people for many of their traits - the driving self-serving excess of slash-n-burn CEO's for example. I'm talking about socialized non-criminal anti-social behavior.
Heidi confronts this man - but it isn't her place. She is better off just caring for her friend and keeping the relationship with Amy about Amy - not about Brandon. Amy has to do the hard work there herself.
It took me a long time to see the relationship I was in for what it was - but I know how to spot them from a long way now..... and there are a few out there.
Take care.
(Original Air Date: 09/13/07) The saga continues, as Dr. Phil brings you more of the affair that shattered the lives of a husband and wife and her best friend and parents. One year into his marriage, Brandon was caught cheating on his wife, Amy, with their teenage nanny. After fearing for her life, Amy filed a restraining order against Brandon, and he filed for divorce. But, their separation didn't last long. Amy decided to let Brandon back into her life, much to the dismay of her best friend, Heidi, and her parents, Cyndie and Mont. Why does Cyndie say she's scared of Brandon, and why does Mont say he doesn't believe a word Brandon says? Then, how are the kids faring during all of this chaos in the home? Heidi and Cyndie say they worry Brandon's discipline is over the top, but he says he's a loving father. What does Amy have to say? And, why does Dr. Phil question Brandon's sincerity to change? Is there hope this couple can save their marriage or should they call it quits once and for all? Tell us what you think!
