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Topic : Repairing Broken Relationships

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:14:12 am
Author : dataimport
Is there a rift in your family that has gone on too long? When someone isn't speaking to someone else and they drag the whole family into it, things get ugly. Share your stories and solutions here.

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October 28, 2008, 6:34 pm CDT

I've lost everyone

   A little over a year ago I found an entry in my daughters journal of some inappropriate touching by my sisters husband. My sister was informed of this and she confronted her husband about it. He denied it of course. We kept it quiet from the rest of the family, and tried to move on. She stayed with her husband and possably believed him. I let it go to avoid any stress on my sister. She was early in a pregnancy. My daughter would not talk about  what happened to her. She just wanted it to go away.

  About two months ago a friend of hers told her about an incident with her grandfather,and how it went to court and he is not allowed anywhere near her. My daughter opened up the whole story that happened to her and how it got stopped. Her friend took the story to her mother who then called CPS. It is now being investigated with possible charges against my sisters husband. Everything is still up in the air. I don't know what is going to happen or when. My sister has been told about it and wants answers I can't give her. I am not withholding anything from her. I just don't know the answers. I've noticed that the rest of the family wont talk to me anymore.

  I know it isn't supposed to be about me or my feelings. Its to protect my daughter and to help her through this. And I am there for her. Possibly smothering her. But I don't know who to trust anymore. I have no one to talk to to help me be stong and I feel like I'm falling apart. Like I failed to protect her. Like I'm hurting my sister beyond forgiveness. We have always been a close family. But  the holidays are coming and I feel too ashamed to show my face. I don't know what to say to anyone. My world has gotten so small.

I worry about the backlash from all this and how it affects my kids. They should not suffer the loss of such a close family due to some idiot.

  I know how hard it is to talk to people about what happened because I was a victim also as a child. I still find it very hard. The words just don't want to come out and I just close up. I know how my daughter feels only to a point. Mine where strangers. Hers is still in the family. I was able to get away from them. She can't.

 
November 14, 2008, 6:55 pm CST

What Should I Do?

I previously posted about recently speaking to my step-sibling(s) for the 1st time (I'll copy it here too).  Now one of my biggest fears has happened...my oldest step-sister desperatly wants me to have a relationship with our father, which I don't really care to do.  I'm afraid to tell her how I really feel towards him because it might hurt our new relationship.  I'm sure he's changed and matured over the years but that doesn't change the past.  Growing up I never received a phone call, birthday card, christmas card or support from my father.  My mother had to be on welfare to support me, she also suffers from schizophrenia so I ended up living with my grandparents by the time I was 6 or 7 yrs old.  I always felt like he didn't want me or love me but I didn't know why.  To me he was a sperm donar and nothing more.  He finally paid the child support in my late teens, so my mother & the state received the money.  Then the one time that I did speak to him on the phone when I was 19, I felt like he was placing blame on my mother and acted like he didn't want to tell me everything that had gone on.  I'm an adult now, so lay it all out on the table or keep your mouth shut.  So now I don't know what to do...HELP!

This is my prior posting:

New Relationship with Siblings

I grew up not knowing my biological father, he and my mother divorced when I was 2 and he never attempted to make contact or pay child support while I was growing up.  I spoke to him once when I was newly married and felt he was trying to place blame on my mother, after that I had no interest in talking to him again.  He has 4 children from his 2nd wife, who he divorced like 15 yrs ago.  I grew up knowing of these children and have always been curious about them.

This last May the oldest daughter found me and we spoke on the phone for the first time!  We have since e-mailed and texted each other and I recently have done the same with the youngest sister.  I would really like to have a relationship with them but I am worried that my dislike for our biological father might taint a possibly wonderful sister relationship.  Can I have a good relationship with my sisters, without having to have one with my father?  We are hoping to meet this next summer.

We have all had difficult childhoods, sadly my sisters were far worse than mine.  I believe my father is to balme for the bad things that happened to them, due to his irresponsibilty as a parent and a human being.


 
November 15, 2008, 5:12 pm CST

Why?




I don't understand. I told her I don't understand and she snubs me, like I am playing dumb. I don't remember things very well and she can't understand why. We haven't spoken to each other for 2 years. She lives not a half a mile from me. She has even turned her children against me. They are 21 and 18 years.

She used to refer to her dad as her 'sperm donor'. Now, she has his picture on her MySpace page, and calls him dad. But I am now the 'witch', and not worth speaking to.

I have always been there for her and her kids. When I lived in Wisconsin and was married. My husband and I were always helping her out financially. We offered to sell them a car, which I took to her. She never could  make a payment, so my husband finally just signed the car over to her so he wouldn't be in danger of getting sued if she had an accident.

She needed a new mattress, so we sent her $800.00 so she could buy a decent set. I never minded as, she is my daughter.

When my husband died of lung cancer, she begged me to move back to Nebraska. She said she needed her mom. Tim and I owned a house there. I sold my house and bought one near her, in the same development. I continued to help her out with whatever she and the kids needed. She would get upset at times because my daughter at home, 22 years her junior, would frustrate me. My eldest daughter would fuss about her younger half sister having things she never had. She would never come right out and say that but she would make snide comments about how I should "take her spoiled little butt out of private school and put her in public".It just made me feel like she just couldn't stand it because her little sister had more than she ever had . I was glad I was able to give my youngest a good religious education. Thanks to my last husband, I was able to live a better life than what I had in my previous marriage.

I met someone that I was close to but didn't have a romantic relationship with, a couple of years ago.  My eldest daughter didn't know whether she liked him or not. 

She was having a hysterectomy and her girlfriend and I were chatting in the waiting room.  I don't remember how it came up but I mentioned that my daughter had been divorced and then remarried the same man. (they have been married for a total of 21 years) I thought her friend knew that she had been divorced. Afterall, they are best friends, have been for four years or so. My daughter had a kiniption. I told her I was so sorry, that I opened my mouth. From then on, she snubbed me. She booted her little sister and I off of her myspace page. Her sister was hurt, she didn't do anything to hurt her big sis. So little sis gathered up all the cards and letters that big sis had sent to her and put them in a large envelope, and mailed them to her. This was all little sis' idea.  One evening, we decided to go out and it was dark outside, it had snowed. I noticed that there was all kinds of shredded paper that had been strewn down our driveway. My friend and I stopped to pick up the papers. I noticed the handwriting on the shredded mess. She had torn up all the cards and letters and threw them out on my driveway. I thought, 'how mature !'

I emailed her and told her if that is the way she wanted to act then she wasn't welcome at my house. My friend, (who no longer is my friend) emailed her and told her he would call the cops if she ever showed up at my house.. I told him that was not true. What a jerk he was. But she never would talk to me again and I would send messages to her saying that I would always love her and those kids.

That I would always be there for them no matter what.  Gradually, the kids chose to snub me as well.

They never would come to see me very often, and if they did, their dad would make sure they didn't stay long.

So, you see, I don't understand why I am the bad guy,

 
November 19, 2008, 11:42 am CST

strange parents

hopefully someone can shed some light on my situation, for i have no idea what is going on, or what to do about it.  i'm an adult, and so are my siblings, and my parents are still married, and all that. well, the problem is, my parents have found a 'friend' who htey shower with attention and gifts, and its' to the point that i'm jealous, and i can't stand that 'friend' anymore. it makes me sick to hear her name. i know it may be silly to be jealous , but it's like they purposely tell me all the things they do for this person, and her kids. I'ts almost like they are just shoving it in my face.  they're starting to treat her like she is their 'favorite daughter', even though she is not even family. my children are their only grandchildren, yet they are starting to treat this person's kids, like my kids' equals. i just don't think it's fair, and it's just weird. this person just takes advantage of my parents. never does anything nice in return, just sits back and enjoys all the gifts and attention. this has been going on for some time now, and i kept trying to ignore it, or rationalize about it, but it's getting to the point where i'm getting severely depressed. why are they doing this? what am i supposed to do? i can't even go visit them anymore, because that person is always there, and i don't want to see her face. i don't want to not see my parents anymore, but it seems like if they had to choose, they would choose her anyway. why am i no longer good enough for them?
 
November 19, 2008, 2:48 pm CST

What do your siblings say?

Quote From: boticelliangel

hopefully someone can shed some light on my situation, for i have no idea what is going on, or what to do about it.  i'm an adult, and so are my siblings, and my parents are still married, and all that. well, the problem is, my parents have found a 'friend' who htey shower with attention and gifts, and its' to the point that i'm jealous, and i can't stand that 'friend' anymore. it makes me sick to hear her name. i know it may be silly to be jealous , but it's like they purposely tell me all the things they do for this person, and her kids. I'ts almost like they are just shoving it in my face.  they're starting to treat her like she is their 'favorite daughter', even though she is not even family. my children are their only grandchildren, yet they are starting to treat this person's kids, like my kids' equals. i just don't think it's fair, and it's just weird. this person just takes advantage of my parents. never does anything nice in return, just sits back and enjoys all the gifts and attention. this has been going on for some time now, and i kept trying to ignore it, or rationalize about it, but it's getting to the point where i'm getting severely depressed. why are they doing this? what am i supposed to do? i can't even go visit them anymore, because that person is always there, and i don't want to see her face. i don't want to not see my parents anymore, but it seems like if they had to choose, they would choose her anyway. why am i no longer good enough for them?

My guess is your parents are caring people who are feeling very redundant.  They've raised capable children, who can manage without help and you are either a stay-at-home mother or not the type to take advantage of too much free baby-sitting.  They don't want to cramp your style or appear smothering but the maternal and paternal urges have to go somewhere.  The friend sounds about your age, hasn't got much get up and go and has few alternative sources of conversation outside your parents.  (That's the nice interpretation which assumes the presents aren't that expensive.)

 

   

 
November 24, 2008, 5:10 pm CST

crazy parents

Quote From: a_n_other

My guess is your parents are caring people who are feeling very redundant.  They've raised capable children, who can manage without help and you are either a stay-at-home mother or not the type to take advantage of too much free baby-sitting.  They don't want to cramp your style or appear smothering but the maternal and paternal urges have to go somewhere.  The friend sounds about your age, hasn't got much get up and go and has few alternative sources of conversation outside your parents.  (That's the nice interpretation which assumes the presents aren't that expensive.)

 

   

hi again, thanks for the reply. well, i don't talk to my siblings about this. i don't want them to think i'm being petty, or silly. but it really does bother me, and i'm not normally a petty person...
 anyway, what was your other interpretation? lol.  you were right about some things,  i'm not the type to take advantage of too much free babysitting. i don't want to take advantage... and yeah, the friend is about my age, but has plenty of sources of conversation.. she's just really enjoying all the freebies. uggh. anyway, i don't know what to do. :-(
 
January 9, 2009, 10:26 am CST

emotions/pain

it seems to me, that if we could squash some of the pain in peoples lives, they could function much better, maybe if we had just a little more empathy,or sympathy for people we could understand what best would help their families in the long run rather than just put a bandaid on a tiny part of their family. i am an emotional cripple. unfortunately this isnt recognised as a true disability.  from a very early age I have felt unwanted and undesired as a daughter. I tried every way I could to change this, but I couldnt.when I realized I couldnt I got preg. just to leave the abuse. I knew that wasnt the answer, but I felt like I had no other choice. w/in a few years, my 2 childrens dad killed himself while our sons were with him, they were 4 and 5. even though we had been divorced,I loved him tremendously. but you see he was feeling boxed into a family situation he felt he couldnt do anything about either, when you are in sooo  much intense pain you cant see your childrens pain,and you cant properly see that time and distance can solve alot, or at least help. there have been sooo many times I think of how painful a situation is and want to do the same, but I must bear on, because even though all of my "children" are adults they still feel pain, and I still have an obligation to them to not hurt them, even if some of them hate me or want nothing to do with me.  so I carry on and try to make a difference in this world. you see its not about me finding happiness, its about trying to find whatever way i can to make a difference in this world in a possitive way!! and hopefully in the mean time some of my decendents want to have something to do with me. see, I now have 11 children and 10 grandchildren.  I am tying to use the internet to help find the answers to some of my issues. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother none have I spoken to for almost 30 years. not since I was in my early 20s my decendents have even contacted one of my sisters so they could meet some of their cousins and they were cussed out and told they werent good enough to associate with their children. they dont even know them and yet they as "christians" say this. all the 3 sisters still live next to each other and yet half way across the country from "home"  I think this goes way back generational than I thought a clue would be that my great-grandfather left my great-grandmother(minnie mouse) (my great-grandmother was walt disneys sister) with 9 children to raise by herself(my grandfather was her youngest of 9) I grew up intensely feeling much more than any of my siblings, they always gave me a hard time about it.  but how can someone who loves so intensly and tries sooo hard to do the right thing get sooo messed up and not know how to stop the snowball? U think I have actually figured out how to stop the snowball, but now do I have enough in me to do as much good in the world as possible?? not just for mine, but anyone else I might come into contact with as well? I know I will never have enough time to be able to give enough,love enough, care enough,BE enough, they say history repeats itself, so all I can say is I will try my very best to continue to do the best even if its more than I think I can do.we must do all we can to love each other and w/o enabling each other be there for each other some how.  no matter how some people will criticize me for it, I will always continue to care alot and love alot! and keep trying to love, live, learn, and do my very best in everything I do!  one  thing to learn though, is that you teach by example, so living in a teaching thing! everything you do is being learned by someone who may be watching YOU!! every little thing you do could be being taken wrongby someone else, so you remeber that song "oh, be careful little hands what you do ?oh, be careful little tongue that you say, or be careful little feet where you go? etc. theres a father up above whos looking down with love.even if you werent raised in sunday school or believe in God, it is important to be consious of everything you do because it is like a ripple in a pond. it effects us all! wether its our actions, words, people, our enviroment, politics, children, homelessness, money, our lives effect others!
 
January 9, 2009, 10:54 am CST

Repairing Broken Relationships

Quote From: afmedic39

Thank you for your reply, it helps to get advice and feedback. No, my Mom's not going thru menopause-like me, she had a surgical hysterectomy years ago. You are right about the fact that this is more than what happened that day, it has to do with problems in our family that have went on for years.
     As for an update, I've tried to let things "calm down", but it hasn't worked. Now, my Mom is causing my grandmother grief, because since she isn't talking to me, she is taking things out on my grandma, which saddens me. She has also cut off contact with my Son, due to being mad at me, so that isn't fair to him.
     As far as my sister is concerned, I waited on her to contact me during her vacation here, cause I didn't want to upset my mom any further, and ruin my sister's vacation. Well, my sister and I only visited about 20 minutes.
     My sister called me last week, and I returned her call yesterday. I explained to her why I didn't try to see her while she was here, because she thought I was mad at her or something. I didn't know what she knew about what was going on, didn't know what my mom had told her. BAD MISTAKE calling her. She talked with my mom, told her I called, and told her what I said about how my mom is acting and what's going on down here in Florida---my mom took it out on my grandma--she was supposed to help my grandma by giving her  some much needed money, and didn't do it because of me calling my sister. Plus, giving my grandma grief and griping about it.
  My mom got all mad at my grandma for telling me that my sister and her family had plans to move. When I told my sister this, she said that she never told my mom to not tell me. So, I guess my sister must've thought I lied about my mom getting mad at my grandma!
   The bottom line is, that, my sister only believes what my mom says, and nothing about what I, my son, my husband, or my grandma says. She is a couple thousand miles away, and doesn't see or understand what havoc my mom is creating down here.
   My mom isn't married, has no friends, and takes all her problems out on us. She thinks she has such a bad life, but she doesn't, it's her perception. She has always seen the negative in everything, is paranoid severely, and always in a bad mood. She needs to get help with this.
  I'm sad that my sister doesn't realize this, because instead of trying to help her, or make things more smooth, she fuels her fire by spreading gossip and telling my mom everything about our conversations. I've said before, as so have others in our family, that it's best to not talk to my sister about my mom at all. I guess this will have to be the case, but it's sad, because siblings should be able to communicate about their parent(s).
  One thing that really bothers me, is that my mom says bad things about my sisters husband, and my sister would never believe it if I told her. She doesn't realize that my mom talks bad about the person who isn't there at the time. She talks bad about me to my sister, and vice versa, but my sister has no idea she does this.
   Thanks to all of you for your help and advice, it means a lot, more than you know. Just to get any replies makes me feel like there's someone who cares. I feel so lonlely and sad with my family in this situation. I especially feel bad for my grandma, because this bothers her greatly, and she has high blood pressure problems. She came to my house yesterday, which is odd, she usually calls first, because my mom had come to see her and upset her real bad. She said she couldn't sit down and sew anymore, she was so distraught about my mom, and needed to talk to someone and get out of the house so she wouldn't dwell on it.
Thanks for listening.
I think it is very important for family members to learn to forgive and to communicate. our family is having a problem with communication, we are having to be more tolerant of each other because we have all had a very painful ride in this life, but we are trying to overcome the family dysfunctions and stick together,even though the majority of our root family has distanced themselves  from me, and now in effect from any decendants I have,we are trying to teach ourselves how to stick it out w/o enabling each other. we don't want to cripple each other with our relationships,just be there for each other when needed, and to be able to learn from, and enjoy each others company and to help be a village to each others children.no one should "live on an island" especially if there are children involved! and with me having11+10 grandchildren thats a given, in our family! but we all need to be more accepting of each others feelings, and rights as individuals as well as whats best for all over one. I do not know how to advise? but to at least keep a soft spot in your heart for all and to keep the faith that things will work out I know I will keep you in my prayers at least. 
 
January 9, 2009, 11:06 am CST

sorry

Quote From: spitfre

Dad-

Sometimes I think about you, Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me
And would you even recognize The woman that your little girl has grown up to be!
Cause I look in the mirror and all I see Are your brown eyes lookin back at me They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all
I think about how it aint fair You weren't around to cheer me on

Did you think I didn't need you here To hold my hand, To dry my tears, Did you even miss me through the years at all?


I think about how it aint fair That you weren't there to see me off on my first day of school Like fathers do, or there when I woke up from surgery like fathers are supposed to do. You werent there when I turned 16 or when I was learning to drive. You never had to come to the school to pick me up when I was in trouble and got kicked out. Youve never meet one of my dates at the front door when I was getting ready and tried to scare him off or make him scared. You never got to see me off to my prom. You werent there the night I tried to run away from my problems. You werent there When I was sad and needed someone to talk to, No I had to pick up the phone to talk to you because you were to far away. And how come you rarely visited me, after I joined ffa you could have come and watched me show like fathers do. But I guess you were to busy. I guess I understand how its easer to go spend may a week in south Dakota but its harder to come watch your daughter win many ribbons and trophies at the fair. You werent around when I won state camp in round robin. I was the best in the state of Washington! And you werent there once again!

Dad I dont mean to bring up the past but ever scents that one summer and even the summers before that I have felt that you dont even know me for me! I also feel that I have put more into this relationship then you have. Im sorry but its way past time. You dont know your daughter and I dont know my father.

Its also not fair how you baby my sister but beat me up with either words or even. Face it you and your family love my sister more then me! You may think thats harsh but Its has been this was for 20 years! 20 years too long. If you go to Dixies try to find a picture of me! Heres a clue you wont find one. Do you know what I like to do in my spar time? No you dont! its funny I dont know who, im more mad at you, for treating me like this or at my self for putting up with it for all these years!

I wish I had the guts to write this a long time ago but its never too later to tell you how I feel.

Did you even know I learned to love construction because its what you did. I took up trap shooting to make you happy! I have tried so hard to get you to like me or even love me I so badly wanted to have what you and my sister have. but as the years went on I learned that no mater how hard I tried you would always have my sister as your favorite. Now its time you know I feel. I am not mad just more disappointed. I only have one father on this earth and most days it feels like I dont have one.

Im sorry this must come as a suprize. Because you dont know the real me But you need to know how I feel. You didnt know this but after that summer I sat up many night wandering if I should let you back into my life or not. I want you in my life but it feels like your not in my life. Forgiveness is such a simple word But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt And I hate to say this but I feel that its not going to get better the damage has already been done. Im not sure how much help or problem this letter is going to cause but its past due. Please know I will always love you as my father.

But how can I love some one who lies to me, you cant have a good relationship when the base of it is lies. You have told me many long ended tails before and they have gotten old, why did you think that telling me stories and down our right lies wouldnt hurt me? Face it We lead two different lifes Im not your littler girl any more and never was I have grown up with out you and Im moving on. And I know how much you want me to move to Wyoming so I will get way from my mother, right? Of Corse I am right that the only reason you would take me in the summers and every other holiday, to make my mother mad! All you care about is your self! but Im happy here and I may of said that Ive wanted to move there but I only said that you keep you happy. But the truth is Ive seen the world and I love living here in my home town. With people who love me a friends I can count on.

So sorry to disappoint you again! but now you know who I am and how I feel!!!

Sorry it took 20 years to tell you. But I have wondered what the next 20 years have in store for us, I hope its a better 20 years! But like the past 20 years I have learned not to count on  you for much!

I first of all want to tell you I am sooo sorry you did not have your dad. sometimes there are not answers in this world, maybe you will get lucky and get an answer someday, ? MAYBE you were better off without him? maybe something happened to him and he couldn't be there? it seems to be in our nature to try and figure out mysteries! and family mysteries can be even more appealing, but alot of times the answers dont want to be answered for whatever reason. maybe you can find something else to occupy your time and diverse your energies into a more productive and satisfying slant? I have found that loving someone you already have in your live like a friend or other relative? if you put your energies into a more fuitful avenue and fill your time so you dont concentrate on your pain it might be helpoful for you. God bless
 
January 9, 2009, 11:46 am CST

children/cps

Quote From: doridoridori

I have not written in a while but a lot has been going on. Worse than ever now. My 16 year old has really lost control now and has done things that I just cannot believe. She has gone down and filed a report on me saying I choked her and has made false alligations against me. She has gotten the school involved and she is not living with us right now. All the charges were dropped with no finding Thank God but how could she do this to me? We have been threw so much and I just can not believe it has gotten to this point. I have had to defend myself in ways I just can not believe. She wanted all my kids taken away from me out of anger because I tried to tell her she could not go out one day and she left anyway walked right out of my house and jumped in her boyfriends car waiting outside for her. I am so hurt that I just dont know if I will ever get over the lies she has told and the things that she has done. We want her to get help and DSS just wants her home. I dont trust her and now I am petrified of what she is capable of. If she has gone this far how far is she willing to go to get what she wants next time? Any advice...
do not feel alone, this happened to me as well!! I had a daughter who was turning 18 in one month and a daughter who had been in intensive group therapy for about 2+yrs. I also had 3 younger ones still at home. my church, the probation dept involved with the one from the group home, and all gave me back the group home daughter, I was very hesitant about this and did it ONLY on the recomendation of my very small assembly of God church and within 6 mos I lost all of my children it was in my daughters head to not just come home but to separate me from the others whoim she was jealous of still being "home" so she publicly in front of my whole church told me they were going to take me down, I told her that itf she and her whole sister(the almost 18 yr. old wanted to leave home I would do all I could to facilitate them, but to not please take down my three little ones, but she was not happy with the church and the lack of money  at our avail. she also did not like the fact that I had learned and had support from the church to prevent what she had tried to refacilitate herself of  sex. I wouldnt allow her to run all over town and sleep around anymore, so they made up the fact that I was having bon-fires in my front yard with all of their clothes(actually I just cut a thong string I saw on my daughters hip within inches of my face.)  now it is yrs later and fortunately I have a relationship again with my twins (they are 21 now) and yet my youngest was sent to live with her dad in ohio across the states from us and she has been convinced I am evil,so she doesnt talk to me or anything.she will turn 19 this mo in a few days, she unfortunately has no relationship with any of her sisters or brothers on my side of the family.she does have two sisters on her dads side. unfortunately her dads side are very judgmental people who dont care about people only money and themselves. it is sad that people want to treat people carelessly but cps is teaching children if they say something bad about their parents and get taken away, if even for a day or two, they will be given 150 dollars worth of clothes immediately and just given back if they want to be with all the new stuff too!the town I was living in had a rash of this happening when they saw what happened with mine. my daughter even admitted to her siblings that her plan was for all of them to be adopted by wealthy people. yes, she and she alone did get adopted. now they dont have anything to do with her and she is anorexic and an alcoholic who is in so much pain over not being able to have children and all that she can barely function.the answer is not always to take the children away, but to help solve the issues that are devastating the family and give them answers they can use to help their children and families in the long run sometimes taking the children away just postpones the problem for a different generation. we need to help solve the problems, instead of just sweeping them under the rug and giveing the children away, weither it is to another sysfunctional parent or to a stranger who may or may not be an abusive person. why pay taxpayers money for abusive systems or abusive foster parents when alot less money could be spent solving the problems and enforcing childsupport!!!i raised so many of my children on one dads child support and two childrens social security when if I had had child support for the ones who werent getting anything none of my children would have gone without anything!!! I definately am not and have not always been right I am imperfect, and wrong alot of times, but my heart IS in the right place!  love each other and always try to do the right thing!  God bless
 
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