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Topic : Repairing Broken Relationships

Number of Replies: 1122
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:14:12 am
Author : dataimport
Is there a rift in your family that has gone on too long? When someone isn't speaking to someone else and they drag the whole family into it, things get ugly. Share your stories and solutions here.

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March 30, 2009, 9:15 am CDT

Caring for wife's grandmother is hurting our relationship

For 16 years we have been caring for my wife's Grandparents. We have 2 beautiful children and for the most part a happy marriage. I have several issues that have come up in the last few months. My wife is unable to work due to the time required to take care of Grandma, this has put a financial strain on us. Her Family is quick to tell her how to care for Grandma but offers no help in any other way. Grandma has turned her bank accounts over to my wife with about $80k in them. My wife will not use the money for fear of what her siblings will say or do. any advise would be greatly appreciated.
 
April 16, 2009, 11:02 pm CDT

what to do to fix it with childrens grandparents

I want to repair things between my bfs parents and I. We have a child together and were engaged at one time and I have multiple personality disorder. With that I stole from them unknowingly. I moved out from there house, they said if i ever needed them I could still turn to them. as soon as i moved out tho they turned on me and say nasty things about me and all that good stuff. problem is im still dating their son and they dont know it. he lies to them just to see me. he tells me he has forgiven me and still wants to be together forever still. So i guess im looking for advice on how to talk to his parents to try to fix things so that we can tell them we are together and not going anywhere without them disowning their son. he is very afraid cuz he lives with them still.  i know everything sound immature bout it but i just want it solved and them to see that it wasnt my original self that did it and was very depressed with post partum and being in a new place and not having the support i needed then.
 
April 17, 2009, 6:44 am CDT

Broken Family for Years

I'm a 22 year old female, oldest of 3 (I have 2 younger brothers).

Right now my family is in a relationship crisis. It's been going on for quite sometime. Not always the same topic but mostly at the end result of my mother blowing a gasket.

my dad is an avid gun beleiver. Since obama's in office (this is my own opinion that i've come to so please dont make this the topic of your reply), everyone thinks he's gonna do away with ownership. my dad built one of his own this past week while he was home. first off, he's on the road doing cross country trucking for weeks or months at a time. I think he perfers a bit of playtime at home while still doing stuff around the house. now he spent a good bit of money on the part for said gun and mom blew up at him. She says that he's "marrid to his guns" or whatever. She alsoe keeper a present for her birthday and dad got her a card. BUT she told him that she didn't want anything O.o

The money they both make keeps the bills payed but seems they both spend money with it's not needed. And they want wanna have their fun and it seems mom is only allowed to to that, but dad... it's a freakin' SIN (note my sarcasm!)

 now she won't talk to him at all and he thinks that this is heading to a divorce or if she's cheating on him. if it gets that way, i'll break. he's the only true dad i know since mine abandoned me at the age of 2.
she wont even talk to him at all, acting like a pouting 3 year old that didnt get what she wanted so now she's mad. and when i told her this moring that i'm sick of them fighting she told me to kiss her ass. but that's the thing: she wants everyone to cater to her and make HER happy but she makes this whole family miserable

What I think she's got a chip on her shoulder from her last boyfriend who was also into guns and his shop but this dude barely worked, mooched off my mom and spent most of his time with his firearms. Needless to say she left him.

Now, i'm the black sheep of the family but also it's emotional pillar. Have been since I was little. My mom took alot of her stress and emotions out on me since my biological father (or sperm doner as we all call him) abandoned us and did so again when she went onto other men that didn't work out. Yet, i'm hardly acknowledged over my 2 brothers. one is 18 and the other is 6. And I still do everything around the house (my previous home that i was living in was dangerous so i had to move back home for my own saftey)

Now this morning my dad asked me to listen in for anything. Spy?

Though I think the best thing for them would be cousiling... my mom refuses outright. >.<

 

If anyone can help me with this... you would't beleive how greatful I'd be.

 
April 22, 2009, 6:33 am CDT

Blended family crisis

I am in a blended family in which my hubby thinks his kids are perfect and mine are horrible. We fight everyday and he always calls me horrible names. Sometimes I think he should hit me because the pain goes away as for the words they always hurt.

I am getting pressure from my 16 year old to move but I have a lease on the house with my mothers name on it and I know he would screw over the lease if I leave.

 

Please help me!!!

 
May 20, 2009, 1:05 pm CDT

My wife doesn't appreciate me.

My wife and I have been married for 6 years and it seems like ever since the wedding day things changed.  I know this is going to be only one side of the story but it is my view.  Feel free to read between the lines.  To me it feels like everything that happens wrong is my fault and everything good is because of her.  I am in the Air Force and any time we have to move or anything that can only happen because of the military is my fault for being in the military.  A little background info on this, she pushed me hard to join.  Economy was bad and I needed a job and she thought this was the best way.  Granted I had the ultimate choice, but when it is convenient for her she forgets that she really wanted me to join.  There are things that happen that I have no control over and it seems like she blames me.  I guess the biggest problem I have is that I feel beat down.  I feel like she is controlling me, and then she tells me to be a man and make decisions.  She says I act like a child, but she treats me like one.  I guess this is just more of a venting session, but I don’t know what to do.  I want to be happy, and I love my wife, I want her to be happy.  How can this be resolved without her thinking that I am attacking her and I don’t love her?

 
June 4, 2009, 1:55 pm CDT

Repairing Broken Relationships

This is a QUITION- how do I get thru to my 15year old daughter when her mother won't even let her talk to me .not even on the computer.I fear that my daughter will never get to know the real me when all she hears are lies that her mother is telling her.I  just learned that my ex-wife has been telling my daughter that I tried to kill her when she was a baby.PLEASE HELP DR. PHIL I am on the verge of telling my DAUGHTER to take hike and to never having anything to do with her ever again
 
June 12, 2009, 7:53 pm CDT

Repairing Broken Relationships

My relationship with my sister in law is extremely strained.  This stems from a high school coaching experience.  She told me that I did not include her in the ongoings of the team.  I was an assistant coach as well as her.  I developed a relationship with the head coach that was highly successful for the team but not in accordance with my sister in law.  Their relationship became strained and somehow I am taking the heat for her frustrations towards the head coach.  It seems as though we take two steps toward repairing our relationship and one step back.  As of now she expressed to a mutual friend that she is doing all the work to repair our relationship. Prior to this riff I have always been the one to give major effort.  I feel for many years I was very considerate and accomodating towards her.  After several frustrating conversations since the season has ended I made a conscience decision to back away a bit.  At no time did I treat her with disrespect, I however was told by her in anger my shortcomings.  I have an opportunity to reach a coaching goal that I have worked towards for many years, suddenly she has these same goals and expects me to bring her along.  When I explained to her that I will make my own decision about my next coaching job based on what is best for me and my family she got angry.  I am past crying, I am past anger, I am past worrying about hurting her feelings. My plan was to include her in the team program in some capacity, as of the latest events I do not have any desire to accomodate her needs. I care very much about her and her family but the advice I have been receiving from both family and friends is that I am being too nice and need to do what is best for me.  I am the first to admit that I am not a very emotional person but I do care very much about the people in my life. I tend to show those feelings thru actions instead of words.  In 38 years I have never had a conflict in my life to this capacity and over what I think is very trivial.  I would appreciate some advice.
 
June 17, 2009, 6:55 am CDT

crazy mother

My mother claims to have PTSD steamed from an event from my father 20 years ago, who denies any allegations she has made of rape.  I am the youngest of five too.  In Januaray, Igave birth to my second son whom My husband and I named Thomas.  She had a complete breakdown because I namd him after my father.  She claims I am insensitive and selfish because I would name my child after her rapist and make here remember all the horrible things she went through.  Which I am not even sure is true or false myself.  She has not even seen her new grandson just for this reason and does not care to see me or my husband either.  We are driving to see my sister's new baby and my mother lives in the same town.  I am afraid she will do something crazy.  I am at a loss on what more I can do or say to be reasonable and rational about the situation.
 
June 17, 2009, 11:35 am CDT

Sister inlaw

Quote From: guffordj02

My relationship with my sister in law is extremely strained.  This stems from a high school coaching experience.  She told me that I did not include her in the ongoings of the team.  I was an assistant coach as well as her.  I developed a relationship with the head coach that was highly successful for the team but not in accordance with my sister in law.  Their relationship became strained and somehow I am taking the heat for her frustrations towards the head coach.  It seems as though we take two steps toward repairing our relationship and one step back.  As of now she expressed to a mutual friend that she is doing all the work to repair our relationship. Prior to this riff I have always been the one to give major effort.  I feel for many years I was very considerate and accomodating towards her.  After several frustrating conversations since the season has ended I made a conscience decision to back away a bit.  At no time did I treat her with disrespect, I however was told by her in anger my shortcomings.  I have an opportunity to reach a coaching goal that I have worked towards for many years, suddenly she has these same goals and expects me to bring her along.  When I explained to her that I will make my own decision about my next coaching job based on what is best for me and my family she got angry.  I am past crying, I am past anger, I am past worrying about hurting her feelings. My plan was to include her in the team program in some capacity, as of the latest events I do not have any desire to accomodate her needs. I care very much about her and her family but the advice I have been receiving from both family and friends is that I am being too nice and need to do what is best for me.  I am the first to admit that I am not a very emotional person but I do care very much about the people in my life. I tend to show those feelings thru actions instead of words.  In 38 years I have never had a conflict in my life to this capacity and over what I think is very trivial.  I would appreciate some advice.
Everyone seems to want a pitty party these days.  i say let her have hers and let her fend for herself.
 
July 30, 2009, 7:09 pm CDT

Mother-Daughter

 

Dear Dr. Phil

I have been estranged from my daughter for almost 8 months. It is an alienation that was started by my daughter, because when I try to offer direction or advice, or just express my opinion, she shuts me out.  I was the primary care giver for my daughter's daughter (my granddaughter) for the first three years of her life, I love both of them so very much. How can I get back into their lives?  For me family is so important and life is so precious. I don't want this alienation to continue. Please, help and offer to me some advice. I respect your advice very much, can you please offer me some?

 
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