Sorry to be so late replying to your post. I'm sure you've met plenty of extremely intellectually intelligent people who either lack common sense or didn't use the common sense God gave them, after they got married?
When I married my Ex-Husband (who later turned out to be a Sadistic Psychopath), he forced me to give up my own family in lieu of only his family. When I married him, I made the huge mistake of sharing with him, his Mom, and family that my own Mom and Dad had been really violent to me and my Siblings. He and his family all said I didn't need my own family anymore because they all loved me! However, when I was forced to Divorce my Husband after he tortured and killed my precious pets, after he first caused me a permanent back injury (including doing far more to me than I could possibly outline here), his entire family turned their backs not only on me, but also on my Son, despite having professed their undying love for both of us, claiming they considered us to be their "real" family!
Since before my Ex-Husband and I even knew my Son was living with my future Daughter-In-Law, she and her Mom began working on him, trying to convince him to turn his back on his own family. My Son's 24 yr. old Dad was emotionally immature and he emotionally abandoned him immediately following his birth, because he was jealous of his newborn Son! My Husband kept leaving me every few minutes when I was in the labor room, but when it was time for our baby to be born, he stayed with me in the Delivery Room. When our Son was born at 2:14 p.m., my Husband seemed really happy, but he left immediately after his birth, and made no attempt to call me or return to the Hospital until 6:00 p.m. the next day! I was naturally very upset, and asked him why? He said, "Because I wanted us to have a Daughter, not a Son!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing! The overseas military hospitals didn't have ultrasound machines in the OB/GYN clinics or labor and delivery rooms in the early 1970's, but evidently, had my Husband known I was pregnant with a boy instead of a girl, he would have wanted it aborted! I asked him why he was so upset about us having a boy, he said, "Because boys are always 'Mama's Boys', but girls are always 'Daddy's Girls'! I had thought he and his Dad were always close, but evidently he was talking about his jealousy of his only Sibling, his younger Sister. I explained to him it doesn't have to be that way! Most men want a Son for their first child!
Despite my Husband wanting anything to do with our Son all those years--including not wanting to hold him, play with him, or do anything else with him--I didn't Divorce him until our Son was 5-1/2 yrs., after I heard him angrily tell our Son, "I don't like you and you don't like me, so let's keep it that way!" What he said so traumatized our totally potty-trained Son, he immediately began bedwetting. It continued for at least a full 6 mos.! After we Divorced, my Husband cut off our Son's child support 3 times, which forced me to have to go to a Military JAG Officer each time, to get it re-instated! He made no attempt to exercise his visitation rights to see our Son, and never called or sent him any Birthday cards or gifts or Christmas cards or gifts during all those years! He finally wrote our Son immediately after his 18th birthday (after he had already cut off his child support the 4th time, before being legally allowed to cut it off), announcing he was coming to our Son's Graduation! Naturally, our Son was furious, and didn't want his Dad there, but I felt as his Mom it was important to tell him he really needed to finally make peace with his Dad, or else he'd carry his anger and bitterness with him the remainder of his life. Against our Son's will, his Dad showed up at his Graduation; and then made no attempt to contact him after that! He didn't gave a cent toward his Son's college education, so our Son went into the Navy at the end of the first year. He then tracked down his Dad and saw him several times, which I was actually pleased about, as I thought that would help my Son's anger problem. However, despite our Son traveling to see his Dad at his own home several times, his Dad--to this day--has made no attempt to come here to his Son's home to visit him or his Grandson! I saw how his abandonment hurt our Son all those years; however, his Dad is an adult and responsible for his own decisions; not me! However, my Son has never had the courage to confront his Dad about his anger at him abandoning him all those years, so my Son has instead been using me as his scapegoat. He witnessed his Step-Dad verbally and psychologically abusing me all those years we were married, so abusing women is all he knows. His Step-Dad did not physically abuse me until after my Son left home to go to college and then enlisted in the Navy. However, I think if my Son had witnessed him physically abusing me, he might have attempted to kill his StepDad!
Getting back to the subject at hand: being married doesn't mean you permanently hand over your mind to your Spouse on a silver platter! In addition to my battering Ex-Husband wanting me to turn my back on my own Mom and Dad and my Siblings, he and his Mom both wanted me to also turn my back on my own Son, whom I love, which is something I absolutely refused to do!
I don't know for sure why my Son is so paranoid where therapists are concerned, but I think perhaps he might have seen one once or twice during those 4 yrs. he was in that nuclear sub, chasing Russian subs around on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean! That's the only thing I can think of as to why he's so paranoid about going to see a therapist.
I already realized all I could do was share my feelings with a few dear friends of mine, and pray about the situation. However, after we turn things over to God, many times we realize it's difficult to just leave them entirely with Him, especially when our loved ones continue hurting us for absolutely no reason. AMEN?
(Original Air Date: 9/14/07) Do you know someone who smiles to your face, but schemes and maneuvers behind your back? Dr. Phil takes on saboteurs –-people who undermine others for their own personal gain. First up, Linda claims her daughter-in-law, Deanna, is a master manipulator. Linda says Deanna is so set on keeping her son and grandchildren away that she has allegedly bruised, scratched, pushed and verbally attacked her. Deanna says Linda is causing the vicious divide, and that it’s high time her mother-in-law stop playing the victim. Will the women ever stop pointing fingers at each other? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
