Topic : Repairing Broken Relationships

I have been in your same shoes oh so much pain and afraid. Insurance should take care of the house. We were going to loose everything including each other or go bankrupt. We went bankrupt. I excluded the house and one car so I was able to keep them. The rest was gone and out of my hair. I was down to bills I could handle with room to spare like a vacation!!!! Yes it was hard my credit was good before it all happened. But not much longer it would have been more of a mess than having a bankruptcy on my credit. Bankruptcy is bad on your credit for a little while but I could suffer for that verses what I was going through. I would rather loose my credit than my family. You will find your way but with choice. I did and did well. Yes it took at bit to get us all close again. It is very hard on a man such as yours to feel like he failed all of you. He hates himself not you all he needs you more than he will admit to. Read up on bankruptcy and then maybe approach him with the idea. He might buck up so don't be pushy, let it sink in. Plant the seed, (rather loose my credit than us) (Vacation) Trust me this will stick in his mind.  

I lost my husband 7 years later in a car accident. I am sure glad I did not loose him 7 years earlier over some stupid credit score. All of our time is valued cherish it. I hope I have helped in some way 

Bonnie 

You are right. But how do I handle the present when he continues blame me for the present issues? So I  fired back from the past. things he did. How should I email him back now? I am scared too. Do I just say hi as if the past weeks emails never happened?  

It has always been every time I make an attempt to just say hi it ends with how I need to improve that I'm not good or I am wrong in some way. And if he don't blame he will only talk with me on the same old questions for less than 2 min and he has to go.  This is a norm for him and only with me and my Brother he is this way, my sister she is the apple of his eye and does now wrong. In all the past I never spoke up I let it go. Until these last few emails is the first time in my life I ever confronted him. He did not like that much at all and probably was shocked I did. I am tired of being push around from him. But I don't want things to be this way, some how I know we can be friends. I know he has it in him. As bad at fathering with us he is outstanding with the grandkids and his step kids. 

Hi there I am new here, so let me tell you a bit about myself....  

I am a 40 year old woman with three beautiful children ages 12, 11 and 7 I have been married for 13 years to a wonderfull man, who dotes on his wife, and is the most amazing father that I have ever seen... He is constantly doing things with the kids. Everything was beautiful in our life... so what happened?  and why am I here? Well 3 years ago life changed as we know it... We lived in a very small house... not big enough for our growing family... so we decided to look at our options... to make a long story short we decided the best thing for our family was to renovate... So we went through the whole renovation process... with kids in tow... it was a difficult time but we managed to get through it... with no problems.. however we found that such a renovation was not possible with our budget, we were advised to build the frame and leave some of the rooms unfinished... and do them at our lesuire... well we confirmed this with the building department and all was well... we had enough new room to make things a little more comfortable... and we would pace ourselves through the rest of the renovation... great we are on a good track... then we get a visit from the building department and a new inspector had taken over... and he wants the house finished NOW ... or he will deem our home unfit to live in... We tried everthing but they would not take no for an answer... so we went nito debt to finish the renovation... not a problem we will have to tighten our belts.. and get this done...  

Renovating done... and all things are going ok... bills are  a little more than we wanted but... we can manage.. then BOOM !  I lost my job...  

Now we have no money... and we are starting to sink, I am looking frantically for a new job...I start to do more work on my part time home business.. and things are ok... not great ut it takes time right?  the bills are piling up and stress is getting to be a little too much... so what do we do? simple... we sell our house and look for another home that will cost us less.... and that way we can pay  off the bills and still be ok... WRONG .... We come home one day to a massive flood... no walls no ceiling.. no floors... furniture all wet.. it was a mess... now what we can not sell our home like this....  We are frantically trying to figure out what to do next.... Then my business starts to pick  up... wow things are going to be ok... its going to take us some time to get back on our feet but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel...  

Then POOF .. husbands job goes on strike.... this strike lasts for 15 weeks,  you have no idea how hard it is to run a family and pay bills on 200.00 a week strike pay... the stress is building.... and we find out that my husband has high blood pressure... and a few other health issues... no doubt due to the stress... so I take up most of the crunch of the daily things.. and tighten my belt tighter.. and try to take some of the stress off him.... things seem ok, I know that our love and devotion will get us through this... or will it?  

Hubby's medication is doubled.. he has started becoming moody... and not wanting to do anything... with so much behind now.. he is overwhelmed... I take over completely all the household chores and anything to do with the kids.. so that he is less stressed... this will work right?

Wrong !  As much as I was feeling the stress... and as much as I am trying... I end up with a nervous breakdown... and now when I need help and feel I have too big a load to carry there is no one here for me... and hubby says he works an 8 hour job and has not time.... I do not know what to do ... things have gotten so bad here that I just want to leave... he is no longer a great husband or father... but how do you leave someone when you know why they are the way they are... i love him... and  never want to see more stress put on him, but I am falling and I am afraid.... I have no idea where to turn now.. or what to do....  

Rene  

I have been divorced for over 10 years we were married for 14 years, he was very abusive and unfaithful from the very beginning.  The divorce was bitter, and the children  and I suffered financially, we were sometimes homeless, it was just plain hard.  They did grow up and are now 21, my son who is in the Army, 20 years old daughter, works and is looking forward to going to school,and my youngest a son 15, a freshman in high school.  

     When my oldest son was born he and his father were inseparable, they had always had a close relationship, but my ex is a very controlling,aggressive person, he still tried to have control over my life , even after the divorce..My oldest son Will was very upset and after he was stationed in Afghanistan, he wrote his father a long e-mail telling him how he hates the kind of father is is and was, how he was never there for them or us as a family, he told him how he [my son felt like he always had to be the man of the family and do his father's job.   BOY was the ex pissed he called my son names, verbally attacked him , and they have not spoken in 2 years, although my son did try to reach out, but his father wrote him a nasty email. I asked my son to try and make amends, he did and he said his father spit in his face, he has called him a mother fu*&%#.   I think the father should be a bigger man, he says it's my fault that they do not speak.  This is so sad for my kids , it puts them in such a bad place, the ex says he is expecting  my son to beg for his forgiveness.. What do I do?