Topic : Repairing Broken Relationships

First of all you are focusing your anger in the wrong place! Unless your father was raped by this woman, HE is the one that broke his marriage vows, not this woman. Why you are not  blaming your father for his infidelity is beyond me! IT is your father that has caused the problems that will effect your holiday functions, and he is responsible for it. He had the choice and should have thought of the repercussions for HIS actions. Now your family has to live with HIS infidelity. 

Why should your husband choose a side. Both people who cared more for their animal instincts rather than their human compassion's are wrong, and the only side anyone should be choosing, should be your mothers as well as your brother-in-laws. I hope this helps. Good luck! 

I am a 21 year old young woman in my 4th year of university and working 30 hours a week. I am a member of a power cheerleading team and volunteer as a cheerleading coach for junior high aged kids. My friends find me to be very loving, kind, sharing and a good person. This is quite the contrast from how my father and step-mother seem to feel about me. My mother and father were divorced when I was 3 years old b/c of my mothers infidelity. I grew up splitting time between living with my mother and stepfather, and father and stepmother. When I was growing up My parents alwayss considered me a good kid who was smart and weet and talented. I have always had an extremem love for my father but never doubted he expected alot from me. In my last year of high school, I met a young man who was half black. We simply sat next to each other in a class but we soon had feelings for eachother. My father had told me before if I was ever to bring a black guy home it would break his heart. I never intended on doing this but I could not deny the feelings I had for Justin. Justin was aware of the way my father felt and I did not tell him about my relationship. After about 5 or 6 months, we decided the relationship could not move any further with my being untruthful to my father. However, we still had very strong feelings for eachother and continued to speak to eachother and occasionally see eachother. I tried to talk to my father, hinting that i do not share his racial beliefs and just the thought of me being with a black guy sent him in an uproar, stating "his parents would overturn in their graves" and "he would hate me for the rest of my life". I told my stepmother about Justin and she sais we had to keep this from my father unless I was going to marry Justin. I do not plan on being married for probably another 5 years. I want to start my career and I want to be able to live my life. I don't want to lie to my father but I feel i can justify it because I think he is wrong. I just don't know what to do, this has been going on for over 3 years. I don't want to ruin my relationship with my father but this situation causes me the inibility to confide in him, seek advice, even respect him.  I feel when i was a child he could love me b/c i was innocent and young, but now that I am grown up I remind him of my mother and I think he resents me for that. I don't know why I should give up justin who loves me, makes me feel good, accepts who I am for my father who makes me feel worthless. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks 

that you and your husband are the parents right?  If that is the case then start laying down the law, and remember what Phil has said - theyr'e going to scream and yell, and test you.  Your their parents and not their friends.  Remember also what he has said - kids need security and a safe place to fall, and no that they are loved. 

Come on 'Get hep to the jive'.  Be parents!!! 

I'm an 18 year old male and I live with my parents. I'm beginning to see strains in their relationship. They're fighting more often than they have in the past; in the past two weeks they've fought at least twice. Just tonight they had another argument. This time it was about my Father's family, my Mother feeling like they don't treat her well, and many other issues I find extremely childish including getting the wrong kind of donuts. 

Me and my Mother have had a strained relationship in the past and I feel an automatic bias against her whenever they argue. I can't help but feel that she takes things too seriously and is too willing to hurt the people that love her just to be right. Though I know my Father has his faults too, I don't feel that he is doing things on purpose, and that my Mother is too quick to be insulted. 

I feel helpless; I want to step in and do something but I've done it before and it's only made things worse or aimed hostility in my direction. If they divorced, I know that our lives would fall apart. My Father is the only person working in the household. My Mother is disabled and can't do physical work, and I have ongoing identification problems keeping me from getting a job. If they divorced, at least one person in the family would be left to the streets. 

I don't know what I should do. We can't afford counceling or therapy, and I'm terrified at what will happen if I both don't step in or do step in.